Talk To Lesbians
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Talk To Lesbians
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Understand that interacting with a gay or lesbian person is not different. Understand that you do not need to act differently when talking with a person just because they are different from you. Being gay or lesbian is only one aspect of a person, and it doesn't have to be at the forefront of every interaction. [1]
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If you want to become friends with a person, you should do so because you enjoy similar interests (e.g. volunteering, going to the movies, reading literature, etc.). Being platonic friends with someone has nothing to do with sexuality.
Forget about stereotypes . Gay men and lesbians vary greatly in their appearances, the way they talk, and the way they behave just the same as everyone else. A person's sexuality will not always be apparent based on their appearances or actions.
Accept the fact that the ability to love or care for another is not solely related to sexuality, and that all relationships, whatever genders are involved, should be built on mutual attraction, love, respect and trust.
Be open minded , as you would be with any other person. There are nice and mean gay people; just as there are nice and mean straight people. Dealing with the challenges of life takes a lot of courage for everyone. [2]
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Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 3 September 2018.
Try to think about the reasons why you or other people might object to being gay or lesbian and write some of these reasons down. After you have written these things down, try writing a defense of the opposite perspective. [3]
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What might the person who is gay or lesbian say to defend him or herself against your list?
Keeping an open mind will open your world up to a lot of opportunities you might have otherwise missed out on.
Do not assume that a person is sexually attracted to you. If you are female, do you assume that all straight boys are attracted to you? If you are male, do you think all straight girls are interested in you, just because they like boys? The same thing applies to everyone; just because a person is attracted to your gender does not mean that they are sexually interested in you.
Being a gay man or lesbian does not mean that they are attracted to every single person they meet that is of the same sex, just like you aren't attracted to every single person you meet that is of the opposite sex.
Be respectful. If you have questions , be aware that you may be treading on sensitive ground. Would you appreciate being asked about your sex life by a work colleague? Probably not. Think about if you were asked that kind of question about being straight and about your partner. Use this as a gauge for what is appropriate and what is not. A gay or bisexual person may wish to disclose their sexual preferences with you, or they may not. [4]
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Talking about sexuality is the same regardless of orientation. If you have a question you want to ask, you would probably only ask someone you are very close with and only under the right circumstances.
Realize that friendship requires work. Being friends with a gay man or lesbian is just like having a straight friend. You will have to take all of the same steps to maintain a friendship with a gay or lesbian person as you would with a straight person. For example, you have to make time for them, respect them, listen to them, and of course, have fun hanging out with them. [5]
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As with all people, if you have a close gay or lesbian friend who is struggling in their life, be supportive. If they need someone to listen, then be there for them. There problems might have their own unique aspects that are hard to understand, but that doesn't mean you can't be a loving, supportive friend .
Don't act like you feel sorry for a gay or lesbian person. LGBT+ people have their problems just like everyone else does. They have faced challenges that have shaped who they are and how they see the world, just like everyone. You don't need to treat an LGBT+ person as though you feel sorry for them, and they will probably notice that you are doing it, just like anyone would.
Treat them with respect because they have dealt with the challenges that life has given them, just as you and everyone else you know has. [6]
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Expert Source
Lauren Urban, LCSW Licensed Psychotherapist
Expert Interview. 3 September 2018.
Be respectful. If you are a person who struggles to accept LGBT+ people for whatever reason, and believe that it is wrong then you may feel tempted to be mean to a gay or lesbian person. Try to remind yourself that you won't accomplish anything by doing this. If you find yourself in the presence of a gay or lesbian person, and you need to interact with them, treat them with respect. [7]
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Don't try to lecture them. Lecturing a gay or lesbian person about why their sexuality is, in your opinion, wrong will not make them suddenly say, “Oh, you know what, you're right. I'll be straight now.” This is because they didn't choose to be the way they are. Therefore, you won't get yourself anywhere by trying to force your own ideas on to them, and you might also miss out on the chance to get to know a really cool person.
