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It's easy to feel shock and disgust over the recent headlines about Jared Fogle's child pornography crimes. It's more difficult to grasp the fallout for the children themselves. Here, one woman looks back at her own harrowing past—and her drive to change the future.
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The images have no beginning and no end. As far back as I can remember, I see cameras, adults touching me, giving me something to drink. I see lingerie in miniature sizes. My earliest memories are of being forced to pose for child pornography, of being sexually abused. 
I grew up near a major interstate highway. My abuser would bring me to rest stops so truckers could rape me. He connected with them via CB radio, and would bring me in a van so the deed could be done right there along the highway, or pick up the trucker and drive them back to wherever I was waiting. I remember them, from when I was just six years old. 
There were photos and "parties," too. I was made to dress in lingerie and then brought to warehouses, where men would be gathered with cameras. Other kids were there, too. We were given alcohol or injected with drugs to make sure we stayed calm, hazy, compliant. 
I don't remember protesting; I remember thinking this was normal. I didn't know any better. It wasn't until maybe sixth grade, when I was socializing with other kids at their homes and with their families, that I realized my life wasn't like theirs. None of my friends went to warehouses. None of them were touched. 
As far back as I can remember, I see cameras, adults touching me, giving me something to drink. I see lingerie in miniature sizes.
"This isn't fun anymore," I remember telling my abuser. It had never been fun, but the parties and touching were always framed as a privilege. You're such a special girl, he'd say. That's why you get to go to parties. That's why you get to have your photo taken. Since he cared about me so much, I thought he would of course allow me to bow out if I wasn't enjoying myself. Instead, he left my life. The abuse was over by middle school.
My coping mechanism was to bury myself in schoolwork. I was determined to go to college, which wasn't very common in my small town. My dedication to homework didn't win me any popularity awards, but I had a couple of friends in high school. I even had some boyfriends.
I was drawn to classes where I learned about gender and the psychology of abuse. I decided to pursue a Master's degree in gender and cultural studies. Researching prostitution and sex trafficking helped me put my own puzzle together. Truck stops are havens for child abuse, I learned—there is even a group called Truckers Against Trafficking to help end the association and eliminate the business. 
One of my favorite professors told me, "We study our pain." I certainly studied mine. I read that child abuse and these horrifying sex rings are about power and money, like everything else. The abusers need to feel powerful. The facilitators—photographers, parents, even police officers—need to get rich. 
My abuser was well connected—it was the only way to keep hidden the fact that there was a warehouse in our town hosting sex parties for pedophiles. 
It can be paralyzing to consider this kind of collusion. Is anyone trustworthy? Is any town safe? Do all humans have the capacity for such depraved behavior? Instead of making me feel worse, studying these patterns helps me cope. Many sexual abusers were themselves abused; it makes them feel powerful to turn around and do it to someone else, to inflict their childhood trauma on another child. It can feel exciting to them to keep this secret, to perpetuate it. 
Given my past, I'm never surprised when I find out someone is a pedophile or a sex offender. Not teachers, not public figures, not celebrities like Jared Fogle or Josh Duggar.
I threw myself into my work as a research scientist and advocate to try to make the cycle stop. By the age of 30, I was able to open myself up to a social life—and even, eventually, a husband. I came with a lot of baggage, but he saw me as I wanted to see myself. 
We adopted a son, who is now 10 years old. He came from a foster home, and in a way we may have saved him from abuse of his own. What does he know about my past? Only that "mommy had a hard childhood," and that my job is to "keep kids safe." Maybe someday I'll tell him the full story. 
Now, I'm even more horrified by the concept of child abuse. My role as a parent is to protect, and sometimes the mama bear comes out. Given my past, I'm never surprised when I find out someone is a pedophile or a sex offender. Not teachers, not public figures, not celebrities like Jared Fogle or Josh Duggar. I will occasionally get a creepy sense about someone—a vibe or demeanor that is consistent with both my memories and my research. I don't always make accusations, but I've had many difficult private conversations. Don't leave your child alone with that man, I'll advise a fellow parent. Just trust me on this. I don't want to publicly ruin a person's life if I don't have clear evidence that they are abusive, but I do want to protect my child and any child I can.
People's sixth senses about these things are often correct. When I've shared my story and named my abuser with people in my hometown, they nod. Yeah, I always thought something was going on there, they'll say. Then why didn't you say anything?! my brain screams. It's the only things that moves me forward: You have to say something. You have to ask the kids. Ask the person. Ask the police. Send in a tip. Raise a question. I had something to say, and I'm saying it now.
Due to the sensitive nature of her story, our subject has requested to remain anonymous, and we've removed identifying details from her account. If you suspect child sexual abuse in your town, please call the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's tipline at 1 (800) 843-5678 , or report activity here .

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Dec. 1, 2005 -- -- Earlier this year, Toronto police took an extraordinary step in their search for a little girl who was being subjected to the worst kind of abuse imaginable.
She was the subject of pictures that had been showing up in the hands of pedophiles. They showed her tied up and raped repeatedly, and police could see her growing older in the photos. They feared the abuse was still going on.
So they digitally removed her from the photos -- only showing her surroundings -- and asked the public for help.
Months later, Toronto police learned that her abuser had already been jailed, and that she had been placed with a foster family.
She told her story for the first time to ABC News. She was interviewed in the presence of her new adoptive mother, her therapist and adviser -- all of whom hope that airing her story might help her heal.
"It's like he stole my childhood," the young girl, Masha, said. "He took away five years of my life that I could never get back."
Masha was born in a small, industrial city in southern Russia. She doesn't remember her father, and says her mother was an alcoholic. When she was 4, Masha says, her mother stabbed her in the back of her neck during a drinking binge. When authorities responded, they took Masha away to live in an orphanage.
