Strong Female Orgasm

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No one actually needs to rally for the wonders of an orgasm (opens in new tab) when there's enough research—as psychologist and sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini (opens in new tab) explains—that the tremor-inducing release of serotonin and endorphins can boost the immune system and decrease stress and anxiety.
But when there's still a wide "pleasure gap" (opens in new tab) to bridge today—the term describing the slim number of women who experience orgasms during sex in relation to men—the main question is how .
Below, we consulted advice from across the scientific spectrum, from medical studies to sexperts to sex therapists, on ways to enhance the female orgasm and feel connected to your partner without giving up your primal right to come.
A study in the journal Hormones and Behavior (opens in new tab) shows that an increases in the "love drug" oxytocin helped couples have more intense orgasms. It doesn't require any supplements for a big boost in the hormone, though, as your average cuddling, hugging, kissing, and bonding activities can do the trick. Make sure to carve out more bonding time with each other or extend your foreplay sessions before sex to enhance your sexual performance.
Instead of speeding toward the finish line, science says (opens in new tab) that building your way up to the brink of an orgasm then stopping—otherwise known as edging—and building yourself back up to the point of climax can encourage better, stronger orgasms.
Sign up for a 5K race or schedule a game of tennis. Merely anticipating a competition triggers a 24 percent boost in testosterone for women, according to a study published (opens in new tab) in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. And any increase in that hormone also drives up your libido, so consider it a win-win. Plus, exercise stimulates blood flow (opens in new tab) to the genital area, increasing desire and lifting your mood.
Prior to sex, take a hot bath, or—if you're short on time—place a warm washcloth over your vulva for a few minutes. Heat boosts blood flow to your vagina, leading to increased lubrication and sensitivity, says Hilda Hutcherson (opens in new tab) , author of Pleasure.
As tantric instructor Dawn Cartright explains (opens in new tab) , harnessing the power of breath can slow down your mind and make it hyper-sensitive to full-body sensations. Open yourself up to orgasmic joys by breathing and rocking together, then tightening your PC muscles before sex.
Let an ancient sex stimulant work its magic: Warm some milk, add a pinch of saffron, and drink up, says Aliza Baron Cohen (opens in new tab) , author of Sex: Rediscovering Desire Through Techniques & Therapies. Saffron, which releases its intense flavor when heated, has been considered an aphrodisiac for thousands of years. Or, take one of Amanda Chantal Bacon's cult-favorite Sex Dust formulas (opens in new tab) for a spin.
Women who use vibrators (opens in new tab) say they have an easier time reaching orgasm during (vibrator-free) sex with a partner, according to a survey of 1,656 women conducted by the Berman Women's Wellness Center (opens in new tab) . If you're tech-friendly, try a vibrating "bullet" attachment that's discreet enough (opens in new tab) to fit in your pocket (or on your neck). Or, get him in the action with one of the many couples' vibrators out there, from the We-Vibe (opens in new tab) to the Eva (opens in new tab) .
During the first two days of your cycle, your testosterone levels surge, your libido soars, and your breasts and clitoris become ultra-sensitive, says Gabrielle Lichterman (opens in new tab) , author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential (opens in new tab) . Intense orgasms may happen more easily than usual—and multiples are much more likely. Experts also suggest (opens in new tab) timing sex in the early morning when men experience their highest testosterone levels, or in the afternoon on weekends when women tend to ovulate.
"For stellar sex in a hurry, pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase."
For stellar sex in a hurry (opens in new tab) , pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase, suggests Sex for Busy People and The Field Guide to F*cking author Emily Dubberley (opens in new tab) . If you're shorter than your guy, stand a step or two above him. Face him or turn toward the railing so he can enter you from behind. (Hint: Grip the rail for leverage—and don't lean over too far!)
Majorly elevate your odds of climaxing during sex with the Coital Alignment Technique (opens in new tab) , says Dubberley. Have your partner lie on top of you, with his pelvis directly over yours. Wrap your legs around his thighs and rock together gently. Push up and forward so that your clitoris makes contact with the base of his penis. Patience is key: Find your rhythm and stick to it until you orgasm.
Touch yourself for pleasure for 15-30 minutes without focusing on whether or not you have an orgasm, suggests Dr. Jessica O’Reilly (opens in new tab) , PhD, sexologist and relationship expert at We-Vibe (opens in new tab) .
"Explore your every square inch of your body with your hands, lube, massage oil, vibrating toys and/or objects of various textures and temperatures," O'Reilly says. "As you get in touch with your body’s unique responses to touch, you may find that your ability to stay present during sex increases, as you’re less hung up on the performance; as you abandon orgasm as a goal, you’ll likely find that pleasure increases and the likelihood of enjoying an orgasm (as an experience —not a performance) increases."
