Stories About Sluts
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Stories About Sluts
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The first time I was raped I was 16 years old. The night exists for me in a series of flash-bulb images that I can neither piece together nor erase from my memory, despite years of trying. I’m still not sure if it was my fault, even though I know it wasn’t.
I don’t think about it very often anymore, but every few years I revisit the spiral of shame, and guilt.
My last clear memory was stumbling away from the crowd, looking for a place to sleep. I was drunk… really drunk. I was being a typical teenager: acting out, rebelling – trying to distance myself from a goody-two-shoes image. Before that night, I had only been to a couple of parties, most of my wild stories were embellishments. My parents were known for being strict, so I didn’t get invited out very often. I w anted desperately to be part of the cool, older crowd who drank and smoked cigarettes. I was thrilled to be at the party, drinking cans of Coors and tossing them in the back yard of the kid whose parents were out of town. I realized m y ride had left without me, I was feeling sick and disoriented and needed to sleep until I could walk home. I found an empty bed, it was a child’s bedroom, I was going to lie down for just a few minutes.
I’m awake and it’s dark. He is inside me. I feel sick. Who is on top of me? “What are you doing?” He grunts. I try to push him away but my arms are weak. “I don’t want to.” I try to pull my underwear up, they’re around my knees. He pins my arm down. “Please.” “Shhh.” “I’m going to be sick.” “Shhh.” He’s getting angry. There’s a crack in the door and I can see wood paneling in the hallway. He finishes on the child’s bed, next to me. He wasn’t wearing a condom. He gets up and walks out. I want to run away, but I’m ashamed and I don’t want anyone to see me. I cry myself to sleep.
I’ve known my rapist since childhood. He was one of the cool kids at my school, a popular jock who was older than me. The next morning, his friend called me a slut and said “don’t worry, I won’t tell his girlfriend.” His girlfriend found out, and soon everyone had heard what a slut I was. Somehow I was more comfortable with being a slut than with being raped, so I accepted it.
And I never told anyone, until now.
I’m afraid to tell my parents. I’m afraid my step-father will read this, figure out who it was, and confront my rapist. I’m nervous about how he’ll feel when he realizes he inadvertently teased me about the events that happened after that night. I forgave him but I’m afraid he won’t forgive himself.
I’m afraid the people in my home town will call me a liar, and judge my parents. I live 3000 miles away now, but my family will have to deal with the backlash.
I’m afraid for my rapist’s wife and children.
But today I’m facing those fears, as much as I can handle at a time. Today, this blog is the beginning of an idea that may or not become big. It’s still anonymous, but that’s okay. It’s all I’m ready for, just yet.
When you’re ready, and want to share, I’m here. We’ll do this together.
When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.
alert(‘HACKING IN PROGRESS!!! ^%$ I HAAZ HAXX (&&* 1337 ‘);
Sounds like a fake story. Sorry, pretty cliche.
I think it sounds pretty fake but even though it might not be fake, nobody has to experience that, but my real question is why would you feel ok if people call you a slut. If I were you I wouldn’t like people calling me a slut, etc.
The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we'll be here.
Part of HuffPost Women. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
We all fear this label. And the ironic part is, most of us do the slutty slut stuff. We take pics. We sext. We sleep with our boyfriends. Husbands. We get naked. We have vaginas. We use them. Some of us, sometimes, even enjoy using them.
Aug 16, 2013, 12:55 PM EDT | Updated Dec 6, 2017
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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I am a slut. A slutty slut slut. So say a lot of people. People who read my blog and disagree with its premise. People who don't like me. Women who think sex is gross. Guys who want the girl you bring home to mom and think because I talk openly about sex, I don't like family dinners or moms.
There are loads of reasons they think that. I've slept with a couple guys. More than 10. More than 20. Want to keep guessing? I wrote about a lot of my sex life. Shared personal stories because I did and still do believe not only do I write well, but that it's a good story. One that I still believe has a happy ending somewhere in all the messed up tragedy between all the hate e-mail I can count and having a note left on my mother's car at a train station parking lot that said "I hope you're proud of the slut you raised."
I recently got into Aaron Sorkin's The Newsroom . Originally, I kind of hated the character of Sloan Sabbith. This exceptionally attractive, insanely smart, always-armed-with-a-witty-retort economics magician anchor.
I watched last Sunday night's episode. Two moments caught me more than anything. Maggie asks a question regarding Sandra Fluke: "What's wrong with sluts?" The second bit that caught me was Sabbith's predicament. She had dated a guy. He took pictures of her she agreed to and then she ended things. He takes the pictures and puts them on a website. The entire world sees Sabbith's body. Her job is at risk. Everyone knows. It's trending. She sits in a dark room, crying and quietly says, "I want to die."
I never thought I would thank Aaron Sorkin. For like, anything. But I quietly thanked Aaron Sorkin.
