Talk To Strangers For Teenagers
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Talk To Strangers For Teenagers
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We’re always preaching to our children not to trust strangers. Is the advice still relevant today? What is the best approach to ensure that they follow our advice?
This article reveals that younger children lack the judgment and skepticism to recognize deceptive and predatory behavior. Predators know how to take advantage of their naivety and desire to be accepted.
Here is how to get more peace of mind…
Since law enforcement and the media introduced the concept of “stranger danger” in the mid-1980s, the environment has changed, and society has become much more diverse. For instance, the Internet and smartphone applications can bring threats to children into your home. Because of these changes, new vigilance is required to keep your children safe.
We must emphasize, however, that child abduction and assault by strangers are still relatively rare compared to abuse and neglect by adults known to children. Therefore, a balance is needed between vigilance and trust, safety and isolation, and control and empowerment. This means that parents must use their discretion and common logic when it comes to looking after kids, starting with common advice and rules.
Here are a few rules and safety tips that your child needs to know depending on the place and activity of the child.
These tips and rules are meant to keep your child as safe as possible without being too restrictive.
In addition to the tips and rules above, your child needs to know that some strangers do “bad” things that can hurt a child. It does not matter how they look like, how old they are, or what clothes or uniform they wear. They should not trust any stranger.
Before you can trust your children, you need to make sure they’re educated to make the right choices — that they understand the dangers of wandering off on their own, or accepting gifts from strangers, no matter how “nice” those strangers might appear to be.
A great tool for educating children about stranger danger, is through storytelling.
Multiple studies have shown that as humans, we are wired to respond to stories. We are drawn into them and associate very strongly with the lessons they deliver.
For instance, take the classic story of Little Red Riding Hood.
In Little Red Riding Hood, the wolf disguises itself as Red’s grandmother, a kind, harmless and trusted person.
This is a very important lesson for children. It shows them that danger can be treacherous and deceptive.
Another great story is Snow White. It teaches children how dangerous it can be to accept gifts from strangers, no matter how tasty or shiny they may be.
Tell your kids these stories often. Describe the scenes as vividly as you can, so that they leave a lasting impression in your children’s minds. Also, get them to tell the story back to you and tell you what they’ve learned from it.
I promise these stories will be much more effective in teaching your children how to look after themselves, than any lecture ever will.
And if you have any doubts, here’s a little experiment you can try for yourself.
Tell your child you’re about to tell them a story. Notice their reaction and focus as you recount the tale.
Once you’re done telling them the story, leave them alone for a few minutes, then come back and start giving them the regular lecture about stranger danger. You’ll notice how quickly they lose focus and how their attention starts to wander almost immediately.
Of course, storytelling and rules are most effective if a child can relate to it. Making a child aware of the danger that a stranger can pose to them and offering advice must be selected based on their age and ability to understand and relate to it.
For pre-school children, a story and tips must be visual, simple, and relate directly to their experiences. You should not be abstract or hypothetical. By the pre-school development phase, most children have formed trust for his or her caregivers and a sound instinct of danger and mistrust of others. They have also developed a sense of personal control and like to test their independence that bolster their willingness to take initiative.
Cognitively, preschoolers are in the preoperational stage of cognitive development, which means that they are starting to think symbolically through pictures and words. They are still egocentric and have difficulty seeing things from someone else’s perspective. They tend to think about things in concrete terms.
These typical tendencies must guide the parent to make sure that the preschooler understand that people are different and not everyone can be trusted. While people are not born “bad,” sometimes, when they are hurt as a child, they want to hurt others when they get older. That is why staying safe is even more important for the psychological wellbeing of your child and your household.
After a story like Little Red Riding Hood, quiz you kid about the safety issues. Discuss what the characters did wrong and what they should have done in simple and concrete terms.
During the early school years, social interactions increase, and children start to develop a sense of pride and confidence in their skills, abilities, and accomplishments. They start to believe that they can handle difficult situations and tasks expected of them. They do not yet have a well-formed sense of personal identity and is less likely to explore feelings of control and independence, sometimes by taking risks.
