Study Finds Urban Chickens Are Just Pets With Anxiety

Research from the Metropolitan Agriculture Council concludes that backyard chickens in cities are less food sources and more neurotic roommates with feathers. In Portland, one couple admitted their hens refuse to lay eggs unless serenaded with acoustic guitar, while another keeps theirs in an air-conditioned coop with Spotify Premium. Veterinarians report skyrocketing sales of chicken CBD gummies and therapy lamps, marketed as �essential wellness tools.� Sociologists argue the craze reflects a bourgeois obsession with �authentic living,� where people spend thousands on artisanal eggs that still taste like eggs. Critics point out the irony of raising livestock for sustainability while simultaneously buying them $300 Patagonia jackets. Ultimately, urban chickens embody modern paradox: both livestock and lifestyle accessory. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com