Later in the episode, Sabbith confronts her ex who leaked the pictures while he is in a meeting. She kicks him in the balls, punches him in the mouth, and takes a picture of his bloody nose.
The slutty slut wins. And that, my friend, is magic. Because the slutty slut never wins, you see. The girls who have pictures leaked, never win. They lose their jobs, they lose their reputations. They are humiliated, shamed. Of their bodies. Apologizing, for being sexual privately. For the things we do in the privacy of our bedrooms that we all aren't and shouldn't be doing but apparently are because hey, there are nine billion people on this planet and they got here somehow. Sabbith sits in a dark room and says, "I want to die." Because she let her boyfriend take pictures, and he released them. Pictures not of her murdering puppies, or punching toddlers, or raping old people. Pictures of herself. Her body. The stuff that exists under her clothes. The body parts that are somehow more offensive than her toes.
Then came Maggie. Maggie said everything I've been saying for years. "What's wrong with being a slut?"
We all fear this label. And the ironic part is, most of us (and maybe I'm wrong here but I'm pretty sure I'm not) do the slutty slut stuff. We take pics. We sext. We sleep with our boyfriends. Husbands. We give blowjobs. We get naked. We have vaginas. We use them. Some of us, sometimes, even enjoy using them. We have boobs and nipples and butts. Which clearly we should all be ashamed of. Because we're the only ones doing it. You hear me, every woman on the planet? You are the only one doing what you're doing with that guy (or girl, or worse, BOTH). And it is so, so, incredibly hurtful and wrong and shameful. What? You wanna know why? Oh. Because... slutty slut?
I got called a slut the other day on the Internet for the like, nine billionth time. Over an article I wrote about bartending no less. Like it is still an insult. I am not a Pulitzer winner. But you know what I am? A good person. Do I screw up? Sure. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. Big ones? Sometimes. Have I done things I regret? Yes. Have I done things I don't regret but other people think I should? Yes. I am a human. With boobs. And a vagina. And my use of those is not what makes me good, or bad. I once wrote that if a woman discovered the cure to AIDS, but the next day naked pictures of her and a dildo surface, THAT is the story that would make the news. Because clearly, dildos hurt people. (Insert joke here). Because clearly, women having sex hurts people. Women taking pictures of the scary shit under their clothes? I mean, I'm not going to say it's on par with kids with cancer but... yeah.
I quietly thanked Aaron Sorkin to myself not because he sparked some crazy out of the box discussion about sexism and women and double standards. That insanely frustrating double standard will exist for the rest of my life and long after. Sorry to break your hearts, ladies. But I thanked Sorkin for giving the "open" slutty slut the happy ending. For reminding the world that the slutty slut who gets caught doing the things (everyone does) that nobody would dare do, is still a good person. That even with the Internet and gossip blogs and double standards, slutty sluts can still win. And have their moment to kick a guy in the balls and make him feel as sorry for simply having a penis in that moment as a lot of women feel for having a vagina when a text pic of it is posted on the internet.
I refuse to apologize for being the slutty slut and writing about it if it makes one girl in this country not sit in a dark room and say "I want to die" when people call her a slut. To remind the whole world that slutty sluts do good things. They play sports and win awards and help sick patients. They win trials and elections. They love their families. They are good friends who volunteer at animal shelters and send care packages to soldiers overseas. They give the homeless guy everyone else is passing ten dollars. And they aren't doing that to atone for being slutty sluts. They are doing that because they are good people.
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“I can’t dump him now, because then people would think I am even more of a slut than they already do. How could one mistake cause my life to crumble like this?”
Would you publish your diary from when you were a pre-teen on the Internet for the entire world to read?
This is exactly what 27-year-old Emily Lindin (pen name) is doing in the name of countering slut shaming, with a Tumblr blog she has named The UnSlut Project .
Emily says , “ I was branded a ‘slut’ by my classmates and for the next few years of my life, I was bullied incessantly at school, after school, and online (this was 1997 in the days of AIM, and of course online bullying has only gotten worse).”
The term “slut shaming” has been popping up in media , especially on the Internet, for a little while now, but is recently making its way into mainstream conversations about young women, girls, and sexuality.
The term is used to describe the ways in which our culture criticizes and vilifies young women and girls for being sexual, having “too many” sexual partners, or perhaps not having sex in the “appropriate” way (ya know, for making babies—but only after your very heterosexual, traditional wedding).
Emily was “the 6th grade slut.” The UnSlut Project features unedited entries from her 6th grade diary (1997-1998 so far), including an entire cast of friends, enemies, and of course, boys, boyfriends, boy “friends”, and crushes… who are boys.
Emily’s diary travels through her on and off (and on, and off, and on, and off) relationship with Zach, it talks about various crushes, sexuality, jealousy, friendship, bullying, self-esteem issues, even thoughts of suicide, and all of the other ups and downs that come with adolescence. Her recollections of her daily life show us how quickly and dramatically rumors are spread and escalated in schools:
“Aaron said he had heard that Zach ‘ate me out.’ I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I said it wasn’t true, just to be on the safe side.”
