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Swinger Cruise Stories
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Rachel Kramer Bussel
Rachel Kramer Bussel ( rachelkramerbussel.com ) writes about sex, dating, books and pop culture.


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And it definitely helped our sex life.
For this installment of our weekly interview series, Love, Actually , about the reality of women's sex lives, we spoke with Vera (a pseudonym), a married woman who unexpectedly got into swinging during a tenth-anniversary cruise.
Last spring my husband and I were looking for an adults-only vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. I came across a "clothing optional lifestyle takeover cruise." The materials talked about dance parties, clothing-optional areas, and playrooms, including a dungeon. We assumed "lifestyle" meant BDSM. It was only after we'd booked the trip that we realized it meant swingers. We figured we could still go, even though we didn't plan to participate.
Leading up to the cruise, though, we got to know some of the other couples online and began to change our minds. It started with talk of me being interested in playing with other women and evolved into "Let's just go for it and enjoy all this cruise has to offer."
We really didn't know what to expect when we got there, and were definitely surprised. Some people were completely nude, some just topless, some in tiny outfits, and some fully clothed. We kept our swimsuits on. No one seemed to mind, or even notice, what anyone else was or wasn't wearing.
The first evening there was a toga/gods/goddesses party. My husband dressed as a Roman gladiator and I made a toga out of a sheer purple fabric. We danced with a couple we'd chatted with online, who were in white togas. We didn't get naked, but there was some flashing and roaming hands. My husband and I are "full swap," which means that we are okay with penetrative sex with other people, but their rules were stricter than ours.. They do not kiss or have penetrative sex with others.
After the dance club closed, we all went to the 24-hour outdoor play area. There were beds spaced about every six feet with small tables between them. We all went to one bed and started by getting undressed and making out with our own partners. Soon I felt the woman's hand caressing my breast as I was kissing my husband. Then her husband, while still kissing her, started to finger me.
At one point my husband went to the restroom. While he was gone, the other guy went down on his wife while I kissed her and played with her breasts. Then we shifted and I went down on him while she went down on me. When my husband came back, he watched for a minute, then joined us.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things.
After a little while, I started giving my husband head while the other couple had sex. He'd had a lot to drink and to his dismay wasn't getting hard. We tried a couple times, but it wasn't going to happen. We played a little while the other couple finished up, and then we all went to the hot tubs.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things. Throughout the week, we had two more play sessions with other couples, including a six-way group session with the same couple from the first night.
There has to be some physical attraction when we decide who to play with, but the connection we form with a couple is the bigger factor. We want to play with people who are fun and stable in their relationship. We have a very low tolerance for drama. Since we play only as a couple, there has to be a four-way match in terms of attraction.
One day we were talking to a couple and the woman stripped down to nothing but a smile and just kept on chatting. This was very awkward for us, but we tried not to let it show. Ten minutes later, her husband stripped down too. He suggested that we do the same, but we declined. He asked us about making a playdate, and I told him that I didn't think we had the four-way match we needed for us to be comfortable. For the rest of the week she was cordial when we'd run into them, but he wouldn't even say hello to us. I felt bad for possibly leading him on. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes sometimes.
Before the trip, I thought swingers were people who would have sex with any random person. But those we've met want the same thing that we want: friendship with like-minded couples, and if we happen to have fun in sexual ways from time to time, that's a bonus.
Now we play with others about once a month. Unfortunately, there is not a single lifestyle club in the entire state where we live. We play only as a couple and only together in the same room. We like to be within reach so we can play and talk to each other at the same time. It's about group play, not just swapping partners.
Condoms are a must. We both have veto power, meaning that if there is a man I want to play with, my hubby can say no at any time for any reason and it will not happen, whether he's not comfortable with the guy or isn't interested in playing with his wife. We rarely play at our house, but if we do it is only with a couple we know really well, and never in our bed—that is only for us.
We talk to several couples we met on the cruise on a weekly basis. One we've become really good friends with, and we get together often with our kids. We do the same things other families do but sometimes, after the kids are in bed, we lock the door and get naked. Sometimes we start with a dinner date and drinks, or just hang out with the kids until they're all asleep. We might play a game like sexy dice or watch a movie with sexual undertones.
We haven't had a successful session yet with another couple where we both had penetrative sex. My husband overthinks it and can't maintain an erection. We have talked to several other men in the lifestyle and they all said that it is very common in the beginning, especially if you've been exclusively with your partner for a long time.
