Swallows After Blowjob

Swallows After Blowjob
The Truth About Whether Women Ever Spit (Rather Than Swallow)
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By Loveology University — Written on Mar 02, 2022
I was in the nail salon, gazing at a turned off television flanked by fake flowers, when the age-old question, “Do you spit or swallow?” eked its way into my brain.
“Spit or swallow” is the harshly limited ultimatum posed to teenagers first dabbling in the art of giving and receiving a blowjob , and most of us probably haven’t heard it discussed much since we were in high school ourselves. Back then, I’m pretty sure I knew girls who would have answered both ways, but not being someone ever on the receiving end of fellatio, I took little note of who said what or why about the matter.
Yet while one of my hands soaked and the other hand's nails were filed, I found myself wondering, “Does anyone really spit?”
Do women actually take ejaculate into their mouths and then spit it out because they object to swallowing? Is there a reason they object to swallowing other than disliking the taste?
Doesn’t everyone know that taste buds are on the tongue and not in the stomach (i.e., spitting doesn't actually help anyone not taste it anyway)?
As my nail polish was applied, I determined that no, no one spits.
At least, not anyone out of high school, and probably not even teenagers these days, given the extent of information and "entertainment" on the topic available to them on the internet.
That might have been that (I’m good at deciding things and singularly declaring them to be true) if the subject hadn’t come up later that night when a spit vs. swallow conversation arose out of a discussion related to sex education and the darnedest things kids say.
My friend’s pre-teen had recently learned that oral sex is a thing and was wondering why people do it.
“So, but ... Do kids actually still talk about ‘spitting vs. swallowing'?” I interjected. "Does ANYONE spit? I mean, for reasons other than being stimulated by the visual of spitting and then maybe licking it back up?”
The response from the room included a few blank looks and the familiar comment, “You’re on the other far side of the spectrum.”
Then someone suggested I conduct a survey... so I did.
Of those who responded 60 percent of women really enjoy giving head , 30 percent of women dig it when they’re in the mood, and 10 percent will do it to please their partners.
Conversely, a whopping 90 percent of men say they love performing oral sex, with only one respondent stating that he doesn't enjoy it at all.
When it comes to climaxing 75 percent of women and 84 percent of men want to do it in their partners’ mouths.
When I asked how women feel about their partner climaxing in their mouths, 58 percent said it turns them on, 33 percent responded, “It’s nice, I guess,” and 7 percent said they refuse it altogether.
In contrast, 88 percent of the male respondents said they are turned on by receiving their partner's orgasm orally! High fives all around, guys!
My super-scientifically sound survey determined that 79 percent of women swallow.
Of those of women who do spit, 7 percent said it's because they don’t don’t enjoy swallowing, 5 percent say it's because they find it erotic, and 9 percent said they simply never let ejaculate touch their lips.
(Those who find spitting erotic were some of the first to respond, BTW, so I’m pretty sure they’re my employees, but I still stand by the authenticity of my results.)
So, okay, a few of you do spit. Color me the teensiest bit wrong and the slightest bit confused.
However, I like it when sexual practices surprise me. It means folks are keeping it fresh, which is one of the first rules of good sex.
Another one of those rules is being true to yourself. While pushing personal boundaries is often stimulating, no one should feel pressured to participate in what makes them uncomfortable.
So you do you, whether that means spitting, swallowing or never allowing the stuff anywhere close enough to your mouth for the question to become an issue.
And in the meantime, I’ll leave you with these fun facts about semen :
Alison Miller is a freelance writer based in Richmond, VA.
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Updated on September 2, 2022 @ 09:50AM

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Dr. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. She is best known for her hit VH1 show, "Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn," and her popular call-in advice Sirius XM radio show, "The Dr. Jenn Show." She is a bestselling author, most recently of The Relationship Fix .

Am I a horrible BJ giver because I don't swallow? It makes me gag and tastes gross. I am, however, very enthusiastic when giving one. Does a guy get upset when you don't? Can I train myself to like it? —Spit Take

There are lots of people who don't swallow. And, lots of men who don't care and think a blowjob is the greatest sexual gift no matter what. What matters is knowing your partner well enough to know what is important to them. Yes, you can learn to swallow, if that's what you really want to do. But unless it is someone really special (who has been tested) and who is eating you out like there is no tomorrow... why would you?

There are many reasons why men enjoy having their semen swallowed. For some, it is the ultimate sign of acceptance and embracing them for all that they are. "Some men feel that swallowing indicates a degree of passion or acceptance or even love and that spitting is rejection," says Ian Kerner, sex expert and author of such titles as Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man and She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman .

