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It felt as if that night wouldn't pass. I had a throbbing headache and couldn't stop crying. I don't remember when I slept off. I woke up to find my husband standing in front of my bed with last night's question: "So, what have you decided? Is your answer yes or no?"
I didn't know what to say. I gathered some courage to speak up and mumbled: "Please go to the office, I'll call you by evening and let you know my answer, I promise."
He threatened: "I will call you myself at 4pm. I want the answer and it should be 'yes'. Otherwise be ready to get punished."
By punishment, he meant anal sex. He knew that it was extremely painful for me and he used it as a tool to torture me.
He and his elder sister left for the office. I was now alone and struggling with my thoughts.
#HerChoice is a series of true life-stories of 12 Indian women. These accounts challenge and broaden the idea of the "modern Indian woman" - her life choices, aspirations, priorities and desires.
I was afraid that my father would be angry but his response amazed me. "Pack your bags and get out of there," he said.
I took a book, gathered my educational certificates and rushed towards the bus station.
After boarding the bus, I sent a message to my husband. "My answer is 'no' and I am going back home," it said. After that I switched off my mobile phone.
After a few hours, I was home, surrounded by my family. I had left my husband's house after only two months of marriage.
I met my husband, Sahil, when I was in the final year of graduation. He was a jovial man. I liked being around him and with time we fell in love.
We used to go on dates, talk for countless hours on phone. It seemed as if life was almost too kind to me.
But this rosy romance did not continue for long. Gradually I started realising that our relationship lacked equality. It wasn't what I had been looking for.
Our relationship was becoming like my parents' relationship. The only difference; my mother kept silent while I could not stop myself from speaking up.
My father used to scream at my mother for petty things. He would even hit her and the only thing she responded with was tears.
When Sahil and I had an argument, it would often turn into a scuffle. He would use force to get intimate with me and scream at me if I refused.
I remember him once asking me: "Suppose I hit you someday, then what would you do?"
The question stunned me. I controlled my anger with great difficulty and replied, "I would break up with you that very day."
What he said next shocked me even more. He said, "It means you don't love me. Love should be unconditional."
After this, we didn't talk for almost a month.
Our fights became more frequent. Many times I'd try to end our relationship but he would apologise every time. I wanted to get rid of him forever and don't know why I wasn't able to do it.
Meanwhile, I was being pressured into marriage.
I was a teacher now. I'd be in class, teaching children and my parents would call me.
The same conversation would be repeated. "What have you thought about marriage? Why don't you marry Sahil? If not him then let us find a suitable match for you. At least think about your younger sisters…"
If anything went wrong at home, it would be blamed on my staying single.
Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. My father's business suffered losses because I wasn't getting married.
I was so frustrated that I finally said yes to marriage. I was still not ready for it and didn't believe Sahil's promise that he would change his attitude.
My fears came true after our wedding. Sahil made me a puppet, dancing to his tunes.
I was fond of poetry and used to my write my poems on Facebook. He forbade me from doing it. He even started dictating what I should wear.
One day he told me that I should finish all my reading and writing work by night. "If you leave me dissatisfied in bed, I will have to go to someone else."
He'd say that I wasn't making him happy and would advise me to watch pornography so I could learn some techniques.
And then he got this obsession with seeking work in Mumbai.
He said: "You stay here, do your job and send me money to support me there, and then you take out a loan so I can buy a house."
This is what he wanted me to say yes to. That night he had pushed me on the bed and forced me into anal sex just for that yes.
A line had been crossed. I left him the morning after.
I was a well-educated woman who could earn and live on her own. Yet, my heart was sinking when I left Sahil's home.
There was a fear of being judged by my own family and society. But even bigger than that was the pain in my heart.
When I reached home, my hair was dishevelled and eyes swollen as I had cried all night.
Newly married women look ravishing when they visit home for the first time after marriage. But my face was pale and the keen eyes of my neighbours guessed why.
People started pouring in. Some would say: "Such a terrible thing has happened to you." Others consoled me that Sahil would come to apologise and take me back.
Then there were a few who thought that a woman should not make such a harsh choice over petty issues.
Everyone had something to say but their opinions could not change my decision.
It has been seven months since I left Sahil's home and now I am choosing my own path. I have received a fellowship; I am doing a job and studying as well.
We have been going to police stations and courts as the legal procedure of divorce is not over yet.
I still wake up with a start at night. I still have nightmares.
I haven't been able to forget what I had to face but I am trying to move on in earnest.
My trust in love and relationships is definitely shaken, but not broken yet. I have decided to take some time for myself. I am proud that I didn't stay silent and got out of this abusive relationship before it was too late.
That is why I believe that my future will be better than my past and present.
This is a true life-story of a woman who lives in western India as told to BBC reporter Sindhuvasini Tripathi, produced by Divya Arya. The woman's identity has been kept anonymous on request.
