Submissive Husband

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So your partner is submissive. You found him by searching for a submissive, or you thought he was and he has confirmed he is, or he had already told you he is a submissive.
Bearing in mind the very important rule on the home page, I have repeated below, perhaps you should now read my suggested first steps choices. Remember the rule below though if you do!
This is a rule for you! There are a myriad of different activities enjoyed when people enjoy dominance and submission. It is important to understand immediately that many activities you come across will not be for you. (At least not to start with; you might be surprised how you evolve!)
So do not throw the baby out with the bathwater. The internet may well have many things you are uncomfortable with. When you see something that makes you uncomfortable, remind yourself it takes all sorts, and then move along to what you are comfortable with. 
The same goes for your submissive’s fantasies! He will have been fantasising and evolving for many, many years, and possibly getting quite far-reaching, as he may not have taken account of the fact that reality is not the same as fantasy. If he describes an activity that makes him feel submissive but makes you uncomfortable, simply mentally log it and ask what else makes him feel submissive. 
You have to be aware when asking him if a certain activity makes him feel submissive or what activities make him feel submissive. An activity may well make him feel VERY submissive but he might be too ashamed to say so. Instead of asking his opinion, a preferable alternative is to tell him you are considering a certain activity. Even if he says he is not sure he would like it, as long as he does not say that it would stop him feeling submissive, you may well have identified an activity that will make him feel submissive. 
Weak protests often means you have hit the nail on the head and he can’t wait to be coerced into enduring the activity, even though he may not like the time he spends enduring it. THE PARADOX OF THE SUBMISSIVE! I know that sounds a bit complicated and obtuse but in reality I have never found it to be so because of the ease of getting real-time feedback. I describe how to do that on the page listed on the above menu tab, ‘ Your partner is submissive’.
Before moving onto describing some example first steps , I have to say that key to these first steps is that the fledgling dominant needs to experiment with getting the feeling of being truly in charge, and of being decadently mean. It is not a game of role playing being in charge. It is a new dynamic in the relationship. A new, exciting, pleasurable experience for the dominant, (as well as the submissive).
This is key to everything! I cannot repeat this enough. The dominant is TRULY taking charge from time to time. Even when there is a great deal of vanilla time and vanilla interaction in the relationship overall, BUT, when it is domination/submission time, there is no ambiguity that the dominant is truly in charge, wielding real power, (and enjoying doing so). 
That might have sounded scary so I will give a couple of examples. It is important you get to feel what true power is like. That decadent, naughty feeling of being in charge. Almost ironically, the seat of your power comes from one simple fact. Your submissive NEEDS you to be dominant from time to time and he knows that. So you can utilise that in two ways. 
First, if he does not obey, you can say, ‘ Obey, or I will not dominate you.’ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]
Second, if you want him to do a boring housework chore, and he moans, you can say, ‘Doing chores is part of being my submissive. If you don’t do the chores I tell you to do, there will be no domination of any kind. ‘ [He will be in awe of you just for saying that, AND MEANING IT.]
So many women initially say to me, ‘ …but I love him so much, I can’t be mean to him.’ Well the fact is, while never being mean to him or dominant, you truly hurt him – every single day. He is a submissive and you could so easily bring him and you, an amazing life of joint contentment, but you not being mean or dominant ever, hurts him every single day. This is an unarguable fact. A truth. You may think you should feel guilty for being mean to him, but the simple truth is, you should feel guilty for not ever being mean to him. 
This is actually the very first domination of my husband I ever did. The beginning of a joyful life I could never have dreamed of. Start with something erotic like this, rather than the boring housework chore.
Have him lay on his back in bed and lie next to him. Have him put his hands behind his neck with fingers interlaced. If you are self conscious, or he seems to be, you can blindfold him. (A foam travel blindfold with a shape for his nose is perfect, or just put a scarf around his head.) Removing eye contact helps reduce self consciousness. You can move one of your hands to his naughty parts; just touching lightly or holding very still. NO MANIPULATION! With your other hand you gently take hold of one of his nipples between finger and thumb, or fingernail and thumbnail. Then you explain the rules.
‘I am going to give your nipples some pinching just to see how submissive you are and dominant I am. If you try to stop me with your hands, I will stop and the game is over. No domination at all. The only way you can get me to stop, is to ask me nicely to. Clear?’ 
Then you begin squeezing; very slowly increasing the pressure. When the squeezing gets uncomfortable for him, he may whimper, he may squirm, but you keep going until he asks nicely for you to stop. You will be feeling real power while you do this. Enjoy it. He is YOUR TOY! You have a living sex toy to play with. You may also feel something getting rather hard in your other hand! I certainly did!  
When he asks nicely, you can release that nipple and take hold of his other nipple gently. If he does not ask nicely, squeeze harder! Then the game starts again as you begin applying increasing pressure. Alternate between the nipples as long as you want. (They may become more sensitive so need less squeezing to induce the begging from him.)
