Stop Slut Shaming

Stop Slut Shaming
What Is Slut-Shaming? (And Why You Need to Stop Doing It)

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What Is Slut-Shaming? (And Why You Need to Stop Doing It)

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So your friend just got out of a long, nearly sexless relationship.
Now, he’s doing what any newly single person would do: hitting up the dating apps, swiping right a ton, going on dates as often as possible — sometimes five or six per week, even. When you talk, he’s going on about all the sex that stems from these dates. Can anyone really manage to enjoy that many sexual partners, you wonder? Wouldn’t you get tired? But your friend appears to be loving every minute of it. “They can’t get enough of me!” he tells you.
This particular person is a guy, but what if it was a woman? Would you condone the same, sex-filled, promiscuous behavior if it were told about a female? For many people, there’s a salient difference. A guy getting laid a ton is a Romeo, a player, a stud, a Don Juan. But if a woman were to play out the same exact scenario, a very different type of word starts creeping in: loose, easy, promiscuous, whore, slut.
That last word is the root of the term “slut-shaming,” a practice that most people engage in to some degree at some point in their lives, sometimes without even realizing it.
“This one guy was not into dating me seriously because I was too promiscuous for his taste (even though he had no problem sleeping with me), and because I also slept with women.” - Maria, 29
Slut shaming is “when someone is shamed for being sexually provocative or promiscuous, or being perceived as not having control over their sexual behaviors,” says Dr. Janet Brito , a sex therapist based in Hawaii.
However, not all people are slut-shamed equally. “Specifically,” Brito notes, it’s most often applied to “women who sexually behave outside of societal norms.”
This can take on many forms, including “blaming someone for being sexually assaulted, shaming someone’s kink interest, negatively judging someone’s wardrobe as being sexually inappropriate or used to garner the sexual attention of men,” says Brito. It can even go as far as what someone the outfit someone has on, or how they present themselves with their clothing.
“When we tell women and girls what's appropriate or inappropriate for them to wear, we're communicating to them that their value diminishes based on how sexy someone views them as being,” says Jor-El Caraballo, a relationship therapist and co-creator of Viva Wellness . “That is slut-shaming.”
But the issue doesn’t begin and end in the changing room. Because of the way sexual desire is framed differently depending on someone’s gender, men are often expected to be sexual, whereas women’s sex lives are explicit and implicitly policed. The tacit understanding, for many people, is that a woman’s value as a person (or as a partner) is diminished by the amount of sex she has.
“One of the most common ways this happens is by people asking about the number of sexual partners their new partner has been with,” says Caraballo. “Most of the time when it's asked, it's designed to make some assessment on how worthy or ‘used up’ someone is. What's more important to inquire about is the kind of sexual contact people have had before, and their experiences using protection or testing for STIs, and/or any related medical conditions that you might want to know about to manage your own risk more effectively.”
Women are simply subjected to much more stringent standards when it comes to their sexual history — not because they’re more likely to carry of transmit STIs, but because their decisions to have sex are considered suspect on some level.
That leads to all kinds of backwards thinking, with women who experience any kind of negative consequence for sex are often thought to have "deserved it" — an infection, an unexpected pregnancy, a less-than-consensual encounter — simply because they were having sex in the first place.
“I’ve been made to feel weird about my sexual preferences by previous partners. Because we’re taught early on to think of sex as something dirty, I feel anything that deviates from the standard vanilla sex narrative that we’re most often fed is looked at as even dirtier.” - Elsa, 27
While some sex-negative attitudes — like, say, kink-shaming — arguably impact both men and women in similar ways, slut-shaming is a very gendered practice. But while the primary impact is felt by women who are typically punished for being sexual beings rather than celebrated for it, men still experience negative effects, albeit slightly different ones.
“Slut-shaming is abusive behavior and no one wins, to be honest,” says Caraballo. “People who engage in it do so to boost their egos but this feeling is fleeting and can't really help them contend with their own sexual internalized shame, thus inhibiting their ability to really embrace their own sexuality.”
When you’re belittling someone else for their sexual choices, you might feel better in the moment, but in the long run, you stay trapped in a regressive mindset that doesn’t reflect sex in any kind of healthy way. And of course, the receiver is left unable to embrace their sexuality to the fullest.
“Some negative consequences of slut-shaming for women are increased shame, feeling bad about their sexuality, self-doubt, and feeling unworthy,” notes Brito. Thus, women are often put in a conundrum where there’s no right answer. If you hew to what society dictates, you’ll be forever frustrated — and if you seem not sexual enough you might be mocked for being ‘frigid’ — but if you follow your desires, you’re likely to be castigated or mocked for them.
There’s a reason, for instance, that the concept of the “stripper name” exists. Women who engage in sex work need to maintain some degree of anonymity, hiding their true identities to avoid facing any negative consequences from their choices. Former porn actresses have been fired from jobs as simply on the grounds that having sex on camera makes you unfit to be in a professional setting for the rest of your life.
“Slut-shaming also perpetuates so many myths about sex/sexuality, and spreads misinformation more broadly, which keeps us in the sexual dark ages in mainstream culture,” says Caraballo.
Considering the broad range of negative impacts, it’s a good idea to start trying to confront instances of slut-shaming in your own life.
“When I was a teenager, I was very much anti-choice when it came to abortion, even though I was more generally leftist and no longer very religious. But a conversation with my older cousin made me realize that my position was basically that I believed women deserved to be punished, essentially, for having sex outside of a certain context. When I had to actually think it through a little bit, I changed my position completely.” - Ian, 30
While men aren’t the only ones with slut-shaming beliefs — women often police other women’s sexualities as well — they are a special case. Meaning, men are often guilty of judging without being judged themselves, critiquing women’s decisions without ever feeling their own decisions put under a similar microscope.
They can trust that they won’t be removed from consideration for having had too many past partners (or possibly not even asked in the first place), or that people won’t joke about their genitals being used up and worn out by too much penetrative intercourse. Considering the relative place of privilege that men occupy when it comes to slut-shaming, it behooves them to start extending some of that non-judgmental attitude they’re on the receiving end of to people who aren’t — namely, women.
For Brito, that starts with unlearning the idea that sex is dirty, period. “Stop internalizing the shame surrounding sex,” she says. “Affirm yourself as a sexual being — so that you can also affirm others as well.”
If you can see sex for what it is — two people engaging in a mutually pleasurable leisure activity — then you won’t be as likely to lose respect for someone for engaging in more of it than you do.
Furthermore, it’s important to try to root out anti-women attitudes that might be playing a role in how you see female sexuality. You can do this by no longer “subscribing to negative notions about women that degrade them to objects and less than human,” says Brito. Instead, look to “form and nurture relationships with women that are respectful and demonstrate value toward them as people and not sexual objects.”
Reading this piece? That’s a starting point, too.
“I think that guys can continue to educate themselves by reading sex-positive materials and articles like this one,” says Caraballo. “I would also recommend that men take time to listen to the women and femmes around them about sex and relationships.”