Schoolers think more logically about things that have happened to them. Their thoughts are more organized but they are not as able to speculate about things that have happened to others or may happen to them. They can reason, such as taking specific information to form general rules. This ability is helpful when talking about safety. An example is to take a situation where they did not feel safe and discuss what they could or should have done to stay out of trouble. Make the information as practical and relatable as possible.
Using quizzes, activities, and stories the schooler can learn about different way stranger danger can happen to your child. One such a story, The Mystery of the Cyber Friend , illustrates how people can give a fake identity to lure a child to meet them in person. At this age, the trick is to help the child understand the difference between staying away from strangers, selecting the right places and people to ask for help, and being friendly with people when parents, friends, and family is present.
Teenagers develop a sense of personal identity, which is the beliefs, ideals, and values that guide their behavior. They understand more about society’s rules and expectations and explore their independence and control within these boundaries, which they can test at times as well. Therefore, they may engage in riskier behavior as well, which the parent must discourage using sensible and logical information.
At this stage, the young adult becomes more adept in abstract thinking and reasoning. Therefore, rules must be explained with sufficient examples and background information. The teenager can reason about hypothetical situations and think in terms of social, moral, and ethical issues.
The parent can discuss real events with their teenage child and hypothesize about its implications, choices, and different outcomes. Maintaining an appropriate balance between their autonomy and vigilance is more important than before. Therefore, trust and openness are crucial to guide the young person instead of being too prescriptive.
What is clear from the different stages of child development is that education alone isn’t enough to compel a child to follow the rules.
The biggest problem is that children —particularly younger ones— have no guile and absolutely no sense of self-preservation, whereas many older ones like to challenge the boundaries of authority.
I’m sure you’ve told your kids a million times not to trust strangers. I know I’ve told my 7-year-old son that same thing many times.
Some time ago, I stumbled upon the social experiment video below. I’d like you to watch it now. It’s less than 4 minutes long, but I promise it will be an eye-opener.
And if you’re anything like me, you’ll be pretty shocked by the end of it.
All of those parents educated their children not to trust strangers; not to go anywhere without telling them first. And yet, all of the children happily walked off with a total “stranger.”
So, what happened in that video? How did the “stranger” convince the children to walk away with him and completely ignore their parents’ advice?
The young man looked innocuous and did not look out of place in the play park, especially with his dog, which he used as a hook to engage the child. He quickly gained her trust and interested her to go with him and look at the other puppies. Despite their parents’ admonitions not to talk to strangers, all of the kids in the experiment went with him.
In another social experiment highlighting the dangers of social media, three young teenage girls went out of their homes, some after dark, to meet with a stranger who met them online only days before, posing as a 15-year-old boy. The parents assured the producer that they educate their children on a daily basis and that their kids won’t go through with the meetings. Yet, in all cases, they left their home alone to meet with a stranger.
Despite the gravest admonitions, discussion of news events of real kidnappings, and daily reminders to stay away from strangers, all of these girls ignored the warnings anyway.
The videos above already give us a clue how predators operate when they manipulate children to do what they want. Predators can be patient and groom children over time, progressively making them trust him, often distancing them from their parents, swearing them to secrecy, and exploiting their need to be accepted. Grooming prepares the child to a point where they obey the perpetrator and can happen in person or online. The child then willingly goes along with the wishes of the predator.
It is different from the approach in the video that constitutes a simple lure with something seemingly innocent and attractive to the child, or a blitz attack where the perpetrator quickly grabs the child and disappears when the parent’s attention is distracted.
The first two strategies most often involve predators that are socially competent and can appear genuine and trustworthy to a child, which they use fully to their advantage.
Contrary to what we see in movies, kidnappers and criminals don’t always look sneaky, suspicious or dangerous. They will go to great lengths to appear as similar as possible to nice and respectable people. Their clothes are just like anyone else’s. Their tone of voice is soft, and their mannerisms are gentle.