Another pro tip from Dr. O'Reilly: Be a little (or a lot) more selfish.
"Oftentimes, we’re unable to genuinely enjoy a sexual experience because we’re so focused on the desire to give pleasure," she says. "We worry about what our partners are thinking, feeling and seeing. We pay attention from the outside as a spectator instead of enjoying the process as a participant. This intensifies performance pressure and is the antithesis to pleasure, so ask for what you want in and out of the bedroom."
Here are a few of Dr. O'Reilly's specific tips for demanding more in bed:
It might sound counterintuitive, but according to Dr. Jill McDevitt (opens in new tab) , you should stop trying to orgasm if you want to have better orgasms.
"This is an old trick used by sex therapists and coaches (like me) when a client is having a hard time having an orgasm, but it can also work with amplifying an orgasm," she says. "It's not uncommon for people to fall into a trap of becoming very goal oriented with sexual activity, whether with themselves or a partner. They get so narrowly focused on the orgasm that it can lose its ooomph, and in some cases, not happen at all. So focusing on the process is important—staying hyper aware of arousal, notice every touch, every kiss, every movement. When you do have an orgasm, it can be so much better!"
Nothing says "amazing orgasms" like a strong pelvic floor. Dr. McDevitt says adding kegels to your list of regular exercises can have a big impact on your orgasm game.
"A quick kegel squeeze here and there won't make any noticeable changes, but consistent,
regular, ongoing pelvic floor exercise certainly can. If that sounds like a lot of work, I recommend the Impulse Intimate E-Stimulator Dual Wand by Cal Exotics (opens in new tab) ," she says. "It's a silicone vibrator featuring a g-spot and clitoral stimulator, but it also has e-stim pads that gently contract and release those muscles for you automatically, so you can get the workout in effortlessly, while masturbating."
Bachelor alum Ashley Iaconetti (opens in new tab) , who was a virgin during her time on the show, has partnered with K-Y on its new #RPF (opens in new tab) campaign (short for "Resting Pleasured Face"). She says that one of the biggest lessons she's learned when it comes to sex is that you shouldn't be afraid to ask for what you need, especially when it comes to foreplay.
"Women often don’t get revved up as quickly as men do and guys may not realize that we sometimes need a few more minutes to get warmed up so sex can be the most enjoyable," she says. "Try having him slowly and softly touch you everywhere except the hot spots for a couple of minutes before all the clothes come off."
Dr. Holly Richmond (opens in new tab) , Somatic Psychologist and certified sex therapist, recommends getting tantric—at least in the most basic sense.
"Tantra translates from Sanskrit to /the weave,' and part of the sexy—and mindful—practice begins with eye gazing," she says. "Sit across from your partner in a comfortable position, directly facing them. Gaze deeply into each others’ eyes for 30 seconds to one minute, specially focusing left eye to left eye to prevent your eyes from darting back and forth, and throwing you off your O game. Empathy is communicated through eye contact, and feeling a profound sense of depth, caring and understanding from your partner often takes orgasms to next level. My clients say that when they do eye gazing prior to having sex, their orgasms feel like they come from an embodied place, not just from their genitals, and they feel incredibly connected to their partner."
Richmond says that using toys isn't enough—you need to be up to date on the latest in sex-enhancing technology if you want to take your orgasm to the next level.
"Science is sexy, full stop," she says. "The last five years have brought us 'smart' vibrators under the bigger sextech category of teledildonics, that let us connect remotely to our partners from anywhere in the world, syncing up pleasure patterns to help us feel more connected. There are also devices that use biofeedback technology to learn more about what you (or your partner) need to enhance pleasure, as well as what time of day you have your strongest orgasms and what settings and vibration patterns you prefer."
According to Gigi Engle (opens in new tab) , certified sex coach, sexologist, author , (opens in new tab) and SKYN Condoms Sex & Intimacy Expert (opens in new tab) , a big part of maximizing your pleasure in the bedroom is taking the time to fully understand yourself. She says it's key to be aware of exactly what turns you on—and what turns you off.
"Everyone has sexual brakes and accelerators," she explains. "These are things in the brain and body that ramp up our desire or slow it down. This means figuring out what it takes for both you and your partner to get in the mood and fully aroused. It's an excellent tool for couples with mismatched libidos to find common ground. Do you need to engage in sexual touch before you're turned on? Do you become turned on my erotic images or words? Do you get turned on out of nowhere? All of this information will help you get to know your body better. Make time to explore your sexuality together and really make an effort to go on this journey together. This will definitely lead to more embodied sexual experiences and many more orgasms."