It was a sad and desperate existence, but because adoption is rare in Russia, Masha expected to live there until she turned 18. Then one day, a divorced 41-year-old American showed up saying he wanted to adopt her.
Matthew Mancuso had found Masha through an adoption agency in Cherry Hill, N.J. He said he wanted to adopt a 5- or 6-year-old Caucasian girl, and Mancuso picked Masha out from a videotape sent to him by the adoption agency.
Masha said Mancuso was friendly and brought her gifts. But there was also something strange about him. "I remember asking him if I was gonna get a mother, and he'd say that he wasn't married, and that he didn't think I would," she said.
The nightmare began when Masha flew home with Mancuso to his modest, middle-class house on the outskirts of Pittsburgh. When it was time for bed that first night, he didn't send her to her room -- he told her to get in bed with him.
He wasn't wearing any clothes, she said. The first couple of nights, he touched her leg or chest. Then he started touching her private parts. And then, a few days later, he started raping her repeatedly -- and taking sexually explicit photographs.
"I'd make myself think of other things when it was happening," she said. "But it always came back to me -- couldn't stop it."
To keep her silent he used rewards -- as well as threats. "He'd tell me not to tell anyone, or else something bad would happen," Masha said. "He wouldn't tell me what it would be, but he'd just say something bad would happen. So I just didn't tell anybody, 'cause I was afraid."
The road to Masha's rescue began hundreds of miles away in the Chicago suburb of Palos Heights. Police Sgt. Mike Zaglifa had been posing as a pedophile on the Internet, where obscene pictures of children are often traded like baseball cards.
There is a limited supply of child porn, and so pedophiles are always looking for arousing new images -- so when Masha's fresh pictures appeared, this caused a feeding frenzy.
Zaglifa pretended to want them too, and struck up a conversation with someone using the handle "NkdSister." After chatting with him for a bit, he had a gut feeling -- and traced NkdSister's Internet address to Pittsburgh.
On May 27, 2003, federal agents Denise Holtz and Tom Clinton visited Mancuso's home, looking for the photos advertised on the Internet. When they pulled up, they saw Mancuso and Masha outside. They immediately separated them, and Clinton says he could tell Mancuso was concerned. "He wasn't happy that we were there and it was obvious to us," he said.
The agents found computer disks with child pornography -- but the biggest discovery was to come from Masha herself. Holtz remembers her asking: "Is this about my secret?" An agent had taken Mancuso inside his house, but even there, he tried to keep Masha from talking by yelling out to her.
But Masha spoke anyway. "It was like, I finally had someone to talk to. So once I said something -- I said everything else. It just all came out," she said. Masha was finally rescued at the age of 10. She says she doesn't know what she would have done if they didn't come. "I guess I'd still be waiting, like I did for five years," she said.
It turns out Masha was not Mancuso's first victim. His ex-wife, Doreen McDade, and his 28-year-old daughter, Rachelle, told ABC News he had done this before. He had molested Rachelle as a child, they said.
"I feel so much guilt for what happened. When I first found out that he adopted a little girl I should have spoke up, I should have said something. I feel somehow responsible," Rachelle said.
But McDade and her daughter both say they were never contacted by adoption authorities. Instead, Mancuso's agency relied on a home study prepared by a Pittsburgh social worker. It states: "Mr. Mancuso is very capable, willing and well-prepared to provide a stable and loving home."
"It doesn't appear that they talked to anybody about Mancuso, that they simply took what Mancuso said to them at face value and placed this child with him," said Maureen Flatley, a lobbyist who specializes in adoption and child welfare.
She has also been hired by Masha's lawyer to find out how a pedophile could have adopted a young child.
Tom Atwood, president of the National Council on Adoption, says he saw the study that was performed on Mancuso, and said it was "fairly typical." But he adds that Masha's adoption is not defensible. "Something went wrong, clearly." Adoption experts are especially troubled by the fact that, according to Masha, there were no home visits when she got to Pittsburgh. Just one, they say should have turned up some disturbing details -- like the fact that Masha had no bedroom.
"They sold her to a complete stranger. And let her go," Flatley said.
While post-placement supervision is required in Pennsylvania for domestic adoptions from foster care, no such law exists for international placement. And while more than $500 million has been spent on Russian adoptions since the fall of the Soviet Union, Flatley said, "The policy seems to be, if the check clears, the kid is yours."
Mancuso paid tens of thousands of dollars for his adoption of Masha. But Atwood said typically, "people do not provide adoption service for money. They are motivated by desiring to help children have families."
Jeannene Smith, the woman who arranged the adoption, refused to discuss the adoption, citing constraints in New Jersey law. But she issued a statement to ABC News, which said: "The unearthing of this horrific experience has further strengthened our resolve to advocate for policy and law enforcement tools to help prevent applicants with criminal motives from becoming adoptive parents in the future."
Two weeks ago, in a courtroom in Allegheny County, Pa., Mancuso pleaded guilty as charged. The judge called it one of the most heinous cases of child abuse she had ever seen and sentenced him to a minimum of 35 years in prison.
He had already received a 15-year prison sentence in February 2004 on federal child pornography charges.
Prosecutors for the state of Florida have announced they too will try Mancuso for the crimes they say he committed against Masha on a visit to Disneyworld.
Mancuso has said nothing to Masha since he was sentenced. "He never apologized to me," she noted.
Meanwhile, his actions continue to victimize her. Her pictures are still out there. But she is bravely putting all that behind her. Now 13, she lives in a quiet suburb of another American city with her new adoptive mother.
She's said she's going public to give hope to other abused children out there.
"Even if they are afraid to tell somebody, no matter what they think is going to happen, it's going to be for the better," she said. "If they tell somebody, it's going to change."
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