For others, it can be an act of dominance. "For some men, it also is a behavior that's linked to a fantasy of feeling powerful. So some guys treat swallowing like it's part of lovemaking, others feel like it's part of eroticizing a partner during sex," he explains.

While it is important to understand the preferences of your partner and to be able to work together so that everyone has a great sexual experience, the pleasure of receiving oral sex is not dependent on the swallow. Focusing on the finish ignores the talent and skill that it takes to perform a great blow job, not to mention the pleasure that provides. According to Kerner, "Oral sex feels great, but swallowing has little to do with the actual physical pleasure. The essence of a blowjob is friction to the head of the penis, pressure to the base, and lubrication to facilitate the process. Suction and tongue-work augment the friction."

In addition to technique, there is a lot to be said for enthusiasm and passion. "Beyond physical pleasure, the difference between a great blow job and a not-so-great blow job is the psychological stance of the giver, namely does she seem into it?" says Kerner. "There are lots of ways to be into something — sensual, sweet, passionate, powerful — and guys can tell the difference generally between authenticity and going through the motions."

In other words, you can swallow a river but if your technique sucks, so to speak, and you seem repulsed, you're not going to impress anyone. Showing him you're really down, with authentic groans and getting into it, will go a lot farther than one gulp.

1. Communicate with your partner about what you are comfortable with.

Let him know what you are comfortable with and, if there are circumstances that might help you to feel differently, what that might be. "It's important to communicate your likes and dislikes and also be able to talk about them and feel like you're both listening and being heard. Taking a sexual behavior like swallowing off the table shouldn't be a deal breaker, especially if a partner enjoys other aspects of oral sex," Kerner says. "Also, if not swallowing allows you to really enjoy the other parts of fellatio, let your partner know this."

High-level technique requires study. When you were in school, if you wanted to get an A on a test, you studied for it. To get an A as a lover is no different. Many people have a hard time putting their ego aside to learn about sex and anatomy. "Why should I? I already know how to give a blow job," you may think to yourself. But you can always heighten your partner's pleasure, give better orgasms, and learn new things. When it comes to technique, no matter how much you know, it is best to put your ego aside and approach this learning process from a place of openness and humility. There is no shame in learning, and asking what feels good — and what could feel better — is a good place to start.

Spice things up by going deeper than you usually do. Check out some tips and techniques from my column about deep throating to give swallowing a whole new meaning.

Make sure that oral sex is reciprocal, that one person is not doing all the heavy lifting while the other lays back. This can breed resentment and make a partner nitpick and focus on what he isn't getting (swallowing) instead of what he is getting.

5. Don't let up til the orgasm is over.

A really common mistake that people without penises make is to stop blowing mid-orgasm which can make it less pleasurable. If you don't want to swallow, Kerner recommends, "don't stop applying friction with your hand until a guy has finished ejaculating."

It's okay. You don't have to swallow if you don't want to. And, if you want to work past your aversion, that is an option, too. Here's what you can do.

You can use your fabulous oral sex techniques as a warm-up to intercourse. Once things are hot and heavy, you can jump on top of him to take him inside of you (assuming he's consenting and game, of course).

There are so many places for him to cum! The world is his oyster... and your oyster is only one of them. He can cum on your stomach, your face, your boobs; roll over and give him your back as a palette if you want. He can cum on himself or shoot it across the room. Just try to keep his jizz out of your eye, which is not only mood-killer, but potentially dangerous. If that does happen make sure to rinse it with warm water, put a compress on it and check in with your doctor if things get inflamed.

There is nothing wrong with spitting it out. Just don't act like you are grossed out or find his juices repulsive. You can be so discreet he will hardly know. You should always have a washcloth or tissue nearby when doing anything that involves bodily fluids, anyway. He'll be psyched about the orgasm (and probably that it happened in your mouth), and you can just discreetly spit it into the cloth you already have on hand. Win-win.

If you want to get over your aversion, there is nothing like exposure therapy. Perhaps you had a bad experience with some "funky spunk" as Samantha did in Sex and the City . Maybe your current guy has a better taste than someone you were with in the past. Diet, health, and lifestyle habits can make a huge difference in acidity and taste. Another option is to let him shoot it further back in your throat so it does not hit your taste buds. Sometimes a bad experience — like a partner who did not warn you it was coming or one who pressured you to swallow when you weren't ready or didn't want to — can spook you for a long time after. Having a sensitive partner who lets you be more in control and doesn't pressure you can be very healing here.

For myriad reasons, you should think twice about any man who pressures you to swallow or shames you for not doing it. You should always have a conversation about STIs and HIV status before swapping fluids. People forget that they can catch something from oral sex but it happens. It is also okay to save something for a committed relationship... or, save it for never and straight up say no! After all, a sexual encounter with someone you're into should never be that hard to swallow.

In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.

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