Submissive Sex
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Submissive Sex
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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.
There is a widespread belief that women enjoy submissive sex. And, although we will explore this subject in the following article, we should first note that both sexes, and all individuals, for that matter, have a neurological potential of liking both dominance and submission in sex.
That said, it is also the fact that women seem to still enjoy the submissive sexual role. So, let’s see why it is so, from a psychological standpoint.
Both men and women fantasize, that’s not a secret anymore. They both have attitudes about what they like and what not. Both genders have fantasies that they will fulfill at some point and some that will remain just that.
When it comes to the content of these sexual fantasies , what men and women get aroused by can be very similar, such as enjoying a vignette in which there are elements of sexual domination.
Although there are similarities that we wrote about among men and women, there are also very important differences. The most important ones revolve around how socially dominant individuals relate to force fantasies. Socially dominant men seem to also enjoy fantasies in which they dominate women.
However, women don’t differ in how they rate fantasies in which they dominate men based on their social standing. Both powerful women and shy housewives would rate a female domination fantasy similarly. But, when it comes to fantasies about them being dominated, women reveal a significant difference that is associated with their influence in the society.
Women of power or generally dominant women seem to enjoy fantasies of a tad forceful intercourse more than other women.
These fantasies may remain in their heads or play out in real life . They may include rather gentle dominance of their male partner but can go as far as fantasies of rape.
Women’s fantasy of being forcefully taken and seduced is interlaced with the fact that such mate would be probably genetically very well predisposed to give them healthy and strong children.
But, these evolutionary assumptions aren’t really that applicable to modern women anymore. They are especially unsuitable to women who are socially dominant and need no such thing as a big protector and a provider.
So, how would we then explain this experimentally confirmed fact, when previously given explanation doesn’t do much to help us understand this phenomenon?
Interestingly, experiments might reveal the mechanism behind this fantasy of dominant women. And the results reveal a logical, but unexpected explanation.
There are different explanations of why an, otherwise very confident and seemingly strong, the woman enjoys becoming dominated over in bed.
Some psychologists, especially those of dynamic schools of thought, might be prone to explaining this by introducing intricate subconscious tendencies towards self-destruction, things like penis-envy and so on.
Nonetheless, it seems that an explanation of what appears to be a paradox is much simpler than that. It’s not a paradox at all. Unlike how degrading such sexual intercourse might appear to some, to powerful women, there’s an entirely different perspective. Such encounters actually serve to confirm the dominant woman’s desirability.
In other words, a woman that enjoys a man dominating over her in sex actually interprets this behavior as the manifestation of how attracted he was to her .
He couldn’t resist her. She was that beautiful and sexy that he just couldn’t help himself, he had to have her, be it by force.
She’s successful in her career, socially dominant, and now she’s also sexually desirable, as a demonstration of feminine power.
When it comes to the discussion about submissive sex for women, the feminist movement might and usually do protest. The idea of a woman being dominated over by a man opposes the core of feminist philosophy. Women should be independent and powerful in every aspect of their existence, including sex.
However, as we presented above, the lure of submissive sex for women might be actually in accordance with what feminism propagates; or, at least, not in opposition to it. Yes, the man forces himself to a woman. But, there is more to feminine power than sheer physical force.
In other words, what women enjoy about being submissive in sex is actually empowering from the other perspective.
A perspective of feminine desirability and thus female power. This is confirmed by the fact that fantasies about sexual submission excite socially powerful and dominant women the most, and that they interpret male domination as a proof of their irresistibility.
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The #MeToo movement is helping countless women speak out against sexual abuse and the power dynamics involved with it. So, it might seem wrong to encourage women to have submissive sex. After all, won’t this make matters worse for women?
Turns out that playing with power during sex is actually very empowering and something you should try – at least once!
The idea of power dynamics in sexual interactions might not seem like it relates to you.
But if you take a closer look at your current relationship, there are definite power dynamics at play. And there are either submissive partners or dominant partners when it comes to sex. Which one are you? How about your partner?
Couples can be made up of one submissive and one dominant partner. Or, two submissive partners, or two dominant partners. But in general, one person is the dominant sexual partner and the other is submissive.
Partners who perform the dominant role usually take the lead during sex. So, they initiate, guide, suggest, and are generally more assertive than their partner. On the other hand, submissive partners like to follow the lead and respond to their partner.
It’s important to remember that just because you or your partner are dominant (or submissive) in the bedroom, doesn’t mean you play those roles in the rest of your relationship – or in all areas of the relationship. And usually, you’ll find that these power dynamics just occur naturally once you’re under the sheets.