To the child’s eye, they are exactly what a friendly and trustworthy adult would look like.
You’ll notice that in the video above, the “kidnapper” perfectly blends into the crowd with his clothes and behavior. The puppy implies that this man is caring and gentle. After all, people who love animals are nice people… right?
In the video above, the “kidnapper” uses a cute puppy to catch the children’s attention and make them forget the advice that they should never talk to strangers. He approaches the children very cautiously so as not to alarm them. After they’ve patted the dog, which is a simple and effective way to commit their interaction, he engages them in conversation by asking them to guess the puppy’s name.
Next, he makes a statement that they agree with, “You like puppies, right?”
This is a technique right out of the field of salesmanship and persuasion. The more opinions we share with someone, the more we tend to trust their judgement about things we don’t know. We all tend to be susceptible to this phenomenon (to a greater or lesser degree); children even more so. After the “kidnapper” has managed to get the children to say their first “yes,” it becomes easier for him to get them to answer “yes” a second time when asking them to join him and go visit the puppies.
Kidnappers and criminals don’t just know a lot about children. They also know a lot about parents.
They know how we think. They can understand when we’re relaxed with our guard down, or when we’re tense and on the alert.
These predators take advantage of our weaknesses by targeting our children in places where we think they’re safest — such as in a playground with lots of attentive and responsible parents around, just like in the video above.
They also exploit Optimism Bias — our belief that “it would never happen to me.” And it’s not because we’re careless or pretentious. It’s simply human nature and none of us are immune to it.
By being watchful and patient and carefully applying their social skills, predators are effective in selecting the best moment to engage with the child. Their plan is well thought through and swift – it often only takes seconds to carry out. As soon as the child is out of eyesight and control of the parent, the kidnapper has all the advantage.
So, apart from telling our children to stay away from strangers, what more can we do?
As I wrote earlier, children possess neither common sense nor an instinct for self-preservation. Education is crucial, but we can’t depend on it exclusively.
I would like you to watch the first video again starting from 2:58 (direct link here) and the second video starting from 6:58 (direct link here). Observe how the child reacts while the parent explains that he or she should not have gone with the stranger. It takes the child exactly 10 seconds to completely phase out of the conversation. From that point onward, you’ll notice that the child isn’t listening or taking in a single word his parent is telling him.
Education can only take us so far. For the rest, we need proper precautions.
Here are a few things you can do to protect your children from kidnappers and predators.
I always dress my son as conspicuously as possible — bright t-shirts, bright pants, colored caps. The more unusual the better.
In my case, it also helps that my son is always the loudest and shrillest voice in the playground. So never chastise your children for being loud when they play.
Remember, predators go for easy prey. They will pick a child who is harder to spot; one who is wearing clothes that look just like everybody else’s. They’ll target quieter children, because they’re less likely to make a scene if approached.
The longer it takes for a child’s absence to be noticed, the easier it gets for a kidnapper to take away that child, never to be seen again.
Team up with other parents to keep a watchful eye on your children.
When I take my son to the playground, the first thing I do is notice whom he’s playing with. Then I’ll locate the other child’s parents and strike up a friendly conversation with them.
Now, there’s more than just one pair of eyes keeping watch over the children. And since the children are playing together, they’re most likely in the same spot, therefore easier to keep track of.
As the second video showed, children are more likely to engage with strangers online, believing the false personas that they portray. A study conducted at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, reported that around 72 percent of children eight-years-old and younger use a mobile device, while 99 percent of grade four to eleven have access to Internet devices outside of school.
The study also found that, despite regular warnings about safety, only one-third of children viewed talking to strangers online as a potential threat. The children don’t seem to make the connection between online contact and in-person danger.
That is why many of the parents surveyed in the study used a variety of safeguards in addition to education to minimize the risks as indicated in the table below.
