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Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.
Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.
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by hells88 » Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:30 pm
Although I am now 27, when I was about 6 (maybe younger) my Grandpa started to sexually abuse me and groom me, favouring me over my older brother.
My Dad worked away a lot and therefore to help my mum out me and my brother would often stay with my grandparents and even go on holiday with them.
I remember my grandpa would always give me money secretly and always said, 'don't tell your mum or your brother' he would always inappropriately touch me and show himself to me, many times I cant even pin point one.
we never saw my 3 cousins when we were growing up, and I now know why - he used to abuse my female cousin too, but she told her mum and even my parents (shes 6 years older than me) to stop anything from happening to me - her mum removed her from his presence - mine did not.
I on many occasions told my mum that I felt uncomfortable with my grandpa and that he always touches me and puts his fingers in my knickers. she said she had a word with my nannie, but nothing changed.
and he was so slobberly, always made me kiss him, I always went for the cheek, but he ALWAYS forced me onto his lips.
one time when I was about 7 I remember we had gone round for dinner and my parents were getting into the car, and I was saying goodbye to grandpa - he said he wanted to French kiss me - to which I didn't know what that was, so ran to mum and told her and she shoved me into the car.
when we went on holiday with my grandparents (me and my brother) I was always homesick and quite often my mum would actually come and get me and leave my brother there. one time my nannie called mum, she wouldn't come - she said you cant always come home - your on holiday you should stay - well I was so homesick I was vomiting everywhere and couldn't stop - I believe this is all the reason why I now have a severe phobia of sick and people being sick.
he was still 'funny' with me even to the day he died, when I was 23. I was always favoured (well all girls) he wasn't interested in the boys of the family - he had no time for my brother (who is 2 years older than me)
I feel very alone as my dad isn't interested (it was his dad) and my mum just makes me feel guilty by saying that she did have a few 'words' but because I didn't say anything to her again she thought it had stopped. therefore the abuse carried on.
Dont feel guilty, be sure if you had said to your mother more and more never she would have done something.
If she tries to unload the responsibility on you do you believe that? Maybe better than feel worsen thinking on mother's behaviour.
Is more understandable your father if he cant think his father as pedophile of her daughter but I see a lot of "I dont want know" in this story.
Children understand that and know when is useful to insist to the parents and when they want all to be hidden. Like in the car, saying nothing your mother give you the biggest signal she could.
And, after all, yes you said that one time, oh God one time is damned enough, yes one time your daughter said that and you waited she would say the second?!? And this one time you reported one incident, not even, you recounted repeated events.
And no more excuses, you know he was rotten because of the break with the cousins family.
I hate these camouflage persons.
Maybe they had economic problems and needed their help..
-------
Sorry for my English, Im not a native.
by lostgirlfound » Sat Jun 20, 2015 6:01 pm
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry you had to go through that as a child. It was not your fault. I am sorry your family is not very supportive. I have been through a somewhat similar experience. I am 29 years old now. I was groomed and sexually abused by my grandpa from a very young age also. Also my father's father and my family didn't care what was happening. Are you meeting with a therapist or anything like that? I have found therapy to be very helpful. If you ever want to talk , I'm here.
by hells88 » Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:25 pm
Hello, firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to the topic. I feel very grateful for that.
And also how similar our topic is, I find that quite interesting,
I am seeing a counsellor now every Thursday, which is going ok, but just makes me sad because it increases my feeling of being let down so terribly by my mum in particular.
I cant bear it went my husband catches his stubble on my neck and softly touching me if he gives me a hug etc, it makes me flinch and cringe and I feel so sorry for him because its not reflected onto him its because its not him I have the feelings towards.
Its such a horrible thing to go through and I do think that people cant understand unless they have been through it themselves?
Helen
x
by Seangel » Wed Jun 24, 2015 5:10 pm
Hi Hells,
I was abused too by the father of my father. A story very similar to yours. Since I was 5, that's as early as I remember, until I was 10. I also felt uncomfortable and told my mother, who said: "You must have misunderstood him". It wasn't that she didn't care, just that it was impossible for her to imagine something like that happening in her own house.
My anger, was not because of her not noticing the abuse, though there were signs. My anger was because of what she did after. She didn't do much when I told her first time. She only did it the second time, I was 14, and I told her because I knew he wanted to do the same to my little sister.
It's really good that you're working with a therapist to let it all out. In my view, parents, should do much more than have a "word" with someone. They should protect, and be there to not allow the abuse happen. However, this is not always the case. And yes, you have a right to be angry.
I have been angry, and I have talked to my mother about it, I'm 32, and just now, 22 years later, she's feeling anger towards him (grandfather). He's already dead. She says she doesn't understand why she didn't do anything sooner. My theory is that for her it was easier to put that feeling away where it wouldn't "bother" her. Because it made her feel guilty.
However, I've talked about it, and I told her how I felt, and how I wish she would have done something different. I wish she had realized that I was being abused because I showed signs. I love her very much, still I think she failed there greatly.
Regarding your husband, how about if you tell him that certain "expression of affection" remind you of your abuser. So, instead of repeating them, to do others. Tell him how you feel, and that's not him related, but related to the past. He might want to contribute to you feeling good, so he can stopped doing that.
Sending you very good vibes.
Sea
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)
by hells88 » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:06 pm
Hello Sea
So sorry to hear of your story also.
I am a very open person and have told my mum how I feel and how I felt, she obviousily does feel guilty because of certain things she has said and she ends up crying but I end up feeling sorry for her and feel guilty that I have brought it up. but in my head I cant understand why when as a child I have said things to her about grandpa that if a child said to me now, it would ring alarm bells, not only because it happened to me but because of what it is that is being said.
'Grandpa keeps putting his fingers into my knickers'
'Grandpa always kisses me on the lips and its all slobberly and horrible and always gets me'
'Grandpa wants to French kiss me, what does that mean'
I could say more examples, and worse ones but I think you get the message!
I just cant get my head around the above statements, said by me to my mum and I was still left with him and went on holiday with him without the parents.
And not forgetting that my cousin who is 6 years older than me actually went to my mum and dad with her mum and told them what grandpa was doing to her and they still did nothing!
I hope in your case that from what you have said that your little sister wasn't a victim too?
xx
by Seangel » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:26 pm
hells88 wrote:I am a very open person and have told my mum how I feel and how I felt, she obviousily does feel guilty because of certain things she has said and she ends up crying but I end up feeling sorry for her and feel guilty that I have brought it up.
hells88 wrote:but in my head I cant understand why when as a child I have said things to her about grandpa that if a child said to me now, it would ring alarm bells, not only because it happened to me but because of what it is that is being said.
hells88 wrote:I hope in your case that from what you have said that your little sister wasn't a victim too?
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)
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