Straight Bondage

Straight Bondage
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Sabrina is an editorial assistant for Women’s Health.

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Do you own a scarf? Then you’re ready.
If you're looking for a surefire way to spice things up in the bedroom, your mind might jump to handcuffs. But I'll do you one better: Try using rope.
ICYDK, if you're looking to dip a toe into kink , bondage is a great place to start. Most of the tools you need to fulfill your BDSM fantasies are lying around your house already. But, before you grab the nearest bandana and strap your partner to a kitchen chair, there are a few things you should know.
Establishing how to approach rope bondage might be an intimidating process if you've never tried it. Before you and your partner get into it, many experts suggest it’s a good idea to agree on your desired roles and boundaries. For example, figure out whether you'd rather be the dominant partner who takes on more leadership and control, or would you rather be the submissive one, who prefers to give up that control to their partner.
You should also talk to your partner about what you do/don't want done to you, how much pressure you’re into, and what safe word will signal when one of you has had enough.
If this isn’t your first time incorporating BDSM into your partnership, then this process might be second nature to you. But either way, preparation beforehand is always necessary. Here’s a few things to keep in mind before getting started.
Research is a must if it’s your first time using rope. Get familiar with what positions you want to try out and how to execute them properly. There are plenty of websites you can check out dedicated to explaining rope play. Elle Chase , CSE, ACS, a certified sex educator, recommends Remedial Ropes as a good place to start learning. Doing sufficient research will give you a better sense of where to tie, how tight, etc., says Chase.
If you’re interested in trying rope play or any other form of BDSM, consent should be an ongoing conversation. "Consent, communication, and trust are essential for a strong relationship—sexual or otherwise," says Chase. "Incorporating consensual bondage into sex play builds and fortifies essential trust between partners, and requires that communication be deft and clear."
Aside from doing your own research, there are also classes and workshops you can attend to get some real hands-on experience, says Francesca Gentille , PhD, clinical sexologist and professor at the International Institute of Clinical Sexology. Rope bondage is never risk-free as there is the possibility for nerve damage amongst other things, so it’s best for all participants to familiarize themselves with any safety issues that can pop up during practice. "Think R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)," says Gentille.
With safety being the priority, it doesn’t hurt to create some sort of escape plan in the event of an emergency. A good option is keeping the ties that bind the wrists and ankles loose until you get comfortable, says Chase. As you get better with the ties and make them tighter, you can also have a pair of safety scissors handy just in case, adds Gentile.
If executed correctly and with caution, a strong bond of trust can be formed between you and your partner. " When the rope tier, rigger, or dominant listens well, notices beautifully, and attunes to the one being tied, there is a sense of growing intimacy, anticipation, and arousal," say Gentille.
Aftercare is always needed after a scene and is usually negotiated before you start a scene. The purpose of aftercare is to make sure both participants level out mentally and physically. For scenes that can be physically depleting, Gentille recommends a blanket, snacks, and a bottle of water. She also adds that it’s a good idea to check in with your partner a few days after to see if anything other thoughts or feelings have come up. “Aftercare (done well), both immediately after a scene or session, and days later, is an opportunity to deepen your relationship, build trust, and hold space for any triggers and healing,” says Gentille. “If not handled well the opposite can happen. [You] can break trust or rewound and trigger feelings of abandonment [in your partner].”
Once the specifics are out of the way, then it's finally time to play. If you don't have any rope casually laying around your home, don’t worry. Plenty of other household items, like a scarf or a tie, can serve as great alternatives. Whatever tool you've got on hand, get ready to explore these 18 best bondage positions:
How to: Missionary is the easiest possible position for beginner bondage. Simply lie on your back with your arms above your head and your legs spread, then have your partner bind your wrists and ankles to the bed frame.
Licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin recommended Sportsheets’ under-the-bed restraint system ($29, amazon.com ) in a previous interview with Women's Health , because its velcro cuffs are easily removable for a quick escape if/when you decide you no longer want to be bound.
How to: Have your partner lie on their back and bind their wrists and ankles, either together or to the bed frame, with a silk scarf, a tie, or heck, even your own underwear. Once they’re adequately restrained, straddle them facing forward or away, whichever you prefer.
Because they’re tied down, you can switch it up as often as you see fit—playing with your clit, or maybe pulsing a bullet vibe on your partner's perineum, nipples, or clit (try the Tenga Iroha Stick, $20, amazon.com ). Basically, you get to do whatever you want—you’re in charge.
Whether you opt for standard or reverse cowgirl, woman-on-top positions provide a perfect opportunity for you to take complete control.
How to: Lie with your stomach flat on the mattress (or wherever you’re going to be having sex) and have your partner bind your wrists together over your head. Maybe have them blindfold you , too, because why the hell not?
