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For this installment of our weekly interview series, Love, Actually , about the reality of women's sex lives, we spoke with Vera (a pseudonym), a married woman who unexpectedly got into swinging during a tenth-anniversary cruise.
Last spring my husband and I were looking for an adults-only vacation to celebrate our tenth anniversary. I came across a "clothing optional lifestyle takeover cruise." The materials talked about dance parties, clothing-optional areas, and playrooms, including a dungeon. We assumed "lifestyle" meant BDSM. It was only after we'd booked the trip that we realized it meant swingers. We figured we could still go, even though we didn't plan to participate.
Leading up to the cruise, though, we got to know some of the other couples online and began to change our minds. It started with talk of me being interested in playing with other women and evolved into "Let's just go for it and enjoy all this cruise has to offer."
We really didn't know what to expect when we got there, and were definitely surprised. Some people were completely nude, some just topless, some in tiny outfits, and some fully clothed. We kept our swimsuits on. No one seemed to mind, or even notice, what anyone else was or wasn't wearing.
The first evening there was a toga/gods/goddesses party. My husband dressed as a Roman gladiator and I made a toga out of a sheer purple fabric. We danced with a couple we'd chatted with online, who were in white togas. We didn't get naked, but there was some flashing and roaming hands. My husband and I are "full swap," which means that we are okay with penetrative sex with other people, but their rules were stricter than ours.. They do not kiss or have penetrative sex with others.
After the dance club closed, we all went to the 24-hour outdoor play area. There were beds spaced about every six feet with small tables between them. We all went to one bed and started by getting undressed and making out with our own partners. Soon I felt the woman's hand caressing my breast as I was kissing my husband. Then her husband, while still kissing her, started to finger me.
At one point my husband went to the restroom. While he was gone, the other guy went down on his wife while I kissed her and played with her breasts. Then we shifted and I went down on him while she went down on me. When my husband came back, he watched for a minute, then joined us.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things.
After a little while, I started giving my husband head while the other couple had sex. He'd had a lot to drink and to his dismay wasn't getting hard. We tried a couple times, but it wasn't going to happen. We played a little while the other couple finished up, and then we all went to the hot tubs.
The atmosphere of the cruise made us more open to trying new things. Throughout the week, we had two more play sessions with other couples, including a six-way group session with the same couple from the first night.
There has to be some physical attraction when we decide who to play with, but the connection we form with a couple is the bigger factor. We want to play with people who are fun and stable in their relationship. We have a very low tolerance for drama. Since we play only as a couple, there has to be a four-way match in terms of attraction.
One day we were talking to a couple and the woman stripped down to nothing but a smile and just kept on chatting. This was very awkward for us, but we tried not to let it show. Ten minutes later, her husband stripped down too. He suggested that we do the same, but we declined. He asked us about making a playdate, and I told him that I didn't think we had the four-way match we needed for us to be comfortable. For the rest of the week she was cordial when we'd run into them, but he wouldn't even say hello to us. I felt bad for possibly leading him on. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes sometimes.
Before the trip, I thought swingers were people who would have sex with any random person. But those we've met want the same thing that we want: friendship with like-minded couples, and if we happen to have fun in sexual ways from time to time, that's a bonus.
Now we play with others about once a month. Unfortunately, there is not a single lifestyle club in the entire state where we live. We play only as a couple and only together in the same room. We like to be within reach so we can play and talk to each other at the same time. It's about group play, not just swapping partners.
Condoms are a must. We both have veto power, meaning that if there is a man I want to play with, my hubby can say no at any time for any reason and it will not happen, whether he's not comfortable with the guy or isn't interested in playing with his wife. We rarely play at our house, but if we do it is only with a couple we know really well, and never in our bed-that is only for us.
We talk to several couples we met on the cruise on a weekly basis. One we've become really good friends with, and we get together often with our kids. We do the same things other families do but sometimes, after the kids are in bed, we lock the door and get naked. Sometimes we start with a dinner date and drinks, or just hang out with the kids until they're all asleep. We might play a game like sexy dice or watch a movie with sexual undertones.
We haven't had a successful session yet with another couple where we both had penetrative sex. My husband overthinks it and can't maintain an erection. We have talked to several other men in the lifestyle and they all said that it is very common in the beginning, especially if you've been exclusively with your partner for a long time.
Neither of us have any romantic feelings for our play partners at all, but we do see them as friends. There are definitely people we are attracted to, both mentally and physically, but romance and love are just for us.
Other than the couple that we said no to on the cruise, no one has ever made us uncomfortable. We have been asked to do things that we have rules against. For example, there is a couple who generally play separately, but we play only as a couple. We've made this clear to them. We still talk to them and joke around; we just know that we won't be play partners and that's okay.
Swinging has helped our sex life, because after a night of playing with others we always come back and talk about the experience and have really hot sex with each other during the conversation. I don't know if we will stay in the lifestyle forever, but we are definitely having fun for now.
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Published: 20:45 BST, 5 May 2020 | Updated: 09:03 BST, 6 May 2020
These are the wild pictures of Florida sheriff Gregory Tony attending swinger parties in Miami, seen in photos exclusively obtained by DailyMail.com squeezing his wife's breasts and smiling with a man between his legs.
Tony was photographed posing happily in various unsheriff-like situations, showing off his toned physique with his equally in-shape wife Holly, a registered nurse.
The series of 11 snapshots of couple-swapping parties in Miami are accessible to the general public on a website that 'organizes erotic events' and shows the 41-year-old hugging his wife from behind with his hands cupping her bare breasts.
