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She was a straight-A student, a child prodigy attending Harvard Extension courses, on her own at age 16 in Cambridge, Mass., in 1997. Her father, Port Townsend resident Bob Febos, couldn’t have …
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It wasn’t easy for Bob Febos to read “Whip Smart,” written by his daughter Melissa Febos. Now he’s just grateful her story didn’t end with her death.
She was a straight-A student, a child prodigy attending Harvard Extension courses, on her own at age 16 in Cambridge, Mass., in 1997. Her father, Port Townsend resident Bob Febos, couldn’t have been any prouder.
Bob Febos is still immeasurably proud of his daughter. You can see it in his face. But he worries that others will judge her. And that they will judge him as a parent.
Today, Melissa Febos, 29, is the author of the just-released memoir “Whip Smart” (St. Martin’s Press), in which she tells the story of her addiction to heroin and cocaine and her four years working as a dominatrix in a New York City midtown “dungeon.”
It’s a situation a lot of parents face, though perhaps not to this extreme: Learning that your child has done something you never imagined she had the capacity to do. Learning that she has suffered without your knowledge.
Febos discovered Melissa’s untoward private life on two separate occasions. The first revelation came on a day of celebration – Melissa’s 2003 summa cum laude graduation from The New School, a progressive university centered in Greenwich Village in New York City. As a large group of family and friends strolled down the sidewalk headed for a celebratory dinner, Melissa’s brother handed her a card.
The card was an original created by him; he already knew what his sister was up to. On it, he’d drawn a picture of her in a cap and gown holding a whip.
“She opened it up, and closed it really quickly,” said Bob. “I saw a glimpse of a whip and said, ‘What’s this all about?'
“She said, ‘Dad, I have something to tell you.’”
In awkward whispers, Melissa revealed where her income had been coming from. Up until then, Bob had been told she worked in the catering business.
Bob Febos wasn’t completely naive. He had, by coincidence, known a woman who had also been a dominatrix, and he’d run his friend through a host of questions. Febos already knew that dominatrices do not engage in sex with their clients, and he also knew what they did do – everything from role-playing to acts of borderline torture.
Melissa Febos, who had told her mother what she was up to before graduation day, said she wasn’t purposely keeping this information from her dad, a sea captain with the Merchant Marine. At the time, she said, she didn’t see him very often.
“I largely avoided the topic with both of my parents. I didn’t want to invite the opportunity to object to it.
“Also, he’s my father. I really didn’t know how he would react. I knew it could go one of two ways, so I was sort of stalling telling him.”
Did he ask her why she would want to be a dominatrix?
“She’s always been a bit of an explorer,” he said. “I guess my first reaction was, ‘There she is again, always having to push the edge, looking at all sides of life.’”
Neither Febos nor his former wife and good friend, Nancy, learned of Melissa’s drug addiction until the book was in the proofing stage. Shortly before Father’s Day 2009, Melissa sent galley copies to each parent with an email that said there was a lot she hadn’t told them, and that it would be hard for them. Melissa told them to take all the time they needed, and she would understand if they weren’t able to talk to her for a while.
“I read [the book], and I thought, that can’t be true. I was shocked by what I found. I was truly a wreck for three weeks,” said Bob, who flew to New York and talked to Melissa for nine hours straight.
“I told her about how my heart was broken. First of all, my image of myself as a father was completely turned upside down. To find out my daughter was in so much trouble – deep trouble – and I didn’t even know about it. How could I have missed this?
“It’s heartbreaking to find out that you let your children down. That’s how I took it. I think I’m a little beyond that now, but I really felt that at the time.
“I also believed that we had a different relationship. I had no idea there was so much secrecy. I thought we were close – that we had a nice father-daughter relationship – and that was blown out of the water as well."
As a parent, Bob Febos had discussed drugs and sex with his kids; his own father was an abusive and violent alcoholic. He warned Melissa that marijuana took away ambition in developmental years and that she might be genetically predisposed toward addiction with other drugs.
“It was so important to me to live my life differently, to show my kids a much better way, so to then have addiction come back and hit me in the face through my [daughter] – it was stunning,” he said.
Melissa began doing drugs while going to Harvard, and it was a boyfriend who introduced her to intravenous drug use. That same boyfriend appeared uninvited at the book-release party on March 14 in New York City, a “total wreck.”
“That was a surreal experience,” said Melissa. “Intense. And sad.”
In retrospect, of course, Bob Febos questions if he made the right decisions. Sure, it was a little early for a kid to leave home – in Falmouth, Mass. – when they let her go at 16, but Melissa Febos wasn’t just any kid. She wrote her first book at age 8, starred as a solo puppeteer emcee for television at 12, and never gave him or his ex-wife cause to worry beyond normal pre-teen rebellion.
Besides, they might not have been able to hold her back if they’d tried.
“I never asked them what they thought,” said Melissa Febos. “It wasn’t really up for discussion. I had always sort of been that way. Make a big decision and then inform them of it.
“I think my parents did an amazing job, and I can’t think of anything they could have done differently that could have changed my experience.
“I regret the pain I caused them. It was through no fault of theirs."
Bob Febos is still coming to terms with his daughter’s story, yet he is pleased with the reaction thus far to her book. Melissa was recently interviewed by Terry Gross on NPR and is engaged in a multi-city book tour.
He’s also thankful and wants other parents to make note of his experience.
“When your child is excelling, you’re not looking for trouble. But don’t make assumptions.
"While I’m sitting here fretting over what the world may think of my daughter or of myself as a parent, I could just as easily be visiting her grave.
“That could be my reality right now, and I don’t want that to be anyone else’s reality. That’s why I’m doing the interview. I was lucky.”
And so was Melissa. Less than 10 percent of heroin addicts find recovery. Soon, Melissa will celebrate seven years of being clean and sober.


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