As is evident from the table above, parents can take a lot of useful precautions to ensure that their children use online devices in a safer way. In addition, a parent must be vigilant and watchful for any changes in their child’s behavior. Any perceptions or actions that are unexpected and out of the ordinary can be an indication of potentially harmful outside influence.
Nowadays, kidnappers aren’t just smart — they’re also very well-equipped. They use cameras, surveillance tools, the internet, and any tool available to their advantage, because they know that one tiny mistake can be the end of them.
When competing against such a well-equipped and devious threat, your eyes and ears will never be enough. You need to level the playing field and get technology on your side.
This is why we created «FindMyKids» , a GPS-tracking app that helps keep your children safe and give you peace of mind.
So, by being watchful when your children are playing or moving about outside the home, to vigilance and protective measures when they engage online, parents can do a lot above and beyond education about the dangers that can lurk around the corner.
Another safety measure that I have just briefly touched on before is the distinction between “good” strangers and “bad” strangers, which can be quite contentious and subjective, but it is more important to understand the situation that applies.
When one thinks about “good” strangers, some professions almost immediately comes to mind in addition to friends and family. Policemen, nurses, doctors, teachers, and churchmen are typical examples. Even repairmen and shopkeepers can be seen as helpful and, therefore, benign.
These assumptions may be true in most cases. But, remember that predators often use false appearances to make their victims feel comfortable. Therefore, they may use a uniform to portray themselves to the child as someone who can be trusted.
The environment or situation in which strangers find themselves tells us if they fit in and if they are who they appear to be. For instance, a man with a police uniform approaching a child at a playground is perhaps not a real policeman unless he has good reason to engage with the child. On the other hand, a man wearing a police uniform in a police station or performing duty at a traffic stop is likely not a fake.
Your child should understand context, namely, where to expect policemen, priests, nurses, and so forth. Anyone stopping, approaching, or making them feel uncomfortable, should not be trusted, whether they wear a uniform or not.
This is where the concept of safe zones mentioned before is very important. The “good” person is associated with the safe zone, such as a school, shop, hospital, church, or police station. In these environments, children can feel safer to approach these identifiable strangers for help if needed.
Here are a few frequently asked questions about strangers and how to act when accosted or feeling threatened.
The simple answer is that a stranger is anyone that you don’t know. Whether you come across him or her in person or online does not make a difference. They can look friendly and harmless but be deceiving children with bad intentions. Unless you need help and go to a safe zone, never trust a stranger.
Do not accept anything like gifts, lifts, or treats from a stranger. Run away or get your parents if you feel uncomfortable. Do not accept the friendship of a stranger online. Do not tell a stranger any of your personal information like your name and address. Always let your parents know where you are going.
Strangers who reach out to a child online are often not who they portray to be. For instance, they use a fake photo, lie about their age and background, about knowing your friends or family, and about wanting to be your friend. In the meantime, they laugh at you when you believe their lies. They make you feel comfortable enough so that you agree to meet them alone without your friends or parents to protect you.
If you get lost or separated from your parents or friends, go to the nearest safe zone as quickly as you can. Ask a person there to phone your parents or the police, who is trained to know what to do to help you.
Yell to attract attention. Try to wrestle free and run away if you can. Let people know loudly that you don’t know this person who grabbed you.
Move away as quickly as possible. Run if you have to. Go to a safe place. Tell your parents.
As the study done at Carleton University suggested, there are many features and apps online to help you monitor and safeguard your children by limiting and tracking their activities and movements. One such an application is «FindMyKids».
«FindMyKids» uses the internet, telephony and GPS-technology to give you peace of mind and keep your child safe.
There are two parts to «FindMyKids». One part is the parent app, which you install on your Android or iOS mobile device. The other part is the companion app, which you need to install on your child’s mobile device. If you’re thinking, “No way! My child is too young to own a mobile phone!” don’t worry, we have you covered, because «FindMyKids» can also be installed on most smartwatches .
