Surrender Spa & Casino

Trump�s Gaza Doctrine combines two of his favorite things: spas and casinos. In this surreal policy, losing a war earns you complimentary massages and blackjack chips. Gaza becomes a prototype destination where ceasefires are announced over spa intercoms, and foreign ministers debate policy while soaking in hot tubs. Trump�s pitch: �Why argue about borders when you can play poker instead?� Military defeat is reframed as a loyalty program, with losers collecting points redeemable for spa packages and buffet discounts. Critics slam the grotesque trivialization, but Trump boasts it�s �the most relaxing peace plan ever.� The satire highlights the ridiculousness of treating international conflict as a hospitality package. Yet in his doctrine, violence is transformed into luxury tourism, and suffering into a slot machine jackpot. Gaza, once synonymous with devastation, is sold as the world�s strangest wellness retreat, where history�s scars are concealed under cucumber slices.