Swinger Couple Story
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Swinger Couple Story
Early Prime Day deals & all the facts
Early Prime Day deals & all the facts
Early Prime Day deals & all the facts
Early Prime Day deals & all the facts
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For this installment of our weekly interview series, Love, Actually , about the reality of women's sex lives, we spoke with Vera (a pseudonym), a married woman who unexpectedly got into swinging during a tenth-anniversary cruise.
Last spring my husband and I were looking for an adults-only vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. I came across a "clothing optional lifestyle takeover cruise." The materials talked about dance parties, clothing-optional areas, and playrooms, including a dungeon. We assumed "lifestyle" meant BDSM. It was only after we'd booked the trip that we realized it meant swingers. We figured we could still go, even though we didn't plan to participate.
Leading up to the cruise, though, we got to know some of the other couples online and began to change our minds. It started with talk of me being interested in playing with other women and evolved into "Let's just go for it and enjoy all this cruise has to offer."
We really didn't know what to expect when we got there, and were definitely surprised. Some people were completely nude, some just topless, some in tiny outfits, and some fully clothed. We kept our swimsuits on. No one seemed to mind, or even notice, what anyone else was or wasn't wearing.
The first evening there was a toga/gods/goddesses party. My husband dressed as a Roman gladiator and I made a toga out of a sheer purple fabric. We danced with a couple we'd chatted with online, who were in white togas. We didn't get naked, but there was some flashing and roaming hands. My husband and I are "full swap," which means that we are okay with penetrative sex with other people, but their rules were stricter than ours.. They do not kiss or have penetrative sex with others.
After the dance club closed, we all went to the 24-hour outdoor play area. There were beds spaced about every six feet with small tables between them. We all went to one bed and started by getting undressed and making out with our own partners. Soon I felt the woman's hand caressing my breast as I was kissing my husband. Then her husband, while still kissing her, started to finger me.
At one point my husband went to the restroom. While he was gone, the other guy went down on his wife while I kissed her and played with her breasts. Then we shifted and I went down on him while she went down on me. When my husband came back, he watched for a minute, then joined us.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things.
After a little while, I started giving my husband head while the other couple had sex. He'd had a lot to drink and to his dismay wasn't getting hard. We tried a couple times, but it wasn't going to happen. We played a little while the other couple finished up, and then we all went to the hot tubs.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things. Throughout the week, we had two more play sessions with other couples, including a six-way group session with the same couple from the first night.
There has to be some physical attraction when we decide who to play with, but the connection we form with a couple is the bigger factor. We want to play with people who are fun and stable in their relationship. We have a very low tolerance for drama. Since we play only as a couple, there has to be a four-way match in terms of attraction.
One day we were talking to a couple and the woman stripped down to nothing but a smile and just kept on chatting. This was very awkward for us, but we tried not to let it show. Ten minutes later, her husband stripped down too. He suggested that we do the same, but we declined. He asked us about making a playdate, and I told him that I didn't think we had the four-way match we needed for us to be comfortable. For the rest of the week she was cordial when we'd run into them, but he wouldn't even say hello to us. I felt bad for possibly leading him on. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes sometimes.
Before the trip, I thought swingers were people who would have sex with any random person. But those we've met want the same thing that we want: friendship with like-minded couples, and if we happen to have fun in sexual ways from time to time, that's a bonus.
Now we play with others about once a month. Unfortunately, there is not a single lifestyle club in the entire state where we live. We play only as a couple and only together in the same room. We like to be within reach so we can play and talk to each other at the same time. It's about group play, not just swapping partners.
Condoms are a must. We both have veto power, meaning that if there is a man I want to play with, my hubby can say no at any time for any reason and it will not happen, whether he's not comfortable with the guy or isn't interested in playing with his wife. We rarely play at our house, but if we do it is only with a couple we know really well, and never in our bed-that is only for us.
We talk to several couples we met on the cruise on a weekly basis. One we've become really good friends with, and we get together often with our kids. We do the same things other families do but sometimes, after the kids are in bed, we lock the door and get naked. Sometimes we start with a dinner date and drinks, or just hang out with the kids until they're all asleep. We might play a game like sexy dice or watch a movie with sexual undertones.
We haven't had a successful session yet with another couple where we both had penetrative sex. My husband overthinks it and can't maintain an erection. We have talked to several other men in the lifestyle and they all said that it is very common in the beginning, especially if you've been exclusively with your partner for a long time.
Neither of us have any romantic feelings for our play partners at all, but we do see them as friends. There are definitely people we are attracted to, both mentally and physically, but romance and love are just for us.
Other than the couple that we said no to on the cruise, no one has ever made us uncomfortable. We have been asked to do things that we have rules against. For example, there is a couple who generally play separately, but we play only as a couple. We've made this clear to them. We still talk to them and joke around; we just know that we won't be play partners and that's okay.
