Straight Women
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Straight Women
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In recent years, celebrities like Amber Heard and Cynthia Nixon have made headlines for dating or marrying women after spending years in heterosexual relationships. These Hollywood stars may have helped make it more socially acceptable—or perhaps even fashionable—to “switch sides” well into adulthood. Turns out the phenomenon has been going on for quite some time.
Research presented this week at the North American Menopause Society’s annual meeting in Philadelphia reveals that sexual fluidity throughout age is a real thing, and that it occurs in women much more than it does in men. Women should know they’re not alone if they begin to feel same-sex attractions later in life, say the presenters at the conference—and doctors shouldn’t assume that a woman will have partners of the same gender her entire life.
“We’re not talking about bisexuality, when someone says they are attracted to both genders at any given time,” says Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD, division chief of ob-gyn behavioral medicine at University Hospitals Cleveland Medical Center and past president of NAMS, which moderated the discussion on lesbian health.
“Aside from orientation, there’s also the concept of sexual fluidity—that women can, at one point, be completely in love with a man and then at another point be completely in love with a women,” Kingsberg tells Health . “And that can change once or that can change several times throughout her life.”
The conference focused specifically on women who make these transitions at midlife or later. “We know of a number of women who have been in perfectly happy marriages with men, they raised a family, and at some point—in their 40s or so—they find themselves unexpectedly falling in love with a woman, without ever having thought that was possible,” says Kingsberg.
It’s not that these women have been closeted lesbians their whole life, Kingsberg insists, or have been in denial about their true feelings. “These are women who were perfectly happy with men and are suddenly seeing and feeling things differently,” she says.
Kingsberg says there’s some evidence that choosing a female partner later in life may be a form of evolutionary adaptation. Once a woman reaches menopause and can no longer have children, having a male sexual partner is no longer as biologically important. “There’s also a theory that if you lose your mate, it’s safer for your children to be raised by two women than it is by a woman and a second male,” she adds.
Lisa Diamond, PhD, professor of developmental and healthy psychology at the University of Utah, says that sexual fluidity may also be due to “a complicated dynamic between hormonal changes, physical experiences, and certainly sexual desires,” according to the Daily Mail .
Diamond has been studying sexual fluidity for nearly two decades and presented her research during the session. In a 2008 study , for example, she followed 79 lesbian, bisexual, or "unlabeled" women for 10 years, and found that two-thirds of them changed which label they identified with at least once during that time.
While research about late-in-life lesbians isn’t new, Kingsberg says it’s increasingly important to let the public—and the medical community—know about it. As same-sex marriages have become legal and relationships less taboo, she says, more women may feel comfortable taking this step who may not have been years ago.
In a press release , Diamond said that health-care providers “need to recognize this new reality” and incorporate it into their practices. “We see a lot on the topic of sexual fluidity in the media, but it seems as if little of this information has trickled down into clinical practice,” she added.
Kingsberg agrees. “I am hoping that this message goes out to patients who happen to be in menopause, that they should pay attention to what’s going on with their sexuality—and not feel like they’re alone or that they’re an outlier,” she says. “If they discover, heading toward midlife, that they have shifted their love interest and are falling in love with a woman, they should know that it’s not unusual.”
She wants to speak directly to primary-care doctors and ob-gyns, as well. “Don’t be so presumptive that the woman you’ve been caring for for 20 years is automatically always going to have the same partner or the same gender of partner,” she says. Doctors should ask open-ended questions about their patients’ sexual activity, she says, so women feel comfortable voicing concerns and questions.
“I like to ask patients, ‘What sexual concerns are you having?’ and ‘Are you currently sexually active with men, women, or both?’” says Kingsberg. “That opens the door for someone who’s maybe been married for 20 years but is now divorced to come out and say that her partner is now female, which she may be embarrassed to do otherwise.”
Coming out to anyone—especially a doctor who’s known you intimately for years—can be difficult, says Kingsberg. But it’s important to making sure you’re getting the best care for your specific situation and at every stage of your life.
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Ellen Scott Wednesday 2 May 2018 4:59 pm
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The jam doughnut comparison was a particular favourite.
So we’d feel a bit silly if we didn’t return the favour and get some straight women to describe penetrative sex from their perspective.
People with penises, this is the closest you’re going to get to understanding what it’s like to have sex when you have a vagina… without actually getting a vagina.
Names have been changed, because not everyone wants to publicly share their vaginal feelings.
Let’s find out what it feels like to have a penis in your vagina.
‘First you feel pressure and then it feels warmer and warmer as the penis goes back and forth. You mainly feel fullness and warmth.’
‘When I’m in the mood it does bring about a satisfaction unlike any other.
‘If I’m particularly horny and haven’t had sex for ages it feels like scratching an intense itch that nothing else will satisfy. That said, it’s not my favourite sexual act – I generally much prefer oral.’
‘It might sound obvious, but it’s like being filled up.
‘Especially if you’re turned on, your vagina feels like it won’t be okay if it doesn’t get that filling sensation. A finger or will do it sometimes, but other times you just need to be stretched by a penis.’