Think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. Would you change your mind about being heterosexual if a gay or lesbian person came up to you and started talking about why heterosexuality is wrong?
Understand that kindness is not dependent upon having the same views. It is easy to get caught up in our own ideas about right and wrong, but try to remember that you probably have lots of friends with differing views. Keep this in mind when you meet a gay or lesbian person. They are still a person, and whether or not their orientation plays a big role in their life they still have other things they care about and are interested in. [8]
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If a gay person does ask you about your views, then feel free to talk about them, but do it with kindness. Don't be defensive. For example, if they are religious reasons, talk about what you have been taught and why it makes sense to you. Don't assume that a conversation about differences has to be a huge fight.
If you do have this conversation, listen to what they have to say too.
Be open about your lack of understanding. If you do not understand the person's sexuality, then expressing this in a respectful, but clear way may be a good option. If you have a good relationship with this person and you want to understand his or her sexuality better, then you might ask the person to speak with you and help you understand.
For example, you might say something like, "I respect you and I care about you. However, I do not fully understand what it means to be gay/lesbian. I was hoping you might be willing to tell me more about it and help me to develop a better understanding of that aspect of your life."
Respect gender variance. If you want to be an ally of the community, or if you simply want to learn more about it, then the first thing to understand is that sexuality and gender aren't necessarily related.
This means understanding and accepting that just because someone is born a woman does not mean that they should necessarily be attracted to men, or that someone born a man should be attracted to a woman.
This is not the same as gender identity. Just because someone is gay or lesbian does not mean that they don't identify with their own gender. People who identify with a gender that is not their biological gender are transgender
Report misrepresentations of LGBT+ people in the media. If you are watching television and find a news channel or TV show saying things about LGBT+ people that you know is false, you can report that program to GLAAD, which works to build support for the community. [9]
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This also applies if you feel that a TV show is portraying an LGBT+ person in a very offensive, inaccurate way.
You can report misrepresentation by contacting them here .
Deal with your own biases. Even if you whole-heartedly support the LGBT+ community, you might still have some biases against the community that you haven't dealt with. [12]
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For example, many people tend to assume that a gay man will be dressed in brightly colored clothing, have perfectly styled hair, and speak in a feminine way. Although this may sometimes be the case, it isn't always. Gay men and lesbians come in all shapes and sizes, just like straight people.
How do I talk to someone that doesn't accept me and bullies me as gay?
If there is a safety issue then that needs to be addressed for sure. If they're just being mean and obnoxious, ignore them. Find a community where you feel accepted and where people do support and understand you. This won’t necessarily change the fact that you’re being bullied, but it will help you find the places where you feel comfortable to be who you are. It's important to understand that this is about other people’s shortcomings and insecurities, and not about your own.
I'm a guy and I'm attracted to a lesbian girl, what should I do?
Respect that as a lesbian, she won't be interested in a sexual or romantic relationship with a man. Move on to someone who returns your attraction.
What if I'm a lesbian but in love with a woman who isn't?
There's really no other choice than accepting she can't love you back and moving on. You cannot change someone's sexuality.
My son just confirmed to me that he is gay. What questions should I ask him?
What do you want to know? You can ask him if he has a boyfriend, and you can (and should) ask him if he understands how to have safe sex. Beyond that, you should just let him tell you what he wants/is comfortable with sharing. Try to avoid asking things like "How do you know?" or "Are you sure?" because these questions aren't helpful. If he came out to you, he's sure.
I'm bi and I have a crush on my best friend. I want to kiss her but I'm not sure how she'll take it. What should I do?
You need to admit that you like her first, if you just go up and kiss her, there's a chance you could ruin the friendship. If she tells you she's not interested, respect her feelings. If she's unsure how she feels, give her a little time to figure it out.
What if I'm struggling with my identity?