BBC 100 Women names 100 influential and inspirational women around the world every year and shares their stories. Find us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and use #100Women
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He said that everyone was into rough sex, that something must be wrong with me. He said that as his WIFE I was supposed to meet all his needs. He said that I should have sex with him every day if he wants it. He said that he was sorry that I cried. He said that next time, he would ask me first. He said a lot of things to justify his behavior.
Nothing can justify WIFE RAPE. Nothing.
Marital rape is the term used to describe nonconsensual sexual acts between a woman/man and her husband/wife, ex-husband/wife, or intimate long-term partner.
These sexual acts can include: intercourse, anal or oral sex, forced sexual behavior with other individuals, and other unwanted, painful, and humiliating sexual activities.
It is rape if one partner uses force, threats, or intimidation to get the other to submit to sexual acts.
There are three types of marital rape:
Battering Rape - This involves forced sex combined with battering, motivated primarily by anger toward the victim. The sexual abuse is either part of the entire physical abuse incident or is a result of the husband later asking his wife to prove she forgives him for the beating by having sex with him.
Force-Only Rape - The husband uses only as much force as necessary to coerce his wife into sexual activity. This type of sexual assault is primarily motivated by the need for power over the victim. In his mind, he is merely asserting his right to have sex with "his" wife on demand. This is the most common type of marital rape.
Obsessive Rape - The husband’s sexual interests run toward the strange and perverse, and he is willing (or even has a preference) to use force to carry these activities out. This is the least common, yet arguably the most physically damaging, type of marital rape.
Although battered women are more at risk for marital rape than their non-battered counterparts, some men will rape their wives and never beat them; others will beat them, but not rape them. These issues may be inter-linked or seemingly unrelated.
I met this girl at the local used book store. I thought she was cute
when I first saw her because she was soooo petite. The kind of girl you
want to put on your dick and spin...
Later I saw her in the sex section and thought, "This is my kinda
I started hanging out beside her and got a big boner... and I made no
bones about making sure she saw the effect she was having on me.
We spent a long time pretending to look at books, all the while looking
at each other discretely. Eventually she told me she was doing research
for her master's thesis. Which begged the question, "What's the subject
Which elicted the unexpected answer, "The history of defecation and anal
This led to a lot more discussion and eventually exchanging names.
After a while a guy was trying to get between us. She picked up her
books and excused herself to leave. I watched her walking away. She
turned and saw me watching. She came back and started looking at books
I went over and stood thiiiiis close behind her. I really wanted to run
sexual energy with her. It startled her when she bumped into me to find
By this time I thought, "This woman is begging me to ask her to lunch."
We went across the street and got some pizza and chatted a long time.
That's where I snapper her picture. We exchanged contact information
and she said she'd write when she got home. She lives in the northern
part of the state. But nothing yet!
from "Random acts of rendering" a series in progress
Health officials said the New York patient reportedly had unsafe anal sex with hundreds of partners while taking crystal methamphetamine. The drug's stimulating effect and erasure of inhibitions contribute to sex marathons that have increased the spread of HIV, they explained.
No wonder Kurt blew his brains out if he had to hang out with Dave Grohl. If I had to hang out with such a retard I would probably do the same....
Funny how on their revamped website their causes page no longer carries a link to the HIV denialist group alive and well (AKA Dead and Buried)
However there is still online a version of their old causes page here:
So not so easy to erase this public display of continued denialism...
As for the rest the following article makes for interesting reading (it may be old but The Truth Fighters are still continuing to support Maggiore, and much more on her later...):
Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl wants you to forget what you think you know about AIDS.
News: A platinum-selling alt-rock group may be endangering their fans by promoting a dangerous myth.
Some rock stars want to free Tibet. Others want to save Mumia. The Foo Fighters, on the other hand, want their fans to ignore accepted medical wisdom about AIDS.
The multimillion-album-selling alternative rock outfit has thrown its weight behind Alive and Well, an "alternative AIDS information group" that denies any link between HIV and AIDS. In January, Foo Fighters bassist Nate Mendel helped organize a sold-out concert in Hollywood to benefit the group. Foo fans were treated to a speech by Alive and Well founder Christine Maggiore, who believes AIDS may be caused by HIV-related medications, anal sex, stress, and drug use, and implies that people should not get tested for HIV nor take medications to counter the virus. Free copies of Maggiore's self-published book, "What If Everything You Thought You Knew About AIDS Was Wrong?," in which she declares "there is no proof that HIV causes AIDS," were also passed out to the concert-goers.
HIV experts are alarmed by the possible impact of the Foo Fighters' embrace of Maggiore's theories on their potentially gullible young fans.
