Submissive Neighbor
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Spanking. Orgasm Denial. Silent treatment. All are forms of punishment that a Dominant can use to punish their submissive. Some people like the idea of punishments. In fact, that may be their biggest attraction to the BDSM way of life. But it’s not the main draw.
There are lots of reasons why punishment is part of the BDSM lifestyle. More often than not, punishment is used to train the submissive and correct behaviors to help the submissive become the best version of themselves. One of the key components of this lifestyle is the rules. While the rules can be revisited and adjusted as the relationship progresses, there must be consequences when the rules are broken.
There are two different elements at play here. One is discipline and the other is punishment. How are they different, you ask? Don’t they go hand in hand? Yes and no. By definition discipline is to train to act in accordance with a specific set of rules. This is like going to the gym when you are training for a race of some sort. Punishment is a consequence of breaking a set of rules that have been established. Think detention for being late to school. Two sides of the same coin that work together for the best desired outcome.
The desired outcome is to have a healthy relationship where you both feel safe, happy, and cared for. By following rules that are set by the Dom, the submissive can relax and trust that they are taken care of. When the submissive complies with the rules, the Dominant feels proud that he is able to have been given the gift of submission. The Dominant then feels accepted, desired, and confident like the Master they are.
One of the biggest components of BDSM is that the relationship consists of a Dominant and a submissive. This is actually the cornerstone of this lifestyle. A Dominant will take control of the submissive. The extent of control is discussed and agreed upon between the two parties before any play time can happen.
For a power play relationship to exist, it needs several things. You must have trust. This is by far the most important thing. The submissive must trust that their mental, emotional, and physical health are their Dominant’s priority. The Dominant must trust that their submissive is being honest about limits and that they are communicating with the truth about their experiences, history, etc. For information on these two dynamics, check out the articles on Dominants and submissives from Sofia Gray.
Once good communication and trust are established, then the couple can explore and play. It is important to note that there is such a thing as a toxic, or bad, Dom . Unfortunately, there are some Doms that do not take the submissive’s needs into account and are in it for what makes them feel good. They don’t understand or respect the limits that the submissive has agreed to.
When a submissive finds the right Dominant, some magic can happen. But there is one more step. You both need to agree on what you will both do, your limits, and punishments.
BDSM contracts are a pretty important part of the relationship. Both parties need to bring something to the relationship to make their counterpart the best version of themselves. The contract outlines what the Dominant/submissive will be responsible for. They are meant to protect both people from hurt feelings and unrealistic expectations. They can include anything you want, really. And they can and should include any rules and consequences for rule breaking. These can be verbal or written out, but the most important part of the contract is communication. This is something that is ongoing throughout the duration of the relationship.
Like I said earlier, discipline and punishment are two totally different things, but they are related. A good Dom will help teach the submissive how to push their limits. They are training the sub to be the best sub that they can be for them.
During the early courtship, the Dominant will try and build the submissive’s confidence. As a submissive myself, this is crucial to helping me feel comfortable enough to test my limits. The Dominant can do things like ask for pictures in various stages of dress; starting from fully clothed and then gradually less. Reminding them that they are a beautiful, precious treasure to them. They can reassure them that they aren’t leaving. They will remind the submissive that they are safe and they cared for.
As a submissive, when I hear these things, it helps me relax. It helps me trust. It helps me see myself the way my Dom sees me. I want to please him, and when I please him, he rewards me. And that thrills me more than anything. He has me and it makes me want to do more to please him. I’m delighted and fulfilled when he is happy with me.
The Dominant wants respect and devotion. The submissive must trust the boundaries and rules that are put into place. As a submissive, I rely on my Dom to guide me, lead me, and in return he gets my devotion.
Punishments are the other side of the coin. You’ve agreed to terms. But say you are feeling slightly bratty or maybe you forget (as a sub) what you have agreed to. There are consequences for these behaviors. Maybe it’s early in the relationship and you are given a task. As a sub, your Dom may require proof that you have completed the task when you are out of his presence. Failure to complete the task will result in punishment.
Punishments should happen quickly. They shouldn’t ha
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