Straight Men Bondage
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Savage Love
Feb 3, 2020 at 12:15 pm
He Wants to Experience Inescapable Bondage At Least Once Before He Dies
Tags:
Savage Love
Dan Savage
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I’m writing to you today because I still think about it all the time and I joined Recon to talk to see if someone would want to tie me up. One of the guys recommended I listen to you. In a video about kink discordance you said kink is sexual. So my question for you is this: Is my desire to be tied up sexual? If so, would be getting tied by anybody other than my wife be a sexual experience?"
I have been tying myself up since I was seven and I stopped before I turned 40 because I was tired of being able to escape and the whole thing had become a bore. But I began searching for someone that would tie me up so that I couldn’t escape. Now I am 50 and I want to be a man of integrity in my relationship with my wife and I am not sure of the best way to move forward.
P.S. I've gotten two kinds of answers from guys on Recon. The first is that unless I tell my wife everything I have no integrity whatsoever. The second is that life is too short and I need to stop overthinking this. But I'm worried about whether this would be cheating. My self-bondage sessions always ended with masturbation. Even now I feel aroused just thinking of bondage. It's very possible I would get hard if somebody else tied me up but I do know that it would have nothing to do with them.
Life is short, BOUND, you're going to be dead one day soon ( we all are ), and you're going to stay dead for a very long time. So go get your ass tied up, dude. And even if you should get sexually aroused during a bondage scene with another man—as you almost certainly will—your wife isn't interested in having sex with you or tying your ass up. So you wouldn't be cheating your wife out of anything she wants, BOUND, which means it wouldn't really be cheating at all.
But in answer to your question: If you tie yourself up and your dick gets hard and then you jack off, your kink is definitely sexual. While most people prefer to indulge their kinks with others they're attracted to sexually, sometimes the kink works—turns them on—all by itself. Which is why there are lots of straight bondage guys into bondage who play with gay men. They're not doing it the gaiety of it, they're not in it for the dick, they're in it (ropes, cuffs, straight jackets, etc.) just there for the bondage of it. (And freeness of it.) So, yeah, I promise you, BOUND, you're not the only straight guy on Recon looking to get tied up.
And there's an easy way to avoid being judged because your wife doesn't know you're getting tied up by other dudes and then having to explain to strangers that you're seeking bondage play outside your marriage because your wife isn't interested in your kink and then having to explain that your activities with men present zero risk to your wife because you don't have oral or anal sex with the men you get tied up by and even if you were sucking their dicks of letting them fuck you—which you aren't—it wouldn't put your wife at risk because your marriage is sexless... and that's by not bringing up your wife at all. A casual bondage play partner you meet for a one-off doesn't need to know you're married, BOUND; so long as you're not presenting yourself as single and interested in romance in addition to bondage—so long as you're making it clear you're only interested in a discreet/discrete bondage scene and nothing else—you're under no obligation to disclose the existence of your wife.
But if you want to be a man of integrity... you should inform your wife that you're seeking bondage, just bondage, outside the relationship. Not sex, not romance, just bondage—and to ensure it's just bondage, you're going to play with men. Then ask her how she'd like to handle it: full and complete disclosure or DADT?
P.S. Did your wife know about your interest in bondage before you pulled that rope out of your bag on your honeymoon? If so, well, okay then. If not, BOUND, that's a hell of thing to spring on someone during a honeymoon.
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Home
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Why Straight men have sex with men
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WHY DO STRAIGHT MAN HAVE SEX WITH MAN?
IN WHICH STRAIGHT MEN HAVE SEX WITH MEN
IS MY HUSBAND GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI?
SEXUAL ADDICTION / Out of Control Sexual Behaviors
BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Sadism & Masochism)
Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
These and a million other questions are probably running though your head. Guess what? You are not alone. Many types of men engage in same-sex relationships for a variety of reasons, which Joe Kort identifies for the reader. There are a variety of reasons that can cause and/or influence this behavior.
Sexual Abuse will not Orient you, it will Disorient you!
Approximately one in six boys is sexually abused before age 16. Often males who have been sexually traumatized and/or abused act out homosexual behavior—also known as homosexual behavioral imprinting. Some of these males are gay or bisexual but most are not. Males who have been sexually abused are often confused about their sexual orientation because of the trauma. These men—gay, bisexual and straight—re-enact the trauma through homosexual behavior as adults.
“Gay” behavior can be the result of “sexual addiction”. Clarifying what sexual addiction is—and isn’t—is important. This website and blog explores its defining signs and symptoms and looks at more updated and cutting edge ways of helping men with out-of-control sexual behaviors that manifest through same sex behaviors . But even a cured “sex addict” might still feel attracted to gay sex and sometimes even to some men. The goal is to distinguish behaviors from identity.
