Swinging Couple Stories

Swinging Couple Stories
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I lay on my bed and looked up at the ceiling as my new husband, Robert*, rolled off me.
Maybe we just need to practise, I told myself.
Robert was very prim and proper so we hadn't had sex before we'd got married.
We'd met when I was 19 and he was 23.
I didn't have much confidence and didn't think anyone would ask me to marry them so when Robert did, I said yes.
There was little chemistry between us but I assumed once we were man and wife our sex life would take off.
A year after our marriage we had a son, John, and five years later our daughter, Rachel, followed.
I wasn't happy in our marriage, but I didn't know any different.
Then we bought a plot of land to build our house and a year later met our new neighbours Rita and Terry.
Terry was short, dark and thickset, the complete opposite to my tall, fair husband.
Robert was a lecturer whereas Terry was a tradie.
Terry and Rita seemed a strange match.
While Terry's hands were usually covered in engine oil from tinkering with his car, Rita was always beautifully made up.
Rita and I became friends and we'd talk for hours over the back fence.
One day, another friend lent me a series of self-help books.
One chapter that stuck in my head was about couples who swapped partners – swinging.
I wondered what it would be like with another man.
I longed for someone to sweep me into his arms for a night of unbridled passion.
Next day, I passed the books over the fence to Rita: "These will open your eyes," I said.
Later that week, I was hanging out the washing when Rita appeared.
"Swinging sounds thrilling," she said, a sly smile creeping across her face.
Giggling, we agreed to ask our husbands what they thought.
Especially when Rita told me that Terry was up for it.
Three weeks later, out of the blue, Robert came home from work with an announcement.
"I've changed my mind," he said. "Let's give it a try."
Excited, Rita and I came up with a plan.
Our families would go on a two-week caravanning holiday together that summer.
The first week, Robert and Rita would have a day away together and the following week, it would be my turn to have some fun with Terry.
Each couple could do whatever they wanted but the rule was they weren't allowed to talk about it with their spouse afterwards.
We started inviting Rita and Terry to our house to play cards in the evenings, so we could get to know one another better.
Doing something so normal, while knowing what lay ahead, made us feel naughty and excited.
"I don't think I can wait until the summer," Rita confessed to me one afternoon.
She and Robert went to a hotel while Terry and I looked after the kids.
Once the little ones were in bed, Terry and I threw ourselves at each other.
Later that night, Robert wanted to know if anything had happened.
"We're not supposed to talk about it," I said.
But he kept asking and eventually I told him.
It turned out he and Rita had pulled over in the car and started kissing but at the last minute, Robert lost his nerve.
The following week, Terry and I went out to give Rita and Robert another chance and this time they ended up sleeping together.
Before long, the caravan holiday rolled around and Robert and Rita went off together to a nearby hotel.
They were supposed to come back before the kids went to bed, but as night fell there was no sign of them.
It was the 1970s so there were no mobile phones, all we could do was wait until they finally turned up late that evening.
The following day, we set off for a different campsite.
But Robert took a turn and wound up in hospital with sunstroke.
Although I was fond of him, I wasn't in love.
And just like that, our marriage was finished.
When we got home, Rita and Robert said we needed to talk.
"We've decided to give our relationship a go," Rita announced.
They said they were going to set up home together and all four children would live with them.
I'd never expected our holiday to end like this.
I didn't want to tell my parents what was going on, and without a job, I had no money to support myself and the children.
In the end, it was agreed that I would live with Terry temporarily, and my daughter Rachel would stay with us along with Terry's youngest daughter.
As I lay in bed that night in a filthy house, just next door to my lovely home, I sobbed uncontrollably.
It had all happened so quickly and now I was with a man I barely knew.
The next day, a bailiff came knocking at the door and I discovered Terry was in huge debt.
Over the next few months, I tried to make the best of a bad situation.
I got a job as a secretary and worked on my relationship with Terry.
Although I wasn't in love with him, the sex was incredible.
A year after the wife swap, Robert and Rita moved away.
Terry was extremely possessive, and we had furious arguments.
After living with him for seven years, I left him and moved back in with my parents with Rachel, who barely spoke to her father.
It's been 46 years and I still think about the wife swap and all the hurt it caused.
Although I didn't love Robert, we'd created a stable home.
But the swap split Rachel and her brother John up, and ruined her relationship with her dad.
I can't believe I risked the safety of our marriage for a single night of passion.
It's the greatest regret of my life.
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I just wanted to spice up my sex life, but as I lay in bed next to my neighbour I wondered what I'd done.
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The retired couple who enjoy swinging
W e are highly educated, retired professionals who have been married for 38 years. We have always had a great sex life, but 15 years ago we added some spice to it by swinging . When my husband first suggested it, I was devastated – I thought it meant he wanted to have sex with other women. He insisted he just wanted to watch me have sex with other men. I finally agreed, so he could get it out of his system. However, as soon as I tried it, I was sold.
We started by finding couples online, and from there we were invited to parties/orgies in people’s homes. Our swinging friends were in all sorts of professions – teachers, doctors, bankers, at-home mums. There was no polyamory, no falling in love, no jealousy. We attended these parties once or twice a month, and when we went home afterwards, we had the hottest sex.
