Tantra Sexuality Techniques

Tantra Sexuality Techniques

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Mention the word 'tantra' and, if you come from a Western European background, you likely imagine marathon sex sessions, like those mentioned by various celebrities over the years (cough, Sting, cough.) The reality of the practice, though, is a lot more complex, spiritual and profound than this.
'Tantra is difficult to explain to someone with no knowledge of it at all, as it has a big meaning. It’s a religion, culture, way of life, way of being. In a nutshell, it is a spiritual practice, with the aim of becoming a better human, to cultivate compassion, kindness, helpfulness and peacefulness,' explains Mal Weeraratne , a certified Tantra Educator and the founder of Tantric Journey – School of Healing and Awakening.
'Sex is only one seventh of tantric practices (and you need to look at this as sexual energy, rather than sex itself.) It's an important part, but there are other components: about living in your truth, about awareness and consciousness. Most people spend their lives imagining the future or the past, and miss the moment, this is something Tantra seeks to correct,' he adds. It should be noted that there are four schools of Tantra, each with different specific practices. As such, it's a complex matter – making broad generalisations hard.
As to its origins? These are derived from certain Hindu, Buddhist and Jain advanced practices, which often focus on connection between the masculine and feminine energies within all of us. 'Tantric sex has its roots in the ancient philosophies and teachings of Tantra, from before the 6th century, which originated in [South East] Asia', says Stella Anna Sonnenbaum , Somatic Sex Coach and Educator. 'Tantra does not need to be a sexual path, and what we refer to as 'Tantra' in the West are actually sexual practices from Neo-Tantra.' The latter is a Western school of practice which does have some roots in classical Tantra practice, but which is often fused with other New Age elements. Some critics argue that it is free from the spiritual framework of its fore-bearer.
Classical Tantra encourages practitioners to live with awareness, whatever they’re doing — not unlike another form of meditation that's come to the wellbeing forefront, mindfulness. Tantra is focused traditionally on study, dedication, meditation, rituals, like mantras and visualisations, breath-work and sex, but the latter was a small part of the holistic practice and only for advanced students.
'If depends on one’s definition of Tantra. Ask many different people who practice Tantra and you will get a different answers, much as how no-one agrees as to where Tantra originated from, as there are so many lineages,' explains Sanjay, a Certified Tantric Educator . 'In my opinion, Tantra is the conscious use of one’s energy. Classical Tantra is focused on the Tantric Texts (which hardly mention sex) and yoga practices. It also considered more Eastern practices such as Satsang [spiritual meetings] and meditation. Although Classical Tantra can include Buddhism... there are many different philosophies involved.
'Neo-Tantra is a Westernised interpretation of Tantra that adds in sexual energy as well as using tantra practices that can bring us into presence and connection such as meditation, yoga, energetic work. One form of using sexual energy is utilising massage and touch.'
'Tantric Sex can enhance both self pleasure and love-making with our partners, by conscious breathing, awareness of energy flow, visualisations, and involving all senses,' explains Sonnenbaum. 'Our arousal, performance and orgasm-focused sex model can be transformed into a trance like divine experience which can alter our perceptions of ourselves and our partners greatly'.
In some Eastern traditions, it's believed when sex is practiced with awareness and a focus on connection rather than orgasm, it can lead to a heightened and enlightened experience. This can be done by taking things slowly, synchronising breathing, eye contact and increasing intimacy.
'Tantric practices can bring presence and can help people move energy throughout any activity, including sexual. Tantra practices can help with a person feel connected to themself and then connected to their partner,' adds Sanjay. 'Tantric practices such as meditation, breathing, conscious touch (touch with a 100% presence) can improve such activities.
For Sanjay, committing to being fully in the moment with any sort of practice can be result in it being 'tantric.'
'For a person living in the west, this could include rock climbing, riding a motorbike, cycling down a mountain, dancing,' he says. 'The idea is then to bring this level of presence into their relationships and sexuality. When a person has honed their attention/presence to such a level, they can they bring this into sexual relationships which then leads to a deep connection to their partner.'
The original benefit or aim of Tantra was enlightenment. But 'Neotantra', which is what’s being practiced in the West, focuses on fulfilling intimacy through one’s connection with the body and one’s life force. Spending more time on sex and the focus on communication will increase your understanding of both of your bodies.
'It links the physical plane with the spiritual, so that not only our own bodies and desires may appear in a new and sacred context, but love-making with our partners may feel like a communion with Goddess/God or Spirit Being, in a Flow state', Sonnenbaum explains. 'Conscious lovemaking focuses on our senses, and on shifting energy, and can bring about enhanced embodiment which may extend to all areas of life'.
