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Submissive Near Me

It’s Called the Music and Arts Festival for a Reason


Dylan Efron Takes Us On An Adventure

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Finding someone who shares your kinks and fetishes is not always easy, if you’ve ever struggled to find a submissive or a masochist you know what I mean.

One solution is a good BDSM and fetish dating site , which can help you penetrate deeper into your local kink community.
These sites let you search for people by fetish and role, whether you are a dom looking for your sub, or a rope bunny looking for your rigger, they help you find your kink compatible match fast. 
Still, the internet is full of scams. Dodging them through trial and error is risky and exhausting. Are the best sites for BDSM dating really what they claim to be? Let’s investigate.
Alt.com is an online community with one of the largest groups of men and women into the BDSM, fetish lifestyle. If you are looking to find someone for kinky dating , roleplay, and other fun stuff, this is an excellent place to start. Within minutes of joining, I jumped into the chat rooms and flirted with a lady who shares my love for transparent clothing. Oh man, those were good times.
On alt.com, you can message anyone for online BDSM play. Most people are into that type of stuff. The site has topic rooms for all kinds of kink and fetish interests (rubber, goth, cybersex, etc.). You can also join their local, state, or regional chat groups to meet other real-life members.
Alt.com is free to join. But of course, like most fetish sites, you are charged to get past the communicative barriers. Look around the site and if you like what you see, unlock all the features (unlimited contact, blog/video access, profile visibility) with one of the following membership deals:
On Alt.com, you may find like-minded people that you have never met in real life, not even on social media.
Of all the dating websites created for kinky people , BDSM.com is the most overtly geared toward the whips and leather crowd. The website layout is very similar to Alt.com, with member profiles, topic rooms, and local groups for each state, region, and continent.
When you first arrive, you will see a collage of kinky BDSM lovers in chains, masks and cages. Those tools represent the entire site as a whole. I found that I fit at the moment I joined. You do not have to look for people who share your kinks and fetishes anymore. Register for the free features and then upgrade to the silver or gold membership (same membership plans and rates as alt.com).
With more than 80 million members (64m in the US), Adult Friend Finder is the most populated kinky dating site globally. Its members run the gamut in terms of sexual orientation and lifestyle arrangement. You can find straight, gay, and bi; single, swinger, and polyamorous.
AFF is more than just a BDSM dating site; it is an online fetish community where people chat, form kink groups, share videos and post stories. You can share your fantasies and erotica, both real and fictional, on AFF with other members into the same fetishes.
Unlike most fetish dating sites, AFF sports a layout similar to Facebook and other social network platforms. So you can lay low learning their new system because most features should already be familiar to you. You will see a vertical feed of recommended matches complete with like buttons, comment boxes, and status info on your personal homepage. Membership rates are as follows:
AFF is one of the most popular swinger sites for polyamorous people. If you and your partner have fantasized about trying group sex or cuckoldry, you might find willing participants here. If you are looking for a bi female for a m/w/w threesome, check the AFF member profiles.
I have had so much fun on AFF that it felt like I was single again.
Few dating websites are as notorious as Ashley Madison, the site for adulterous kinky people. Most of its members look for side action because they cannot get what they want at home, such as sex with masks, whips, vinyl, and chains. Imagine being trapped in a vanilla marriage! Shame on yall.
Ashley Madison is easy to use. You scroll down the feed of matches that meet your essential search criteria (gender, age, location) and click on photos of anyone you fancy for more info. Most of these people seek the ride of their lives and are blunt about what they want in a fling.
There is no membership plan for Ashley Madison. To make full use of the site, buy credits at the following prices:
Ashley Madison is a libertine hookup and affair website where anything goes sexually. Just practice your utmost discretion here (after all, most of these people don’t want their partners to find out.)
Seeking Arrangement (seeking.com) is a dating site where gold diggers find sugar daddies. Rich men, in turn, come here looking for arm candy. To some extent, this site facilitates costliest fetishes, findom, where men get tricked and teased out of their wealth by hot dominatrixes.
The site is free to join, but you will need to pay the premium to unlock conversations, filter your inbox and get your profile in front of more matches. As a sugar daddy, that will cost you the following:
If you join as a sugar baby, the rates are far lower:
Despite its reputation, the people on Seeking Arrangement run the gamut, and most of them do not even resemble tycoons or gold diggers. Still, if you join as a sugar daddy, the lowest-possible net worth you can list is $100k but there is no real verification.
As the name implies, Fetlife is a community website of members dedicated to the fetish lifestyle. It sports a micro-blogging layout that shows columns of the latest member posts and pics, where other users can comment.
Fetlife is where kinky people come to socialize with like-minded individuals. We would not call it a dating site per se, but you can find dates and hookups if you invest time and energy into the website. For unrestricted use of the site, consider the following plans:
To find kinky singles on Fetlife, join their Partner Finder group.
