Stephen Colbert Announces Satirical Presidential Run

Stephen Colbert Announces Surprise Run for President in 2024 as 'Late Show' Character

New York, NY — April 17, 2024

In a move that has left both political pundits and late-night comedy fans stunned, The Late Show host Stephen Colbert announced during last night’s broadcast that he is launching a satirical presidential campaign—not as himself, but as his old Colbert Report character, the ultra-conservative pundit 'Stephen Colbert.'

Flanked by an over-the-top patriotic set complete with eagle motifs and a scrolling ticker of exaggerated slogans ('Freedom Isn’t Free—But My Tax Plan Is!'), Colbert declared, 'After years of watching this election from the sidelines, I realized America doesn’t need another politician—it needs a hyper-partisan pundit who says whatever gets the biggest applause. And folks, no one does that better than me.'

The faux campaign, dubbed 'Colbert Nation 2.0: This Time It’s Constitutional,' promises absurd policies, including:

Replacing the national anthem with 'The Star-Spangled Banner… as performed by Yoko Ono.'

A 'One American, Five Votes' initiative where citizens can vote extra times by purchasing sponsorships ('This message brought to you by Doritos Cool Ranch').

A White House press corps exclusively made up of Late Show writers.

Political analysts are divided on whether Colbert’s stunt is pure comedy or a subversive commentary on the 2024 race. 'It’s classic Colbert—blurring the line until no one knows what’s real,' said Vanity Fair media critic Joe Pompeo. 'But in today’s political climate, satire feels dangerously close to reality.'

The campaign’s first rally is scheduled for next week in 'a neutral location'—the Late Show studio. Tickets will be free, but attendees must pledge allegiance to a giant inflatable version of Colbert’s face.

When asked if he’d actually appear on ballots, Colbert smirked: 'Depends. Does the Electoral College accept laughs as currency?'

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert airs weeknights on CBS.

Would you vote for him? 😆

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