Submissive Orgasms

Submissive Orgasms

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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.

There is a widespread belief that women enjoy submissive sex. And, although we will explore this subject in the following article, we should first note that both sexes, and all individuals, for that matter, have a neurological potential of liking both dominance and submission in sex.
That said, it is also the fact that women seem to still enjoy the submissive sexual role. So, let’s see why it is so, from a psychological standpoint.
Both men and women fantasize, that’s not a secret anymore. They both have attitudes about what they like and what not. Both genders have fantasies that they will fulfill at some point and some that will remain just that.
When it comes to the content of these sexual fantasies , what men and women get aroused by can be very similar, such as enjoying a vignette in which there are elements of sexual domination.
Although there are similarities that we wrote about among men and women, there are also very important differences. The most important ones revolve around how socially dominant individuals relate to force fantasies. Socially dominant men seem to also enjoy fantasies in which they dominate women.
However, women don’t differ in how they rate fantasies in which they dominate men based on their social standing. Both powerful women and shy housewives would rate a female domination fantasy similarly. But, when it comes to fantasies about them being dominated, women reveal a significant difference that is associated with their influence in the society.
Women of power or generally dominant women seem to enjoy fantasies of a tad forceful intercourse more than other women.
These fantasies may remain in their heads or play out in real life . They may include rather gentle dominance of their male partner but can go as far as fantasies of rape.
Women’s fantasy of being forcefully taken and seduced is interlaced with the fact that such mate would be probably genetically very well predisposed to give them healthy and strong children.
But, these evolutionary assumptions aren’t really that applicable to modern women anymore. They are especially unsuitable to women who are socially dominant and need no such thing as a big protector and a provider.
So, how would we then explain this experimentally confirmed fact, when previously given explanation doesn’t do much to help us understand this phenomenon?
Interestingly, experiments might reveal the mechanism behind this fantasy of dominant women. And the results reveal a logical, but unexpected explanation.
There are different explanations of why an, otherwise very confident and seemingly strong, the woman enjoys becoming dominated over in bed.
Some psychologists, especially those of dynamic schools of thought, might be prone to explaining this by introducing intricate subconscious tendencies towards self-destruction, things like penis-envy and so on.
Nonetheless, it seems that an explanation of what appears to be a paradox is much simpler than that. It’s not a paradox at all. Unlike how degrading such sexual intercourse might appear to some, to powerful women, there’s an entirely different perspective. Such encounters actually serve to confirm the dominant woman’s desirability.
In other words, a woman that enjoys a man dominating over her in sex actually interprets this behavior as the manifestation of how attracted he was to her .
He couldn’t resist her. She was that beautiful and sexy that he just couldn’t help himself, he had to have her, be it by force.
She’s successful in her career, socially dominant, and now she’s also sexually desirable, as a demonstration of feminine power.
When it comes to the discussion about submissive sex for women, the feminist movement might and usually do protest. The idea of a woman being dominated over by a man opposes the core of feminist philosophy. Women should be independent and powerful in every aspect of their existence, including sex.
However, as we presented above, the lure of submissive sex for women might be actually in accordance with what feminism propagates; or, at least, not in opposition to it. Yes, the man forces himself to a woman. But, there is more to feminine power than sheer physical force.
In other words, what women enjoy about being submissive in sex is actually empowering from the other perspective.
A perspective of feminine desirability and thus female power. This is confirmed by the fact that fantasies about sexual submission excite socially powerful and dominant women the most, and that they interpret male domination as a proof of their irresistibility.
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Miranda Kane Wednesday 6 Dec 2017 7:00 am
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Many a professional dominatrix will tell you she will not allow submissives to orgasm during the session. I did.
Mainly because if they did cum halfway through, it meant I could clock off early and get on with a nice boxset.
Of course, if they specifically asked for orgasm control or chastity then we could start to play with a variety of devices – both physical and psychological – that come in pretty handy for me.
Orgasm control is basically what it sounds like: you control whether your partner can cum or not.
This doesn’t have to be in the midst of a BDSM activity – after all, who hasn’t asked him to keep his boner a little longer while we edge ourselves a little closer to the finish line with a gentle ‘not yet’?
I’m going to go through a few things you can also try if you want to get a little kinkier, and especially if you want to try long-term orgasm control – otherwise known as chastity.
No bells, no whistles. Just tell him he’s not allowed to masturbate for a certain amount of days.
Start off with just a few days though, as you might find he wakes up to a ‘wet patch’.
I used to tell a lot of subs not to play with themselves until our session as it would increase both the anticipation, the sensation, and my chances of having an early night.
Plus, it will also help to make orgasming a much more intense experience.
A fun one for Skype, or if you want to make a little pre-recorded video.
You are, as the name suggests, literally instructing him on how you want him to w*nk off.
Start from right at the beginning – he’s fully dressed and you want him to rub his hands over his crotch. Demand he undresses slowly, before you tell him if he’s going to grip hard or soft. Stroke with a hand, or just a finger.
From there, it’s just a series of ‘harder, harder’ or ‘slower, slower’. There are plenty you can watch on websites like ‘clips4sale’ if you want some inspiration.
If you’re playing the Domme, don’t be tempted to start getting your boobs out for titillation. The fact you have control over how he’s doing such an everyday, personal task is the turn-on.
There are a wide range of chastity devices for men, which will see their junk safely away from anyone’s trunk.
A word to the wise – you get what you pay for.
Cheaper chastity devices might be good for an hour or so of play, but they will start to chafe. There will also be hygiene issues if you want him to keep it on for longer.
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My advice is to check reviews on the sites that sell them and see how long someone has managed to keep it on for. You can always get advice from various forum boards and social media groups too.
Plastic ones tend to chafe, and the heavy metallic ones can be a bit too weighty. Be prepared for some trial and error, as well as a bit of moisturiser to help the skin. But when you’ve found one you can wear indefinitely, it’ll be worth it.
Also, remember that consent is key and there are several health issues to be aware of – if it needs to come off, it needs to come off.
As ever, the language used changes from person to person, but as you can probably guess, this is about getting someone closer and closer, before denying and cutting off their orgasm.
This could be seen as the pinnacle of orgasm control – after all, it’s easy to just stop someone from w*nking off, but how do you get someone close to the edge and know when to stop, or even how to stop them?
There are a few ways in which it can be done; sometimes just ceasing all activity will do it, or there’s the old ‘pinch the tip’ trick (which you literally pinch the tip of the penis).
The aim is to get as close to the point of no return as you can, but leave him begging for more.
Fortunately, as you learn about ‘edging’ your partner, and what amount of tease and denial he can take, you will still be able to give him a ‘ruined orgasm’.
Nope, it’s not a cocktail at Wetherspoons, unless you’re really unlucky.
The trick here is to read your sub, and get them to that brief moment between the point of no return but before the orgasm starts. Without that final bit of stimulation, he’ll find it pretty hard to cum and can be extremely frustrating.
In the world of orgasm control, where, when and whether you want your sub to orgasm or not is completely up to you. It’s great fun to try over long distance, or just to see how far you can push your sub.
You don’t have to be cruel, and you certainly don’t have to listen to anyone tell you ‘you shouldn’t let him cum’. I never understood that as a working practice anyway.
Have fun with the timings, and you’ll soon turn your guy into a geyser.

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