Taking Their Love To The Next Level

🔞 TOUTES LES INFORMATIONS CLIQUEZ ICI 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻

Taking Their Love To The Next Level
Originally Published: June 19, 2018
2 "How can I help you feel secure?"
3 “How do we want to handle money?”
4 “Do you ever keep secrets from me?”
5 "In what ways have you changed over the past few years?”
6 “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
7 "What are your goals for this relationship?”
8 "How did your family cope with struggles growing up?"
9 "How do you deal with difficult emotions?"
10 "Why didn't your last relationship work out?"
11 "What did you learn from that relationship?"
12 "What do you think of your friend's relationship?"
13 "What makes you feel most loved?”
14 “Can we talk about our sex life?”
16 “What do you think about marriage?”
17 “Did you feel free to be yourself in your last relationship?”
18 "What are you not willing to compromise on?"
19 "What do you value most about our relationship?"
20 "Do you feel like we make each other better people?"
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“Do you ever keep secrets from me?”
Whether you’ve been together for one month or one year, there will likely come a time when you want to take your relationship to the next level . And there’s no better way to do so than by asking your partner questions — especially ones of the deep and personal variety.
It might feel uncomfortable to have a meaningful heart-to-heart. But according to Julie Williamson, LPC , a licensed professional counselor, asking questions is a good way to figure out if you’re actually compatible, beyond any “honeymoon phase” feelings of love. It's totally a given, but if you want to develop a deep connection with someone, you’ll need to know a lot more about them than their likes, dislikes, and hobbies.
It’s also good to find out early on if your partner is able to have these types of conversations, in general. If they’re down to speak about difficult topics — all while listening and empathizing with you — a deeper level of trust will start to grow . And that, Williamson says, is what will send your relationship to the next level .
So, want to learn more about your significant other and feel more connected, and you can start building a future together? Then have a chat that includes these types of questions, listed below.
"Some people believe that cheating only counts if there's physical intimacy — touching, kissing, or sex, for example," Erica Turner, MS, LPC, NCC , a licensed therapist, previously told Bustle, while others believe emotional stuff counts, too.
You’ll obviously want to know if you see eye-to-eye, before taking things to the next level. But talking about cheating can also deepen your connection, as it shows how much you care about each other’s well-being.
This is a great follow-up to the cheating Q because it'll lead into a discussion about the best ways to help each other feel secure and comfy within your relationship.
"Many individuals tend to answer this question in basic ways that surprise their partners, such as listening without trying to fix the problem, providing eye contact and being fully present, or being consistent," Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD , a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. "Knowing these things will help you show up for your partner in the way [they need it most.]"
Nothing says “we’re a couple” quite like having a frank conversation about money. So if your lives are beginning to mesh together, it’s time to talk about things like sharing bills, financial expectations — such as shared goals for the future — and whatever else feels important.
Is your partner open and honest? Or are they someone who thinks it’s OK to keep major secrets? Chances are you’ll be happier with someone you fully trust to tell the whole story, relationship expert Karen Salmansohn , tells Bustle, “without feeling as if you are yanking it out of them."
Ask your partner about how they've grown or changed over the past few years and you’ll learn a lot about the kind of person they are, Salmansohn says, including their level of appreciation for growth and self-improvement.
When it comes to your relationship, you may want a partner who can adapt to the changes that will inevitably come your way. If they’ve grown and changed in the past year or two, chances are they’ll continue to do so going forward.
Do they see themselves going back to school? Having a baby? Moving to the opposite coast? These are all things you'll need to know, and agree on, if you see yourselves together.
"If your partner won't answer these questions, it could be a sign that they just aren't ready to take the next step," Donna T. Novak, PsyD , a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. "Another option is however, that these are hard questions to answer."
If they don't know right now, that's OK. By asking you’re simply putting "the future" out there as a topic of conversation.
If you're going to take your relationship to the next level , you need to be on the same page. And that's where this question comes in handy. "Both of you could have a different idea of what 'the next level' means," Samantha Daniels , a dating expert, tells Bustle. "Therefore, it’s important that you communicate and ask them what they want out of the relationship moving forward."
Once you have this conversation, you and your partner will know what to expect from each other and how to fulfill each other's needs. And that will make for a much stronger relationship.
While it might be deeply personal, Williamson says it's important to ask questions regarding your partner’s family and how they were raised. For instance, how did they handle conflict? How were emotions viewed? How did their family members communicate?
"These questions are important because our families of origin are our first experience with socialization and where our beliefs, values, and the way we view the world are formed," Williamson says. Even if your partner believes and thinks differently now, it's still important to know where they came from.
