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Apr 28, 2014 at 3:44 pm
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A few friends have seen my stand-up comedy joke sets, and commented, “dang Bri! Now that we’ve seen your jokes, we KNOW you give head!”
OF COURSE I give head, I’m looking for a PARTNER.
Blame changing social norms, blame pornography—point is, the dating game has CHANGED. Blowjobs are part of the dating milieu. Who knows what will be on the table 100 years from now? Anal? Rim jobs? Maybe at the end of the first date a shy couple will stand on a front porch and instead of a cheek kiss, they’ll bang through a hole in a furry costume! I don’t know much about the future, but I do know a thing or two about sucking a dick.
So strap in, it’s going down! You can read more Let's Do It with Bri Pruett stories like " How to Suck a Dick—Part 2 ," " How to Get Your Dick Sucked ," " How to Pick a Sex Playlist ," and more here !
HOW TO SUCK A DICK 1. You gotta really want to suck that dick
A half-assed blowjob isn’t good for ANYONE. Sometimes “liking” a dude is NOT ENOUGH. Sometimes you gotta have your own romance with that dick. Is the dick approachable? Attractive? Do it smell good? Is it intimidating? Ask yourself: Do I want to get involved with that dick?
Check it out before you commit to anything. If it’s your first time with this dude, feel him up a bit first, over the clothes while you’re making out. Examine it up close if you need to. Remember, just because you pulled it out doesn’t mean you HAVE to suck that thing.
I can already feel your protests filling my inbox like it's a warm mouth: DON’T TEACH FOLKS TO BE COCK TEASES, BRI! I know, I know, you’re worried about the much-discussed blue balls. But I’m thinking of the “greater blowjob good.” People didn’t start appreciating wine until they started putting some in their mouths and spitting it out again.
And why are you so worried about blue balls? There are plenty of sex acts that don’t end in a big jizzy orgasm, so cool your jets and enjoy all that life has to offer! Porn and NASA rocket launches have taught you to always be working toward one ENORMOUS THROBBING CUM FACIAL , and you just gotta let that go. When you do, it’ll lead to some deeply satisfying sex—and you won’t always be racing to the finish line.
No one should be giving blowjobs because they feel like they’re obligated to… Maybe it’s the 3rd date, or maybe you’re married and this is the only dick in your world right now. There are a lot of other good reasons to suck a dick! Because you want to, because it turns you on, because you like being in control, because you like the noises he makes, because you like being responsible for those noises, because you like the way it feels in your mouth, because you like the way he looks at you while you do it… When you are in the mood, it’ll be a better blowjob. 2. First Contact You’ve made up your mind. This dude is getting brain, YOUR brain, all over the tip of his dick (it isn’t such a cute expression on the other side of the verse is it KANYE ?). So now you’ve got to get your mouth all on it. Is he un-circumsized? Pull back the skin down and taut, very important. Most of the nerves in the penis are at the tip, and under side (aka the dark side).
PRO TIP: Maybe you’re nervous, or you been smoking pot—either way, that dry mouth is NOT gonna work. Keep a glass of water on your night stand or an emergency bottle of water in your sex kit. You don’t have a sex kit? Why not, what happened to it? Ugh, do you even WANT to get better at this?
There’s a rhythm to sucking dick, and it starts slowly. Pace yourself. Don’t slam it down your throat right away (if ever). I like to mark my territory first, gently make my presence known with a warm tongue on the underside of the dong in question. When everything is wet, it’s more sensitive.
With all sexy business, anticipation is a tenuous thread. Wait too long, and the anticipation fades to impatience. The boy you are working on will tell you with noises (and maybe words) when to move on to more rhythmic contact. 2a. Position
OH I FORGOT! How are you even put together? On your knees, while he’s sitting or standing? Are you both lying on your side? OR is he lying on his back, while you get into what the yogi’s would call “modified child’s pose.” (gross… awful… terrible)
In any case, being higher than him, and having the greatest range of motion is going to give you more torque. Meaning that you shouldn’t be reaching to suck his dick, like a baby giraffe stretching his tongue to eat from the cock tree on the dusty savannah.
