Tantra Sex Tips

Tantra Sex Tips
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Still, tantric orgasms are a thing...
Sometimes, sex can be a little wham-bam. Let me introduce you to the exact opposite of that: tantric sex. It's that long, slow, "souls-connecting" type of sex that honestly sounds simultaneously intimidating and sexy AF.
You've probably heard about tantric sex before. Maybe you have a vague sense that it involves prolonging a dude's erection (which it kind of does). But tantric sex has actually been around for thousands of years and has origins in the same teachings as yoga.
"Tantra is an ancient Hindu practice, translating to the weaving and expansion of energy, that promotes deeper intimacy by using breath, slower touch, energy, and delayed orgasm," says Dawn Michael, Ph.D., certified sexuality counselor, clinical sexologist, and author of My Husband Won't Have Sex With Me . "It's not orgasm -focused, so it works for individuals who may have anxiety achieving an orgasm too fast or not at all."
There's no rulebook, per say, but at the heart of tantra are sexual rituals that get you in the mood and help you connect with your partner. One biggie: "worshipping" or serving each other. Partners turn the focus on one another (like through massage), which prolongs and builds arousal, say Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality .
Perhaps the best part of tantric sex is that it benefits everyone. "Tantra can help men suffering from premature ejaculation because it slows down the process of sex and removes the pressure to perform," says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Getting the Sex You Want . "For women, learning to relax and be in the moment can help with orgasmic function as well as building desire." It can also help your relationship outside the bedroom by improving intimate communication .
While orgasms aren't the goal, per say, "tantric orgasms" are often referred to as transcendental experiences, says Sally Valentine, Ph.D. , a certified sex therapist in Boca Raton, Florida.
Sign me up, right? But how the heck do you go for it? First, talk it over with your partner. Give them the deets on what it is, and why you want to try it (you know: deeper intimacy, passion, more satisfying sex, or just for fun). Once your boo gives the thumbs up, start incorporating the art of tantra into your sex routine with these simple steps.
Get into the mood is by incorporating rituals into sex. That can be anything, such as setting up your space as a sanctuary with candles, pillows, and soft music. What's most important is that you make sex feel, well, special. "You want a sense that sex is something important and distinct from everyday life," say Johnson and Michaels.
Just as with yoga, tantra begins with and centers around the breath. Try this method recommended by Valentine: Take a full breath in through your nose. On the inhale, fill up your belly with air. Exhale. (Are you doing it right? When you place your hands over your belly, you should feel it expand on the inhale and return to normal on the exhale.)
Visualize that you’re pushing the breath down through your pelvis, knees, and floor. Practice the belly breathing technique a couple times before you bring it into sex so that it becomes more automatic, she recommends.
Eye contact will help you two feel closer during sex. Focus on each other. Traditionally, this is by looking into their left eye, but you can look into both if that's more comfortable to you.
Give each other mini erotic massages. David Yarian , Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, recommends switching between who gives and receives pleasure. For instance, you might ask your partner to give you a foot rub for two minutes, and then you would do whatever your partner says they’re craving for two minutes.
During your turn, give your partner feedback (for example, “to the left,” “a little more pressure would be great,” etc.). Then, when it’s your partner’s turn, encourage them to do the same. “This is a way of practicing an element of love-making very intentionally as a way to learn—learn how to be the best lover possible for our partner,” says Yarian. And vice-versa, of course.
“Think about what it feels like to move bodies together,” says Yarian. And try not to judge anything you notice or compare it to other experiences you’ve had—just focus on what you’re feeling in the moment (as opposed to, say, thinking about the orgasm you’re hoping you’ll have in a few minutes). “This is a way of putting the brain in neutral and letting go of the thinking,” says Yarian. It’s also a great way to ensure you don’t miss out on all the spine-tingling pleasure that happens before you get to the finish line.
There's a traditional tantric position called "yab yum" that you might want to try to “help align energies necessary for a powerful tantric love connection,” Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., writes in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex . Ask your partner to sit on the floor cross-legged. Facing them, climb on top and put your legs around their body. If you need, you can put a pillow under your rear.