If they had a rocky past, that’s OK. It just may mean you both need to form a new value system in the future.
Similarly, ask your partner how they handle conflict and tough emotions. Do they lash out? Or shut down?
"It's important to have open and honest communication about these issues and how you both want to handle them in a long-term, committed relationship in order to avoid disconnection and intense conflict down the road,” Williamson says.
Talking about exes can be uncomfortable. But according to Salmansohn, discussing why your partner's last relationship ended can be super eye-opening.
You’ll not only learn more about how they handle conflict, but also what types of negative feelings they still might be holding onto. Once you know more about each other’s pasts, it’ll be easier to prevent the same thing from happening in the future.
What role did your partner play in the breakup? What have they learned since? What will they do differently if similar problems arise within your relationship?
"It's important to ask these questions because you can learn about your partner's ability to accept responsibility for their own mistakes,” Williamson says. If you notice similarities in their descriptions of past relationships and your own relationship, it could indicate a pattern that may need to be addressed.
If you want to learn more about your partner’s inner workings, ask what they think about a mutual friend’s relationship, Salmansohn says. From there, you can talk about what you hope to emulate in your own relationship, or how you might do things differently.
According to Novak, this question will help you learn more about what your partner needs, in order to feel good in a relationship.
You might even want to bring up the topic of love languages , which basically breaks down how you show and give love into five categories: words of affirmation, acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, and quality time.
Knowing this detail will mean being better partners to each other now, and in the future.
While you may be having great sex now, you can take things to the next level by having more convos about sex — including what you like, what you want to try, and what will happen if things get "stale" in the future.
Because the truth is, many couples don't talk about sex until they hit troubled waters, Kristin Marie Bennion , a licensed mental health therapist and certified sex therapist, previously told Bustle.
Talking about sex might seem weird at first, but it's something couples who are at that "next level" tend to do.
Big "future" questions — including where you'd both like to live — may feel heavy but are important to get out of the way early on. It's much better to make sure you're heading in the same direction than to get two years in and realize you want totally different things.
Another big one is how your partner feels about marriage or long-term commitment. It’ll obviously be good to make sure you share similar goals. But bringing it up is also a covert way to show how invested you are.
While this type of question might seem strange, Novak says it's an important one to ask all the same. It can lead to a conversation about individuality and freedom within a relationship, which is important if you want to make things work long-term.
Your partner might reveal what left them feeling stifled in past relationships. And that can, in turn, lead to a discussion about ways to prevent it from happening again.
While it's important to be flexible in a relationship, you can learn a lot by being honest about things you're not willing to compromise on, Kendra A. O'Hora, Ph.D., LCMFT , a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, previously told Bustle.
"Differences in personality, communication styles, and preferences are actually not dealbreakers," she said. "True dealbreakers are the pieces of one's belief system that are unable to be negotiated."
Talking about dealbreakers will lead to a profound conversation, and hopefully one that helps you feel closer.
This is another great question as it "allows your partner the space to acknowledge the strengths they see in the relationship, while also understanding what you might be able to tend to a little bit more," Lisa Olivera, LMFT , a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.
And last but not least, have a conversation about how you can help make each other better people , Daniels says, since that’s one of the best parts about a relationship. Share your goals — both mutual and personal — and talk about how to offer support.
Julie Williamson , licensed professional counselor
Donna T. Novak, PsyD , licensed psychologist
Kristin Marie Bennion , licensed mental health therapist and certified sex therapist
Karen Salmansohn , relationship expert
Kendra A. O'Hora, Ph.D., LCMFT , licensed clinical marriage and family therapist
Lisa Olivera , LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist
This article was originally published on June 19, 2018

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Male sexuality has often been the subject of stereotyping.
Masturbation is seen as a means to an end, a release that men are apparently hard-wired to constantly need ( lest they get the dreaded – and fake – blue balls ).
That, or it’s the butt of the joke in films like American Pie or There’s Something About Mary.
Whereas a woman’s desire is judged and treated with contempt, a man’s is simplified and trivialised – and both of these tropes can be equally harmful.
In reality, every person has different preferences, and men deserve to tap into the sensual and romantic side of sex, too.
Physical issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation play a part in sexual issues, and day-to-day worries and pressure to perform can also affect things.
That’s why fulfilling solo sex is so important, as it allows you to explore what makes you tick without any anxiety over another person’s pleasure.
To take your masturbation sessions from routine to revelatory, and allow you to tap into a well of mind-blowing orgasms, we asked Tracey Coates, Sexual Wellness Expert at Ricky.com , for her tips.
If you’re a man, and you want to level up your jerking off, here’s how.
One of the easiest ways to change the sensation when masturbating is to use lube or lotion.
