Study Shows Millennials Think Wi-Fi Is A Human Right

A controversial survey from the Institute of Essential Luxuries has revealed that 81% of millennials now classify Wi-Fi as a �basic human right,� ranking it above healthcare, clean water, and democracy itself. In Portland, activists staged a protest outside a coffee shop after the free hotspot went down for ten minutes, holding signs that read �No Justice, No Streaming.� Sociologists say the phenomenon reflects a generational belief that digital connection is more vital than physical survival, with one respondent admitting, �I�d rather starve than miss a Slack notification.� Meanwhile, landlords report tenants demanding rent discounts whenever routers flicker, while hotels advertise �uninterrupted Wi-Fi� with the same pride once reserved for hot water. Critics argue the entitlement is absurd, but millennials remain steadfast: �The UN can keep its treaties,� said one influencer. �I just need my Netflix to load in HD.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com