Once you are satisfied, you have experienced a little real power, you can move onto some normal sex; if you want. Or, especially if you like receiving oral sex, you have him do that. BUT be sure to first tell him you enjoyed tormenting him. That you want more of being in charge and being a bit ‘mean’. If this is the first time you have used sexual power over him, he is likely to look at you as though you are a sex goddess and be in awe of you. He may get emotional. He may show nothing, but be feeling these things. 
Remember though he may have been fantasising for years about being dominated and his fantasises may have got quite fanciful. It is good to say to him, you really enjoyed torturing him, and you want to experiment with more. Perhaps have his hands properly secured next time. Make sure he knows you want to go a tiny bit further next time. 
So having gone through example 1, the next day you can try example 2. Use words to the effect of:
‘ I did enjoy tormenting you last night, but me dominating you is not going to be all about the bedroom. I dominate you my way or not at all. Which brings me onto the bathroom needs a proper clean. I’m going to relax while you go and give the bathroom a proper clean. Come back to me here when its done. ‘ He is most likely to look at you as though you are a sex goddess and be in awe of you. He may show nothing, but be feeling these things. He may however try to get out of it because this is real and not fantasy and his male pride becomes an unexpected problem for him. If he procrastinates or objects just keep saying,
‘ I dominate you my way or not at all. You give the bathroom a proper clean or I stop dominating you, including in the bedroom.’
If he is still failing to comply, another source of power is; withdrawal of treats.
I am sure there are things he really loves that you can choose to do or not to do and he can only get from you. It may be to do with sex, it maybe something else. Whatever it is, you can say, 
‘You won’t be getting {the treat} until the bathroom is cleaned. So unless you never want [the treat] again, you had better clean the bathroom.’ 
Most men are very visual. Another source of power, if your submissive really enjoys seeing your partially clothed or naked body, is to make sure he does not see your body again, until the bathroom is cleaned. You get changed in a locked room until the bathroom is clean.
He may have a fetish for something you wear. You tell him you will not be wearing that again until the bathroom is cleaned.
Once he is cleaning the bathroom while you relax, you will again be feeling real power. Revel in it. It feels wonderful! He will also be thinking he is the luckiest man in the world.
Obviously you don’t have to use my exact examples but I hope that gives you the idea of how to get started. 
So if you are a fledgling dominant, be clear, it is not a game or role-playing being in charge. You have to be properly in charge during the times you are being dominant. Being in charge and wielding real power. If you allow yourself to do so, it is thrilling and decadent. It is pleasurable and arousing. It does not mean, in the relationship overall, that there is no vanilla time between you are your partner, but you dictate when there is vanilla time and how much there is. So even during vanilla time you are actually the one in charge because you have allowed or required some vanilla interaction. You may allow several days of vanilla time or even more, but it is your choice. The submissive does not get to say when it is vanilla time and when it is not.
If you wish to, or need to, you discuss all significant decisions with your submissive, (in vanilla mode). You consult the submissive on all things in your lives if you wish. You enjoy the submissive’s vanilla company whenever you want, BUT YOU ARE IN CHARGE! If that seems frightening, then simply experiment for an evening or a weekend. You will love it when it is not a game. It is the new dynamic of the relationship. One in charge, the other submitting to their will.
If you are role-playing being in charge then you are acting and ‘performing’ and that puts pressure on you. Performance and acting brings the pressure of the possibility of the performance not being realistic enough. Make the dominance real and there is no acting to be judged. I would not be surprised if you are very pleasantly, but considerably, shocked by the adoration you receive from your submissive when they feel you have truly taken charge, even for an evening or weekend.
You may need a sanction to get compliance with your instructions. I repeat my suggestion that to start with, should your submissive hesitate at following an instruction, advise him that your domination will be your style and choices and if they do not comply there will be no domination. (You can move onto carrots and sticks later as tools of power.)
Be clear you are very happy to discuss things and to listen to his suggestions and you will be prepared to change how he might want you to, if that suits you, but you have the final say. Loads of communication is very helpful. After the nipple play, the next day, you can ask him if you made him feel submissive while you were enjoying yourself. Also, the day after he cleaned the bathroom, you can ask him if he felt submissive while he was doing that and you were relaxing. 
DO NOT ask if he liked the nipple torment, or of he liked having to clean the bathroom. For him, it is not about liking how you dominate him, it is about whether you made him feel submissive. So not, did he like it, but, did it make him feel submissive .
The following paragraphs describe some further example first steps.
So sometimes when you are alone with your submissive, flex your power muscles a bit, have your submissive kneel and kiss your footwear or feet. Watch him, and feel the power course through you. If they stop, quietly direct them:
               ‘I have not told you to stop yet. ‘ They will pause, feel deeply affected by you, and continue in submissive bliss until you say you are satisfied.