Swinging has helped our sex life, because after a night of playing with others we always come back and talk about the experience and have really hot sex with each other during the conversation. I don't know if we will stay in the lifestyle forever, but we are definitely having fun for now.
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I lay on my bed and looked up at the ceiling as my new husband, Robert*, rolled off me.
Maybe we just need to practise, I told myself.
Robert was very prim and proper so we hadn't had sex before we'd got married.
We'd met when I was 19 and he was 23.
I didn't have much confidence and didn't think anyone would ask me to marry them so when Robert did, I said yes.
There was little chemistry between us but I assumed once we were man and wife our sex life would take off.
A year after our marriage we had a son, John, and five years later our daughter, Rachel, followed.
I wasn't happy in our marriage, but I didn't know any different.
Then we bought a plot of land to build our house and a year later met our new neighbours Rita and Terry.
Terry was short, dark and thickset, the complete opposite to my tall, fair husband.
Robert was a lecturer whereas Terry was a tradie.
Terry and Rita seemed a strange match.
While Terry's hands were usually covered in engine oil from tinkering with his car, Rita was always beautifully made up.
Rita and I became friends and we'd talk for hours over the back fence.
One day, another friend lent me a series of self-help books.
One chapter that stuck in my head was about couples who swapped partners – swinging.
I wondered what it would be like with another man.
I longed for someone to sweep me into his arms for a night of unbridled passion.
Next day, I passed the books over the fence to Rita: "These will open your eyes," I said.
Later that week, I was hanging out the washing when Rita appeared.
"Swinging sounds thrilling," she said, a sly smile creeping across her face.
Giggling, we agreed to ask our husbands what they thought.
Especially when Rita told me that Terry was up for it.
Three weeks later, out of the blue, Robert came home from work with an announcement.
"I've changed my mind," he said. "Let's give it a try."
Excited, Rita and I came up with a plan.
Our families would go on a two-week caravanning holiday together that summer.
The first week, Robert and Rita would have a day away together and the following week, it would be my turn to have some fun with Terry.
Each couple could do whatever they wanted but the rule was they weren't allowed to talk about it with their spouse afterwards.
We started inviting Rita and Terry to our house to play cards in the evenings, so we could get to know one another better.
Doing something so normal, while knowing what lay ahead, made us feel naughty and excited.
"I don't think I can wait until the summer," Rita confessed to me one afternoon.
She and Robert went to a hotel while Terry and I looked after the kids.
Once the little ones were in bed, Terry and I threw ourselves at each other.
Later that night, Robert wanted to know if anything had happened.
"We're not supposed to talk about it," I said.
But he kept asking and eventually I told him.
It turned out he and Rita had pulled over in the car and started kissing but at the last minute, Robert lost his nerve.
The following week, Terry and I went out to give Rita and Robert another chance and this time they ended up sleeping together.
Before long, the caravan holiday rolled around and Robert and Rita went off together to a nearby hotel.
They were supposed to come back before the kids went to bed, but as night fell there was no sign of them.
It was the 1970s so there were no mobile phones, all we could do was wait until they finally turned up late that evening.
The following day, we set off for a different campsite.
But Robert took a turn and wound up in hospital with sunstroke.
Although I was fond of him, I wasn't in love.
And just like that, our marriage was finished.
When we got home, Rita and Robert said we needed to talk.
"We've decided to give our relationship a go," Rita announced.
They said they were going to set up home together and all four children would live with them.
I'd never expected our holiday to end like this.
I didn't want to tell my parents what was going on, and without a job, I had no money to support myself and the children.
In the end, it was agreed that I would live with Terry temporarily, and my daughter Rachel would stay with us along with Terry's youngest daughter.
As I lay in bed that night in a filthy house, just next door to my lovely home, I sobbed uncontrollably.
It had all happened so quickly and now I was with a man I barely knew.
The next day, a bailiff came knocking at the door and I discovered Terry was in huge debt.
Over the next few months, I tried to make the best of a bad situation.
I got a job as a secretary and worked on my relationship with Terry.
Although I wasn't in love with him, the sex was incredible.
A year after the wife swap, Robert and Rita moved away.
Terry was extremely possessive, and we had furious arguments.
After living with him for seven years, I left him and moved back in with my parents with Rachel, who barely spoke to her father.
It's been 46 years and I still think about the wife swap and all the hurt it caused.
Although I didn't love Robert, we'd created a stable home.
But the swap split Rachel and her brother John up, and ruined her relationship with her dad.
I can't believe I risked the safety of our marriage for a single night of passion.
It's the greatest regret of my life.
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I just wanted to spice up my sex life, but as I lay in bed next to my neighbour I wondered what I'd done.
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