Swingers Classic

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Swingers Classic
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For this installment of our weekly interview series, Love, Actually , about the reality of women's sex lives, we spoke with Vera (a pseudonym), a married woman who unexpectedly got into swinging during a tenth-anniversary cruise.
Last spring my husband and I were looking for an adults-only vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. I came across a "clothing optional lifestyle takeover cruise." The materials talked about dance parties, clothing-optional areas, and playrooms, including a dungeon. We assumed "lifestyle" meant BDSM. It was only after we'd booked the trip that we realized it meant swingers. We figured we could still go, even though we didn't plan to participate.
Leading up to the cruise, though, we got to know some of the other couples online and began to change our minds. It started with talk of me being interested in playing with other women and evolved into "Let's just go for it and enjoy all this cruise has to offer."
We really didn't know what to expect when we got there, and were definitely surprised. Some people were completely nude, some just topless, some in tiny outfits, and some fully clothed. We kept our swimsuits on. No one seemed to mind, or even notice, what anyone else was or wasn't wearing.
The first evening there was a toga/gods/goddesses party. My husband dressed as a Roman gladiator and I made a toga out of a sheer purple fabric. We danced with a couple we'd chatted with online, who were in white togas. We didn't get naked, but there was some flashing and roaming hands. My husband and I are "full swap," which means that we are okay with penetrative sex with other people, but their rules were stricter than ours.. They do not kiss or have penetrative sex with others.
After the dance club closed, we all went to the 24-hour outdoor play area. There were beds spaced about every six feet with small tables between them. We all went to one bed and started by getting undressed and making out with our own partners. Soon I felt the woman's hand caressing my breast as I was kissing my husband. Then her husband, while still kissing her, started to finger me.
At one point my husband went to the restroom. While he was gone, the other guy went down on his wife while I kissed her and played with her breasts. Then we shifted and I went down on him while she went down on me. When my husband came back, he watched for a minute, then joined us.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things.
After a little while, I started giving my husband head while the other couple had sex. He'd had a lot to drink and to his dismay wasn't getting hard. We tried a couple times, but it wasn't going to happen. We played a little while the other couple finished up, and then we all went to the hot tubs.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things. Throughout the week, we had two more play sessions with other couples, including a six-way group session with the same couple from the first night.
There has to be some physical attraction when we decide who to play with, but the connection we form with a couple is the bigger factor. We want to play with people who are fun and stable in their relationship. We have a very low tolerance for drama. Since we play only as a couple, there has to be a four-way match in terms of attraction.
One day we were talking to a couple and the woman stripped down to nothing but a smile and just kept on chatting. This was very awkward for us, but we tried not to let it show. Ten minutes later, her husband stripped down too. He suggested that we do the same, but we declined. He asked us about making a playdate, and I told him that I didn't think we had the four-way match we needed for us to be comfortable. For the rest of the week she was cordial when we'd run into them, but he wouldn't even say hello to us. I felt bad for possibly leading him on. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes sometimes.
Before the trip, I thought swingers were people who would have sex with any random person. But those we've met want the same thing that we want: friendship with like-minded couples, and if we happen to have fun in sexual ways from time to time, that's a bonus.
Now we play with others about once a month. Unfortunately, there is not a single lifestyle club in the entire state where we live. We play only as a couple and only together in the same room. We like to be within reach so we can play and talk to each other at the same time. It's about group play, not just swapping partners.
Condoms are a must. We both have veto power, meaning that if there is a man I want to play with, my hubby can say no at any time for any reason and it will not happen, whether he's not comfortable with the guy or isn't interested in playing with his wife. We rarely play at our house, but if we do it is only with a couple we know really well, and never in our bed-that is only for us.
We talk to several couples we met on the cruise on a weekly basis. One we've become really good friends with, and we get together often with our kids. We do the same things other families do but sometimes, after the kids are in bed, we lock the door and get naked. Sometimes we start with a dinner date and drinks, or just hang out with the kids until they're all asleep. We might play a game like sexy dice or watch a movie with sexual undertones.
We haven't had a successful session yet with another couple where we both had penetrative sex. My husband overthinks it and can't maintain an erection. We have talked to several other men in the lifestyle and they all said that it is very common in the beginning, especially if you've been exclusively with your partner for a long time.