Once your mobile device is linked to your child’s using the parent app, you’ll have at your disposal a number of security tools that will help you protect your child.
Through the use of GPS-technology and the mobile data network, you’ll be able to track your child’s location in real time, anytime. No more looking around for your child in panic. Just check the map and find out where they’re at.
You can also designate “safe zones” in the app. If your child moves out of the specified area (for instance a playground area or even the school), your app will sound an alarm and you’ll be notified right away.
The app uses the camera and microphone of your child’s mobile device to allow you to monitor their surroundings at any time.
This comes in really handy when you’re with your child at a playground and you want to relax with a book, rather than constantly strain your eyes and neck to watch over your child. Simply activate the sound monitoring feature on the app, pop your headphones into your ears, and listen to your child’s surroundings while you read. If they suddenly stop playing and start having a conversation with someone who’s a bit older, that’s your cue to do a quick patrol.
When danger happens, it’s always abrupt and brutally swift. Once a child is snatched, it’s almost already too late to act.
Of course, you should always teach your child to scream at the top of their lungs if they find themselves in danger. But what if the kidnapper is covering their mouth? What if they’re out of earshot?
The «FindMyKid» app equips your child’s mobile device or smartwatch with a dedicated «Alarm» button. All the child needs to do is push that alarm button. This will immediately ring an alert on the parent app, letting you know that your child is in danger.
And to make this feature even more accessible, our kid-friendly companion smartwatches feature a dedicated physical button that’s easy to reach in any situation.
This brings us to the end of our exhaustive guide on how to talk to your kids about strangers, how to act in different situations and environments, and what else you can do to maximize their safety. You can’t always control everything that happens, but you can do a lot in practical terms to prevent your child becoming an easy target. The simple ideas and interventions are sometimes overlooked that are the easiest to understand and follow, which is what we have focused on in this guide. Thereby keeping things you can do real and practical to make your children interacting with strangers as minimal and safe as possible.
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Parental control is set for YouTube, Parents monitor what apps children have on their devices daily.
Parental control is set for YouTube. Mom monitors apps. Mom deletes games with violent or frightening scenes .
Kids go on the devices too often; parents try to limit the hours when they can.
Kids accounts are linked through mom’s email.
Mom can see what the kids are downloading . It pops up in her email.
There’s a lot of inappropriate content on social media.
Restrict access until older, Account access, Monitoring
Mom thinks kids are too young; Facebook is unnecessary for their age . If they get Facebook, mom would closely monitor the account and have her password.
Mom worries about kids over sharing information and talking to strangers whose true identity is unknown.
Restrict access until older. Monitoring, Educate about the threat
Free Random Chat Rooms With Strangers | Free Online Chat - No Registration
Talk to Kids About Strangers 🥇A Parent's Guide | FindMyKids Blog
10 Reasons You Should Talk to Strangers | Cleverism
The surprising benefits of talking to strangers - BBC Future
How to talk to your child about interacting with strangers | BabyCenter
by Anastasia Belyh Last updated on September 25, 2019
Don’t talk to strangers. This was one of the biggest rules during my childhood.
My mother never got tired of reminding me to be wary of people I did not know.
I am pretty sure I am not the only one who was repeatedly warned not to talk to strangers.
As kids, we were taught that strangers are bad people, and that we should not talk to them under any circumstance.
Our parents had a good reason for teaching us not to trust strangers.
There are some mean and dangerous people out there, and as children, we were not very good at discerning the intentions of people we interacted with.
By telling us not to talk to strangers, our parents were trying to protect us.
As we grow into adults, we learn to differentiate people with good intentions from those with bad intentions.
We learn that the majority of people in society are not sociopaths, that most people are actually quite friendly.
As an adult, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to avoid talking to strangers, because there is not much to fear.
You can easily tell whether a person has malicious intentions and avoid them.
If anything, talking to strangers is a good thing.
It helps us expand our network and build relationships with other people.