Many men–gay, straight and bisexual–can be sexual with the same sex or the opposite sex if money is involved. Most people, however, think that if a man accepts money for sex with another man he cannot be straight.
We assume that these men are gay, or at the very least bisexual, and simply in denial about their sexuality. However, we now know that one subset of these men—straight men who enjoy getting paid for such sex—can, indeed, be heterosexual. It is not the sex that turns them on, it is the money! They have eroticized money , and the sense of value they derive from being admired and paid for performing sex acts with men.
BDSM —bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism—refers to sexual stimulation by playing with various themes of exaggerated hierarchy. These days, BDSM is a well organized community with its own rules and customs, educational materials and activities. B&D and S&M can be used loosely as synonyms for BDSM or refer to components including intense physical sensations (spanking, paddling, whipping, etc.). The phrase “dominance and submission” is used sometimes to emphasize the more psychological aspects of this play.
Straight men who engage in BDSM with other men do so for the BDSM scene, not the gender of their play partner. In other words, BDSM is what arouses them, not the gender of their partner. They prefer women but will play with men.
In the universe of sexual fantasy, cuckolding—that is, generally speaking, watching while one’s wife or partner has sex with another man, especially one with a larger penis—is nothing new. In fact, the term has been around for centuries. Traditionally it was only applied to the husband of an adulterous wife. Today it means a lot more. These are straight men who enjoy fantasies of—or the reality of—their wives and girlfriends having sex with other men either in front of them, nearby or with their knowledge about when and where it occurs. They’re often sexually aroused by feeling humiliated that their wives are being pleased by another male whom they see as more potent and better endowed.
Straight men will say they want to receive anal sex, or they want to engage in anal play, but they’re ashamed to tell their girlfriends or wives. They’re ashamed to ask their partner to explore that with them. And not just because of the reaction they fear from their partner.
The best definition I have found on bisexuality is by Robin Ochs who writes:
“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”
For some straight men, the availability/opportunity for sex is worth getting physical with someone they are not necessarily naturally attracted to. Similar to how in Sex For Money it is the money that is eroticized and not the fact that the partner is male, here it is the act of sex that overrides the gender or sex of the sexual partner. Some of these men could be labeled as Heteroflexible.
Homosexuality is not the result of “father hunger” as some psychotherapists and reparative therapies theorize. Both straight, bisexual and gay men suffer from this when growing up where their father was not around, unavailable, unaffectionate and perhaps may have been abusive. I do not believe that “ father hunger” creates a gay orientation in any way. There is no evidence to support this silly concept anymore than “mother hunger” would make a man straight.
There are heterosexual men who crave affection and attention from their fathers and seek sex with men as a way of getting that male nurturance and acceptance.
HOCD is exemplified by a man worrying about being gay so constantly and compulsively that it takes up a good deal of his life and causes him significant anxiety.
These are men who enjoy being looked at by both men and women as long as they are being admired for their bodies. Many are body builders and muscular and enjoy the homo-erotic attention of gay men and might even flirt with gay men to encourage more admiration.
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On the Web Since 1998 • Over 2,000 Scenes
Did you want to be the one who captured Alias Smith and Jones , or the BeastMaster ?
Have you always wanted to be
tied up like The Dukes of Hazzard ,
or Supernatural's Winchester brothers?
If so, enjoy these video stills from my collection of
guys tied up or bound in movies and TV shows.