Then, have them lift your hips to enter you from behind, keeping your shoulders down and your knees rooted while he (or she) thrusts.
How to: Bend over and have your partner bind your wrists to your ankles, with your feet anchored shoulder-width apart for better balance.
Have your partner enter you from behind, keeping their hands on your hips to make sure you don’t topple over. Try a hands-free couples vibrator, like the Eva II ($135), for added clitoral stimulation.
How to: Lie down with your back flush to the mattress and then lift your hips into the air, as if you were doing a bridge in yoga. Then, have your partner bind your wrists behind your back and grab your butt, so you can wrap your legs around their waist as they thrust. (This one is like the leap frog, but in reverse.)
How to: For this one, grab a sturdy chair and park your partner’s butt in it. Then, tie their wrists and ankles to the frame, and once they’re ready to go—after a little oral sex , maybe—straddle them and pump up and down. Whether you face them or turn away is entirely up to you.
How to: First, grab two ties, one for your eyes and one for your wrists. Have your partner blindfold you and bind your wrists in front of you, so they hang down by your hips. Once you’re all tied up, they can take the reins in foreplay, before rolling you onto your side and entering you from behind. As they rock into you, they can surprise you with nipple tweaks and strokes, keeping stimulation on your clit. The best part: You get to lie back and enjoy the feels.
A big part of what makes spoon sex such a winner: Easy access to the clit and nips.
How to: Have your partner kneel and sit back on their legs. Loosely bind their wrists together behind their back and sit with your back facing your partner's front. From there, straddle your partner's thighs, bending your knees so that your legs are alongside your partners. Your partner can then use their hips to thrust, without using their arms or legs.
How to: Have your partner sit in an armless chair with their ankles loosely bound together and their wrist tied together behind the back of the chair. Face your partner and straddle their lap. For extra leverage, hold onto your partner's shoulders while you ride.
How to: To best introduce bondage in a knees-to-chest position, have your partner bind your ankles and calves together. Then, while you’re lying on your back, drape your legs over his shoulder as your partner penetrates you. You can also make use of those restraints or even cuffs, and have your partner bind your wrists above your head.
How to: For this one, assume roughly the same position as leap frog, but have your partner handcuff your wrists behind your back and spread your legs. They should kneel between your legs and enter you from behind while your body is flat against the mattress, ground, kitchen table, wherever. Then, have them reach a hand around to stroke your clitoris —because to neglect it would be very rude indeed.
How to: Lying on your back with your legs spread wide, have your partner straddle you while facing your toes. Once they’re situated, wrap your legs around their waist and tip your pelvis up, allowing them to slide back and enter you.
Then, grab your anal toy of choice, lubricate it generously, and work it while your partner rides. (Please note, anal always goes better when the receiving party is really aroused, so preface this position with plenty of foreplay.)
Because the butt is right there, other teasing options include slaps and pinches. If your partner has balls, Snow Angel also gives you prime access: Consider some light testicular tugging, whatever your partner is comfortable with and enjoys.
How to: First things first, ready your restraints, whether that’s the aforementioned under-the-bed system or simply scarves or rope. Have your partner bind your wrists, either to the bed frame or above your head, while you lie in missionary position. Then, spread your legs in a V-shape and lift them toward your head. Have your partner help with this, pushing your ankles back (as far as feels good for you) and holding them in place while they thrust.
Easy to execute without too much maneuvering, the Valedictorian remains a classic because it offers solid G-spot stimulation in combination with a good stretch.
How to: For this position, bend over the bed and have your partner bind your ankles, and then wrists together. Have your partner stand behind you with one leg on either side of yours and enter. Your partner can use their free hands to stimulate other areas, like the nipples or clitoris.
How to: For a more advanced option, have your partner secure the leg tie so that both legs are locked together. From there, your partner can either spoon you while on the bed or can stand up for more leverage.
How to: Have your partner complete a simple box tie so that your wrists are tied in a horizontal position and then tied across the chest and shoulders to create a harness. From there, have your partner stand up or lean over the side of the bed for genital or anal entrance, says Amanda Pasciucco , a certified sex therapist in Connecticut.
How to: Have your partner tie you so that your legs are bent at the knees and your thighs are pressed to your chest (kind of like a fetal position). While this position may be trickier for penetration, it's a great option for other forms of play.
How to: Have your partner tie your ankles together. Then have them tie your wrists behind your back, and tie the wrists and ankles together.
This tie can be a great option for giving or receiving oral sex. ( Note: Beginners should opt for cuffs or clips that can be easily removed instead of rope as some people may struggle to breathe in this position.)