"Clearly, more research is needed on the factors that contribute to HIV infection and the development of AIDS," says Dorcus Crumbley of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for HIV, STD, and TB Prevention. "However, the conclusions of more than two decades of epidemiologic, virologic, and medical research are that HIV infection is transmissible through sexual contact, injecting drug use, perinatally, and from receiving blood or blood products ... (and) the scientific evidence is overwhelming that HIV is the cause of AIDS."
Adds Crumbley: "The myth that HIV is not the primary cause of AIDS ... could cause (HIV-positive people) to reject treatment critical for their own health and for preventing transmission to others."
"When it comes to such a complex health topic, it behooves the band to have really researched what they are endorsing," says Diane Tanaka, an attending physician at the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, where she works with a large population of high-risk and HIV-infected low-income youth. "(The Foo Fighters) have a big responsibility in terms of (their) public role and the impact that they can have on young people. Is this band willing to take responsibility for a young person engaging in risky, unprotected sex because of information they've gotten from the (Foo Fighters) or from Alive and Well?"
Alive and Well is one of several fringe groups that deny a link between HIV and AIDS. Similar theories have been put forth over the years by various far-right groups and anti-Semitic conspiracy theorists, and other so-called "HIV-refuseniks."
"Your risk of being hit by lightning is greater than that of contracting HIV through a one-time random sexual contact with someone you don't know here in America," says Maggiore, an HIV-positive Southern California resident with no formal training in medicine or the sciences. "And if (a young person) were to get a positive diagnosis, that does not mean they've been infected with HIV." The HIV-AIDS connection, maintains Maggiore, has been promoted by greedy drug companies.
Mendel says he was won over by Maggiore's book, and passed it around to the rest of the band, which includes former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl. Mendel says that he would steer anyone considering an HIV antibody test toward Maggiore's group.
"If you test positive, you are pretty much given a bleak outlook and told to take toxic drugs to possibly ward off new infections," says Mendel.
With the other band members on board, Mendel aims to use the Foo Fighters' celebrity to get the message out to a broad audience. The Foo Fighters plan additional benefit shows, and have placed a banner ad on their Web site linking to Alive and Well. Mendel says that he does not have HIV, nor does he have any friends with HIV besides Maggiore, who has remained asymptomatic.
The most recent numbers from the Joint United Nations' HIV/AIDS Program estimate that 16.3 million people worldwide have died of AIDS-related causes since 1981. Medical research in the United States indicates that as many as 25 percent of the nation's estimated 40,000 annual HIV infections occur among 13- to 21-year-olds. Maggiore, however, maintains that worldwide HIV infections and AIDS deaths are exaggerated by the CDC and the World Health Organization, even in regions like sub-Saharan Africa, where two-thirds of the world's HIV-infected people live.
Maggiore's message has apparently penetrated the minds of at least some Foo aficionados. She says she has heard from many Foo fans since the show -- one of whom, she says, now works at the Alive and Well office.
"AIDS is a toxic disease caused by either long-term recreational drug abuse or short-term anti-HIV medications," writes a 22-year-old member of the Alive and Well-affiliated Students Reappraising AIDS on the Foo Fighters' Web-based message board. "HIV is not spread sexually, nor is it the cause of any disease."
Other fans are less impressed. Damian Purdy, a 21-year-old Winnipeg, Canada resident and devoted Foo Fighters fan, is outraged by the band's position. "By supporting this, the Foo Fighters have entered an arena that they have no business being in. The truth is that a rock concert is not the appropriate platform for these views to be expressed. I think the Foo Fighters have more influence than they realize," he says.
For his part, Mendel remains convinced that the media and the medical establishment are keeping the truth about HIV and AIDS from the public. The Foo Fighters, he insists, will continue to use their celebrity to bring "light to the issue."
Is he worried that the group might be endangering the lives of some of its listeners?
"I'm absolutely confident that I'm doing the right thing," Mendel answers. "No, I wouldn't feel responsible for possibly harming somebody. I (feel) I'm doing the opposite."
A short clip of me cleaning up my dildo after some anal action.
The size and length reminds me of the time my ex-boyfriend gave me a memorable anal sex.
My butt cheeks were so red from the spanking and I was milked so hard.
This very discreet and ultra-realistic masturbator is designed to mimic the sensations you feel during anal sex!
I am a bad girl and I need to be punished in anal I want it to be a little painful my porn profile go-gl.com/Violetta-Doss
Please leave your comments she loves.
download my hot photo and video bitly.su/private
Naturalmente l'etichetta del costume rovina ogni poesia.
Walking south down Spadina just before Dupont, this billboard made me laugh out loud.
Update: May 17th, 2009 - thanks everyone for your comments! This also made it to the front page of digg!
I guess a lot of you still find it difficult to come out and let the world know you are a T.Girl as that of course usually infers one goes with men or indulges in pervy tranny sex with likeminded individuals. I can understand why especially in certain rougher neibourhoods but I still feel it's a bit sad as for the most part our world is not su
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