Unfortunately, despite having learnt how to tell good people from those who mean us harm, the fear of talking to strangers instilled during our childhood remains.
This is why many of us feel uneasy about talking to someone we do not know.
The thought of approaching a stranger and initiating conversation makes us nervous.
Because of this, we close off ourselves in our own little world, within our own small circle of friends, and in so doing, we miss out on opportunities to meet new, exciting people.
As an adult, reaching out to new people has the potential to do you more good than harm.
Below are ten reasons why you should start talking to strangers.
Friends are very important. Friends keep us from being lonely, they encourage us to go after our dreams, they teach us new things, they help us make better choices in life, they help us deal with stress, and provide us with support when we need it.
Various studies have even shown that having a lot of strong friendships is good for your physical and mental health.
But here is the thing – you are not born together with your friends. If you think about all your close friends today, they were all strangers at one point in life.
Therefore, if you want to make more friends, you have to be willing to talk to strangers, who will then hopefully turn into good friends.
All the strangers you see around you on a daily basis all present you with an opportunity to make a new friend.
That guy you bump into at the gym a couple of times every week could be a potential work out partner.
The lady from the office next to yours?
Perhaps she loves salsa as much as you do and would love someone to accompany her to dance classes.
Unfortunately, you will never know if you don’t talk to them.
By keeping your mouth shut, you are robbing yourself of the chance to meet an exciting person and make a new friend.
Therefore, next time you bump into that stranger you see almost every day, go to them and strike up a conversation.
While strangers present opportunities for you to make new friends, you obviously won’t hit it off with every new person you talk to.
However, you don’t know where the conversation might lead.
Even if you don’t end up making a connection with the person, they might introduce you to someone else who ends up becoming a good friend.
For instance, let’s assume that, after striking up a conversation with the lady from the office next door, you find out that you don’t really have much in common.
However, as you talk about your likes and interests, she mentions that she has a friend who has a passion for the same things as you.
She can introduce you to her friend, who can then end up becoming a great friend.
Alternatively, the lady might invite you to a party where you end up meeting more new people and becoming friends with some of them.
Talking to strangers also provides you with an opportunity to meet the love of your life.
Think about your current romantic partner or someone you ever dated before.
For most of you, this person was once a stranger who later turned into a lover. I am living proof of this.
There is this one time I went to a restaurant, and since it was quite full, I had to share a table with a pretty lady.
I said hi to her and we engaged in some small talk as we waited for our meals.
The conversation went on as we ate our food, and once we were done with our meals, we exchanged phone numbers.
This led to more conversations and more lunches together.
Eventually, the stranger I decided to talk to at the restaurant ended up becoming my wonderful wife.
Just like in my case, talking to strangers provides you with an opportunity to meet a potential mate.
That man or lady sitting next to you on the train or standing on the queue with you at the supermarket could be your soul mate.
However, you will never know if you don’t talk to them.
The best part is that you don’t need to use any cheesy pickup lines or any other such stuff.
Simply be friendly, strike up a casual conversation and see where it leads.
Sometimes, talking to strangers does not lead to friendships or new romantic relationships. There is a chance that you will actually never meet some of these people again.
However, having even that one conversation with them can be an eye opener.
The stranger might change your perspective and give you a new way of looking at things that you have never considered before.
In your professional life, your network is very important.
Your network opens up opportunities for new business and new jobs, helps you climb up the corporate ladder , expands your support network, makes you more visible, helps you learn more about your field, and so on.
This is why virtually all career coaches extol the importance of networking .
Here is the kicker – networking requires you to actively go out and talk to strangers.
Networking events are essentially platforms for strangers with common interests to meet and talk to each other.
If the only people you ever talk to are your relatives and close friends, you can forget about building a business network.
Many successful people actually confess that the biggest breaks and opportunities in their professional lives came as a result of talking to strangers.
Therefore, in your professional life, you should make it a habit to talk to strangers on a daily basis.