Curious About Bondage? 9 Things You Need To Know Before You Go There
For starters, there's a major difference between being tied up and tied down.
1. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
2. Don't get too caught up in copying what you see in the movies.
3. Understand the difference between being tied up and tied down.
4. Only restrain one part at a time.
6. Then consider bondage tape or ribbon.
9. But be prepared for emergencies, just in case.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
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If you immediately think of Christian Grey's 50 Shades of Grey Red Room when you hear the word "bondage," there's some good news: it doesn't always have to be that intense! (But of course, it can be if you want it to.) Even if you find the idea of the B in BDSM (bondage, dominance and submission, sadomasochism) intriguing, you don't have to dive in headfirst. Instead, sex experts recommend dipping a toe into the bondage pool before you really give it your all. Here, one shares some insight into how to start exploring the world of bondage.
Embarking upon a new sexual adventure makes talking about what's going on more important than ever. "Let them know if you’re feeling uncomfortable, and ask how they’re doing periodically," Jess O'Reilly , Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist, tells SELF. It might also be a smart idea to come up with a safe word, which is a word or phrase either of you can say when you need a time out from the intensity.
Or in pornography, or any other staged bondage depictions you may come across. "They may be beautiful, but they represent expert bondage scenes performed under supervision, and the models may have only held that pose for a few seconds," says O'Reilly. Instead, take it slowly and don't think you have to experience pain or intense anxiety for it to qualify as bondage.
They may sound interchangeable, but they're two distinct things. Being tied up means having a body part restricted, like having your wrists tied together, says O'Reilly. On the other hand, you're tied down when you're attached to something else, like a chair. Very good to know the difference when you and your partner are talking about your sex fantasies !
While keeping an open mind during sex can definitely be a good thing, trying too many things at once is an easy way to become overwhelmed. That's why O'Reilly suggests experimenting by restraining only one part of your body at a time rather than going for the whole shebang. "You don't need to be tied down spread-eagle to enjoy the erotic appeal of bondage," says O'Reilly.
A huge box of materials isn't required to figure out whether you like bondage. O'Reilly suggests neckties, scarves, and stockings as a good starting point. Not only will you potentially save money if bondage isn't your thing, you'll also know your way around them much better than you would a new toy.
If you're more intrigued after using household supplies to hold each other down, think about making bondage tape or ribbon your first bondage-specific purchase. "Even though it comes in a roll like duct tape, it isn’t sticky. It sticks to itself with an electrostatic cling," says O'Reilly. Science! "You simply wrap it around—keeping it flat—and press it against itself to hold it in place," she says, explaining that it's particularly great because of its versatility. "You can use it to bind body parts together or strap your partner to furniture without causing damage, and you can even create a kinky outfit using tape over your chest, pelvic region, or legs."
Once you feel comfortable, you can graduate to more intense bondage toys like handcuffs. And if you're obsessed with the idea of being tied to your bed but lack the all-important headboard, there's hope for you yet! O'Reilly recommends buying an under-the-bed restraint system that connects to your mattress instead.
Using household items is especially good for this aspect. Since you know them more intimately than you do with brand-new toys, you can make sure you're both comfortable when you use them. "Leave a little space for your partner’s skin to breathe and to ensure adequate circulation," says O'Reilly. "If you’re tying your partner up near one of their joints, add a little extra space between the bonds and their skin." Good blood flow is important for sex, and just life in general. Check in with each other every few minutes to see if whoever's being restrained is feeling any tingling or numbness, as that can be a sure sign that the restraints are too tight.
Creativity is the name of the game when it comes to all kinds of sex, especially bondage. Although lying on your back while tied up might be the first position that comes to mind, there are so many others to try! Here are a few of O'Reilly's suggestions for starters: "Bend over a chair and have your wrists tied to its arms, stand against a wall with your hands restrained behind your back, get on all fours and have your ankles bound together, or lie on your side to spoon with your hands bound above your head," she says. That way you can figure out if you like pretty much any position for bondage, if you have a few favorites, or whether you're actually not into it in any scenario.
Although it probably won't happen, sometimes urgent situations arise at the least convenient times. "To ensure that you can always free your lover from bondage in the event of an emergency, keep a pair of safety-edged bandage scissors within arm's reach," says O'Reilly. Also known as EMT scissors because their bent design helps them cut through clothes with less risk to people than ones, you can find them at various drugstores . As a bonus, they often slice through heavy-duty materials like metal and plastic.
Are they good to have on hand? Absolutely. Will you need to use them? Only on the rarest of occasions. The more likely worst-case scenario is that you'll decide bondage isn't for you, in which case you're still learning about your sexuality—always a win. But on the bright side, you might discover a new thing that really turns you on, which is undeniably awesome.
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a
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