Neither of us have any romantic feelings for our play partners at all, but we do see them as friends. There are definitely people we are attracted to, both mentally and physically, but romance and love are just for us.
Other than the couple that we said no to on the cruise, no one has ever made us uncomfortable. We have been asked to do things that we have rules against. For example, there is a couple who generally play separately, but we play only as a couple. We've made this clear to them. We still talk to them and joke around; we just know that we won't be play partners and that's okay.
Swinging has helped our sex life, because after a night of playing with others we always come back and talk about the experience and have really hot sex with each other during the conversation. I don't know if we will stay in the lifestyle forever, but we are definitely having fun for now.

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Swinging, or the practice where partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activity with other people, takes place everywhere from sex clubs to private parties. More recently, "the lifestyle" (as it's called within the community) has taken to the high seas on a variety of sexy cruises.
An adult-themed cruise can be a veritable sexual playground where anything goes. If you want to hook up, the odds are in your favor, as plenty of participants are ready to help you fulfill your fantasies, be they mild or wild.
Here are the basics you need to know before booking a swingers' cruise.
Bliss Cruises and Couples Cruise are among the more popular offerings, while Temptation is slated to launch its all-inclusive Caribbean Cruise in February 2020. Some cruises are clothing-optional, while others are more geared toward partner swapping. You don't have to be a swinger to partake in such a cruise; a lot of people go simply for the open-minded atmosphere.
Swinger-specialized travel agents -- like TheSwingerCruise.com, Topless Travel (the in-house travel agency for dating site Swing Life Style), Dream Pleasure Tours and Erotic Adult Travel -- can help guide you toward your dream vacation.
People flock to these types of cruises for every reason under the sun: to swing, have sexy one-on-one time with a significant other and to explore wild ideas in a safe, judgment-free environment. They come from all ages, backgrounds and body types, from all around the world. You'll find singles, couples and organized groups, as well as people you wouldn't necessarily expect: doctors, politicians, oil executives and PTA moms.
Onboard, it's OK to decline any unwanted propositions with a simple, "Thanks, but no thanks." No one will think twice about it. No means no, and it doesn't require a whole lot of conversation to halt an advance. No apologies are necessary; just take it as a compliment.
A sex/swingers' cruise isn't all about having sex. There's a heavy emphasis on programmed entertainment and always something fun to do. During the day, there are contests and seminars, such as tantric workshops and sex trivia competitions.
Late night, there are themed fantasy parties and more kink-centric activities. Also, most cruises have a playroom, where couples, single women and invited men can explore each other. The goal is to offer a sensual but also safe space where everyone feels comfortable.
Depending upon time and place on the ship, you can be totally nude. Some ships allow topless activity only. In most areas, casual attire is widely accepted. Dress codes vary depending upon the time, place and specific event.
Be sure to check the schedule for theme nights that encourage dressing for the occasion. Some theme nights include leather and lace, a glow party and toga night.
Yes. You must be dressed for meals, though outfits range widely from vacation casual to skimpy, see-through dresses.
When in port, some cruises offer clothing-optional specific excursions, but expect to wear clothes for activities like ziplining or land-based sightseeing. The American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) suggests taking a "clothed when practical, nude when appropriate" approach to visits to nude resorts or beaches. The same approach would apply to cruise ships.
No. The crew is fully clothed and maintains a strict sense of professionalism. Sure, there are probably exceptions to the rule, but it's strongly discouraged.
Most cruises allow you to take a partner along or fly solo. The beauty of a sex/swingers' cruise is its "anything goes" attitude.
There's a difference between clothing-optional cruises and those geared toward swingers. Nude cruises are rarely marketed strictly as a sex or swingers cruise. With nudism, there is less of an emphasis on the sexual aspect of baring it all. Instead, it's more of a means for people to interact in a less pressured, more natural level.
In the case of nude cruises, a third-party operator -- a company like Bare Necessities or Castaways Travel -- will buy out the whole ship and sell cabins to clients interested in exploring the lifestyle.
Not usually. For the most part, actual sex is limited to guest rooms and playrooms, although less overt sexual behavior is allowed in pools and other public spaces. Think: Light touching and kissing is OK. Obvious sexual coupling? Probably not.
There's absolutely zero judgment on how mild or wild you want your cruise to be. If you go in thinking it's going to be a nonstop sexfest, you'll probably be disappointed. But it you have an open mind, no expectations and treat others with respect, you should fare just fine. Just remember no means no and leave the drama and sexual hang-ups at home.