That said, you can make any position tantric, so as long as it feels good and you're comfortable. (Awkward positions are distracting. So yeah, no butter churner .)
"Delaying orgasm often intensifies the experience," say Johnson and Michaels. "Remaining in a high state of arousal can also help people experience energetic orgasms, or orgasms without ejaculating," they add.
Delaying an orgasm means you bring yourself to the bring of having one, only to back off and delay it. Called edging , it's best to give it a whirl while masturbating to get a handle on the technique.
Practice getting yourself up to the point of orgasm, then stopping, and starting up again. Then, when you're with your partner, you can take turns getting each other up toward climax, sliding back down, and then going back up again toward orgasm before surrendering to the fireworks finale.

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Believed to date back 5,000 years, Tantric sex is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice. Like yoga or Zen, its purpose is enlightenment—and the philosophy transcends the bedroom into all aspects of life. In the Tantric view, sex and orgasm = spiritual awareness at its peak. And when Shiva (male energy) and Shakti (female energy) join in one sexual union, it's believed to be the highest point of enlightenment.
The best part is that all of us hold the key to Tantric sex: breath (opens in new tab) . If you can keep your body relaxed and your mind clear of the mundane, your "inner goddess" can be fully present. Using your breath can spread orgasmic energy from your genitals through your entire body. This all-over tingling, in turn, leads to a more intimate connection with your partner.
And despite all the talk of a too-good-for-words orgasm, the big "O" is not the goal of Tantra. Instead, it's more about being in the moment and riding a wave of sensation and arousal (yours and your partner's). If you focus on getting to one big bang at the end, you may miss out on tons of other "orgasmic joys" happening in your bodies along the way. Tantric instructors promise that in addition to fuller orgasms, women experience them more quickly since they learn to become more relaxed and sensitized. Dawn Cartwright, a SkyDancing Tantra (opens in new tab) instructor in Los Angeles, advises that beginners to tantra follow the below tips and tricks to fully commit to the tantra experience.
Transform your bedroom. Awaken your senses with flowers, aromatherapy oils, scented candles, fresh fruits, and chocolates. Include sensual fabrics like silk for added sensory elements—whether it's your sheets or your lingerie.
Put on your favorite music and stand with your legs hip-width apart, relaxing your body and breathing through your mouth so that your breath travels down to your belly button. Shake your whole body—your legs, head, and butt— for one minute. Lie down, and invite your partner to come into the bedroom. "You've opened up all these places where there's tension and increased the sensitivity, allowing pleasure in," says Cartwright. "If you make love after doing that, it's more likely that you'll have a whole-body orgasm."
Sit on the bed or floor, facing your partner (you're on his lap). Start by closing your eyes, and use your imagination to watch your breath move in and out of your body. Start to allow your breath to go three inches below your belly button. Begin rocking like you're in a rocking chair, moving your chest forward as you inhale, and rocking back as you exhale.
Then, as you inhale and rock forward, tighten your PC muscles; relax them as you exhale and rock back. "You may start to feel sexual sensations," says Cartwright. Stare into each other's eyes ("soul gazing") and breathe, rock, and pulsate together. "The amazing connection that you'll feel will blow your mind," says Cartwright. "Your energy fields get together, so you're both in the same state and are much more sensitive to each other. It's very electric."
Continue to sit on his lap and rock together—you inhaling while he's exhaling and vice versa. As he breathes out, you'll discover yourself breathing his breath into your body and down to your sex organs. As you exhale, be conscious that you're sharing all of yourself with your partner. Then kiss and share the breath. "Intercourse is not even necessary because you're so merged," says Cartwright. "Tantra is about diving deeply into desire and pleasure. If you feel good and ecstatic, then you're on the right track."
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Get closer to your partner than ever before.
So, you and your partner have done your research on tantric sex , and have decided you want to try some tantric sex positions in the bedroom. (If you don’t have any idea what Tantra is, you might want to read the Men’s Health explainer on tantric sex before you proceed!)
Need a little refresher? “Tantric sex is a system of combining breath, sound, movement and focus to create longer, more intense orgasms, more intimacy, deeper connection, altered states of reality and transcendent experiences during sex,” says Sarrah Rose, founder of the sex coaching platform Tantric Activation . That’s why Tantra is a way of having better sex, no matter what position you’re in, Rose explains.
