Stories Of Dogs Fucking Women

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Stories Of Dogs Fucking Women
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Canine companions are great—until they get a little too close to close for comfort.
Nearly two years ago, my husband and I did the greatest thing we’ve ever done: We adopted a 12-week-old labrador-boxer mix. We named her Ellie, and she immediately changed our lives for the better. She was cute, she came equipped with an irresistible little underbite (that soon became a massive underbite), and she has dominated my Instagram feed ever since.
But let’s be honest here: For every amazing thing our new pup did — like sleep or yawn or snuggle or just generally exist — something equally traumatizing came along, like, well, a lot of peeing and pooping where she wasn’t supposed to pee and poop.
I could deal with the potty training, though. I knew it was just a phase. What I didn’t expect when we brought this precious pooch into our lives was the cock-blocking . Because oh yes, anytime my husband and I kissed, she would jump up and stick her tongue between ours. And when we’d make our way to the bedroom, she’d follow. Normally, she never jumped on the bed—we think she was afraid of it—but the minute we’d be having adult playtime up there, she could suddenly spring up on to that mattress like it was NBD.
On the one hand, it’s kind of adorable that our doggy loves us so much that she wants to be with us—and licking us—at all times. On the other hand, it put a serious damper on our sex life, at least for a while. We tried ignoring it (very difficult to stay in the moment when there’s an eager set of eyes staring you down), we tried shutting the bedroom door (she’d bark on the other side the entire time), we even resorted to doing the deed in our car one night (sans pup) because hey, sometimes you’re just desperate.
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All the while, I was kind of embarrassed to bring it up with my girlfriends. I’d never had a dog before—did everyone’s sex life suffer when their families started to grow? I even remember Googling “dog ruining sex life,” which, BTW, made me feel less lonely but still unfulfilled. Eventually, I sucked up my ego and asked a friend (who also willingly chimed in for this story) whether she’d been there, done it, and survived. And turns out, I’m most definitely not alone in the “my dog is cock-blocking me” struggle. Here are four other women who have been there, too.
“My dog is 5 years old, and every single time my husband and I try to get it on, she tries to, um, partake. If I’m giving my husband a blow job , she thinks she should, too—and she’ll get her head right where mine is, tongue out, ready to ‘help.’ In addition, she cries—loudly—when we have sex in anything other than a quiet, very loving manner. If I’m on top, she’ll lay in bed next to us, staring at us intently. If my husband happens to be behind me, she’ll loudly bark at him, like, ‘Stop hurting Mommy!’ What she doesn’t know is that sometimes Mommy likes it! So now we have to drag her out of the bedroom and close the door, and she’ll still cry from behind the closed door. It’s been five years now, so we’ve learned to deal with it.”
“The first time my dog saw my boyfriend and I having sex, we were the ones who didn’t know what to do. Should we kick him out? Get him off the bed? But he just kind of watched and didn’t seem to care. Now every time he’ll just hang out and eventually keep sleeping like the lazy puppy he is!”
We asked men and women what they think of farting in relationships. Learn what they had to say:
“Our dog refuses to sleep anywhere except in bed, in between my husband and me. I actually don’t think I’ve slept next to my now-husband more than a handful of times in the past nine years. Because of this, we have to find alternative places to have sex —which might sound fun and adventurous, but then our dog will stand right next to us and bark or try to ram through a door to get to us. Or, one time, my husband and I were having sex in the kitchen—cooking turned into copulation—and all of a sudden our dog jumped up and started humping my husband. Needless to say, the moment was quickly ruined, though we did still get a delicious dinner.”
“A few nights ago, I was bending over to take off my pants in a sexy striptease -type move, and my dog ran over and stuck his nose right in my bare butt. I screamed, and my husband could not stop laughing. It killed the sexy vibe for a minute, but we were actually able to get it back. Anytime we try to have sex, though, our dog won’t get off the bed. We’ll push him off, but he’ll always jump back on—or he’ll stay at the foot of the bed licking my toes. Awkward!”

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