Swing Couples Stories

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Swing Couples Stories


Posted on April 11, 2019
- By
Julia Austin

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They hide among us, they look, sound, and act just like us, and they’re nearly impossible to spot until they’re right up on you: I’m talking about swingers, of course. Swinging is an interesting lifestyle that couples turn to for a variety of reasons . I try not to judge it, but perhaps I’m a little critical of it. I guess I’ve never quite understood the appeal of it—why not just be single? If you don’t want to be with one person? Well, anyways, I’ve hypothesized about swingers in other posts, but this one is about this awkward situation: when your friends are swingers, and they want to swing with you. It’s not completely shocking that swingers would look to their friends as potential partners. There’s already obviously some form of chemistry there. I’ve also found that swingers tend to believe there are more of them out there than there are, and often think if another couple is warm and affectionate, that they’d be open to the idea. I’ve had another couple approach me about swinging and here’s what happened.
First, the other man in the relationship was blatantly flirtatious with me. He’d say things to me that I certainly hoped my boyfriend would never say to another woman. I started to fear he wanted to cheat on his girlfriend with me, which I talked to my boyfriend about in private.
While I was originally worried the guy was trying to cheat with me, that fear subsided when he flirted with me in front of his partner. She didn’t seem to mind at all. So then I was just thinking, “Is this poor woman oblivious? Or does she just tolerate this?”
It became clear that the other woman wasn’t a victim or an innocent bystander in anyway when she participated in the flirting. She’d agree with the things her partner said to me, and she’d also touch me in a flirtatious manner. Okay, so, these two want a threesome—is what I thought—but how can they think my man would be okay with that?
What I have learned about many swingers is that they approach the female in the other relationship, first. If the swinging woman had just started hitting on my man I would have, obviously, had my claws come out and felt like this was so disrespectful. People can generally get away with being a little more affectionate with women without it coming off as totally disrespectful to her male partner. So, they were feeling me out first.
If we’d be at events with them that were clearly winding down, they wanted to keep the party going. We had been at a wedding all day with them, the reception hall had closed, everyone had gone home, and they kept encouraging the four of us to find an after-hours place and keep drinking. I kind of felt like, “What’s the point? The party is clearly over. We did what we came here to do—to attend a wedding.”
I won’t say which ones, but I will say that this couple kept asking my boyfriend and I if we’d ever tried certain illicit substances. We hadn’t, so then they started pretty much selling us on them, telling us it’s the best experience ever, and how they really make you open up and feel very comfortable in your body. I started to realize, “Ooooh. Those are orgy drugs.”
Eventually my boyfriend and I figured out that this couple was trying to swing with us. In fact, a friend confirmed that they are swingers. Now, we were in a predicament. They are actually our friends—we’d had many dinners with them and spent a lot of time with them platonically. So, we couldn’t just seamlessly phase them out—nor did we necessarily want to.
If you think it’s tough, as a single woman, telling your male friend you don’t have the same feelings for him that he has for you, try telling another couple, as a couple, that you just want to remain friends.
Naturally, my man’s biological male jealousy instinct was triggered. He couldn’t help but think, “Am I supposed to be mad? Is my buddy hitting on my girlfriend?” It’s funny to not be sure if you’re supposed to be mad. But he wasn’t because, well, his buddy was also offering his girlfriend in return. But we aren’t swingers—we don’t necessarily abide by their laws. My boyfriend was a little mad.
My boyfriend and I had a really funny argument in which we were trying to sniff out if either of us would swing. In an attempt to sound totally cool with my friends’ lifestyle, I accidentally sounded like I wanted to participate. “I don’t see anything wrong with it. It works for some people!” is what I said. But what my partner heard was, “I want to swing!”
So, my partner, thinking I was may be game, didn’t want to fall behind, and said, “Yeah, swinging works for some people. I guess you never know until you try.” He was totally just trying to be “cool” if it’s what I wanted to do, but he didn’t want to do it at all. I also didn’t want to do it, but then it sounded like he did so I got upset. It was quite a comedy of errors, but we eventually both discovered we do not want to swing. So that was that.
Eventually, we decided to be cool. We shouldn’t be judgmental. Whatever works for them, works for them. We also shouldn’t give them the cold shoulder, just because we don’t have the same agenda. And, we didn’t want to come off as uptight or closed-minded, so we decided not to behave any differently.
Just like a man who wants to sleep with you won’t take no for an answer unless he hears the word, “NO,” a swinging couple kind of doesn’t give up unless you make things very clear. Continuing to be warm and friendly, after the realization they were trying to swing, seemed to make the other couple think we were more receptive than ever to swinging.