As these people turn from strangers into acquaintances and probably friends, you never know which one of them will provide you with an opportunity that will help advance your career.
Talking to strangers can also be great fun and make up for a spontaneous, exciting day.
Actually, for some people, the joy of traveling comes from meeting strangers and having experiences they had not planned for. I can recall several instances in my life where talking to a stranger ended up making for a spontaneous and fun filled experience.
There is this one time I was on vacation on Lamu Island.
While having lunch at my hotel, I got into a conversation with some guy, and he invited me to a party that was he was going to.
I decided to tag along for the party, which was being held on a floating bar smack in the middle of the ocean.
That party turned out to be one of the best moments I had during my vacation, and all this happened because I just happened to talk to a stranger at the hotel.
Just like my experience during my vacation, sparking up conversations with strangers can spice up your experience and lead to a lot of fun.
The best part of talking to strangers is that you never know who you might meet.
The person running on the treadmill next to you might have a job opportunity for you, they might be in the market for the piece of real estate you are trying to sell, they might run for president one day (who wouldn’t love being a close friend to the president), or they might end becoming your husband or wife.
You have literally no idea what to expect from the interaction unless you actually step up and initiate a conversation with the stranger.
By talking to them, you open up a world of numerous possibilities. You don’t know what opportunities you miss by keeping to yourself.
Saying that social skills and communication skills are important is an understatement.
If you want to achieve much, both in your professional and personal life, you need to know how to communicate and interact with other people.
Many successful people will tell you that much of their success can be attributed to their excellent people skills.
Your social skills are just like any other skill – they get better the more you practice, and you get rusty the longer you go without practicing them.
Talking to strangers on a daily basis provides you with the perfect opportunity to practice and improve this important skill.
As you talk to people you have never talked to before, the more you learn how to make small talk, how to start conversations, how to break away from conversations, and how to generally have engaging and meaningful interactions with other people.
As the common saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. Most of your close friends are just like you.
They probably like the same things as you, they have similar educational accomplishments, the make almost the same amount of money as you, you know almost similar things, you have similar world views, and so on.
Interacting with this close circle of friends and acquaintances all the time limits your ability to learn new things.
Strangers, on the other hand, are nothing like you.
They don’t have the same experiences as you, their educational achievements are different from yours, their world view is different, their interests are different, and so on.
Talking to strangers therefore provides you with an opportunity to learn new things that you wouldn’t learn from your social circle.
Most of us feel anxious whenever we think about approaching and talking to strangers.
We start doubting ourselves and think of all the things that could go wrong.
However, there is something I find surprising about anxiety.
The more you do things that make you nervous, the less nervous you feel, and the more confident you become.
By making it a habit to talk to two or three strangers every day, you gradually start becoming more comfortable with initiating conversations with strangers, and your self-confidence goes up.
Whenever you find yourself in social situations, you stop feeling awkward or shy because you are already used to interacting with strangers.
This also gives you the confidence to introduce yourself to people you want to meet for some reason (such as a potential employer or a potential date).
So far, we have seen that talking to strangers has a lot of benefits.
Question is, how do you actually start talking to strangers in order to take advantage of these benefits?
Below are some few tips on how to talk to strangers.
Detach yourself from the outcome : Most of us feel nervous about talking to strangers because we are afraid of being rejected.
We start thinking of everything that could go wrong with the conversation and we eventually convince ourselves not to approach the stranger.
If you want to make a habit of talking to strangers, you should detach yourself from the outcome.
Don’t worry about whatever happens. If the conversation flows well, that’s great. If it doesn’t, or if the person rejects you, it doesn’t really matter.
Maybe the person is having a bad day and wants to be left alone.
Once you learn how to detach yourself from the outcome, you will stop pressuring yourself, you will feel more confident, and you will be more present in the conversation.
Smile and say “hi”: This is perhaps the easiest way to get into conversations with people you don’t know.
