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Jessica Mijnssen
on October 18, 2016 at 1:58 pm
admin
on October 26, 2016 at 11:04 pm
Cindy Warner
on February 13, 2017 at 8:09 am
Denise Wallace
on February 16, 2017 at 9:37 am
Renee Thorpe
on September 14, 2017 at 5:00 pm
ASHOK KUMAR KOUL
on October 14, 2017 at 6:00 am
Jack Standridge
on October 26, 2017 at 2:20 am
j and j
on October 28, 2017 at 6:31 am
Sandra Medina
on January 26, 2018 at 6:42 am
elana kriek
on April 20, 2018 at 6:27 pm
Yamin Ahmed
on September 19, 2018 at 9:58 pm
Sue Stewart
on September 29, 2018 at 7:07 pm
Before we get started, let’s cut to the chase: for most ostomates, a stoma has little or no effect on the ability to enjoy sex, regardless of sexual preferences or lifestyle before surgery.
Sexuality and ostomy are complex subjects with many facets: the physical, emotional, and psychological pressures are major influences in ones’ life. Below, we will break down these issues to directly discuss the physical considerations (both after surgery and ongoing), and then the psychological and emotional considerations for sex and ostomy.
For a new ostomate, the first few months after surgery can present many unique physical challenges. Depending on the type of surgeries performed, medications administered, and which body parts are affected will determine how soon you can perform sexual intercourse. Most anxieties of post-surgery ostomates about sex are alleviated after a few months, and over time, as the body heals, most will find they can have sex just the same as before they had their surgery.
Sex and Intimacy Tips for Post-Op Ostomates
After a full recovery from surgery and regular sexual function and desire returns, more thoughts and concerns arise about sex. Some common concerns and some information about them:
Ostomy can be hard for both the patient and the healthy partner. In some instances where a patient has had surgery for debilitating health problems like cancer, the healthy partner helps to take care of the ostomate and certain bodily functions. Working through these hard times without sex can takes a toll on intimacy and it can take time for these couples to adjust and return to a healthy sexual lifestyle again.
There are some common psychological considerations for ostomates and sexuality. And they mainly have to do with…
– Desirability/Attractiveness: “Will my partner still want to have sex with me?” or “I don’t look like I used to.” Truth is, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to appear a certain way and become sensitive to our differences when compared to others. Even further, we often assume that others judge us the same way we judge ourselves. But imagine if your partner, someone you care about, had the same condition and how you would feel about them. What would you be thinking, or how would you react? Most find their partner has a sensitivity and understanding towards the ostomy.
– Breaking the Ice/Fear of Rejection: For those who meet their partners after surgery, an ostomate has to find the right time to tell a partner about their ostomy. But when and how? What do you say? The best advice would be to tell someone earlier than later. When it comes to one’s health, it’s best to present the facts at face value with confidence and understanding that the person you’re telling may not understand what an ostomy is and how it affects your life. Explain the stoma, the surgery, and how it affects your physical abilities. Let them ask questions with the knowledge that they might not understand what to ask, or how to ask. Be patient. Typically, this understanding tone will be returned in full, but even if you are rejected, don’t blame it on your stoma – simply do what all single folks do and go fishing again.
There are some things you can do as an ostomate to increase your confidence Below are some things many ostomates do to increase confidence for intimacy:
Here are some of the best options for low-profile mini-pouches:
Coloplast Mio Mini-Pouches – The Mio pouch line incorporates Coloplast’s latest BodyFit technology that conforms to the body’s contours and allows for a more flexible fit and a softer material that feels more like clothing than an appliance. The Mio line is pricier, but for comfort and performance you may want to keep them around, even if just for occasional use.
Convatec’s Mini Pouch – Convatec’s smallest pouch is just 5 inches and opaque, making it a great and affordable choice.
Coloplast’s Assura Mini Pouch – Coloplast Assura is a popular line of pouches; these 1-piece closed pouches are cut-to-fit to conform to the stoma.