Through connection, you can access deeper levels of sensation and understanding, meaning you can overcome trauma and shame around sex, whether that's been caused by past experience or culture.
The energies involved in tantric sex, and the increased spiritual and physical awareness, can lead to better sex and more intense orgasm, even non-ejaculatory and multiple orgasms for men. Shocker: This is why a lot of people are interested to try tantric sex nowadays.
'Tantric sex can break sexual habits of a lifetime, and open up new horizons about sexual pleasure. It can help us rediscover the world as we think we know it, as a magical place', says Sonnenbaum.
Without the pressure of ‘getting off’, you’ll allow time and space to understand what you want from sex. This can be a totally different experience to seeing orgasm as the end goal.
'Tantra invites us to go beyond our social conditioning and have an honest look at what turns us on - and off!', she says.
Busy lives can take their toll on the intimate parts of relationships, so dedicating time and energy to each other can help reignite them.
Sonnenbaum says: 'Tantric sex can bring magic back into our loves and relationships, and can make us feel more, and more intensely, which has great health benefits, because it makes for happier lives'.
We're taught to think of sex in a pretty unimaginative way, but it can introduce you to completely new experiences; alone, with your partner and in your wider life.
'Fancy feeling orgasmic while walking your dog in the drizzle, just because of the sensation of the raindrops on your face? In rapture at the colours of the bunch of flowers you just bought, or ecstatic when having a cup of tea? All of these can be side effects of discovering tantric sex', says Sonnenbaum.
First off, some homework. 'I would recommend two books: The art of sexual ecstasy,' by Margo Anand, or Tantra: The art of conscious loving by Charles and Caroline Muir,' says Sanjay.
It's one of the key parts of tantric sex. 'Slowing down is great way to start', explains Sonnenbaum. 'Notice where in your life you are on auto-pilot and shift to more awareness'.
She recommends starting with your morning rituals: 'Try to be in the moment when feeling the water on your skin in the shower, look at your kitchen as if you had never seen it before, feel all the surfaces you touch when making a cup of coffee, listen to the sounds, and take in the aroma. Put your clothes and make-up on as a ritual of self caressing. Then see what that does to your workday!'.
'If you are in a relationship, agree to set a specific amount of time – say 45 minutes – where you focus on your partner. You can connect to their partner through 1-2 minutes of eye-gazing, then breathing (inhaling and exhaling) together for 2-3 minutes. Then you ask your partner what they desire and then carry out this desire (if it is within their boundaries). This can involve one-way conscious touch, hugging, massage, kissing or other sexual activities. The idea is that both partners are bringing their full presence to this activity and that one of them is a giver and the other a receiver,' says sanjay.
Sight, smell, taste, touch, sound… This isn’t about getting it done so you can hit the hay, but noticing everything about what’s going on.
Not sure where to start? Sonnenbaum suggests: 'Warm up your hands by rubbing them against each other, stretch your arms over head, and rest your palms on your crown, like a self blessing. Then bring them forward and start caressing your face as only you know how your face wants to be caressed. Breathe in the sensations, and take your time. Next, imagine your hands are yours, but you are exploring someone else’s face with curiosity, while still touching your own'.
You don't need a partner to try these techniques. 'If someone is single, they can set a time limit where they focus on their own body, initially exploring their energy around their body using their hands, having their hands gliding just above their body, to see if they can feel the energy around their body. Then they can engage in physical touch to bring pleasure and sensations to areas of their body. They can also explore each of their senses during this timeframe, sight, sounds, smell, taste with food, perfumes and sounds that they like. The idea is to see if they can be totally present with themselves whilst becoming more aware of their senses,' adds Sanjay.
This is about connecting with others but also with yourself, so make sure you have a think about what you like before you begin so you can be clear when communicating it. This can include anything from BDSM to role play, as long as it's done with awareness and connection.
Tantric sex can be practised solo and should be, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Masturbation can be important for experimentation, getting to know your body and what you like, which can then benefit your experiences with other people.
This is the practice of getting close to orgasm then ‘edging’ off, prolonging and increasing the intensity of the experience.
… Say what? Yes, really. Experts recommend spooning and the insertion of the penis into the vagina for 5-10 minutes with no movement, just noticing the sensations and maybe introducing the occasional pelvic squeeze. If that sounds too weird, just try the spooning bit and let your breath synchronise.