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February 13, 2014



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Copyright © 2010-2019 - Life on the Swingset - All Rights Reserved
Mr. D and I decided to try our first Couple’s Cruise—4000 Lifestyle folks on Royal Caribbean Ship. We left from Tampa and visited Grand Cayman and Playa del Carmen. As veterans of Desire, I was hesitant to go anywhere else. So I found myself constantly comparing the experience to a Desire trip. Overall, the cruise was a fun experience, but I think it took one trip to get a sense in terms of rhythm regarding how to make the most of the trip. Hopefully our insights can help some of you.
Clientele. While the ship was large, it had a broad range of demographics. The numbers of compatible people were way smaller than 4000. The majority of the ship was over 50. The ship included nudists. It also included a BDSM community; they stayed away from poolside and played in the dungeon instead of the playroom. We rarely saw them unless someone in a sensory deprivation suit was being guided through the hallway.
The under 45 crowd was so small that a series of meet and greet swinger activities were arranged just for us. These meet and greets were poorly organized, however. If they were held poolside in the afternoons, I think they would have been well attended. Instead they were held during the dinner hour or an hour before the disco opened. The younger crowd isn’t apt to be EARLY to the disco. Bad timing all around.
Factoring in age, compatibility, and interest, I’d estimate that Mr. D and I had only about 50 couples that could possibly work for us. For the 45 and over crowd, I’m guessing that the options were much broader. For us, they tended to be the couples by the pool during the day and at the disco late at night. We were surprised that it was quite easily to find people from “our crowd.” We were worried that with such a huge ship it would make it hard to find people again. But we were disappointed that the actual number of compatible couples was in fact smaller than a Desire trip or even a big night at our local lifestyle club.
Weekly rhythms. Not all days are the same on a cruise. The week breaks into days at sea and days at port. For lifestyle activities, these two types of days lead to very different lifestyle opportunities. Days at sea tend to be big days for socialization. Meeting people by the pool. Making plans for dinner. Shows in the theatre at 10, an aerial show in the atrium at 11:15, then theme nights the disco. (It’s also worth noting that the 10 and 11:00 shows make for a late night since the disco doesn’t start hopping until 11:30).
We made the mistake of trying to be just as socially active on port days. On those days, most couples are waking up early, spending the day engaging in an exhausting activity—touring ruins, riding zip lines, swimming with stingrays or dolphins, and so on. Most couples tended to come back to the ship and take a long nap. Few people were coordinated enough to make a dinner plan with others. The level of energy at the shows, bars and discos in the evening is decidedly lower than other times of the week. We learned that it would have been better to keep expectations very low on those days. It’s easy to get in a fight with your partner when you’re tired or just feel weird energy from other couples because they are tired too.
The last night of the cruise seemed to be an “all in” kind of experience. It’s a sea day. And everyone is trying to squeeze final moments of fun out of an ending vacation. Everyone seemed to be at the disco, and lots of great energy was found everywhere. We were very disappointed to find that the ship staff did not share in our enthusiasm. Rather than allowing us to party all night, everything closed early on the last night. The playrooms closed at 1 instead of 3. The late night buffet closed at 2 instead of 4. And on the night that we all wanted to stay up later than usual. It was all going to be over in the morning anyway. Very disappointing, Royal Caribbean!
On the whole, I found the cruise experience to require a lot more energy than Desire, where the days are the same and it’s easier to slip into a rhythm of when to rest, when to play. The shifting between port and sea days made it hard to find a rhythm for us and instead we had this feeling like we were missing out on things. We never fully found our groove. Perhaps a second cruise would be easier to find a rhythm because we would know what to expect.
Mrs. Doubleplay is 40-something mom living in the middle of America with kids, a career, and pretty house in the suburbs. She’s active in her local church, coaches the kids’ soccer games, and happens to have a secret life as a swinger. Married to her high school sweetheart, Mr. Doubleplay, the couple dipped their toes in the lifestyle for a couple of years but then dropped off the radar to have kids. They rejoined the lifestyle in 2005 and haven’t looked back. They have been soft swap from the start but are working their way toward greater forms of adventure as we meet hot couples on lifestyle vacations, swinger clubs, and online websites.
I’ve written a few cruise reviews for theswingersboard.com and we are also in the younger age range so perhaps this will be helpful to people as well. It does take one cruise to really get the feel for how to “do it” under your belt. Our first cruise was good but not spectacular. Our second, third, and fourth (and we are signed up for two more) were some of the most fun experiences of our lives, p
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