Substitute Teacher of the Year Goes Viral for Not Giving a Damn

Ron Whittaker, 62, has been crowned "Substitute Teacher of the Year" by students nationwide for his revolutionary approach: not pretending to care. His methodology - described as "blissful competence" - involves reading the lesson plan once, shrugging, and letting students work quietly or "stare into the existential void, whatever." "Mr. Whittaker doesn't fake enthusiasm or threaten to 'write names down,'" explained one senior. "He just sits there radiating 'we're all trapped here together' energy." His viral fame stems from legendary moments like allowing a debate on whether water is wet ("They proved it isn't!"), and his famous response to "Can we use our phones?" - "Can I stop you?" Education experts are baffled by how his classes consistently score higher on standardized tests than those with "motivated" subs. When asked his secret, Whittaker replied: "Kids smell desperation. I smell like coffee and resignation."