Be comfortable. If your knees give you trouble, don’t do it that way. If your hips give you trouble, it’s gonna be tricky to have your ass up in the air. OH speaking of asses! If he’s in love with yours, make sure he has access to it, if you’re into that kind of thing. Or maybe he worships your tits. You know this dude (or maybe you don’t, no judgements!) there are lots of little things to make this a memorable blow job. Roll out the red carpet! Life is short!
Author’s Note: I’d be remiss if I did not mention the cheapest dinner-for-two in town, “69.” So named for the percentage of the time it fails to get its participants off. Still, the supporters of 69-ing are numerous and may they have simultaneous oral experiences for all their days! I personally cannot concentrate on giving a blow job while sitting on someone’s face. If you take pride in a blowjob, if you are wanting to give your requiem performance, skip the 69.
On that note, the rest of the messy details to follow—tune in next time and I’ll tell you how to DISMOUNT AND FINISH THE JOB!
Wishing you great love and epic blowjobs, @BriPruett
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A successful novel writer called Dr. Jekyll feels haunted by Hyde, a character from his latest novel who somehow materialized. When Jekyll awakens from a surreal nightmare he realizes that H... Read all A successful novel writer called Dr. Jekyll feels haunted by Hyde, a character from his latest novel who somehow materialized. When Jekyll awakens from a surreal nightmare he realizes that Hyde took his penis away, leaving only a hole behind, what finally turns out to be the begi... Read all A successful novel writer called Dr. Jekyll feels haunted by Hyde, a character from his latest novel who somehow materialized. When Jekyll awakens from a surreal nightmare he realizes that Hyde took his penis away, leaving only a hole behind, what finally turns out to be the beginning of a psychological and at times quite campy journey through male fears of loss of po... Read all
References I Dream of Jeannie (1965)
This is definitely the feel good movie of the year with powerful performances from Hannelore Elsner and Katja Flint. This movie just was a rollercoaster ride of emotion from the moment you meet the dick suckers all the way to their final showdown. With some very funny moments, such as the "teenie weenie penis" scene and the dick just can't fit scene, this movie has Oscar written all over it. The soundtrack was also incredible with some very mood setting music. This truly is one of the greatest movies ever made.
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You came (wink-wink, see what I did there?), saw, and conquered your fear of stigma and decided to research websites answering the question, “ can I suck my own dick ?” Great! I’m glad you are researching this subject before jumping in headfirst .
I’m all in for that, and backing you up all the way. To each its own. Whatever floats your boat, captain. Hey, I’ve done the same thing and ALMOST sucked my own cock! That’s right. You cannot deny the power of human curiosity. Men will not admit it, but most of us have thought about what it would feel like to suck our own dicks.
Obviously, you are unsure how to begin the self-head-giving process. We’re here to help. Before you jump headfirst into this guide, remember this: to develop the proper skills to suck your own dick will not be an overnight process. Achievement requires dedicated practice every single day for the long haul.
We have outlined tried-and-true cock blowing techniques in this detailed guide. If studied and executed correctly, you can become a self-dick sucking machine in no time. Think of it like this: you have the best tool at your disposal to learn the craft and perfect the moves-your own body.
★ EDITOR’S CHOICE – THE BEST DICK SUCKING MACHINES OF 2021★
First, before I begin with the guide, let’s start with a little personal story to motivate your quest…
20 years ago my ugly-duckling syndromic self was sitting in my hot, sweaty bedroom with my hormones raging. I had a strong desire to feel a warm moist mouth wrapped around my dick and would do almost anything to achieve that pursuit, but I did not have the luxury to get another person with an available mouth, which led to an enlightening thought of sucking my own dick .
I grabbed a rollaway bed and folded it halfway, laid my body on the carpet in front of it, pulled my legs all the way back towards my head Ta-chi style (My body had better flexibility back then), and managed to pull the bed on top of my legs to pull my penis closer to my mouth. I could hardly breathe, but my need to get some neck was so strong, so I pushed my head forward. I then used all my strength to thrust my pelvic area towards my mouth and managed to get the tip of my dick to touch my lips. Success!
Some of you might be more successful at achieving a self-blowjob than I was. However, note something: you don’t have to settle with sucking your own dick, man. I know you’re an open-minded, adventurous person who loves to try new things-I get it. But nothing is wrong with letting a consenting adult do the dick sucking for you.
Check out Adult Friend Finder to find all types of cock suckers tonight with various skill sets ready to put in the work, tonight or any night for that matter!