This is especially useful in situations where you see a person frequently but have never actually interacted with them.
The best part about this tactic is that you don’t even have to start a conversation.
Simply smiling and saying hi as you pass someone on the hallway or when you meet them at the gym water cooler is enough to break the ice and start building a connection between the two of you.
Even if you don’t say anything thereafter, doing it two or three times will naturally lead to a conversation.
However, this does not mean that you should not start a conversation the first time. If the person gives you an enthusiastic reply, go ahead and start a conversation.
The next tip shows you how to do this.
Find something you have in common : After greeting someone, the easiest way to kick off a conversation is to find something in common between the two of you.
For instance, if you are at a party, ask them how they know the host. If you are at a bookstore, ask them to suggest a nice read.
Alternatively, you can initiate the conversation by giving them a compliment.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to keep the conversation going on for minutes on end.
Just watch how it flows and then either thank them for their time or keep it going if they seem interested.
Keep the conversation light : When you start someone for the first time, you want to keep the conversation light as you build a rapport with each other.
The best way to do this is to start the conversation based on things you can observe in your surroundings, such as traffic, the weather, the party, and so on.
You can take the conversation deeper as both of you get more comfortable talking to each other.
Ask questions : Asking questions is the simplest way of keeping a conversation with a stranger going.
After giving them a compliment or making an observation about something in your immediate vicinity, ask the person something about them.
Most people enjoy talking about themselves, so this will most likely work to your advantage. Remember, keep your questions light.
Below are some examples of questions to get a person to talk about themselves:
When asking questions, avoid asking questions that are deeply personal, since you might end up freaking the person out.
Look friendly and approachable : When approaching someone for a conversation, try to look friendly and approachable. Make eye contact and smile as you approach them.
Once you start the conversation, maintain positive body language .
Even if you feel anxious or uneasy, don’t let it show. If you look uncomfortable when initiating a conversation with someone, it will also make them feel uncomfortable.
While you can strike up a conversation with a stranger almost anywhere, there are some places where approaching strangers is much easier.
Below are three places where you can easily get into conversations with strangers:
Businesses you frequent : If there is a business you patronize frequently, such as a bank, a restaurant, a bookstore, and so on, you can strike up conversations with its employees.
What makes it easy in this case is that you already have some kind of relationship with them – they cash your checks, bring your food, take your payments, etc.
Rather than keeping matters strictly professional, make some casual conversation with them.
Ask them how their day is going, how business is doing, etc. In most cases, these people will be delighted by your interest in them, and they will most likely respond positively.
People waiting in line : This is another great opportunity for you to strike up conversation with a stranger. Waiting in line is a boring activity, so most people will gladly welcome an interesting conversation.
The best part about this situation is that the fact that both of you are waiting for the same thing provides you with a commonality that can act as an icebreaker and provide fodder for the conversation.
When you get into a conversation when waiting in line, keep the conversation light, since you will probably only be waiting for a short time.
Social events : Social events like festivals, art shows, music concerts and museum exhibitions are perhaps the easiest place for you to get into conversations with people you have never met before.
Most of the people at social events expect to interact with other people, so they won’t be caught by surprise when you approach them.
The best way to take advantage of these situations is to attend them by yourself.
When you attend such events with friends, you will probably spend the entire time with your friends.
When you don’t know anyone else at the event, however, this will encourage you to put yourself out there and initiate conversations with strangers.
Even if your mother taught you to look at strangers with suspicion, most people out there are not looking to kidnap you or rob you. They are simply people, just like you.
Remember, all your friends started out as strangers, and there is no reason why you should not turn more strangers into friends and acquaintances.
Reaching out to strangers and creating connections with them provides you with opportunities to make new friends and possibly even meet your soul mate, gain new perspective, expand your network, learn new things, improve your social skills and hopeful have fun experiences.
Having learnt the benefits of talking to strangers and tips on how to actually talk to strangers, I urge you to make a habit of talking to at least two new people each day.
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