As well as staying conscious of your breath, keeping the inhales and exhales slow and steady, it’s a way of moving the energy to wake up the potential for full-body pleasure, rather than focusing on the genitalia. It can help to do 15-30 minutes of deep belly breaths before you start, to help tune into what’s in your mind and how your body is feeling.
Rather than a messy bedroom, make your space focused around your sexual experience. Think sacred, so no floordrobes or phones, but a comfortable temperature, plush textures, scented candles or incense, and romantic lighting.
Not something that’s typically sexual, this isn’t the type of massage you’re used to. Tantra massage involves focusing on the yoni (vagina) or lingam (penis), allowing one of the couple or group to completely relax into the experience of being touched and feeling every sensation. Sacred Spot Massage involves massaging your partner’s G-Spot (the prostate gland or on the upper wall of the vagina).
You’ll probably be familiar with this position; both partners are seated facing one another, with one providing a base as the other wraps their legs around around the other’s waist and their arms around their shoulders, as they’re held around the waist. It symbolises the union of the masculine and feminine energies, Shiva and Shakti, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a man and a woman (… of course). You can be cheek-to-cheek or forehead-to-forehead and, from here, you can find a rhythm that activates your sexual energy and moves it up the spine. This can be practiced naked or clothed, so penetration isn’t required.
This isn’t about rushing so take time in the preparation, which can mean a massage or taking a shower together before thinking about kissing or sex.
One way to connect is to sit opposite your partner and place your right hand on each other's hearts. Close your eyes and tune into their energy. You can do this alone, just by bringing your right hand to your own heart.
'Tantra helps us embrace life as it is, in all its aspects. And it can spice up your bedroom habits considerably!', says Sonnenbaum.
If you’re not sure how to broach the subject with your partner, think about getting a teacher involved to help guide you both. It’s important not to put pressure on anyone, so just let everyone go at their own pace.
Stella Anna Sonnenbaum MPH CSSE is a Somatic Sex Coach and Educator, who hosts sessions in Central London and online.

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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS, at Civilized.

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Get closer to your partner than ever before.
So, you and your partner have done your research on tantric sex , and have decided you want to try some tantric sex positions in the bedroom. (If you don’t have any idea what Tantra is, you might want to read the Men’s Health explainer on tantric sex before you proceed!)
Need a little refresher? “Tantric sex is a system of combining breath, sound, movement and focus to create longer, more intense orgasms, more intimacy, deeper connection, altered states of reality and transcendent experiences during sex,” says Sarrah Rose, founder of the sex coaching platform Tantric Activation . That’s why Tantra is a way of having better sex, no matter what position you’re in, Rose explains.
Now, many people confuse Tantra and the Kama Sutra —but they're different. “The Kama Sutra teaches advanced sex positions and Tantra can give you ways to move and expand your energy when you're in those positions to make them feel even better,” Rose says.“With all tantric sex positions , use a connected inhale and exhale and take deep breaths in and out to activate your nervous system and create a flow state.” This can help “quiet the mind” so you can be more present. “Use your focus to expand the sensations in you and your partner’s body,” Rose says.
Even though Tantra is more focused on the way in which you have sex, rather than specific sexual positions, there are few configurations that are more commonly used in Tantra. Here are some great tantric sex positions to try with your partner!
How to do it: In this position, the insertive partner lies on their back. The receptive partner squats over the penis-owner, with their feet flat on the ground. In essence, it’s cowgirl position .
What it’s great for: “You can easily keep eye contact and the person on bottom can lay back and enjoy the gorgeous goddess that's riding them,” Rose says. “By inhaling in and out of your mouths with a connected breath, you can get into a primal, ecstatic flow.”
How to do it: The insertive partner lays on their back and has range to lift and lower their pelvis similar to a bridge pose in yoga. The vulva-owner rides their partner and can be in a dominant position of “swinging,” hence the name.
What it’s great for: “This is ideal for the partner on top to feel in control,” says Candice Leigh , Tantra coach and founder of Naked Yoga Therapy . “The person riding can control penetration depth and speed while also stimulating their own clitoris.”
How to do it: The receptive partner lays down with their legs in the penetrative partner’s hands. Penetrative partner is on their knees and directs themselves inside the receiving partner. (A pillow or sex wedge under the receptive partner’s hip can be helpful for this position!)
What it’s great for: This position is great for a number of reasons including, “anal sex, deep vaginal penetration, creating more space in the vulva, self-clitoral stimulation, great vantage points from both partners, eye contact, and shared breath,” says Leigh.
How to do it: This position is similar to Yab Yum, but the couple isn’t as close to one another. The lovers' legs are entwined in “V” shapes, sitting across from one another. Each partner has their hand on th
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