Strange Father Daughter Relationships

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The “true” self may or may not exist, but our ideals and projections about it sure do.
Posted July 1, 2013 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma
Many years ago, I sat with my family in the lobby of a restaurant waiting to be seated. Out of nowhere, a very little girl toddled around the corner and walked straight up to my 6’5”, 325 pound dad and laughed and babbled at him. It was a scene straight from the movie Monsters, Inc.
Within seconds, a young man equal in size and stature to my dad rounded the corner and in a very deep, kind voice said to the toddler, “Rachel, where did you go?” Rachel laughed and her dad picked her up high in the air, nodded an acknowledgment to my dad and walked out of the restaurant.
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Even my dad was a little surprised at the little girl’s courage, but it didn’t take a Ph.D. to deduce that not only was tiny little Rachel not afraid of my big, huge dad, she was actually attracted to him. When I say “attracted” I don’t mean in a creepy, inappropriate way. I mean that in a group of people of different heights and sizes, she was drawn to the one who most resembled her own dad.
It makes sense, doesn’t it? As infants, we take in a complete sensory experience of our everyday surroundings and this shapes our perception of normalcy. If, like Rachel and me, everyday experiences included a giant, deep-voiced, lumberjack man, then that is what we imprinted as normal. Not only does this influence ring true, but many, many studies (including this one from the Journal of Genetic Psychology) have shown the influence of fathers on their daughters’ relationships.
If there was a dad or other male caregiver in your early life, he probably set the first model of how a relationship with a man would be. And for better or for worse, regardless of circumstances, most children love their parents/caregivers unconditionally and accept the attachment and love that is (or is not!) given in return as normal. Our first attachment patterns shape our expectations for future attachments. Overtly and also unintentionally, our parents teach us how to approach our lives and relationships—they teach us how to express and receive love, how to handle disagreements, how to process feelings, etc. Our parents shape and color the lens through which we see and organize meaning about other human interactions.
So a woman’s early relationship with dad, who is usually the first male object of her love, shapes her conscious and unconscious perceptions of what she can expect and what is acceptable in a romantic partner (for heterosexual women).
In my years of psychology practice, I’ve met very few women who did not unconsciously or consciously pick a romantic partner based on the characteristics of her father. I don’t mean only physical characteristics, although that can also be present—I mean relational pattern characteristics. Even the women that state they chose partners who were opposite of their dad are basing their decisions on the relationship (or non-relationship) with dad—a choice to go opposite is still a choice based on dad.
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So, does this mean that today Rachel is married to a lumberjack who chases her around in restaurants? I have no idea, but chances are whatever relationship she’s in is influenced by her early relationship with her father. What does this mean for all us? A lot. And in upcoming posts I’ll address exactly what. Topics will explore how different, early attachment patterns (including no attachment) can affect our current relationship choices and how we respond in relationships. Please stay tuned and join in the conversation!
Follow Jen Kromberg on Twitter @JenKrombergPsyD
Jennifer Kromberg, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist in California.
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The “true” self may or may not exist, but our ideals and projections about it sure do.

A more confronting betrayal of trust is hard to imagine.
Trigger Warning: this post deals with incest and is also definitely NSFW.
A father has admitted to a sexual relationship with his daughter — who is 19, and pregnant to another man.
And he is asking the Internet for advice about how to protect the relationship.
The man, who identifies as ‘Dave’, has posted a long, unnerving post describing his relationship with his 19-year-old child, admitting he’s unsure how to handle it.
The 45-year-old widower, who calls himself sa143dave on the site, claims he has always had a strong bond with his daughter. In the post — which was unable to be independently verified by Mamamia — he writes:
Her mother died in labour, and I have been her sole caregiver, and she, my sole companion, until she was 18 years old and left the house to move in with her steady boyfriend. We have an excellent father and daughter relationship.
But he says the dynamic started to shift when his daughter’s boyfriend ended their relationship, and she moved back into the family home. She felt dejected and depressed, so Dave began spending more time with his daughter, “taking her out to movies, dinner, skating at the park, bowling, short trips overseas, all her favourite activities to get her mind off the failed relationship.”
But then she found out she was pregnant with her ex’s child. When she decided to keep the baby, Dave looked after to her like any father would – taking her to medical check-ups, prenatal exercise classes and cooking her meals.
All sounds pretty normal so far, right?
About three months into the pregnancy. Dave noticed a change in his daughter’s behaviour. Then — and this is truly unnerving — he installed a surveillance camera in her bedroom to see why she was spending so much time in her room.
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On the footage, he found his daughter masturbating. This allowed Dave to justify the heinous actions he proceeded to take as doing ‘what was best for his daughter’.
Analyzing the situation rationally, I realized that there were serious implications. If my daughter was turning to one-night stands to satisfy her sexual cravings, not only would it have a detrimental effect on her emotional well-being, she could encounter risks of STDs, rape, kidnap, murder even… It was solely up to me to protect my little girl.
What he did next is nothing short of sickening.
He crept into her bed one night — and the two began sleeping together. He says of the arrangement:
We had a mutual agreement to have a long-term sexual relationship with each other for as long as we were contented with it. She told me that having sex with me felt no different or more perverse than having sex with her ex-boyfriends. In fact, she had never felt safer and more loved.
Apparently, they are now thinking of taking things to the next level, and may even have children together in future. He says:
My daughter has expressed interest in letting me impregnate her. It is something I have never considered until she told me one day while we were cuddling that she would love to have a child with me. We’ll see how it goes after she has delivered her baby.
Despite the distressing, predatory undertones of their relationship, Dave is most worried about how sad it will be to ‘lose his little girl’ if their sexual relationship ever ceases. He writes:
Even the most loving of couples may one day split and go separate ways. If that should happen to us, I fear that I will lose my little girl. I would be happy to let her pursue a new life if she leaves me for a better man. But if she decides to erase all the memories by disregarding my presence, I will be crushed. I see myself as a father before her lover, and I would do anything that is best for her. I have spoken to my daughter on this matter, and she resolutely says that Daddy is all she ever wants.
Well Dave, if you were so concerned about maintaining a healthy father/daughter relationship, maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have slept with your own flesh and blood — when she was in a vulnerable position, no less.
With very few details available about Dave and his daughter, it’s impossible to say whether the disturbing tale is true — or whether it’s simply a perverted piece of fiction.
We’re hoping against hope it’s the latter.
And that, if it is the former, “Dave” can be stopped.
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Sick, perverted predator. Spying on his daughter and then preying on her when she's at her most vulnerable.
Which of them is the sicker of two SICKOS???? You have an incestuous pedophile and an immoral S---!!!!

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Strange Father Daughter Relationships