Swingers Women

Swingers Women
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December 16, 2021, 5:00 AM · 5 min read
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There comes a time in every woman’s life when she needs to fill out her first sex party application. OK, maybe not every woman, but most women. OK, maybe not most women, but some women. OK fine. This woman. I am the woman. I’m Gabby Cicero and this was my very real response to my first sex party application question: ’ What are you looking for?’
I’m three years single. I took a break from relationships to heal and discover parts of myself that were in need of care. I could not have done that in a relationship, but I am now feeling like the wind is back in my sails and I want to explore again and have fun.
Like all epic tales, I have to provide a bit of backstory for context. The fact that I write about sex is proof that the universe has a sense of humor. I grew up around the classic Italian American style of repressed sexuality, traditional gender roles and regulations and the feeling that my body was a problem that had to be solved. Over the course of my adolescence into my adulthood, I struggled with bulimia, sexual orientation confusion (how gay is gay?) and a general sense that my sexuality was something I needed to present perfectly as to avoid any kind of confusion or confrontation with myself or anyone else.
I really just wanted my sexuality to be a simple thing rather than the beautifully varied and ever evolving phenomenon that it is. Of course, the desire to be a perfect little angel became incredibly exhausting and the undoing of that whole desire took lots of time, therapy (EMDR being the most effective) and self-respect to get to a point where I could imperfectly do whatever the hell I want with my body for the sake of joy and to stop being co-dependently attached to what everyone else might think about my life and choices. Phew! OK. Cut to: The Sex Party.
After my healing hiatus, my most perverted friend (high compliment in my book) recommended that I check out a private membership club where sex parties were held in undisclosed luxury settings. Wow I thought. What a cinematic way to rip off the band aid. With an Anthony Bourdain/Lisa Ling sensibility, I set out to better understand myself and other people who desire to attend sex parties. I was open to getting laid, but honestly even more open to finally feeling something new.
Walking in, I was asked to sign a waiver. A 25-year-old in flare jeans holding a clip board asked, “You know what this is, right?” “Yes,” I replied. I signed the paperwork, took a deep breath and walked into the huge Fort Greene loft. The vibes were Luxury Burning Man: neon lighting, heavy bass music and the mildly triggering smell of modern American hippy incense. Middle aged men wearing open button-down shirts stood around a table snacking on eating crackers while—bottomless. Dear God, I cannot see anyone I know, I thought. Then, I realized, if someone saw me…they would also have to be at the sex party, so…surfs up, yolo, etc.
I made my way into different rooms. There were tents, beds and couches with naked people lounging on them. It was like Eyes Wide Shut but with normal people bodies. Bowls of condoms were everywhere and there was no booze allowed. There was a distinct sense of safety and respect. Suddenly, I started to realize I was one of the youngest people there. I wanted to text my perverted friend and tell her this was definitely a married couples swingers party, but my phone was locked at coat check along with everyone else’s.
As I perused the rooms, I saw nude people in their 50s and 60s chatting with the polite kind of warmth that can only be described as first day of work orientation or some kind of alternative lifestyle convention at the Javits Center. I was feeling oddly inspired, awkward and unsure. A few people were making out and I weirdly felt like I was intruding. No! I reminded myself. Chill out, man. You belong. Remember: surfs up, yolo, etc.
I needed to make a friend, like in the movies, where there’s another ‘normal’ person for the main character to connect with on the first day at camp, but that seemed even more difficult than just taking my top off any laying on a random bean bag. So that’s what I did. After about three seconds, I really wanted to put said top back on. So that’s what I did. I got off the bean bag (hard to do) and kept walking through what felt like an endless maze of other people’s parents having sex. It was kind of cool, weird, surprisingly heartwarming and a full-blown example of the kind of release from perfectionism I had been working on letting go of in myself for the last three years. These people were doing what they wanted with their bodies. Imperfectly and without judgement.
