Talking Teen Porn

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Suitable for 12-18 years
Pornography: talking about it with teenagers 12-18 years
Pornography is sexually explicit material that aims to arouse people who are looking at it
Pornography can send negative messages like:
Talking about pornography is one of the best ways to protect your child from the potential influence of pornography.
You could start a conversation by talking about something you and your child have seen in a movie, TV show, YouTube video and so on. Or you could ask your child some questions. For example:
It’s important to listen and be open to what your child has to say. If your child has questions, it’s best to answer them briefly and honestly. If you don’t know the answers, it’s OK to say so. You can tell your child you’ll think about it and get back to them.
Once you’ve started talking with your child about pornography, you might find talking gets easier the more you do it. Here are some important things you could talk about.
Why does online pornography exist?
Explain that some adults like looking at pornography, so people film or take photos of sex to make money. You could mention that, as with many jobs, some people choose to take part in making pornography, but others do it because they can’t find another job.
Is porn sex like real sex?
Young people might think that pornography shows them what sex and bodies should look like.
You can explain to your child that actors in pornography are being paid. They have to do what they’re told and look like they’re having a great time – even when the sex is violent, non-consensual, boring or unenjoyable.
And real bodies aren’t the same as porn actors’ bodies. For example, the actors might have had their bodies modified or enhanced in various ways.
What are the risks of pornography?
Teenagers who look at pornography regularly might develop unhealthy or stereotypical views about gender roles, sex and sexual performance. These views can make it harder for them to develop respectful and enjoyable sexual relationships.
It’s important for your child to know that fulfilling relationships are about emotional closeness and trust as well as mutually enjoyable sex. You can help your child understand this by talking about what respectful relationships look and feel like.
‘Pornography can make violent sex and disrespectful relationships seem normal. You might think that’s what you should do in real life. But in real life it’s important to show care and respect when you’re intimate with someone. You should always be certain you’re only doing things that both of you really want to do.’
If your child has seen pornography, it’s important to stay calm. Staying calm will help you to:
It’s important to let your child know that it’s normal and OK to be interested in sex and sexuality and that they’re not in trouble.
If your child is regularly seeking out pornography while alone, consider talking with your child about why they’re looking at pornography, whether they think it’s a good idea, and why.
If your child is looking at pornography to find out more about sex, you could help your child find better information sources.
If your child is looking at pornography for sexual arousal, you could talk with your child about how often and what sort of pornography they’re looking at. You can tell your child that it’s OK to be interested in sex and seek sexual arousal, but that using pornography regularly can get in the way of forming and enjoying positive relationships.
If your child is concerned that they can’t control their pornography use, suggest that you help your child seek professional support. Your GP is a good place to start.
Young people are naturally curious about sex and relationships. They might look at pornography for sexual arousal, out of curiosity, or for information about sex.
Teenagers might watch pornography with their friends. This can be to build closer bonds with friends, to boost social status, or to encourage someone they like to have sex with them.
Often boys suggest looking at pornography, rather than girls. Boys are also more likely to look for pornography and view it on their own. Boys might behave like this because this is what gender stereotypes say boys should do.
Children and teenagers mostly see pornography online. There’s a lot of pornography on the internet, and fast internet connections and smartphones mean it can be accessed quickly and easily.
There are also simulated sex acts or violent sexual content in TV programs like Game of Thrones or video games like Grand Theft Auto.
Talking about topics like pornography can be uncomfortable – for both you and your child. But there are ways to handle these conversations in positive ways. This video demonstrates things you can do to handle difficult conversations with teenagers. Staying calm and really listening make a great start. You can also use these conversations as opportunities to help your child make responsible decisions.
This article was developed in collaboration with Dr Joanne Orlando, Senior Lecturer, Early Childhood Education, Western Sydney University, and digital families expert; and Professor Lelia Green, Professor of Communications, School of Arts and Humanities, Edith Cowan University.
Armstrong, A., Quadara, A., El-Murr, A., & Latham, J. (2017). The effects of pornography on children and young people [Research snapshot]. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved 12 January 2021 from https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/online_pornography-effects_on_children_young_people_snapshot.pdf.
Horvath, M.A.H., Alys, L., Massey, K., Pina, A., Scally, M., & Adler, J.A. (2014). ‘Basically, porn is everywhere.’ A rapid evidence assessment on the effect that access and exposure to pornography has on children and young people. London: Office of the Children’s Commissioner. Retrieved 12 January 2021 from https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Basically_porn_is_everywhere.pdf.
Livingstone, S., & Mason, J. (2015). Sexual rights and sexual risks among youth online: A review of existing knowledge regarding children and young people’s developing sexuality in relation to new media environments. London: LSE/ENACSO. Retrieved 12 January 2021 from http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/64567/1/Livingstone_Review_on_Sexual_rights_and_sexual_risks_among_online_youth_Author_2015.pdf.
Martellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J.R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M.A.H. (2017). ‘… I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it …’: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. London: NSPCC, Office of the Children’s Commissioner. Retrieved 12 January 2021 from https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/1187/mdx-nspcc-occ-pornography-report.pdf.
Nash, V., Adler, J.R., Horvath, M.A.H., Livingstone, S., Marston, C., Owen, G., & Wright, J. (2015). Identifying the routes by which children view pornography online: Implications for future policy-makers seeking to limit viewing. London: Department for Culture, Media & Sport. Retrieved 12 January 2021 from http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/65450/.
Paasonen, S., Attwood, F., McKee, A., Mercer, J., & Smith, C. (2020). Objectification: On the difference between sex and sexism. Abingdon, UK: Routledge.
Smith, C., Attwood, F., & Scott, R. (2019). Policy brief: Young people and digital intimacies. What is the evidence and what does it mean? Where next? Sunderland, UK: University of Sunderland. Retrieved 12 January 2021 from https://sure.sunderland.ac.uk/id/eprint/11405/1/Young%20People%20and%20Digital%20Intimacies%20June%202019%20Final.pdf.
Tarrant, S. (2016). The pornography industry: What everyone needs to know. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Tsaliki, L., & Chronaki, D. (2020). Children’s sexuality in the context of digital media: Sexualisation, sexting and experiences with sexual content in a research perspective. In L. Green, D. Holloway, K. Stevenson, T. Leaver & L. Haddon (Eds), The Routledge companion to digital media and children (Part V, Chap. 40). Abingdon, UK: Taylor and Francis.
Pornography: talking about it with children 9-11 years
It’s easy for pre-teens to see pornography accidentally. Talking protects children from pornography’s influence. Internet safety rules are important too.
Teenage relationships: romance and intimacy
Early teenage relationships often involve exploring romance, physical intimacy and sexual feelings. You can guide your child through this important stage.
Sexting is making and sharing sexual material via social media or online. Help teens make responsible choices by talking about respect and sexting risks.
Problematic and harmful sexual behaviour in children and teenagers
Most sexual behaviour in childhood and adolescence is typical and healthy. But some sexual behaviour is problematic or harmful. It needs professional advice.
Preventing violence against women: teaching children about respect
Prevention of violence against women starts with parents, children and respect. Here’s how to role-model respect towards women and girls for your children.
Child sexual abuse: what it is and what to do
Child sexual abuse is when adults or older children involve children in sexual activity. Sexual abuse is never a child’s fault. Read how to protect children.
Raising Children Network is supported by the Australian Government. Member organisations are the Parenting Research Centre and the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute with The Royal Children’s Hospital Centre for Community Child Health.
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