We left swinging for a few years, being busy with our children and work. After we retired and our children had moved out, we decided it was time to get back out there. The sites had changed, featuring only young women with perfect bodies – not exactly what we are looking for, nor what I have. We find it difficult to meet couples our age, and often swing with single, straight men. We have rules: no married guys cheating on their wives, no one too young or too old, and no one who supports Trump. We always use a condom, and we never have sex the first time we meet someone.
There’s nothing quite like an afternoon of sex with two guys, one of whom is my husband. Our son would disown us if he knew.
Each week, a reader tells us about their sex life. Want to share yours? Email sex@theguardian.com

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I’m watching a Silicon Valley CEO being led around the room on a leash. His wife is in the next room, where a jewellery designer is getting comfortable with three men who definitely aren’t her husband. I’m part of the LA swinging community and at these parties, anything goes. For a few hours everyone can forget the stresses of juggling normal life and live judgement free. There are couples who’ve come together and some who’ve come alone (though always with their partner’s approval). That was the appeal for me - the ability to explore your sexuality whilst also maintaining an open, trusting relationship .
How did I get here? When I was 25 I was cheated on. I’d always been a very jealous person, particularly in relationships. I’d go snooping through my partner’s cupboards and scroll through their phone looking for things that I didn’t want to find, but found anyway. I hated being this type of person and when my relationship broke down, I swore to myself that I’d never let sex be the thing that ended a relationship. It seemed that the universe agreed, and around time I decided to keep sex and emotions separate, I was introduced to the deliciously freeing world of swinging.
I was living in LA when a married couple, Anna* and Pete, took me under their wing. Most Sunday’s Anna and Pete hosted lunch at their house, these were fairly boozy affairs but I always left at a reasonable hour. I knew that most of the other guests stayed the night but I’d never really thought much of it until one Sunday Anna let me in on the secret. We were gossiping in the loo and before I knew it, Anna was kissing me. I’d hooked up with women before but Anna was married - to my friend! It turned out that the cosy Sunday lunches were just the starter for an even cosier evening of partner swapping. All of these married couples with respectable jobs – lawyers, doctors and tech gurus – were having weekly orgies and then heading off in the morning to drop their kids at school. Jobs with long hours or a lot of travelling made it easy to explain nightly absences and for the Average Joes, getting home to pay the babysitter was part of the thrill. I’d stumbled into a community where sexual freedom and emotional monogamy (everyone here was happily married and also happily sleeping with other people) co-existed and it looked pretty great to me.
I started to regularly hook up with Anna and her friends and had my eyes truly opened to the world of swinging. The parties were every bit as hedonistic as you’d imagine; alcohol fuelled, encouraging anything from bondage to group sex . I enjoyed the community single and carefree for years, until I met Joey. He was a party boy who had never been in a serious relationship before, so I decided to test the waters of being in an open relationship. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, so we laid down ground rules to ensure that trust and open communication were at the foundation of our relationship. Casual hook ups were fine but you couldn’t swap numbers or speak to that person again. If we went out together, we went home together. And you definitely couldn’t sleep with somebody that we both knew. That was 12 years ago, we’ve been married for seven and our ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy is going strong to this day.
Sleeping with other people allows us to get our kicks that the other isn’t into
From the outside we live a pretty wholesome existence, now in Ibiza. When we’re not working (I’m a therapist specialising in post trauma care and Joey is a web developer) we spend our days hiking, swimming, practising yoga and foraging for fresh food. Oh, and we have two great kids.
While there have certainly been testing times, like when I thought I caught feelings for the local bar tender and when I heard a rumour that he’d tried to suck a friend of mine’s toes at a party, for the most part this arrangement has worked amazingly for us. We have a loving, honest relationship and sleeping with other people allows us both to get our kicks that the other isn’t really into. For me, knowing that I have this option to escape my normal life is, or certainly was, a really important outlet for me. Until recently, the kids have never held us back.
We got involved with the local swinging scene soon after we arrived on the island - when you know you know – and as it’s a much more tight-knit community than in LA, there’s more social interaction between the couples. I’ve been at a BBQ on the beach and my husband and another dad have kissed when the kids weren’t looking. It’s not unusual to find your foot being massaged under the table at a family-friendly dinner. But these are specific friends for specific purposes. I have a whole other circle who have absolutely no idea what we get up to.
If we go out together, we go home together
As the kids grow up, I’ve become less and less interested in going to the sex parties while Joey’s interest has rocketed. I’m starting to worry that the more he goes out, the more likely it is that people we know from school, our jobs and our social lives may start to put the dots together and suspect that we don’t have what most people would consider a ‘regular’ marriage. I don’t want to be the subject of island gossip or for people not to recommend me for work because of my extra marital preferences. But I made a promise to myself that I’d always be in an open relationship, so even though it makes me nervous that he’s playing around so close to home it’s something I have to live with.
If the mums at the school gate knew the truth about our relationship I’m not sure they’d be so keen on play dates. I hope in the future that ‘openness’ will be less taboo and I won’t have to feel guilty about my life choice, but for now, I’m keeping my swinging hobby firmly under wraps. Unless, of course, you’re interested?
*The names in this article have been changed
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We started out as friends. Five years ago, we were a DINK couple who doted their two kids and found the parents to be sincere, loving, simple but honest.
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reader, SaintlySal  + , writes (27 September 2008):
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