Neither of us have any romantic feelings for our play partners at all, but we do see them as friends. There are definitely people we are attracted to, both mentally and physically, but romance and love are just for us.
Other than the couple that we said no to on the cruise, no one has ever made us uncomfortable. We have been asked to do things that we have rules against. For example, there is a couple who generally play separately, but we play only as a couple. We've made this clear to them. We still talk to them and joke around; we just know that we won't be play partners and that's okay.
Swinging has helped our sex life, because after a night of playing with others we always come back and talk about the experience and have really hot sex with each other during the conversation. I don't know if we will stay in the lifestyle forever, but we are definitely having fun for now.
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The internet has become the central place for discovering closed-door swinging sites. Finding a polyamory relationship at the local Starbucks is almost impossible. However, the listed websites are the best places to learn about The Lifestyle.
If you’re looking for sexual adventure, you could find it on the best swinger sites. Discover swinging parties for a full swap.
Swingers date club sites are easy to use and you can meet like-minded singles and couples for threesomes if you pay the per month membership fee.
What are the best swinger lifestyle sites? Let’s investigate.
My wife and I have stayed involved with the LA swinging scene for the past 20 years. Our hearts shared the sentiment that our days are best spent with ourselves in addition to other sexual partners. Since 1999 we have attended prominent swinging events from the Pacific Southwest to the Atlantic Northeast. We decided to bring our knowledge, experience, and expertise to the table and share some of our favorite swinging sites.
Adult Friend Finder is the leading online community for the sexually adventurous, namely those into the swinging lifestyle. Boasting more than 80 million users, AFF is the biggest site for singles and couples looking to add some spice into their sex lives. To get right to the fun stuff, click the Swingers search under the Hookup pull-down menu.
On AFF, it’s easy to register a free account and browse the site. To gain access to all the site features, you can choose from one of three Gold Membership options:
Each charge rebills automatically until you terminate your membership. To find a swinging partner or third-wheel on AFF, use the AFF blogs and connect with other active users. The more time you put in, the more you’ll get out of this community.
SDC (Seek, Discover, Connect) is a modern swingers forum with a scroll-loading interface. You’ll have to register before you can browse. Once inside, you’ll see an infinite table of member pics and a sidebar with filters and contact buttons. To unlock SDC’s features, choose one of the following plans:
Once you upgrade, you’ll be able to use the site’s messenger, chatroom and LiveStream features.
SwapFinder.com is a swinger site with a Facebook-like layout. Up and down each page you’ll see member pics and messages accompanied with videos, comments, “like” buttons and sidebar filters. To connect with other swingers, become a SwapFinder Gold member with one of the following plans:
As a Gold member, you’ll get to message other users and add them to your Hotlist. You’ll also get to see who fancies you and possibly take the fun offline.
SwingLifeStyle.com is an online community for people who live the swinger lifestyle. The site started in 2001, just as swinging witnessed a surge in popularity thanks to the internet. As of 2020, there are roughly 16 million site members, including over 250,000 in the U.S.
Once you register, you can browse profiles and participate in video chat. You’ll get more options, such as the ability to see and upload nudes, with one of the following memberships:
Most of the members on SwingLife are between 25 and 54 years old.
Ashley Madison is notorious as the site where married people go to find extramarital flings. By extension, the site is perfectly suited to married and single swingers. If you’re a single guy looking to add married women to your rotation, you’ll probably find them here. If you wish to open your marriage to a married third wheel, this would be one of the best places to look.
Rather than charge a membership fee, Ashley Madison gives members credits at the following prices:
Heterosexual women can use Ashley Madison free of charge. Everyone else must purchase credits to use the site. With five credits, you can send your first email to a woman of interest. If she responds, the conversation is free thereafter. Use of the chat room costs one credit per minute.
Your success on Ashley Madison could depend on your online game and effort. When you head to other cities, use the site’s Travelling Man feature to contact users in those areas. AshleyMadison.com is owned by Ruby Corp., all rights reserved.
Alt.com caters to the kinky side of the swingers community. The site explicitly mentions BDSM and fetish in its byline. The moment you land on their front page, you’ll see images of whips, leather, corsets and a load of other goodies.
As a niche swinger site with 415k members in the U.S., Alt.com isn’t nearly as big as some of the other hookup sites but it’s a good place to find people with a wild streak. The site uses a compatibility metric to determine how each user ranks on the naughty/nice spectrum. Memberships are priced as follows:
Each membership rate includes a value-added tax of 15%.
