Str8 Roommate

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Str8 Roommate

Jack is a wise but mysterious figure whose exact whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he's really, really good at relationship challenges. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a stick at, and he’s here to help men from all walks of life step up their game.

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I have a weird problem that I’m sure you will think is just is just ridiculous. To cut to the chase, I’m in my second year of college and living in the dorms. I also happen to be gay.
This year, the powers that be decided to pair me up with a ridiculously hot jock who I’m 99% sure is straight. I mean, he hasn’t come out and said it but that’s just the vibe I get off him.
All he ever talks about are the girls he’s banged. Well, that and sports. What else am I supposed to think?
But here is the weird thing. On three separate occasions, we’ve gotten into wrestling matches. Each time, he’s popped wood. The last time it happened, I could feel his stiffy through his sweats.
When I pointed this out to him, he looked at me and said, “You know you want to suck it.” When I joked back and told him I would, he replied, “Go for it!”
Well, I obviously haven’t done it (yet). It’s not like I don’t want to because I totally do. But I’m afraid it could get weird afterward. Any thoughts?
It sounds like you are in a situation that a lot of guys who visit this blog can relate to. Well, either relate to or fantasize about.
I can imagine this whole thing has been difficult for you. From the sound of it, your roommate is the stuff of “lick and yum” as some folks like to say around here.
So, in reading your post, my sense is you are really attracted to him. Moreover, your roomie also appears to be attracted to you.
We know this because he’s getting an erection while wrestling with you. Well, that and because the guy all but told you to service him.
It doesn’t get any more direct than “go for it”, does it?
I couldn’t tell you if your roomie is [closeted] gay, bi or simply curious . At the end of the day, it’s kind of a moot point because he’s obviously interested.
The essential question for you is, should I sleep with him?
Here’s the thing Jimmy, there’s no right or wrong answer. Much depends on this guy’s emotional makeup and mental maturity. The truth is things could go either way, meaning bad or good.
If you look around this website, you’ll find all sorts of stories about things going splendidly with curious men. But you’ll also read about guys who would never “feed of the seed” of a “straight” roommate.
What may be helpful is to fast-forward your mental tape and play things out. In other words, based on your own experiences of your roomie thus far, how do you think he’ll act afterward?
If you aren’t sure, that could be an indication that maybe, hooking up with him isn’t a smart move. On the other hand, if you feel he’ll be cool with it, then why not enjoy?
Here are a few other things to consider as part of the dynamic. One, if you do go down on him, will he take this as a green light for more activities in the future? Will things escalate?
Additionally, what are your expectations here? In other words, do you want him to reciprocate? If yes, what if that’s not something he’s willing to do? Are you OK with merely giving him bro-jobs at his beckon call?
Finally, is there a part of you who has feelings for him? I’m not saying you do. Instead, I’m merely asking. The reason is that sometimes, gay men end up falling for guys who are emotionally unavailable.
This happens when we start crushing on men who can’t provide us with what we need (if that makes sense).
For what it is worth, I had something similar happen to me when I was in college. The guy who lived down the hall from me started showing interest.
Like your roommate, I figured him as straight. Later, I would find out that he was closeted and that all of his trash talking about the women he had f—– was a bunch of BS.
In my case, I did end up messing around with him. But it only happened once. The reason?
He didn’t want to reflect back what I was doing to him (AKA oral). And to me, that was just a deal breaker. Call me old school but I just think it’s only fair to want that. Maybe I’m wrong – who knows?
Anyway, Jimmy, I encourage you to carefully consider hooking up with your jock bunkmate. Make sure you’ve thought it all out and play that mental tape I mentioned earlier.
If you do end up draining his main and things are cool in the days that follow, that’s totally awesome. Now you’ll have a built-in f-buddy for the school year.
That’s kind of nice on cold winter nights, right?
On the flip side, should you decide against getting with him, don’t question your convictions. Most of the time, your inner voice is going to be right.
Need some dating help? Email Jack, the Gay Dating Coach at: askus@mensvariety.com
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Posted on November 3, 2015 by AsAccordingToT


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You ask the questions, I give the answers
I’m a sophomore in college and I’m going through an awkward phase with my roommate. About a week ago, he caught me making out with my boyfriend on the couch in the living room of our apartment on campus. Well the thing is, my roommate didn’t know I was gay. I had always been careful not to get caught doing my thing, but the one time I don’t go to my room with a man, and this happens. Since my roommate peeped me in the kiss, we haven’t really talked, and I barely saw him once in passing. He couldn’t even look me in the eye then. So what do you think I should do in this situation? Do I talk to him to make things less weird? Or do I ride it out and hope things get better with time? We’ve had a solid roommate relationship since freshman year, and I’d rather not have to find someone else to live with.
Thanks for writing to me. Hormones are a powerful thing, as you know. They will have you taking risks and throwing all inhibitions out the window. And in your case, have you intertwined with your boo in the common area of your apartment. Be thankful there weren’t man bits hanging out when your roommate walked in.
So clearly, your roommate of two years had no idea you like men. I would ask you how you kept that info under wraps, but having gone through four years of college with the same roommate who was oblivious to my sexuality, I think I have an idea or two. LOL! Well since the cat is out of the bag now, it’s time for you to stand firm and own who you are.
Should you want to continue to live with this guy and want some sense of normalcy to return in your relationship, you have to initiate a conversation with him. Now I understand that may be hard to do if he has been avoiding you like the plague, so you may need to send him a text and schedule a sit down to talk.  And when you do talk, explain that it is unfortunate that he had to find out about you this way, but you are who you are and that guy from the couch is your boyfriend.
Also when you and the roommate talk, you should perhaps apologize to him for catching you on the couch you two share, if you and he had an understanding to take private stuff to your private rooms.  And perhaps you may even owe him an apology if you told him something leading him to believe you like only women. Because you essentially lied to him. But by no means, do you owe him an “I’m sorry,” “My bad,” or “I apologize” for being gay. You don’t ever have to apologize for your sexuality. EVER!
Moving in with My College Bae December 15, 2015 In "relationships"
He Doesn’t Put Me First July 8, 2016 In "Dating"
If you have yet to have the convo, I’d suggest you acknowledge how much your roommates’s friendship means to you and how much you were afraid of risking it which, in turn, led you to not being upfront about your love of men. Own your humanity and your mistakes. It’s where you are the most honest and most like everyone else.
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so, what do most colleges do with us gay students, any way? i know at colby, where some of my friends go they usually give gay freshmen straight roommates (ones that aren't freaked out by gayness, i hope). is that how it works everywhere? i'm not even sure i'd want to room with another gay kid? it would kind of suck if you ended up being romantically interested- i don't think being roommates first year of college would be a good way to make things work out in a relationship. i hear that it's best to try not to room with people you want to date. how does the roommate situation work out usually in cases like this?