To make this process work flawlessly in your favor, you need to be a preferably fit person. That means eliminating an unhealthy diet and adopting one that benefits your regimen.
For example, overly muscular guys or potbelly men would likely have a more difficult time bringing their legs to their heads and getting their lips to touch the tip than someone fit and slim.
A way around this obstacle if you have some meat on your bones is doing stretching exercises every single day if you are not already doing them.
Doing yoga exercises is a great way to increase body flexibility, and get it used to doing extreme stretches you never thought possible. Moreover, yoga exercise is relaxing and will help you mentally cope with whatever life adversity is pushing you to suck your own dick-some people believe that mentally sound people are not sitting around thinking about putting their mouths on their cocks. I am!
Consulting a yoga instructor will help in the quest, but never reveal to anyone in the class that you are enrolled specifically to suck your own cock. Your ass might get kicked out of the class or even the authorities called on you.
Thankfully, you have my experience to help. Here is an easy two-step stretching exercise to help you adapt better positions:
Repeat these steps everyday and you should be able to lie down on the floor with your legs spread apart as far as they will go, and curl your back enough to bring the penis to your mouth.
You have now unlocked an easy way to suck your own cock!
My personal method required me lying on the floor because that worked for me. You have to move your ligaments around and test different positions to discover what works for you.
The proper way to correctly position your body, however, is by sitting upright, and pulling your legs straight up towards the ceiling – get someone to help you get them there the first time if you are not that flexible yet.
Then, you will push your head down towards your penis and should have no problem bopping on your corn on the cob. Use the free hand to raise the hard cock up to create better aerodynamics reaching your mouth.
Plenty of ‘autofellatio’ videos display this method and there is no shortage of them on the world wide web.
If you are unsuccessful at giving yourself the pleasure you want, then this act might not be for you. Again, Adult Friend Finder has plenty of profiles featuring adults who are avid cock suckers.
However, if you are a well-endowed man, who also possesses a long slobbery tongue, then you should have no problem giving yourself head.
If you want to get a larger penis, then you have several options. Natural supplements and jelqing exercises are some of the more popular ways to increase the size of your penis to finally reach your mouth.
Early civilizations have a history of people sucking their own dicks. They normally do it for spiritual reasons. The most famous is the Ancient Egyptians . It was believed that ingesting your own sperm connected you with the constellations some type of way. This belief is very interesting because you would think the Greeks would have been the original inventors of this sexual act. Obviously, they learn it from the Egyptians.
This is a no-brainer question, but let’s get practical about the answer. Many gay guys will suck their own cocks just to practice the act on themselves before moving on their boyfriends. They want to ensure that their cock-licking technique is A-1.
Cocksucking is technically a gay act because you are essentially sucking a dick, but some people would say that self sucking is masturbation because you are doing it to yourself for pleasure. Only one person is involved. But on the flip side, when you think about the visuals of your own cum dripping from the side of your mouth from sucking your own dick would be considered gay to many.
If you cannot please yourself, how can you please someone else?
Of course getting your penis in your mouth is possible. I was able to touch the tip my first time. There are plenty of blogs and forums of people who write extensively about their cock sucking claims. You can even Google ‘autofellatio’ and see the genuine videos of guys giving themselves blowjobs.
Do I really need to name them? The benefits should be obvious. First, if you consider yourself gay then you can practice dick sucking on yourself while pleasing yourself. You can test the waters and make sure your lips are nice and strong before moving onto your boyfriend.
Moreover, you are getting yourself off, so your raging hormones will get settled. This self-serving satisfaction is quelled in men who would otherwise rape or do something ungodly to get their pleasure.
A guy who can suck his own dick is a happy guy.
While this act might seem fun and extremely beneficial to you, there are some dangers. If you force your head down too far in the wrong position you can crack your neck. If you perform my technique with the rollaway bed, and there is no one in your home to help, you can get stuck in a compromising position that might require EMT services or the fire department. That’s why I suggest you never try that technique.
Unconfirmed reports circulate the net about guys unfortunately dying after attempting self sex when their breathing tube is cut off and they die of suffocation.
Another huge risk is an obvious BLOW to your relationship. If your girlfriend or even boyfriend for that matter finds out that you a
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