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Why Women Need To Stop Slut Shaming Eachother

Let me pose this question: Why are we hatin' on ladies that are beautiful?

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SO, ladies... how's it goin'? Let me pose this question: Why are we hatin' on ladies that are beautiful? So often I will be creeping on Instagram and I see, for example (and this whole article's example), Niykee Heaton posted a photo, and naturally I click on it (because I mean, come on, she's drop dead gorgeous).
But I scroll through some comments and girls are calling her a whore, slut, hoe, and other derogatory terms. Why? What has she done to you that makes you say that about her? Did her confidence offend you? Instead of looking at her as a slut, whore, etc., we should be looking UP to her. I mean, look at this girls confidence. I'm using her as an example because of how much hate she gets on the daily from people she does not even know. This just goes to show that girls are still tearing each other down because of their own insecurities. We are all perfect in our own ways, and we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down! Let's ask ourselves, "what makes a girl a slut?" TONS of people will say, "a girl who never wears clothes, a girl who hooks up with (insert number of guys/girls here)," but does that really make someone a whore? Is she getting paid to do these things with guys/girls? No. She is willingly doing it and to me, that doesn't make someone a whore.
Instead of looking at these girls and cutting them down and telling them that they are ruining their lives, we should just honestly let them be. There's no point in bringing someone down and calling them a whore/slut because they are doing things "you would never do." There are a lot of things you do that another person does not agree with either, but you're not being told "oh my gosh, you whore, you tie your shoes the wrong way." Let people live their lives.
We need to learn the difference between calling someone a whore because she is confident with her body, and someone who is actually maybe a whore. Like the example above, Niykee Heaton is one of the most confident people on the planet Earth. She is amazingly talented, genuine and if people took the time to hear what she has to offer, we would stop degrading her. So what if she likes to be naked? If it makes her happy, let her be! And if you don't like the girl in your class who gets with guys every now and again, SO WHAT?! It is NOT YOUR LIFE. People are going to do things you don't agree with, and that is life. Move on from it.
I promise everything will work out if you live your own life and stop worrying about other people's lives. Don't get so hung up on someone being with different guys and girls. Just because they do that, it does not make them a whore. They are not getting paid for it, and if they are, why does it bother you? Why let it get to you? It's not your life choice and if it makes them happy, then to each their own. It's time we stop slut-shaming people. We live in a growing and upcoming society and things are changing. Slut shaming is a thing of the past, and we are all deserving to live the kind of life we want to live. So the next time you go and think of calling someone a hoe, stop yourself and think, "why should I care?"
"I know things are going wrong, but God is bigger than any situation I'm going through."
Lately, I've found myself questioning what is going on. I know I can't be the only one. I can't tell you how many times in this past semester I've literally stopped in the middle of a situation and looked up and just asked, "God, what?" I'm very much guilty of this and trust me when I said I felt the guilt later on when I realized that He has a reason for every situation – even if I don't understand it at the time. For the past few weeks I've had the words "God, But. But God." stuck in my head. And that's when it hit me.
Degrading titles in college: are you a slut or just a hoe? Just stop.
I used to think there was just fat and skinny.
Summer is quickly approaching, and soon the final school bells will sound, pool covers will be drawn back, sunglasses will go on and students everywhere will feel the overwhelming pressure of summer reading assignments. Long has required reading during summer vacation been a hallmark of the American education system. However, as many people know, most students are typically reluctant to read for class during the year, let alone during their breaks. Often, students protest to summer assignments in hopes of reducing the requirements or, more extremely, abolishing the summer reading program altogether. In an age where students are directing their attention more to the screen and less to the page, a question arises: Should schools require summer reading?
The Fourth of July is a sensory holiday.