It made me sad, since we did like this couple, but we had to keep our distance for a while. They’d never straight up asked, “Will you sleep with us?” but, in so many ways, they had tried. Being nice wasn’t sending the message, so we had to turn down their invites to hang out for a long time, and keep our distance if they were at the same parties as us.
The other couple seems to have gotten the hint, since we turned down so many invitations to hang out. Honestly, it kind of went the way it goes when one of your male buddies tries subtly to sleep with you, you turn him down, and then you take some space. Eventually, enough time passes that, next time you run into each other at a party, they’ve found someone new to sleep with, and you actually just miss the friendship so you start hanging out again.
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My life in sex: ‘We have rules for swinging: no one cheating on their wives, no one who supports Trump’
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The retired couple who enjoy swinging
W e are highly educated, retired professionals who have been married for 38 years. We have always had a great sex life, but 15 years ago we added some spice to it by swinging . When my husband first suggested it, I was devastated – I thought it meant he wanted to have sex with other women. He insisted he just wanted to watch me have sex with other men. I finally agreed, so he could get it out of his system. However, as soon as I tried it, I was sold.
We started by finding couples online, and from there we were invited to parties/orgies in people’s homes. Our swinging friends were in all sorts of professions – teachers, doctors, bankers, at-home mums. There was no polyamory, no falling in love, no jealousy. We attended these parties once or twice a month, and when we went home afterwards, we had the hottest sex.
We left swinging for a few years, being busy with our children and work. After we retired and our children had moved out, we decided it was time to get back out there. The sites had changed, featuring only young women with perfect bodies – not exactly what we are looking for, nor what I have. We find it difficult to meet couples our age, and often swing with single, straight men. We have rules: no married guys cheating on their wives, no one too young or too old, and no one who supports Trump. We always use a condom, and we never have sex the first time we meet someone.
There’s nothing quite like an afternoon of sex with two guys, one of whom is my husband. Our son would disown us if he knew.
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By Rachel Smith and Michael Cappetta
Tony and Diana are swingers who actively swap sexual partners and host swingers parties for their suburban neighbors.
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— -- Tony and Diana have been married for five years and have three kids together.
Their days spent doing craft projects with their kids or getting them ready for school makes them seem like an everyday, normal family from Cincinnati, Ohio . But Tony and Diana, who asked that their last name not be used, have a secret.
They are swingers, who actively swap sexual partners and host swingers parties for their suburban neighbors.
Watch the full story on "Nightline" tonight at 12:35 a.m. ET
Tony and Diana are such proponents of the lifestyle, they even agreed to appear on a new reality show on A &E called “Neighbors With Benefits,” which premieres on Sunday, March 22 at 10 p.m. ET.
Tony, who owns his own construction company, said he loves watching his wife have sex with another man.
“It’s an extension of myself, watching her pleased and stuff from different angles. Man, I feel awkward saying all this,” he said. “I think there definitely needs to be a healthy amount of jealousy in every relationship, especially a swinging relationship.”
The husband and wife said they are very picky when it comes to choosing partners to have sex with, and they have rules.
“If we didn’t meet you in the lifestyle and we were friends before, we will not ever cross that boundary,” Tony said. “Our friendship is way, way, way more important than any sexual fantasy could ever be.”
“We have group texting,” Diana said. “We have individual texting. I’m comfortable with Tony individual texting another girl. I guess I could look at his phone any point in time if I wanted to.”
Tony and Diana’s love story begins like many young couples. Diane said Tony was a “typical 21-year-old” when they met and had a wandering eye.
“I didn’t really want to settle down, I just wanted to have fun,” Tony said. “I just wanted to party.”
Diana said she had never even heard of “swinging” until Tony introduced her to it, but once she tried it, she said she was on board. But swinging does have it downsides.
“Jealousy is always a big issue for some people, especially first getting involved in the lifestyle,” Diana said. “It’s a hurdle that you have to get used to and kind of adapt to.”
“She’s still my wife, I love her very much, I’m very protective over her,” Tony added. “We made that decision to move forward. She didn’t do it on her own, and I didn’t do it for her. We did it together. And that’s what makes the ups and downs I think easier for us, is we are trying to do it as a unit and not trying to do it as my fantasy.”
“We’ve been open and out to our communities, for our families, for five years,” Diana said. “So it’s not much different.”
To pick up potential couples to “play” with, Tony and Diana will go to bars or clubs, or they will spend a night at home with other couples into the swinging lifestyle, while their children stay at a friend’s house or with a babysitter for the night.