‘I would say there’s definitely a sense of euphoria once the D first goes in. There’s an initial rush through your body. Definitely not as intense as an orgasm but still gets your blood pumping and your heart racing and sends shivers through your body.
‘It’s tingly and good sensitive around the outer vagina but inside I can’t feel much D unless it’s a monster cock that feels like it’s smashing into my stomach or on a bad angle then that’s painful.’
‘It’s like finally discovering the correct key for the door- unlocking the doorway to pleasure time.’
‘If it’s a wrong or bad angle and too deep/hard you feel like your insides are being being stabbed.’
‘It is one of my favourite feelings in the entire world.
‘It feels like being slowly filled with something that creates an immense sense of pleasure, tingling, and a general good feeling.
‘It doesn’t really matter the shape or size, but the sensation of a penis entering coupled with the weight of someone on top of you is just amazing.’
‘I know they say size doesn’t matter but honestly it does. Too big and you’re just hoping it will stop soon, too small and you don’t feel anything.’
‘With every peen there is a feeling of “fullness” to some degree, no matter what the size or girth…. but one size does not fit all, and if especially well endowed it can feel like they’re going to crush/rip you, which can be a mood killer.’
‘Like when you’ve got fresh sheets on the bed, everything on your body has been waxed and you just slip under the sheets.
‘It just feels like everything is right and how it should be.’
‘It feels like a really good stretch. Like when your muscles are tense and you just reach out and feel things open up and release tension.
‘Then fullness. It’s weird to describe, because without sex my vagina definitely doesn’t feel empty , but during sex fullness is the main sensation. It just feels like a warm stretch, like being full after a nice meal and feeling your tummy expand… but sexy.’
‘Like something sliding in that was always meant to be there.’
‘Essentially it does depend on a lot of things; the unfortunate truth is that size (and girth) does matter because ultimately you want it to “fit like a glove” as that’s the most comfortable and fulfilling, literally and in terms of pleasure!
‘But also it depends on what motion is going on and where your pleasure points/G spot is as to the feeling you get out of it.
‘The best experiences I’d describe as feeling “snug”, perhaps even a bit of a squeeze to push your boundaries as it were, just the right amount of wetness without being sloppy, and it feels right. Made to be. Tingly in a good way.
‘In a bad experience it can be painful, awkward, unsatisfying and frankly boring. Hence, size and shape (and often your feelings towards the person) do matter to get the best fit and best sex, in my view.’
‘Feeling my partners penis inside me feels like a sort of flower opening and closing up around his penis, not like a venus fly trap but more like a lotus flower, very powerful, embracing and relaxing
‘The initial entrance sometimes doesn’t always go as well due to the fact that my vagina may not be wet enough, this feels like a sort of puncture that sometimes feels like a slight jab.’
‘How it feels depends a lot on size (sorry guys) and how turned on you are. Generally you either feel really “full” or a bit ermmm less so.
‘If you’re really turned on and there’s tonnes of build up then you can get an actual achey feeling down there beforehand.
‘If there’s chemistry with the guy and they’ve been generous with the foreplay, it usually feels like a little bolt of electricity in your pelvis when they first fully enter.’
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‘It’s like being filled up with something that is hard and soft at the same time???
‘There are a lot of ways it can feel but not getting into the politics of dick sizes, it’s normally pretty nice.’
‘When a guy is too big it feels harrowing, like a marrow trying to get into a keyhole. It’s painful and feels stretched.
‘On those rare occasions when they’re the perfect size and you’re totally synced, it feels like a key going into a lock and two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle slotting together. It just feels nice.’
‘You know those water snake things? It feels like what I’d imagine putting one of those inside yourself would feel like. A water snake in a carrier bag or wearing a glove, depending.’
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Quarter of straight women have had lesbian sex, while half believe gender is fluid
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More straight women than ever are having gay sexual experiences and fewer believe that their gender is something that is fixed.
According to new research, a quarter of 18 to 24-year-old women who identify as straight say they have had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex, with a third saying they have been attracted to someone outside of their defined sexuality.
In addition, just a third of the age bracket think marriage is relevant to their lives, and 45 per cent would consider having a baby without a partner.
Of the next age bracket – the 25 to 34-year-olds – more than one in 10 women admitted they would avoid choosing pink for their daughters, and a quarter believe their gender has held them back in their career.
The mothers in this group say they would give their child both ‘male’ and ‘female’ toys, and read them ‘non-stereotypical’ stories.
The third group – aged 35-44 – said they felt society was more accepting of gender fluidity than it was a decade ago.
One in five said they are sexuality experimental – with a quarter saying they’d like to be more so – and a quarter have bought an item of menswear for themselves.
The survey – carried out by Grazia and Onepoll – asked two thousand women about their views on gender and sexuality.
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Researchers say the results show that negative experiences – such as feeling disadvantaged at work or home – have led to many rejecting the traditional ideas of womanhood.
Celebrities such as Miley Cyrus discussing their own sexual experiences has encouraged young women to feel open to encounters with the same sex, the study found.
The idea of gender fluidity has also been more widely discussed thanks to high-profile trans people – such as Caitlyn Jenner and actress Laverne Cox.
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