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Home Latest It’s Time To Stop Slut Shaming Women For These 8 Things
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The word “slut” has been thrown around so casually that, at this point, every woman has been called one. And I’m not talking about when your best friend yells it at you playfully from down the street. I’m talking about when men or other judgemental women use it. However, the reasons women get labeled that are just plain ridiculous. These days, women are being shamed out of doing things they enjoy (or for their own protection!) to avoid judgement and the label “slut.”
But guess what? You are not a slut if you do the following.
Who gives a fuck if you enjoy having sex ? As long as you are using protection and aren’t hurting anybody, then why feel shameful about it? You’re doing what you enjoy, which is also what half the men out there enjoy doing too! Moreover, don’t feel ashamed about your number. You are in charge of what you do with your body.
If you love people for the way they are and for their kind hearts, congratulations — you are one of the most accepting people on the planet. You should not have to feel pressured to conform to society’s outdated norms. Furthermore, you shouldn’t feel the need to hide your sexuality out of fear. You will find people who will love and accept that fact about you, I promise!
I’m a firm believer that it’s healthy to learn how your body works. I don’t believe that touching yourself is dirty, desperate, or an example of sinning. It’s a natural thing we all do. And there are perks about orgasms most people don’t understand. Pleasing yourself is a heaven-sent — do it more!
Girl, if you feel urges you want taken care of or if you simply feel comfortable doing it, then go for it. No one else can dictate what you do with your body! There’s no law that says you have to wait a specific number of dates until you do it. If you’re ready, then embrace it and give him the ride of his life.
You are allowed to dress the way you want to. Show off your cleavage if you are in the mood to do it. Flaunt your legs if you love the way they look and flash that bra strap on a bare shoulder. If you’re comfortable, how can anyone else judge you? And if you like posting those pictures on your social media, then get those likes, girl. You’re doing amazing!
I still can’t believe we live in a society where this is somehow unacceptable, but here we are. I believe that by taking birth control — for whatever reason — is taking responsibility for your health. And if you’re lucky enough to have access to it, take advantage of that privilege!
There’s no handbook that says talking to more than one person at a time is against the rules. Sometimes it’s good to keep your options open or to take your time to figure out which guy you like better. Hell, there are even jobs dedicated to this method! Ever heard of The Bachelor ? You better believe that half the people who make comments about your dating life are obsessed with that show. Hence, they should save their breath.
If it is something you enjoy and is consensual between you and whoever you send them to, that’s a great start. It shows you trust each other and are interested in doing something different. Nude photos are also extremely common these days and those who act disgusted have definitely taken them before.
Honestly, it’s about time people stop judging women for the decisions they make for themselves. As long as they feel comfortable and confident, we should encourage women to live their lives the way they want to. So stop judging and start supporting each other. After all, we’ve all done at least one of these “slutty” things too.
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