If you want to explore the fetish community for free, start on Reddit. The r/BDSMpersonals subreddit is easy to use and highly trafficked. Each thread header states the poster’s age, location, and preference (M4W, W4M, W4A, etc.).
To combat spam, they now make you wait four days after joining before you can post. They also prohibit personal links, promotions or any mention of findom.
Fetster is an online dating website and community for people into varying shades of kink. On Fetster, you can post videos, join interest groups, converse in forum threads, post blogs and photos and even make confessions.
The Fetster community is equally about socializing and dating. If you fancy someone, you can PM them and/or add them to your friend’s list (ala Facebook). The site puts you through a lengthy fill-in forum at signup to weed out the fakes.
On Bondage.com, you can post about fetish and kink topics and find other locals with similar interests. They offer multiple fetish groups for each state and city. In my area, Portland and vicinity, they have groups for hotwives, gangbangs, exhibitionists, cucks, and more.
Bondage.com has the format of a social media website with content feeds, comment boxes, and like buttons. The site is free to use, but with a paid membership, you can get more features, such as contacting members and posting videos.
Their Gold and Silver membership rates are the same as on alt.com and BDSM.com. (They’re all run by Magnolia Blossom Inc.)
Fetish.com is the Facebook of fetish sites. Each user has a profile page with a photo album and a wall of posts, videos, and comments. If you like someone, give them a spank (heart button). They also have the live text and video chat under multiple kink categories.
While not everyone on Fetish.com is looking for dates, you can flirt with anyone. To find dates, click on the BDSM dating link under the Browse pull-down menu. The site is free to use, but you can unlock more features with their VIP or Premium membership (listed in Euros).
If you’re a man under 30 and your kink is older women (or if you’re a woman over 35 and your kink is younger men), give cougarlife.com a try. The site offers simple search filters that let you narrow things down by eye color, body type, age range, hair color, location, and more.
A lot of women in the cougar scene are more aggressive than the typical female. As such, women often make the first move on cougarlife.com.
It’s sometimes tricky to hook up with older or younger singles in real life because they run in different crowds. Sites like Cougar Life make it easier for younger guys to meet MILFs in that prime 35-50 range.
Yes, people are serious about fetishes. Once you join and interact with the members, you can find plenty of people who will chat with you in the forums and groups. Depending on which hours you go online and the size of the fetish community in your area, you might find many people eager to talk at once.
Even though you can find users who enjoy the same fetishes as you in these online communities, that doesn’t mean they will meet you offline. As with any dating site, the members of fetish dating websites need to feel a sense of trust and familiarity before they’ll meet you in person.
Be careful about the people you meet on dating apps, regardless of whether they’re part of the BDSM community. While many great people have met through these communities, dating sites and apps are also frequented by fakes and predators.
Before arranging a meetup with other members on these fetish sites, make sure you verify the person’s identity. Ask questions that only a genuine person would answer, such as his or her place of birth, schools attended, work background, and activities.
One of the safest ways to get to know someone online is through webcam shows. Have a webcam chat before you meet in person. This way, you can study the person’s mannerisms and determine whether it’s someone you’d want to meet in real life.
Sometimes, you’ll chat with someone online, and they’ll seem decent enough for a meetup. However, when you do meet, you’ll know right there that you don’t want to associate with this individual. If you share a webcam chat, you’ll know before you even go through any trouble.
If, for whatever reason, the person you’re speaking with cannot take part in a webcam chat, request another form of factual verification. Ask that person to post a selfie holding his or her screen name upon a piece of paper, preferably with your screen name on it as well.
To ensure that it’s not a photoshopped fake, ask that they make a special gesture, such as a peace sign or a thumbs up.
One of the best ways to find people with kinky fetishes is to join an online community. When you enter a kinky website, you are likely to find a judgement-free environment.
Most of the members on these sites live secretive lives because their friends and family won’t understand. Like you, they’re seeking like-minded people with whom they can open up and be themselves.
To join a fetish website, all you need is an email address. After choosing a username and password, you can use the free features and see how you like the site. To unlock all the features and contact as many people as you want on the website, consider one of the paid membership plans.
Stuff like Tinder caters to the normies and vanilla types. BDSM dating sites cater to a more upscale crowd of people with kinks. Someone could be nearby right now waiting to meet someone with the same kinks as you. Happy hunting!
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A Dom-Dom couple (both people are Dominant; neither is submissive) wrote to me asking how and where they could find a submissive for the two of them to Co-Top. I wrote them back with advice on their exact question, as well as an extensive answer regarding THE BIG QUESTION that I get asked quite often….
I suggested some proven ideas and methods that should make ANYONE’s search for a quality Submissive or Dominant into a much more Enjoyable Experience. These are a handful of concepts that genuinely work.
Rest assured there are good Doms and subs out there – they really do exist.
The couple who wrote to me also described their search as part of wanting to explore their “Darker Side” so I gave them some food for thought about their choice of words as I began my answer to their question….