Kelly Blatz and Martin Roach in Aaron Stone "Face-Off"
Dan Stevens and Bill Milner in Apostle (2018)
Robbie Amell, Gray Powell and others in Arq (2016)
Ashton Holmes and Paul Moniz de Sa in Arrow "Doppelganger"
Stephen Amell and David Meunier in Arrow "Kapiushon"
Stephen Amell and others in Arrow "Missing"
Stephen Amell, John Barrowman and David Ramsey in Arrow "Nanda Parbat"
Colton Haynes, Duncan Ollerenshaw and Peter Benson in Arrow "Salvation"
David Ramsey and Ernie Hudson in Arrow "Spartan"
Ben Lewis and Colton Haynes in Arrow "Star City Slayer"
Stephen Amell and Dylan Bruce in Arrow "State v. Queen"
Stephen Amell and Seth Gabel in Arrow "Unfinished Business"
Charlie Hofheimer in Betrayed (2014)
Bob Odenkirk, Daniel Spenser Levine and Steven Levine in Better Call Saul "Mijo"
Jeremy Sumpter and others in Billionaire-Ransom (2016)
Jeffrey Donovan and Kenny Johnson in Burn Notice "Desperate Measures"
Graham Shiels and Matthew Humphreys in Burn Notice "Do No Harm"
Kristof Konrad and Daniel Joseph Wilson in Burn Notice "Friends Like These"
Jeffrey Donovan, Coby Bell and Henri Lubatti in Burn Notice "Hard Out"
Jeffrey Donovan and others in Burn Notice "No Good Deed"
Frank Licari and Jordan Werner in Burn Notice "Scorched Earth"
Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Adrian Lamana and Manuel Martinez in Capitán Trueno y el Santo Grial (2011)
Nathan Fillion and Eddie McClintock in Castle "For Better or Worse"
Seamus Dever and Jon Huertas in Castle "Knockdown"
Derek Krantz, Brett Weinstock and Jared Kusnitz in Castle "Meme Is Murder"
Ryan Phillippe in Catch Hell (2014)
Michael Fassbender in Centurion (2010)
Zachary Levi and Jonathan Cake in Chuck "Chuck vs. the Beefcake"
Zachary Levi and Ryan McPartlin in Chuck "Chuck vs. the Broken Heart"
Zachary Levi and Adam Baldwin in Chuck "Chuck vs. the Couch Lock"
Zachary Levi and Ryan McPartlin in Chuck "Chuck vs. the Curse"
Zachary Levi and Gary Cole in Chuck "Chuck vs. the DeLorean"
Zachary Levi and Adam Baldwin in Chuck "Chuck vs. the Sensei"
Thomas Anthony Jones and others in Criminal Minds "Flesh and Blood"
Lance Gross, Dermot Mulroney and Adam Scott Miller in Crisis "Best Laid Plans"
Richard Coyle and Chris Perfetti in Crossbones "The Devil's Dominion"
Logan Marshall-Green in Damnation "One Penny"
Micah McNeil, Mickey Dolan, Alan Trong and Jon LeVert in Daybreak "Schmuck Bait!"
David Tennant and John Simm in Doctor Who "The End of Time"
Shane West and Elden Henson in El Dorado "Temple of the Sun"
Aaron Gaffey and Devin Barry in Dust Up (2012)
Scott Eastwood and Shaun Sipos in Enter Nowhere (2011)
Adrien Brody and others in The Experiment (2010)
Vin Diesel and Paul Walker in Fast Five (2011)
Michael Steger in Fatal Flip (2015)
Geoff Stults and Ian Reed Kesler in The Finder "A Cinderella Story"
Grant Gustin, Stephen Amell and Franz Drameh in The Flash "Crisis on Earth-X, Part 3"
Grant Gustin and Stephen Amell in The Flash "Elseworlds, Part 1"
Nicholas Gonzalez and Carlos Valdes in The Flash "Rogue Time"
Shawn Ashmore and Todd Ryan Jones in The Following "The Curse"
Kevin Bacon, James Purefoy and others in The Following "Evermore"
Kevin Bacon and James Purefoy in The Following "Forgive"
Kevin Bacon and Michael Ealy in The Following "The Reckoning"
Ioan Gruffudd and Jason Babinsky in Forever "The Ecstasy of Agony"
Sean Faris and others in Freerunner (2011)
Adam Devine, Anders Holm, Blake Anderson and Utkarsh Ambudkar in Game Over, Man! (2018)
Craig Robinson and Adam Scott in Ghosted "Pilot"
Ben McKenzie, Robin Lord Taylor and others in Gotham "All Happy Families Are Alike"
Ben McKenzie, David Mazouz and John Bedford Lloyd in Gotham "I Am Bane"
Ben McKenzie and Brian McManamon in Gotham "A Legion of Horribles"
Ben McKenzie and Cameron Monaghan in Gotham "No Man's Land"
Ben McKenzie and Robin Lord Taylor in Gotham "Penguin, Our Hero"
Peter Mayer-Klepchick, Cameron Duckett and others in Groupers (2019)
Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis and Justin Bartha in The Hangover Part III (2013)
Scott Caan and Daniel Dae Kim in Hawaii Five-0 "Pono Kaulike"
Alex O'Loughlin, Scott Caan and Daniel Dae Kim in Hawaii Five-0 "Ua Malo'o Ka Wai"
Darri Ingolfsson in He's Watching (2018)
Rick Malambri, Jermaine Williams, Dov Tiefenbach and Anand Desai-Barochia in A Holiday Heist (2011)
Donald Faison, John Legend and Andy Roddick in Hollywood Game Night "He Said, She Said"
Mike Colter, Chris Hardwick, David Walton and Xzibit in Hollywood Game Night "Playing Hardwick to Get"
Jason Ritter, Adam Rodriguez and Colton Dunn in Hollywood Game Night "Pop Goes the Game Night"
Brian Hallisay, Skyler Stone, John Hensley and Kip Pardue in Hostel: Part III (2011)
Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man 3 (2013)
Thomas Cadrot, Chris Cochrane, Julien Hyacinthe and Morgan Derera in iZombie "Thug Death"
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