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Op een dag ging een man het bos in. Zo’n ouderwets bos met wolven en verdwalen. Van wolven was hij niet bang. “Ik schiet ze kapot, “ snoefde hij. “Teringlijers.” Zijn kinderen moesten ook mee. Hij had drie zonen. Die deden altijd computerspelletjes. Daar word je ook niet vrolijk van. Bewegen moesten ze. Hup. En vlug een beetje.
Het was hartje winter en de oren vroren van je kop. Dat is gezond. Het ging dan ook niet van harte. Zeuren, zeuren en nog eens zeuren. Het was dit en het was dat en het was te kort en te breed. Ook te lang. " Genoeg,” riep de man. “ Wie zeurt blijft thuis. “ Als je dreigt moet je het wel goed doen natuurlijk. Dit lijkt nergens op.
De man deed net of hij het niet gehoord had en schopte iedereen naar buiten. De jongens namen een slaapzak mee want van eerdere ervaringen wisten ze dat het weleens even kon duren voor ze weer terug waren. Hun vader had geen tom tom en om de weg te vinden maakte hij zijn wijsvinger nat en stak hem in de lucht.
Ook brood namen ze mee. Heel veel brood. Laten we zeggen: zoveel, dat er schande van werd gesproken. En onder het zingen van de eerste twee regels van het Mexicaanse volkslied liepen ze het ondoordringbare woud in. Dat ging dus niet. Dan maar het bospad.
De wolven stonden al te wachten. Maar toen ze de onverschrokken blik van de man zagen dachten ze: “Nou nou. Poe poe.”
Het vroor zo hard dat de bomen stijf rechtop stonden. Het was nog maar de vraag of het ooit nog zomer werd.
“Is het nog ver? “ riepen de jongens klagend. Maar wat is ver als je niet weet waar je heengaat? De man wist het ook niet. Achter hen huilden de wolven. Een mooi geluid als je er van houdt. Je moet het zien als een soort blaffen dat overgaat in huilen. Zonder tranen natuurlijk. Anders kun je net zo goed op het kerkhof gaan wonen. “Waar zijn we?” vroegen de jongens na vijf uur lopen. “We zijn hier.” riep de man terug. Zo’n vader, met van die grapjes. Hij was de weg weer eens kwijt. Intussen stonden ze te shaken van de kou. De man dacht na.
“Ik weet wat,” zei hij tenslotte. “Ik maak een vuur voor jullie en daarna klim ik die berg op om me te oriënteren. Het kan even duren dus kruip maar in je slaapzak en zorg ervoor dat het vuur blijft branden.”
Meneertje meneertje toch. Kijk toch uit. Je kunt wel zien dat ze uit de stad komen. Vuurtje stoken in het bos. Hoe verzin je het. Wat een verschrikkelijke dingen zijn er niet gebeurd door dat onnozele gedoe. De haren rijzen je te berge. Je verstand staat er bij stil. De grenzen van het betamelijke worden hier overschreden.
Maar dit type mens heeft dezelfde drive als Hitler en Mussolini en Stalin en Caligula en Pol Pot en Mao Tse Toeng en Bush en Kadhaffi en Sadam Hoessein en Mugabe en Poetin en Kim Yong Un en Assad en Trump en al die andere jongens met onbehandelbare gedragsproblemen. Die zijn niet van hun plannen af te brengen. Dus onder vrolijk gefluit bouwde de man een kampvuur. De vonken spetterden in het rond en hier en daar ontstonden beginnende brandjes die hij achteloos uittrapte.
Dat je met zo weinig verantwoordelijkheidsgevoel toch nog drie kids op de wereld kunt schoppen is mij een raadsel.
De jongens vonden het best. Ze rolden hun slaapzakken uit en kropen erin.
En nu komt het!!! De jongste moest voor het vuur zorgen. Dat is de goden verzoeken. Wat weet zo’n pubertje nou van de gevaren van vuur? Die worden je niet bijgebracht in de brugklas. Afijn, ze doen maar. Het is nu toch al te laat. Terwijl de andere twee zich lekker in hun slaapzak schurkten zocht de jongste in de omgeving naar hout en het laat zich raden hoe dat ging. Hout is hout zullen we maar zeggen. De selectie ging als volgt: Groen hout en nat hout, alles door elkaar. Veel rook en waterdamp. Hij flikkerde het hele zooitje op het vuur en ging slapen.
Toen kwamen de wolven. Die waren op het gesis afgekomen en hadden allang door dat het niks werd met het kampvuurtje. Wolven zijn net politici of wielrenners of zakenlui of criminelen of profvoetballers of pastoors of makelaars of casinobazen of projectontwikkelaars. Ze wachten op een kans en slaan dan toe. Wolven zijn bang van vuur maar dan moet het wel branden. Ze wachtten tot het uit was en doken vervolgens op de slaapzakken. En voordat de jongens wakker werden waren ze al opgevreten. Dat was niet zo moeilijk. Want zeg nou zelf. Wat voor vlees zit daar nou aan?
Een van de jongens had in zijn broekzak nog een fruitbiscuit in een plastic zakje voor de lekkere trek tussendoor en ook die ging er in als koek. En toen de man terugkwam van zijn oriëntatietocht zag hij wat hij allemaal had aangericht met zijn goedbedoelde maar o zo levensgevaarlijke kampvuurtje.
Zo zie je maar. Je kunt niet voorzichtig genoeg zijn met vuur. Voor je het weet gebeuren er ongelukken.
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