If you’re a sexually conservative swinger (does such a person exist?), Alt.com might not be right for you. If you like your hookups with a bit of kink, give this site a shot. Remember: the fetish world has its own set of mannerisms and if you come off as the garden-variety horny type, you might not be accepted into the fold.
Kasidie is a swinger community and an online dating site with the evocative tagline “Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later!” The site has membership forums, party listings and a directory of swinger clubs.
You’re encouraged to register the moment you enter. You can upload your bio pic and browse for free, then unlock more features with one of the Elite Certified Membership plans:
As an elite Kasidie member, you can send emails and “flirts,” upload lots of photos and use the forums, chat rooms and messenger.
The subreddit r/swingersr4r is not like any of the swinger sites covered in this article. Since its on Reddit, admission is free. All you have to do is abide by the rules and you’re in.
The r/swingersr4r feed contains lots of female nude pics and couples photos. Along the sidebar, you’ll see links to books on swinging and similar subreddit communities. The group prohibits dating posts or anything related to cuckoldry.
If you join as a single man, you can only call out to couples. This is not a place for b/g hookups, not even between swingers. Unlike all the paid swinger sites, r/swingersr4r takes a firm social-distancing stance in light of Covid.
FetLife, as the name implies, is a social network for people into the fetish lifestyle. It is not a dating or hookup site, per se, but you can meet lots of adventurous people here. Where that might go will depend on you and the individual.
With a FetLife Premium account, you can view the fetishes of other members, view photos and videos, and use the messaging feature. Premium membership plans are priced as follows:
FetLife can help you find swingers in your area, but only if you engage in the community. Not everyone is there to hookup in real life but most of the members are open-minded and kinky.
Tinder is the ultimate swingers app. Launched in 2012, it’s signature function has become so popular that the terms “swipe right” and “swipe left” are now part of everyday vocabulary. For swingers, Tinder can be a goldmine if you know how to work the app.
On Tinder, you swipe left on people you don’t like and right on people you fancy. If you really like someone, swipe up, as that will increase your odds of them seeing you. Remember, be genuine. Don’t swipe right arbitrarily. For Tinder to take you seriously as a user, you should swipe left about 75% of the time. Tinder’s Gold membership plan is priced as follows:
To find other swingers for casual sex and hookups, don’t beat around the bush with idle chit chat on Tinder. Everyone flips through the app fast. If you make a connection, try to get a Skype date or offline meetup arranged as soon as possible.
When you join a swinger site, behave the same as you would at a social function. Enter the forums, talk about interests and ask polite questions. The sex talk will soon follow. The more time you put in, the more you’ll get out of the experience.
Swingers are people who have multiple sex partners at the same time. By some estimates, swingers account for 1% of the adult population. The swinger community largely consists of couples, some who prefer the term polyamory.
Swinging involves at least three people. In some cases, you’ll have a ménage à trois. Some settings will include four or more people in an orgy.
Often times, one partner will have sex with a third wheel while the other watches. This is common when a couple seeks a bisexual woman, who has a lesbian encounter with the wife/girlfriend while her husband watches. Sometimes this involves cuckold scenarios where a hotwife gets it on with a young stud. It’s also common for men to seek sexual variety while in a relationship.
In the United States, there are no laws that regulate what consenting adults do between the sheets. It doesn’t matter whether there are two people, three or four. As long as the acts do not involve torture, injury, children or animals, it’s a private matter.
As for swingers clubs, those laws vary by state. In some states, vice laws prohibit swingers from opening clubs on the scale of Plato’s Retreat, regardless of whether it operates on a private-membership or entrance-fee model.
It depends on the couple. If two partners recognize the difference between love and lust, it can be healthy for them to explore sexual desire for its own sake with multiple third wheels.
For sexual variety. No one is attracted to only one person in their lives, even if they marry. Throughout life, you’re attracted to hundreds of different people. Swingers embrace the credo “you only live once.”
As long as you screen new people and meet them in safe places, swinging is safe. It’s best to exchange messages and video chats with people on a swinger site before you meet in person. Safe sexual practices (condoms) are also a must.
If you’re looking to spice up your sex life with sexually like-minded people, give swinger dating sites a try. You got nothing to lose. They are worth your time if you are already open to bringing other people into the relationship.
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