“We are responsible most of the time, but that doesn’t mean that, our eyes are closed to opportunities if they arise,” Diana said.
But the swinging lifestyle is drawing criticism from near and far. Mark, whose last name is also not being used, lives next door to Tony and Diana and said “I was shocked to learn what was happening next door.”
“It’s not positive for anyone,” he said. “I’m not here to judge”
A spokesman for Citizens for Community Values, an activist group against the reality show, declined “Nightline’s” requests for an on-camera interview, saying in a statement they would be staying focused on their social media campaign to get “Neighbors With Benefits” off the air.
But Diana and Tony say they have no plans to give up the swinging lifestyle anytime soon.
“We’ve been doing it since day one,” Diana said. “So we don’t have any other way to compare it to.”
And after marriage and three kids, they say swinging has brought them closer together.
“Our relationship is good because of the communication and a lot of relationships are lacking that, and we really got the tools to do that through swinging,” Tony said. “I think the reason we can be so happy is because we can communicate through everything and be honest with each other.”
Watch the full story on "Nightline" tonight at 12:35 a.m. ET
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Opinion Contributor
March 31, 2013 March 31, 2013
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My husband and I are in our mid-40s and have been married for 20 years. We have a teenage son and a younger daughter, and for the past five years, my husband and I have explored swinging. We’ve had sex with two other couples over the past several years, and find it a fun way to be both intimate and adventurous together. We currently meet with a couple once or twice per month when we go to a hotel and leave our children at my parents’ home.
We’ve been careful and discreet but little while ago, one of us forgot to sign out of the account we use to contact this couple, and my son found a sexually explicit email from the other woman that he assumed was directed only to my husband and concluded his father was cheating on me. He’s confronted my husband, who was flabbergasted and said little apart from unconvincing denials and sputtering about privacy. My son threatened to tell me.
I can’t imagine that coming clean to him in any detail about our private lives would be healthy. I’ve been trying to come up with a believable lie or half-truth that could be told. What do we do?
Dear Caught,
First of all, make sure to keep your cellphone out of sight while you’re dropping the kids off at your parents’ house. You don’t want your mother to pick yours up to order pizza for the kids and discover what date night really means at your household.
It’s both impressive and sweet that your son had the guts and the chivalry to confront his father on your behalf. While your husband didn’t handle it well, his essential message is sound: This is none of your son’s business. So now the two of you have to deliver this explicitly and together.
Sit your son down and say you’re sorry such a private message was left on the home computer. Tell him it’s understandable that he drew the conclusion he did, but fortunately you can reassure him that your marriage is in great shape. Then say all three of you can agree that this is as far as the conversation is going to go, because the rest of it is private.
Tell him that while you’re closing off this particular discussion, it says something great about your family that when something was troubling him, he felt he could talk directly to his parent, and you hope that’s always the case.
I am 40 and until recently a single father. A little over 1 1/2 years ago, I met a woman who totally changed my perspective on life. I’d never believed in soul mates, but she made me a believer. We could complete each other’s sentences and had the kind of love I’d never felt for anyone. After six months we bought a house together, merged families, and I proposed.
Three months ago my fiancée had a major stroke and lost her speech and all function on one side of her body. She will likely never return to work or the life she had. She can now walk some and has regained some speech, but it is limited. Her arm still has no function.
This has created a future that I had not envisioned nor signed up for. Every day is a reminder of what once was, and so is a constant source of hurt and pain. I am committed for at least a year, which is how long I knew her before her stroke, to assist her in regaining as normal a life as possible. But I cannot envision going through the rest of my life like this.
I know she will be devastated if I leave, but I will be devastated if I stay. Additionally, I do not think it fair to my own child, who has a limited number of years remaining at home. This is a tragedy no matter what choice is made. I welcome your thoughts.
However long you’re going to stay, make that time count. You say you want to help her recovery, so you should oversee a recovery boot camp. Our medical system can be good at saving people’s lives, but often these patched-up individuals are sent home to figure out the rest of their lives on their own. But for a stroke patient, particularly a young one, getting aggressive rehabilitation early is crucial.
I hope you two have a support system of friends and family who want to help; if so, put them to work. Have them investigate the best treatments in your area for aphasia. Have them see what kinds of rigorous physical therapy is available. (Good places to start are American Stroke Association, the National Stroke Association, and the Stroke Network.) Have someone be a point person to deal with the insurance company. Ask loved ones to stay with your fiancée so that you can get the respite you need to go out with friends, or go on a camping trip with your child.
What you’re facing will be grueling, and it could be that your fiancée will remain severely disabled. It’s also possib
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