Now, many people confuse Tantra and the Kama Sutra —but they're different. “The Kama Sutra teaches advanced sex positions and Tantra can give you ways to move and expand your energy when you're in those positions to make them feel even better,” Rose says.“With all tantric sex positions , use a connected inhale and exhale and take deep breaths in and out to activate your nervous system and create a flow state.” This can help “quiet the mind” so you can be more present. “Use your focus to expand the sensations in you and your partner’s body,” Rose says.
Even though Tantra is more focused on the way in which you have sex, rather than specific sexual positions, there are few configurations that are more commonly used in Tantra. Here are some great tantric sex positions to try with your partner!
How to do it: In this position, the insertive partner lies on their back. The receptive partner squats over the penis-owner, with their feet flat on the ground. In essence, it’s cowgirl position .
What it’s great for: “You can easily keep eye contact and the person on bottom can lay back and enjoy the gorgeous goddess that's riding them,” Rose says. “By inhaling in and out of your mouths with a connected breath, you can get into a primal, ecstatic flow.”
How to do it: The insertive partner lays on their back and has range to lift and lower their pelvis similar to a bridge pose in yoga. The vulva-owner rides their partner and can be in a dominant position of “swinging,” hence the name.
What it’s great for: “This is ideal for the partner on top to feel in control,” says Candice Leigh , Tantra coach and founder of Naked Yoga Therapy . “The person riding can control penetration depth and speed while also stimulating their own clitoris.”
How to do it: The receptive partner lays down with their legs in the penetrative partner’s hands. Penetrative partner is on their knees and directs themselves inside the receiving partner. (A pillow or sex wedge under the receptive partner’s hip can be helpful for this position!)
What it’s great for: This position is great for a number of reasons including, “anal sex, deep vaginal penetration, creating more space in the vulva, self-clitoral stimulation, great vantage points from both partners, eye contact, and shared breath,” says Leigh.
How to do it: This position is similar to Yab Yum, but the couple isn’t as close to one another. The lovers' legs are entwined in “V” shapes, sitting across from one another. Each partner has their hand on their partner’s ankles for leverage and stability.
What it’s great for: This position is perfect for “a more shallow and subtle penetration, eye contact, intimate whispers, full-body view of one another, deep emotional intimacy, sharing breath, and foreplay,” Leigh says.
How to do it: The Tiger is a slight variation of the spooning position. There’s more space between the insertive partner’s chest and the receptive partner’s back. To get into this position, lie down next to one another—both of you on your sides.
What it’s great for: “It’s a tantric sex position that requires a bit less energy and stamina than others. Slow and deep thrusts are great for this position,” Leigh says.
How to do it: To enter this position, the insertive partner (person penetrating) will sit down with their legs crossed. The receptive partner (person being penetrated) will sit on their partner’s lap with their legs straddling their partner. From here, the insertive partner can put their penis into their partner’s vagina, and hold each other while rocking back and forth.
What it’s great for: “This is a classic tantric sex position that shows up over and over, and it's as good as its hype,” Rose says. “It's often used in images of tantric gods and goddesses that show them in a tantric embrace.” She continues, “This position is amazing because it's close and intimate and you can do the tantric practice of eye gazing, and being close makes it easy to synchronize breath.”
How to do it: The receptive partner will lay on their stomach with a pillow under their hips to raise them. Their legs will be straight and slightly spread with their arms in front or by their sides. The insertive partner will lay on top of their partner, resting their forearms on the bed to prop themselves up slightly.
What it’s great for: You can play with the bottom’s hip positioning to find the optimal angle to hit the spot, Rose explains. “You can feel the front of the top’s heart connecting to the back of bottom’s, and both partners can inhale and exhale out of their hearts and focus their energy there for extra connection,” she says.
How to get into the position: It’s missionary , you guys. You know what to do. One partner lies on their back while the top partner inserts themselves.
What it’s great for: “Begin by looking into each other's eyes; inhale and exhale together at the same time,” says Rose. “As you start to feel the sexual energy moving through your
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