How about you ask to be rommed with the Opposite sex. this way there is 0% chance of this happening.

Is it really necessary for the housing people to know sexual orientation?

I understand your concern about ending up being romantically interested, but does sexual orientation really play that big a factor in having to live with someone?

alot of colleges i've seen dont generally house opposite sexes in the same rooms for dormitories, even if you are attracted to the same sex.

Housing forms do not ask about sexual orientation (or homophobia, for that matter). Also, some people don't really decide they are gay until after they have already started college. It is not feasable for dorms to consider this in housing assignments.

I had a lesbian housemate during grad school. I had a boyfriend, she had a girlfriend. We each knew where the other stood. It was absolutely not a problem. Even if she had been attracted to me, it would not have been a problem. Gay people are just as capable as straight people of being appropriate around others who they find attractive but who are unavailable for one reason or another. If anything, they might be more careful about not making advances that might be unwelcome.

well, yeah, i know that, but do my potential roommates? it would kind of suck to get stuck with someone who thinks i'm "all bad" for being gay, since i think it's really kind of cool and not bad. i'd hate to live the year in the same room with someone who's all you're inferior.

housing forms do not ask people if they would object to a roommate who is gay or black or Muslim or from a rural area or handicapped, or anything like that. If you are lucky, they will try to match people up according to some general questions about things like neatness, smoking, noise, bedtimes. If you get there and can't get along with your roommate, you have the same options as anyone else who can't get along with their roommate for whatever reason.

granted sexual orientation is more potent an issue over hobbies and other lifestyle choices, but do you not think everyone has that same kind of issue?

i would love to have had a room mate whome didnt have a problem with me and i did not have a problem with him, but it didnt work out that way. The guy apparently was not very good at dealing with "people" in general, that's just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

of course there's not a very high likelyhood that a younger person this day and age would have an outright irrational discrimination of someones life choices of any kind, and furthermore especially someone going to a university, especially depending on the level and atmosphere of the university.

but in short no, being gay does not warrant special attention over other several life choices that people make that could interfer with a good room mate experience.

the only thing you could do is investigate and see if the particular college your going to offer special residential colleges or floors. I know at my university there is a special floor that promots gay and lesbianism, called the rainbow floor or somesuch, but you dont have to be gay to live there and i'm sure most people prefer to just live wherever.

dude, honestly, i dont wanna have a gay roomate.
a couple of months ago, i read an article about gay guys demanding lesbians as roomates cuz then they wouldnt get romantically involved.
i thought that was a great idea.

As long as you're not flaming, it should be fine. If it isn't, you'll switch roommates.

I agree with aim78...I wouldn't mind a gay roomie as long as he didn't form an attraction for me...I mean...gay ppl are normal you know..lol...it's not like they're so different...as long as he's cool and knows what's up it'd be fine

fyi, i've had several friends with gay room mates and they got along just fine, (both understood the importance of being accepting of the other, even with the ackwardness my friend went through gazing up at a man on man version of the erotic "kiss" poster that's so popular).

they got along much better than i did with my (supposedly) straight room mate.

Hot chicks usually hang around gay guys, so it could be a plus that numerous tens are in your room alot. Plus (well according to the stereotype) gay guys are really clean so you wouldn't have to worry about cleaning up after him. I still couldn't do it though. LOL

i dont want to have a gay roommate. would there be any way to switch dorms if the roommate is gay?

why? do gay ppl intimidate you?

No they might not intimidate him, he just doesn't what a gay roommate. This is a totally acceptable view in my eyes. Just as some females might not be comfortable having an assigned male roommate (they don't do this) why should straight males be forced to live with a gay person against their will? Cultural and religous differences are one thing, sexual orientation is a whole different ball of wax.

it would be uncomfortable for straight guys to live and sleep with the fear of rape or something. there should be a way to switch dorms because it could lead to violence, in the millitary i beleive they kick you out if you say your sexual orientation. is there something like this in dorms?

I would say that your view is pretty discriminatory. Not that I think there is anything wrong with choosing not to be in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, but to say something about fearing rape is something else entirely. Most people know how to deal with rejection graciously, I would doubt your roommate would rape you.

dormitory living is kinda different from barracks :-P

The only reason they banned it in the military is so there wouldn't be discrimination towards homosexuals by fellow cadets, officers, etc...."Don't ask don't tell" policy

and as for fear of rape...that's absurd....a gay guy is as likely to rape you as a straight one...if they're messed up in the dome then they'll probably rape you :-P

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