Lets start with the exact words you used:
“Darker Side” – think about how you framed that in your mind, that to explore D/s is somehow a “Dark” path. Throw that perspective out immediately. That’s number one. D/s is an ART FORM. It is as Bright and Glorious as if you were sitting at a Piano composing music. Celebrate this element to your nature…respect it.
Next we have the both of you being Dominant. That you two are on the same page and want to co-dominate is very cool and you can have a LOT of fun doing so. There are several ways to keep that element at its best – you can agree to have one of you “lead” an encounter with a submissive while the other one of you participates as “co-pilot,” or you can agree to have a kind of back & forth dance between the two of you when you play with the new submissive, tuning into your partner and giving way to your partner’s impulse from time to time, back and forth. If one of you is definitely going to take the front seat and the other follow (best if one of you is more skilled at Domination) then make sure you know this up front before you play with the submissive. Make sure both of you feel “included” in the scene. Be sure to take time in the scene to give energy back and forth to your partner in addition to focusing on the submissive together. After every scene when the two of you are alone again, ALWAYS de-brief and talk about what worked and what didn’t….listen and be respectful of what the other has to say as you both are going to fine-tune with each other into becoming an incredible Dominant Team.
Now we get to THE BIG QUESTION:
Where to find a submissive? This is of course the ETERNAL QUESTION for every Dominant Everywhere (as well as for Submissives seeking the opposite, namely a Fine Dominant).
The short answers are:
A wonderful place to meet all manner of BDSM / Fetish Folk. DRESS WELL – make a good first impression. Hopefully you will like the music. BE SOCIAL, Be Friendly. Make FRIENDS first – Many (and I do mean MANY) Dom-sub hook-ups come by way of Being Introduced by a mutual friend who can vouch for you. Spend time and enjoy yourself as you meet people. Treat the Fetish Club as the PARTY that it is – Go there to Have A Good Time! If you don’t meet a new sub that night at least you still had fun – see what I mean?
Other people will enjoy you more if you are someone who is enjoying the night in general than if you go there so “on-the-prowl” and serious that you end up making yourself unapproachable. Bring your current fetish friends with you and make a night of it.
STAY ON THE SOBER SIDE: nothing will ruin a prospect faster than being intoxicated when you meet them – it shows bad judgement on your part, and that you might also be dangerous to play with if you get so intoxicated – S&M requires Good Judgement to read the submissive’s body language, to gauge distance & velocity (for whips & other toys), and to be sensitive to the submissive’s sexual arousal (or lack thereof), etc. Keep Your Own Senses Sharp!
QUICK NOTE:
This is SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT!!!
Do NOT EVER present yourself as something that you are Not!!! Do not tell a submissive who has experience that you have had 10 slaves who all blossomed into superheroes when in fact all you have ever done is pull out a riding crop and a blindfold with one partner. The truth will ALWAYS come forth eventually and you will look VERY BAD.
The ONE THING you definitely want to do is Build A Good Reputation. HONESTY is critical in this. Lying about your ability will do exactly the opposite, and those introductions you are seeking will go up in smoke.
If you are a Beginner – Be Ok With That.
We all started as beginners. Buy books and take classes to Improve Your Skills.
If you and your freshly-kinky partner both have Dominant tendencies but are open to Switching, then try switching a bit here or there just so that you can both improve your skill sets.
(*you can whine and complain about being the submissive all you want later, but no spiking their meal with hot peppers!!!*)
Seriously though, having a partner to practice upon and with whom you both can grow together is Worth Its Weight In Gold.
I met one of my very-long-term slaves at a BDSM party hosted by the local BDSM Society at a dungeon / play-space. It was as simple as being introduced by mutual friends, sitting next to her and politely asking what she was into. It turned out we were highly complimentary in our fetish desires. The party had a comedy show mid-way, and we talked here and there during the show. When the show was finished I asked her if she would like to do a simple scene there at the party. She said yes and the rest is history.
Almost every major city in the modern world has a BDSM / Fetish Society of some kind. For example in San Francisco you have “The Society of Janus” and in Los Angeles you have “Threshold,” while in New York you have “TES.” You can join any of these societies. You can also use these ones just listed to find leads for similar societies in your area. ATTEND the various Workshops, Classes, and Parties that your BDSM Society throws! Prior to meeting the slave mentioned above, I attended every single class, workshop and party the society threw for about 3 months. I got seen by others, I made new friends, and other members in general got comfortable with me. Thereafter, one of those new friends (a pre-existing, monogamous Master-slave couple) made the above introduction for me.
The two most common of these are Costume Parties (sometimes called “Fancy Dress” parties) and any kind of historic re-creation events, aka “Rennaissance Faires” and “Medieval Re-Enactment” gatherings. The theatrical types of people that these gatherings and parties attract often inspire people to Wear Their Kink on the outside. The classic example is the person who comes to one of these parties dressed as a sexy cop with handcuffs hanging in plain view, etc. These events are usually INCREDIBLY Social where you can meet loads of people fast.
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