Besides countering slut shaming, the publishing of Emily’s diary also rejects current assumptions about slut shaming and bullying—people often blame social media and technology for the bullying that is happening today.
While there is no doubt that bullying happens online and through text messaging, Emily’s diary shows us that it isn’t because of social media and texting; it’s because of the culture in which we live .
Whether we’re talking about Emily’s world in 1998 or another young girl’s world today in 2013, we are taught to follow very rigid, traditional gender expectations. These lead to dangerous double standards (such as “ he’s a stud, she’s a slut ”) that can result in cruel slut shaming and bullying that have even driven some young people to suicide.
No one, especially young people navigating their way through this crazy world, deserves to be bullied . No one deserves to be isolated and shunned for being a sexual being (or not).
I’ve definitely got my fingers crossed that this glimpse into a young girl’s mind, as well as the experiences shared by others on the blog , will help bring to light the problems in our culture surrounding girls and sexuality. I have even more hope that perhaps we can all work together to find solutions .
If you want to share your story with The UnSlut Project , you may do so here .
Stacey Speer earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in Women and Gender Studies at San Francisco State University in May 2012. While she waits to discover her calling in life, she enjoys utilizing the tools she gained as a student of Women and Gender Studies to critique media and the world around her from a feminist perspective.
"i love u also i want u to let me squeeze ur boobs." Another quote from Emily Lindin's The UnSlut Project reels us in. We covered this project in early May, but just to bring you up to speed: Emily was the sixth grade "slut." She kept a diary at…
By now, you’ve probably heard that last January, a Toronto police officer told students that that they should avoid dressing like sluts in order to prevent being victimized. (Oh, yes he did.) Since then, “SlutWalks” have taken place in over 80 cities worldwide including New York, Boston, Dallas, Melbourne, and…
If I can recommend one book to you, this is it: He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know. Drop what you’re doing like it’s hot and start reading. It’s a quick, fun, eye-opening read by feminist superstar Jessica Valenti, and it breaks…
I believe bullying is wrong for both girls and boys but I think the girls do have a right to call out bad behavior that another girl is doing.Her actions and choices maybe be having a negative effect on their wellbeing.
This is a much needed conversation to educate and inspire attitudes with our current culture.
Hi Beth, I’m curious to know what you consider “bad behavior.”
I agree, Doreen. Thanks for your comment.
What is concidered bad behavior might vary from person to person but it is the outcome that counts. By her actions she may have caused a sexually charged enviroment that the others girls had to deal with.
What does that even mean? Bullying aside for one second, how could a girl exploring her OWN sexuality create a “sexually charged environment” that those mysterious other girls would have to deal with?? I don’t recall my own private, blossoming sexuality causing the environment around me and my friends to start feeling…. horny. Seriously.
Beth, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but the United States and the society in which we live in is a sexually charged environment. Children, adolescents, and adults are subjected to sex via commercials selling cars, beer, and clothes all the time. Sex is everywhere. Her participation and curiosity about sexual acts should not be punished or shamed when it’s always around her, and everyone else. Part of the issue is that kids shame each other for doing sexual acts, that according to our society and the images we promote, are “natural” and “normal.” Then once they start doing it, they are judged, shamed, and tormented.The most important thing to do is educate kids in a non-judgmental way and provide them with options, birth control, condoms, so they have sex responsibly and treat each other well. P
Beth, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but the United States and the society in which we live in is a sexually charged environment. Children, adolescents, and adults are subjected to sex via commercials selling cars, beer, and clothes all the time. Sex is everywhere. Her participation and curiosity about sexual acts should not be punished or shamed when it’s always around her, and everyone else. Part of the issue is that kids shame each other for doing sexual acts, that according to our society and the images we promote, are “natural” and “normal.” Then once they start doing it, they are judged, shamed, and tormented.The most important thing to do is educate kids in a non-judgmental way and provide them with options, birth control, condoms, so they have sex responsibly and treat each other well.
No choice women and girls make about their own bodies will ever CAUSE men and boys to behave badly. No choice a woman or girl can make will force men and boys to visit sexual violence upon them. Any line of argument that does not place the blame for sexism, slut shaming, bullying, and sexual violence directly on sexist men and women who police other women is victim blaming bullshit. It is so seductive to blame women who appear to be sexual as being oppressed and exploited, as being tools of the patriarchy. I get that mentality, I understand why women do it. BUT IT’S WRONG. It’s wrong like trying to “save” muslim women from their burkas is wrong. It’s wrong like telling women they are bad for shaving their legs or for wanting to be housewives is wrong. And as Margaret Atwood in “The Handmaids Tale” says: “the easiest way to control women is to get women to control each other for you.” Pre-teen girls exploring their sexuality do not cause pre-teen boys to be violent little shits; pre-teen boys deciding they have that right do. Sexy wo
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