Sweet But Get Rough
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Sweet But Get Rough
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Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author. Read full profile
We’ve all gone through hard times. And we all get through them. However, some get through them better than others. So what is their secret? Most of it has to do with attitude. Here are 13 things to remember when life gets rough:
Buddha’s famous saying tells us: “ It is your resistance to ‘what is’ that causes your suffering .” Think about that for a minute. It means that our suffering only occurs when we resist how things are. If you can change something, then take action! Change it! But if you can’t change it, then you have two choices: (1) either accept it and let go of the negativity, or (2) make yourself miserable by obsessing over it.
Many times, we are our own worst enemy. Happiness is really dependent on perspective. If you think something is a problem, then your thoughts and emotions will be negative. But if you think it’s something you can learn from, then suddenly, it’s not a problem anymore.
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Don’t you know people whose lives are chaotic and stressful? And isn’t that largely because they feel chaotic inside? Yes, it is. We like to think that changing our circumstances will change us. But we have it backwards—we need to change ourselves first before our circumstances will change.
You should just wipe the word “failure” right out of your vocabulary. All great people who have ever achieved anything have “failed” over and over. In fact, I think it was Thomas Edison who said something like, “I did not fail at inventing the light bulb, I just first found 99 ways that it didn’t work.” Take your so-called “failures” and learn something from them. Learn how to do it better next time.
That’s hard to believe sometimes, I know. But it’s true. Usually, when you look back at your life, you will be able to see why it was actually a good thing that something didn’t work out. Maybe the job you didn’t get would have made you spend more time away from your family, but the job you did get was more flexible. Just have faith that everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to.
This moment will never come again. And there is always something precious about every moment. So don’t let it pass you by! Soon it will just be a memory. Even moments that don’t seem happy can be looked upon as something that you might miss someday. As the country song by Trace Adkins says, “You’re gonna miss this…you’re gonna want this back. You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast….you may not know this now, but you’re gonna miss this…”
Most people live with “attached mind.” What this means is that they attach themselves to a desire, and when they don’t get it, their emotions plummet into negativity. Instead, try to practice “detached mind.” That means that when you want something, you will still be happy whether you get it or not. Your emotions remain happy or neutral.
Fear can be a great teacher. And overcoming fears can also make you feel victorious. For example, when I was in college, I feared public speaking (one of the top 3 fears of all humans). So I find it humorous now that not only do I speak in front of a group every day by being a college professor, I also teach public speaking! Overcoming fears just takes practice. Fear is really just an illusion. It’s optional.
Believe it or not, I know way too many people who don’t allow themselves to have fun. And they don’t even know how to be happy. Some people are actually addicted to their problems and the chaos in them so much that they wouldn’t even know who they are without them. So try to allow yourself to be happy! Even if it’s just for a small moment, it’s important to focus on joy, not your hardships.
But if you do compare yourself, compare yourself with people who have it worse than you. Unemployed? Be grateful that you live in a country that gives unemployment compensation, because most people in the world live on less that $750 a year . So you don’t look like Angelina Jolie? Well, I bet there are more people who don’t than do. And you are probably way better looking than most people. Focus on that .
You need to get out of your own way. You are only a “victim” of your own thoughts, words and actions. No one “does” something to you. You are the creator of your own experience. Take personal responsibility and realize that you can get out of your hard times. You just need to start with changing your thoughts and actions. Abandon your victim mentality and become victorious. From victim to VICTOR!
“And this too shall pass” is one of my favorite sayings. When we are stuck in a bad situation, we think that there is no way out. We think nothing will ever change. But guess what? It will! Nothing is permanent except death. So get out of the habit of thinking that things will always be this way. They won’t. But you do need to take some sort of action for things to change. It won’t magically happen all on its own.
Miracles happen every day. Really—they do. I wish I had enough space to write about all the miraculous things that have happened to people I know—from healing stage 4 cancer naturally to having their soul mate appear out of nowhere. Trust me: it happens all the time. You just need to believe it does. Once you do, you have won the battle.
Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.
Dr. Carol Morgan is the owner of HerSideHisSide.com, a communication professor, dating & relationship coach, TV personality, speaker, and author.
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Welcome to our list of things that are rough! Rough is a descriptive term that is the opposite of smooth. It can refer to physical texture, feelings, and situations. We’ve done our best to cover as many of these varied meanings in this list for you, including images and a more detailed list with descriptions and meanings. Here’s a visual list of things that are rough:
Here’s a longer and more detailed list of things that are rough, including meanings and descriptions:
We hope this list of things that are rough came in useful!
If there’s anything we missed, feel free to let us know by leaving a comment! Thank you for visiting Thing Database!
Thank you for the interesting information.