Hollister Premier Mini Pouch – Hollister has a 7 inch mini-pouch in their Premier line of 1-Piece pouches that feature a SoftFlex barrier that is gentle on the skin.
There are some cases where physical impairment may prevent one from having sex. This can happen sometimes based on previous health and the types of surgery needed. Some types of colorectal cancer can result in removal of the nerve pathways that cause erections. In some cases, colorectal surgery can result in the vagina changing shape and structure. All of these physical changes can limit some types of sexual activity.
Homosexual couples deal with all of the same issues as straight couples. No matter your sexual preferences and difficulties faced, consult these issue candidly with a health care professional that understands your surgery. They can provide you with advice specific to your personal needs.
Please feel free to leave your comments with additional tips, suggestions and thoughts!
Hi there. Can you tell me when this guide was printed? I hadn’t found it pre-op when I was looking for resources, but this is a great one. How old is it?
Thanks in advance.
My contribution is to enjoy any intimacy. Through fistulas and setons and all manner of soreness from my Crohn’s, my partner and I discovered that any kind touch, can help to bridge intimacy when sexual intimacy is not on the table. Foot rubs were very helpful.
This guide was printed a few years ago; we’re in the process of updating many of our popular resources, including this one, over the next 2-3 months!
I had Cancer of the Bowel. But since had it removed and now I have a stomer bag.my Surgery lasted 9 hours. But its been 3 weeks since I got out of Hospital but my Husband expects me to have sex now. But do not seem to want Sex anymore.
This guide helped me with so many questions. I hadn’t been sexuality active for years even before my ostomy. But I’m seeing someone & scared to death on how to approach the whole sex issue. I bought some super strength stoma dressings for when that time comes. I plan on not eating for hours before our date. I just hope the dressings work of course we still need to talk. Thank you for all the suggestions. Wish me luck!!
The whole thing was very informative and help put my mind at ease Thank you
Dear Sir,
Just two years back I had under gone Ostomy surgery and I am presently using Convatec pouches. I am 72 years old and I have stopped my sex activity just 6-7 years back because of partner remaining ill.. But post surgery I found some white liquid -just like- semen coming out of my penis. I therefore want to know whether it is actually semen or any other thing which may require medical aid, etc.
With regards. Send your reply on my email
I’ve had my ostomy bag for 3years now and now my partner wants to try having anal sex . Is that okay , or a big no no.
My wife had an ilostomy a couple years ago. Our sex life and intimacy are back to where it was before she started having health issues.
We are at the point of giving anal sex a try and was wondering if this is a possibility after an ilostomy.
Can you provide information regarding this. Thank you.
Thank you for this article .. my husband is having cancer surgery feb 12, 2018 ..and hopefully will only have to have a Ostomy bag for a short while but could be Permanent..so your article is Informative and encouraging.. thank you
I am/was an attractive woman married to a gorgeous man and after my ostomy I feel very ugly….. I do not want to engage in sexual intercourse as I am too shy and and convinced that nobody could want me like this….
I am a very strong person but the humiliation is just to much for me….. Any advice?
Elena, In order to get over shyness you have to communicate with your husband, and communication is the key key. Tell him frankly that you want to engage in sexual intercourse. On the other hand if you do not talk about having sex with your husband, you will left out from most enjoyable pleasure . I am not married, but that all i can say from reading article. I hope my answer will help you over come from shyness. Last but not least, keep reading article about ” sex with after having Ostomy or how to have sex with your partner after having ostomy. Let me know if you were able to talk with your husband regarding having sex. One thing you should remember that you are beautiful.
I have been a widow for just over 12 months- I am definitely not looking for a partner, but maybe going on a date or two! I feel ashamed about my stoma (which was because of an accident). I have not booked up the courage for single holiday – it has been doubly difficult cos of new widow and stoma. Please help x
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