Another photo shows the lawman laughing while lying down as Holly places her face on one side of his muscular chest and an unidentified man places his face on the other side.
In yet another picture, the husband and wife are in a foursome, posing with another couple. Both women are topless but their nipples are covered with pasties.
These are the wild pictures of Florida Sheriff Gregory Tony attending a swinger party in Miami, seen in photos exclusively obtained by DailyMail.com squeezing his wife Holly's breasts
Another photo shows the lawman laughing while lying down as Holly places her face on one side of his muscular chest and an unidentified man places his face on the other side
In yet another picture, the husband and wife are in a foursome, posing with another couple. Both women are topless but their nipples are covered with pasties
The series of 11 snapshots of couple-swapping parties in Miami are accessible to the general public on a website and show the 41-year-old in various unsheriff-like situations
And in another snapshot, the sheriff's wife is kissing another topless woman while cupping her breasts into her hands.
When approached by DailyMail.com, Tony refused to confirm o r deny thatthe photos were of him and his wife and declined comment. He referred questions to his personal attorney in Tallahassee, Natalie Kato.
Kato said on Monday morning: 'I have no motherf**king comment. I'm not authorized to give any statement.'
She did, however, appear to confirm the photos were indeed of Tony and his wife, saying: 'Whoever is going to use these photos will risk legal action. His wife and the other people on the photos are not a public persons. Only he is.'
Kato also said the photos were on a members-only website, an inaccurate statement.
The photos were taken in August 2015 and April 2016 at monthly 'Liquid Bliss' parties in a secret location in downtown Miami only revealed to couples vetted by organizers for their physical appearance.
Tony was a sergeant in the Coral Springs police department at the time. He was appointed sheriff in January 2019 when the governor suspended Scott Israel, the elected sheriff.
Israel had been criticized after an investigation revealed several of his deputies refused to enter Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School and confront former student Nikolas Cruz who, armed with an assault rifle, killed 17 people and injuring 17 others.
In suspending Israel, DeSantis cited incompetence and dereliction of duty in his agency's response to the massacre.
Tony as appointed sheriff in January 2019 when Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (left) suspended Scott Israel (right), the elected sheriff. Israel had been criticized when an investigation revealed several of his deputies refused to enter Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School
Gunman Nikolas Cruz (pictured) who, armed with an assault rifle, killed 17 people and injuring 17 others on February 14, 2018
Tony took over a beleaguered Broward County Sheriff's Office and was tasked with lifting up the spirits of 5,400 generally demoralized employees, a daunting endeavor where leftover Israel political appointees ruled.
His deputies, however, turned against him. On April 20, they cast a vote of no-confidence against him.
Meanwhile, the sex parties Tony and his wife attended were run by local DJ Nathan Bliss and hundreds of photos of each party, up to 12 a year, are posted on the website VIPBliss.com.
VIP Bliss bills itself as an organizer of 'erotic events' and 'the world's premier party organization for bi-sexy women and select couples.'
To attend, candidates must apply with up to six full-body photos – 'G rated photos are OK,' the website reads – and provide height, weight, age and notes about experience at parties 'of this genre' for each applicant.
'While not all our members are models,' the website notes, 'we look for people that are youthful and fit into the South Florida nightclub scene, that take care of themselves, take pride in their fitness and physical appearance, and try to be the best they can be.'
Once the applicants are approved, they are given the address of the venue for the upcoming party, often a hotel pool or a nightclub.
When reached by text message, Bliss didn't respond to requests for comment.
Broward County Sheriff Gregory Tony, who was handpicked by Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, was photographed showing off his toned physique and his equally-in-shape wife Holly, a registered nurse, in various unsheriff-like situations
Meanwhile, the sex parties Tony and his wife attended were run by local DJ Nathan Bliss and hundreds of photos of each party, up to 12 a year, are posted on the website VIPBliss.com
The website, however, took down the sheriff's photos overnight but left those of his topless wife for anyone to see.
'I don't comment on a person's private life,' said Broward County Commissioner Mark Bogen.
The sexy revelations pop up at a bad time for the sheriff. He is in the middle of a re-election campaign against Israel, who was in his second term when Tony replaced him.
Over the weekend, the investigative journalism non-profit website Florida Bulldog published a story revealing Tony had killed a man in his hometown of Philadelphia when he was 14 years old in 1993.
A jury found Tony not guilty after a trial, but because the case was handled by a juvenile court, records were sealed and Tony kept the homicide a secret from DeSantis and his previous employer, the Coral Springs Police Department.
Tony claimed he killed an armed 18-year-old Hector Rodriguez with his father's gun in self-defense. But the Rodriguez family told Florida Bulldog a different story, one where Rodriguez was unarmed, and his only crime was to have made fun of Tony.
In an televised interview Tony claimed Rodriguez tried to kill him and his brother outside their home and he responded in self-defence.
'Unfortunately, we had a dispute with him — my brother and me — in front of our home and he made threats to kill us and he literally pulled out a gun. He had no problem with shooting us right there,' Tony said.
In an interview with Local 10 Sunday Broward Sheriff Gregory Tony (pictured) addressed a report that was published on Saturday by a watchdog news group that revealed he shot and killed a man in 1993
The photos were taken in August 2015 and April 2016 at monthly 'Liquid Bliss' parties in a secret location in downtown Miami only revealed to couples vetted by organizers for their physical appearance
'There was no crime, no arrest and this was considered a self-defence case, as it should have been,' he added.
He was appointed head of the Broward Sheriff's Office in 2019 but said in the application process 'it doesn't require
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