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At first, it seems like National Orgasm Day, which falls on July 31, would top the list of silly made-up celebrations that people institute for no reason. But when you think about it, what deserves more fanfare than a day devoted to not just embracing, but promoting, the pursuit of physical pleasure ? In that vein, you should absolutely take advantage of the orgasm “holiday.” Use it as a chance to experiment in the hopes of finding out exactly what will help you reach a new peak. Need some inspiration? Here, eight women explain what pushes them over the edge in a way nothing else can.
“I personally like it a lot when my partner rubs my nipples while he’s inside me. The other thing that makes me feel like I’m actually on another planet, like seeing stars, is when we’re having sex with me on top and I start crashing my clitoris into his pelvis. Those techniques are sure to always give me a super orgasm.” — Loren U.
“After surveying nearly 150 women for my new book, O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm , I was not surprised to find that the ultimate, most spectacular, longest-lasting orgasm for most women—including myself!—is the blended orgasm. It involves clitoral stimulation, penetration, and sometimes even a little backdoor play. The blended orgasm sends me and so many other women over the edge because it ignites so many nerve endings all at once. The clitoris is not just the tiny external nub that most people (hopefully) are familiar with. It’s actually shaped like a horseshoe and is the same length as the average penis if you stretched it out, which means much of it is nestled inside. That is why penetration combined with external stimulation creates such a wow factor. Personally, I like external clitoral stimulation that is relatively fast and firm, sometimes circles and sometimes not. As for anal play, a light touch at the entrance where there are so many amazing nerve endings does the trick for me. I love the tease. The perfect scenario for me is when my partner penetrates me with two or three fingers and thrusts gently and firmly while licking my clitoris or tending to it with her fingers or a vibrator.” — Jenny Block, Ph.D.
“I have like a gazillion vibrators. Okay, in reality, I have four. I like all of them except one that just doesn’t have strong enough vibrations for me. I worried for a while that my masturbation was making it hard for me to orgasm during sex because I get off so quickly with the vibes but never could manage it with a partner, no matter what anyone tried. Turns out, all I needed was a guy who was willing to spend like 10 minutes on manual clitoral stimulation. I like pretty firm pressure and just rubbing in circles, nothing too fancy. Certainly not tracing the alphabet on me or anything. Actually, though, if he rubs my body a lot during foreplay—think caressing me up and down like we’re in a Harlequin novel—I’m way more turned on, which results in a bit of a stronger orgasm. Thank god I’m not embarrassed about my orgasm face because I’m sure it’s a doozy. The feeling is just so overwhelming that in any other context, I’d probably look horrific. I have this scrunched-nose, open-mouthed thing going on, and I tremble for like a minute after it happens.” — Kim C.
“I can't have vaginal orgasms, so to have a really amazing one, I need to be manually stimulated. It’s ideal if we’re at right angles to each other, like if he’s lying down with his head on the pillow and I’m lying crosswise with my body parallel to the headboard. If he uses soft, circular strokes on my clitoris, I have orgasms that are really strong waves of pleasure. If I have an orgasm in another situation, like with a vibrator, it’s more like sharp, short waves. I’m not sure why my way feels so much better, but I’m sticking with it!” — Karina T.
"Sex and the ability to orgasm have always been a very important part of my wellness protocol, especially after being diagnosed with breast cancer. Cancer robbed me of some of my, shall we say, womanly juiciness. I started using this therapeutic cannabis oil called Foria as a supplement to enhance pleasure. It actually created deeper, more satisfying, multiple orgasms for me. Many times, I just can't stop, which sometimes can be a challenge for a partner. But other times, masturbation with Foria is just what a single lady needs to get her day going! I’m so grateful because having a fabulous orgasm serves me physically, mentally, and emotionally.” — Leslie G.
"My boyfriend really enjoys slow sex—he says it helps him feel every sensation better—but what really does it for me is a little fast-action friction during penetration. It feels so intense for me. Some orgasms wash over you, but with this kind, it’s an explosion. Luckily, he's sure to speed things up midway through the action, then we slow things back down after I orgasm.” — Amy W.
“If you haven’t tried coconut oil for intercourse or your own self-pleasure, you must ! It’s like a tropical paradise in the bedroom. A little bit of coconut oil goes a long way. It’s the best lubricant that I have used for my own self and with my fiancé. For an amazing tingle, mix a drop of peppermint essential oil with the coconut oil—and oh, boy. As I know from experience, you’re going to take your orgasm to a whole other level. When I add the peppermint oil, I get a relaxing vibe from the smell, which puts me at ease. For women who have trouble focusing, this helps a lot! Once applied in conjunction with the coconut oil, I get a smooth yet warming sensation that really intensifies my orgasm. I may also experience an additional tingle during and after, which feels great. When just using coconut oil alone, the orgasms are less intense. I also love that both of these are all-natural, so I don’t have any irritation or burning.” — Kayla J.

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