You’ll get a smoother glide, and it’s a closer feeling to penetrative sex than a bare hand.
Tracey tells Metro.co.uk: ‘A small amount of lube drizzled onto the penis will instantly enhance stimulation.
‘It’s a completely different sensation to going dry, and the good news is, there’s a wide variety of lubricants to experiment with – each bringing a unique feeling.’
Water-based lubes are the most popular type available, as they’re safe for use with sex toys and condoms, but if you’re flying solo, Tracey says: ‘Silicone lubricant is much thicker in property to water-based lubes. It’ll feel silkier and will provide a “fuller feeling” masturbation experience.’
She recommends Boners Masturbation Cream (‘its thicker formula won’t dry up as quickly as its water-based competitors, so you’ll be able to enjoy a longer, more sensual tug’) and vegan-friendly Silky Stuff, as well as MixGliss cinnamon and mint flavours for an extra tingle.
No, we don’t mean waiting for the perfect moment while your parents are out to have a go on some baked goods. This is more about reducing stress to create the right environment for orgasms galore.
‘You’ll perform at your best when you’re feeling calm, relaxed, and happy,’ says Tracey.
She continues: ‘The act of masturbating floods the body with a ton of feel-good endorphins.
‘If you dive in after an intense argument or upon hearing some bad news, your self-pleasure is going to feel good, but it’s certainly not going to be as effective if you were in the right headspace.
‘Stress hormones will interfere with your orgasm and either severely delay it or bring it about too soon. They’ll counteract your brain’s deployment of endorphins and dull the sensation of your orgasm.’
This also can have the opposite effect of an outlet for negative emotions, causing you to associate sex with something that made you feel bad.
Give yourself the gift of self-seduction, whether that’s running a bath or putting on your favourite music – just like you’d do for someone else to get them in a sexy mindset.
Although masturbating itself is rarely taboo among men, toys can still be a no-go in conversations.
Far from just custom sex dolls and replicas of porn actors’ vaginas, however, the industry has more to offer men than ever before.
Tracey says: ‘There are so many products out there designed for men and most are inclusive for all users, whether that be a male masturbator or a cock ring.
‘The differences in intensity and textures will help to enhance stimulation during masturbation, boosting the chances of orgasm.’
Most sex toy retailers sell online these days and offer discreet packaging, so you can avoid any embarrassment around going to a physical shop to buy.
You don’t need to ‘save yourself’ or be chaste, but there is too much of a good thing – touching yourself included.
‘It might sound obvious but tugging the penis too frequently will reduce its sensitivity,’ says Tracey, ‘and masturbation won’t satisfy you to the same degree as before.’
Particularly if you’re using a lot of pressure, you may start to require this to orgasm and struggle to get there through oral or penetration. 
Tracy explains: ‘If you’re worried that you’re experiencing a reduced sensation from masturbating or that it’s taking much longer than expected to climax, we recommend slowing things down.
‘Try taking a break from solo sex for four or five days to give your body a chance to reset. Alternatively, you could try reducing the frequency of your sessions. If you were doing it three times a day, why not try limiting it to once a day? 
‘Any shake up to a routine will hopefully bring a positive change to your libido and a boost to your endorphins.’
When we’re in a rut in an area of our life, it’s natural we focus on trying to fix this.
But Tracey’s advice is to consider the actual act of sex as just one element, giving your whole self holistic attention and care. This, she says, can have a big impact on what goes on in the bedroom.
She says: ‘Psychology has been linked to problems with orgasms – for example, feelings of anxiety and stress can hinder the chances of achieving orgasm if one’s mind is elsewhere and not focused on the moment.
‘To combat this, we’d suggest making small lifestyle changes like engaging in regular exercise or trying out mindfulness exercises as well, which will all help to boost the fulfilment from masturbation over time.’
Tracey says: ‘Some males have actually been found to have a fear of losing control when it comes to achieving orgasm, which can certainly impact the amount of pleasure they get from masturbation.’
Nothing kills the mood like overthinking, yet ironically, concentrating on the mood itself can also make things wither under the lights.
‘Tapping into the idea of focusing on the moment will certainly help with this,’ adds Tracey, ‘along with exploring what sexually stimulates them – or even by finding alternative routes to arousal.’
Try not to make orgasm a priority when you engage in self-love, simply feeling the sensations and enjoying them for what they are.
And remember, the beauty of pleasuring yourself is that you’re not being watched or judged – and you have full permission to let go and follow wherever your desires take you.
Despite you (hopefully) doing your best to please partners, when was the last time you added a little spice to your alone time?
Porn and a quick hand shandy might work, but if that’s all you
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