Also, the skin is rough if you do not know how to take care of it.
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As humans, we have distinctly different sexual tendencies from person to person. But almost everyone likes rough sex from time to time, even if they’re the sweetest, gentlest people outside of the bedroom. Where is the appeal of mixing pleasure with pain? It’s tough to understand, even from those who are enticed by the idea of rough sex with their partner.
There are probably a million reasons why we may do the things we do, and sometimes they can be different from one person to the next. However, some of the reasons may be psychological in nature, and these can be grouped to help evaluate our individual situations.
By human nature, we crave being scared. Of course, the amount of this craving is different from one person to the next, and it’s important that your partner trusts you to respect her boundaries. But just like watching a scary movie or riding a roller coaster, when we feel safe that we can avoid the situation going out of hand (you can tell your partner to stop, you can shut the movie off, you can trust that the ride has been well maintained) we long to be scared.
This, of course, isn’t true for everyone, but as someone who loves both horror movies and sex that hurts, the connection is definitely there.
For the person who’s being rough, the craving is for the power and the control. Of course, this power truly lies in the hands of the person who’s receiving the roughness – or at least it should. When you are in complete control of your partner and are allowed to take her body exactly how you like it, it’s hard not to get excited – which generally leads us to faster, harder, and more intense sex.
There’s nothing sexier than the thought that your partner wants you so bad that she just has to have it now , and rough sex gives us that. The excitement of pinning a partner to the bed to have your way with her is intensely erotic, and usually what we think of when we hear the term “erotic”.
If you think about a “quickie”, for example. It’s not exactly sexy to have sex in the shortest amount of time possible – but if your goal isn’t to have sex quickly, but rather to have sex right that second regardless of what you might have to do in ten minutes… Well, the whole situation changes.
When we’re having rough sex, we’re tapping into the part of our brain that deals with immediate gratification. We’re not as worried about slowly working our way to climax – we’re taking it, and that’s sexy.
All (consensual) sexual activity requires trust on the part of the giver as well as the receiver. However, if you’re participating in rough sex, there’s an extra trust involved. You’ll need to be able to trust that your partner will stop if you need her to, if it becomes too much. Of course, in some cases this may mean a safe word, as we may think we’re done but our partner could have other ideas for us. But being able to trust her to listen to what you need to say, when you need to say it, and not overstep your boundaries is a huge commitment.
For a long time, rough sex has had the stigma of being purely sexual, but in fact it’s more intimate than gentler sex in some ways. Sure, you might not have that full-body skin-to-skin contact that you might have with “more loving” sexual styles, but you’re getting intimate on a much deeper level.
When you trust someone to take your body at their own demand, you are basically telling them that they are a part of yourself. There is an implied “forced consent” here, but in any healthy sexual situations, both partners will know what they need to withdraw their consent if needed – and their partner will honor it.
It doesn’t make you any less “dominant” if you ask your partner if she is okay with things, just as it doesn’t make your partner any less “submissive” if she says she’s not. It’s just a matter of communicating your trust, and if you’re too focused on your labels, it becomes a job instead of sex – and no one wants that.
There are hard and soft lines in any relationship, and rough sex helps bring some of those things to the front. And there’s no rule anywhere that says you can’t cuddle and talk about your relationship afterward – in fact, it’s encouraged!
Many people think that enjoying the “dirtier” aspects of sex may indicate a deeper problem, aside from just a need to be dominant/dominated in bed. However, Dr. George Simon reassures that there is no real reason to make the assumption that these things indicate psychological issues in most cases. As long as your desire for rougher, kinkier sex doesn’t intrude upon your life, it’s perfectly fine.
That being said, there are a few things to look for if you’re worried that it might deal with a psychological problem:
Aside from those things (which seem a bit extreme and will probably raise a red flag long before you read about it on the internet!), there’s nothing wrong with rough sex. It doesn’t mean you have a problem, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you’re going to have a violent relationship outside of the bedroom.
Remember, ladies – sex bruises are sex bruises, and violent sex is not the same as sexual violence! Make sure you are well educated on the difference and keep the lines clearly drawn, for your own health and well-being.
[interaction id=”55e446ec1cec712a2e4cb80a”]
does anyone else see the inherent contradiction between Me Too movement swift justice and women desiring and requesting rough sex. it becomes a real slippery slope for men. my own experiences might shed some light. In my 53 yrs I have had a large number of women(easily 50+ ) ask, request,or demand rough/physically intense/and even degrading sex while I was with them. not one of those women ever, not one, discussed or even mentioned the concept of a safe word, an absolutely essential concept with this kind of consensual play. without it is asking for things to potentially go to a really dark place and men are taking out and burned at the stake for the very same behavior that women are desiring and requesting
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