Although randomly touched (metaphorically, not physically, as anticipated) I was less turned on than ever before in my life and so I gave myself permission to leave the party. While I was checking out, the 25-year-old with the clip board let me know about a few ‘younger people’ parties that I might be more interested in. I thanked him, grabbed my coat and headed home. Walking the streets of Fort Greene, I had this amazing feeling for the first time. No one could ever guess what I had just experienced. It was my own thing—albeit totally not at all what I expected, odd and kind of hilarious, it was my own sexual experience. Free from the idea of perfectionism, I felt fully sexually empowered for the very first time.
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A group of swingers have given a rare and honest insight into the inner workings of the taboo lifestyle, revealing the truth behind people’s common misconceptions.
The Australian Broadcasting Corporation’s “You Can’t Ask That” features different groups of Australians and asks them questions that people want to know the answer to but wouldn’t bring up in a regular situation.
Some of the past participants include former cult members, drag queens, transgender people, strippers and, in the latest episode, swingers.
The participants start off by addressing some of the myths around swinging and swingers parties.
There’s a common misconception that at these parties partners get chosen by everyone putting their car keys in a bowl. Whoever’s keys you pick out is then your partner for the night.
But according to the participants, this rarely, if ever, happens. More often than not partners are chosen on a preferential basis.
“I would much rather have sex with a couple that we have talked with over drinks for an hour than be forced into a bedroom with another person,” Sally from Melbourne said.
Megan, a single woman who is involved in the Brisbane swinger scene, said: “That would terrify me because you don’t really have a choice about who you’re going home with or who you’re hooking up with.”
Megan is known as a “unicorn” in the swinging community because of her single status and said that a lot of couples often look to incorporate another woman in their sex lives.
She said that many people believe women are forced into the swinging scene by their husbands or boyfriends and that the community is just full of “sleazy, old, fat men.”
“The thing is that can be true sometimes because all types of people like to swing,” Megan said. “(It’s) people wanting to explore their sexuality with each other in a couple situation.”
For the people being interviewed the decision to get into swinging was very much a mutual decision between both partners.
Husband and wife Andrew and Sally first got into the scene shortly after their engagement.
“I was only 18 when I met Andrew. He was pretty much one of my first sexual partners,” Sally said.
“As the wedding date slowly crept up on us, I sort of felt the pressure of, ‘I haven’t had any other sexual experiences, I haven’t played with anyone else.’”
She said it was a co-worker that first suggested that just because they were getting married didn’t mean they had to be monogamous.
The couple now regularly attend swingers events together, naming “jelly wrestling” and “the raw lust of it” as some of the most exciting aspects.
Interviewees answered a range of questions like “What are the best sex tips you have learned?” and “What is it like to lose your swinging virginity?” but one of the big ones asked was what it was like to see their partner with someone else.
Jess from Sydney said jealousy is definitely a factor, particularly in the beginning.
“I’m not going to say I don’t get jealous, especially in the early days … because, you know, I compared myself to that girl and I was like, ‘How did she do that?’” she said.
“(But) I think just being able to communicate that with Lawrence has taught me … I don’t have to be jealous. I can just appreciate and love him and love her for what they’re doing. And do it better sometimes.”
Most of the couples agreed that communication between couples was key and a lot of the time seeing their partner with someone else was part of the thrill.
All of the interviewees were very forthcoming with information and the episode didn’t really leave much to the imagination.
While some viewers praised the show as “wonderfully honest” and “very eye-opening,” others weren’t so impressed.
“While I’m cool with people enjoying whatever they like, I actually felt like I was tricked into listening to porn without my consent,” one person wrote on social media.
“Bit ironic really when they were talking up the understanding of consent within the swinging community.”
Another said, “Now I am very broad minded but that needed some serious warnings before it was on. Bit OTT. Love the concept in the right situation.”
“Bit verbally graphic for 9 pm my adult kids. Walked out! … not a prude just saying,” one person wrote.

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