I would suggest researching different identities to see which one you feel most related to. Remember that you have plenty of time to figure it out and you're never too young/old to find out your identity. You could find people perhaps on social media or a friend/relative to get advice from.
My friend is kind of rude about the LGBTQ+ community. He makes gay jokes, and it's seriously bothering me. How could I tell him to respect the LGBTQ+ community?
People often make jokes because they do not understand, so maybe one day sit him/her/them down and speak to them about the LGBTQ+ community and tell them how you feel. I've gone through the same thing, and educating my friend really helped. If they don't change, tell them you can't be friends with someone who is so disrespectful about something you care about.
No. All people have a scent unique to them, but this is not influenced by sexuality in any way.
My girlfriend is a lesbian, and I really don't know what to do about it, because I love her. Help?
(I'm assuming you're male, because otherwise I don't know why you'd be asking this.) Show your love by supporting her through this. If she has just recently started to be open about her sexuality, help her out. Coming out is a tough decision. Remember - you can't force a person to be straight. Just be nice and tell her you support her. Just because your relationship can't be romantic anymore doesn't mean you can't be a good friend.
What if my friend just told me she likes me, but I don't want to hurt her feelings because God would frown upon me?
Explain you are not attracted to her and want to stay friends.
This article was co-authored by Lauren Urban, LCSW. Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use. This article has been viewed 182,235 times.
"I'm particularly concerned about how to defend our daughter's sexuality to a religious friend who doesn't agree with the LGBT lifestyle. Your tips about telling people it's not a choice but just part of who they are were helpful." ..." more
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Last Updated: August 7, 2020
References
For some heterosexual people, interacting with an LGBT+ person can be intimidating. If you are an ally of the LGBT+ community, you may be concerned about behaving in a way that supports that attitude. If you struggle to accept gay people, you may realize that you will interact with gay men and lesbians on one occasion or another, and not be sure how to do so without bringing up your own beliefs. Regardless of your views, the most important thing you can do is to treat them as you would any other human being—with respect and kindness.
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A discussion is taking place to address the redirect Straight virginity . The discussion will occur at Wikipedia:Redirects for discussion/Log/2020 August 11#Straight virginity until a consensus is reached, and readers of this page are welcome to contribute to the discussion. Hog Farm Bacon 05:19, 11 August 2020 (UTC)
This article was first created with Harvard-style citations (i.e. parenthetical). As years have passed, using citation templates has become the preferred method for citing sources. A "Deprecate parenthetical citations " proposal was discussed between 5 August–5 September 2020 and closed with the following consensus: " This discussion has reached a consensus that inline parenthetical referencing should be deprecated . Please see the section #Parenthetical citation closure for details and rationale. " Pyxis Solitary (yak) . L not Q . 13:49, 25 September 2020 (UTC)
Obviously Sappho is an import figure regarding lesbianism but it seems wrong to have her as the first image since she was bisexual and not in fact lesbian. Finnigami ( talk ) 06:08, 20 November 2020 (UTC)
delete "due to their many identities" under the "Lesbians of Color" section.
under "Lesbians of Color" it says "and experienced racism, homophobia, and misogyny due to their many identities" but that's incorrect grammar. they have experienced this due to cruel or misinformed or bigoted people. i don't know why "due to their many identities" is included. Woodlk ( talk ) 15:25, 14 December 2020 (UTC)
I've taken the liberty of removing some opinion-based articles linked in the "Further Reading" section, as they violate Wikipedia:Further reading#Considerations for inclusion of entries , specifically the requirement for them to be Balanced . My apologies for forgetting to add an edit summary.
•forivall• irc • L and Q • 09:47, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
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Gold star lesbian was nominated for deletion . The discussion was closed on 8 April 2018 with a consensus to merge . Its contents were merged into Lesbian . The original page is now a redirect to this page. For the contribution history and old versions of the redirected article, please see its history ; for its talk page, see here .
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