I think the mildest form of equipment based dominance is using a blindfold. There is little more to say. It is a great starting tool for those who want to begin with the smallest of baby steps. I suggest you buy a very comfortable, foam, sleep mask with a shaped section for the nose and an elasticated strap. Black may suit your theme of dominance or pink and frilly may be better. Ironically you are far more likely to find a quality, reasonably priced, blindfold on a travel website or luxury store website than on a sex shop website or in a sex shop in the mall. The type I suggest is worn by many people every night for sleep or for long haul air travel so it is an item that, the discovery of it by a third party, does not cause embarrassment for all concerned. And as I mentioned above, a blindfold is one way to reduce self consciousness in either or both parties as eye contact is avoided.
Cuffs and / or blindfolds are the beginners way into domination and submission. Simple bondage can render the submissive relatively helpless and, at the outset of the journey you both take, simple bondage works well. One favourite of mine begins with a dog collar around his neck, (not too tight). Then a second dog or cat collar is passed though the D-ring of the collar around his neck and is used to bind the submissive’s crossed wrists.
The submissive’s hands are then out of the way, up at their throat. An alternative, if you have a carver style dining chair, is to secure one wrist to one side and one wrist to the other while he sits in the chair. The same can be done with the subject laying on their back if you have a ‘head board’ on the bed to which bindings can be secured. Advise the submissive that should they get pins and needles in an extremity when in bondage, they should tell you. This can happen if they are left for long periods in certain positions and may necessitate a re-positioning. Braided pet collars are the best type that are not limited in positioning by holes for the buckle hasp. Available online more easily than in pet shops.
The most commonly seen bondage items in mainstream media and in mainstream sex shops is handcuffs, however, a single pair of handcuffs. A single pair of handcuffs does not work too well because the submissive cannot comfortably lie on their back with their cuffed hands under them, and if their hands are in front of them, when they lie on their back, their hands can interfere with what you might want to do, which will prevent the submissive from feeling controlled and helpless. A single pair of handcuffs is OK used behind their back if you are to have them lying on their front. But I do not rule out handcuffs. They are evocative. They are very psychologically powerful, especially for beginners.
Tying someone with rope or scarves, to remain in place for more than ten minutes or so, is quite an art and I do not suggest rope is a good idea for taking the first steps. Rope can cause a loss of circulation in extremities and can also be hard to knot securely in a manner which will then simply undo when you are finished.
Padlocks and light chain are easy to get hold of and cheap, but, chain can restrict circulation in extremities if too tight. I would always use a padlock rather than a trigger clip when securing cuffs and chain because the submissive’s hands, when chained, can often reach the trigger clip. This would stop them feeling helpless.
If you use padlocks, DO NOT MISLAY THE KEY. I suggest you put the keys in the same place every time so that after a while that becomes a habit and you will always know where the keys are. If you use several padlocks, there are two options. The first option is to buy a set of padlocks which all use the same keys. The second option is to paint nail varnish on matching padlocks and keys. So each padlock and its keys are a colour match. You may need many colours of nail varnish if you have a lot of padlocks! As I do.
When a blindfold is used as well as bondage, the submissive’s sense of being powerless is increased substantially, but the visual stimulation is lost to them, so there is a trade off here to be aware of. If the fledgling dominant is low on confidence, then putting a blindfold on the submissive as well as the bondage, frees the dominant of having the submissive watch them; which can increase the dominant’s confidence. I must say that I find it thrilling seeing a submissive absolutely helpless and at my mercy.
Once in some form of bondage for the first time, things like hair pulling, nipple pinching, tease and denial, (described later), light spanking and similar can be done. I expand on all of these activities later.
It can be VERY powerful at the outset of your journey for the dominant to order the submissive to obtain the chosen equipment, by a certain date. The submissive will be in awe of you on receiving the instruction and while carrying out their task. Equally, if you arrive home with some purchases for bondage purposes, he will be in awe of you!
Once a submissive is blindfolded and / or bound, tease and denial (often referred to on the internet as T&D , or edging ), is a great technique for initial domination. The dominant brings the submissive to the edge of orgasm, repeatedly, but stops just short each time, stops right at the edge of orgasm; (hence the term edging ). The dominant female can of course have orgasms during the edging of her submissive if she desires. The longer it goes on, the more the submissive will feel aroused, desperate and helpless. This can be combined with one or more of the following things. 
Before moving on, this is a good place (just after edging) to mention how to deal with accidents. You may have an accident while edging him and he has an imperfect orgasm. Other accidents might be catching his skin while securing a buckle, or poking him in the eye while applying a blindfold. 
Two things on this. First, anything that happens to him as an accident, is not likely to make him feel submissive. But do not apologise too much. A simple, ‘Sorry about that’ , is all that is needed followed by this very important truth, explained at the time to your submissive.
‘ As we travel on our journey of domination and submission, there will be accidents from time to time. As I experiment, things will not always go to plan. You need to take that on the chin and suck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYqu9cY7UIY
https://scarletsguide.wordpress.com/your-partner-is-submssive/
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