So, how do these natural power dynamics fit into submissive sex?
Submissive sex takes the natural power dynamics of dominant and submissive sex partners and places a hyper-focus on them.
So, for example, if you’re usually the submissive type, you can actually switch and take on the dominant role. Or, if you’re usually the dominant type, you can really step into your role and play out your fantasies.
In short, with submissive sex, someone holds the power and gets to command the other partner. And while you might not like that sort of thing outside of the bedroom, it can be a major turn on for both people during sex.
According to Leon F. Seltzer , Ph.D., women experience a paradox within their sexuality. He explains that “All of us appear to possess subcortical circuits for sexual dominance as well as submission.”
Therefore, even though women (and men) are capable of switching between roles, Seltzer and other researchers have found that there’s a “very complex relationship with [a woman’s] desire to be dominant or submissive.”
All this to say that if you desire to be either submissive or dominant, you should explore this. Not only is it something biologically part of the human psyche, but it’s also something that can be very exciting to explore with your partner.
It’s super important to keep in mind that not all submissive sex is made equal. After all, when one partner abuses power dynamics and takes advantage of the other person, psychological, physical and emotional harm can occur.
Therefore, it’s crucial that submissive sex be consensual and something that both partners want.
What’s more, if you already enjoy a loving and trusting relationship, it can be very arousing and satisfying.
If submissive sex is new territory for you, it might be hard to imagine why it’s empowering for women. But here are five reasons why playing with power dynamics can supercharge your femininity.
Each person is very complex, but we usually express one side of ourselves. With submissive sex, you get to tap into other areas of your personality within a safe and intimate setting.
And since submissive sex is so different from how you normally behave in everyday life, it can really enrich your experience as a woman.
Whether you decide to be the dominant or submissive partner, this type of sex can help you overcome your fear of judgment and rejection.
And there’s nothing more empowering than a fearless woman in bed.
Even though we’re encouraged to have lots of great sex, women often feel ashamed and embarrassed about sex.
Whether it’s their sexual fantasies , enjoying , or wanting to try submissive sex, it’s easy to censor yourself and stick to the normal routine in the bedroom.
But when you try submissive sex with someone you trust, it gives you and your sexual fantasies a safe place where there’s no guilt or shame.
Instead, you both bring a lot of curiosity and openness to your sexual intimacy and that can create some pretty hot and empowering experiences.
If you’re a Type A personality, or experience a lot of anxiety, or like to be in control, submissive sex can actually be extremely satisfying. Why? Because for once, you get to hand over the reigns to someone else and just enjoy.
In fact, submissive sex can give you psychological relief. The same can be true for men if they take on the submissive role.
There’s an interesting paradox when it comes to submissive sex. On the one hand, if you’re in the submissive role, it might seem like you have no control – and to a certain degree, that’s true.
But the truth is, being submissive gives you a lot of power. According to Seltzer, when women want to be submissive , it may be driven by a desire to be irresistible. In short, women want a man to not be able to control himself when it comes to sexual activities.
And as long as there are some limitations, along with mutual respect and consensual agreement, submissive sex actually feels like a type of empowerment for lots of women because their allure actually makes a man lose control.
Submissive sex may conjure up a whole list of negative and forbidden connotations. But if you decide to try it with your partner, it can actually open up a whole new world of intimacy that actually feels very empowering.
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Being in charge is a good thing, for the most part. But when it comes to sex, sometimes getting a little submissive can be a fun way to switch up your norm. Whether you’re a boardroom boss who wants to be dominated during your time in the bedroom or someone who’s just turned on by the idea of their partner taking charge, there are tons of submissive sex positions to try out that you’re guaranteed to love. Whatever your gender identity or sexual preferences might be, there’s nothing wrong with allowing your partner ( or partners) to dominate you every now and then—or all the time, if that’s your jam. There’s no need to justify it or explain your reasons; you can want to be submissive for the sake of being submissive. It’s hot! And it’s no one’s business but your own—and the person who’s doing the dominating, of course.
If you’re looking for some fun new sex positions to try while being submissive, we’ve got your back. From modified takes on classic positions that give your parter total control, to a few unique (and slightly acrobatic) positions that will help heat things up in the bedroom, you’re sure to find the perfect submissive sex position for you below. Most of these positions are pretty novice-friendly, too, so feel free to try them out even if you’re just starting to explore your submissive side . Just remember: communication is everything. Make sure you talk with your partner before things start heating up, set safe words if you’re venturing into new territory and always (always!) have consent across the board.
With that, read on for the hottest positions
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