Stepdaughter Com
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Stepdaughter Com
Hi, Thanks for stopping by. I’m a parent of a 4 year-old girl, who’s just at the age where she’s starting to form and express clear learning preferences. I don’t care whether or not she becomes a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Fields Medal-winning Read More
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By
Taylor McCloud
On 9/6/22 at 11:01 PM EDT
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Internet commenters backed up one mother who refuses to accommodate her 11-year-old daughter's request for a fully-equipped, suite-style bedroom.
In a viral Reddit post published on the popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, Redditor u/throwaway65637 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) described the tension gripping her blended family and said her 16-year-old stepdaughter will receive her own suite, despite accusations of favoritism from other family members.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for giving my step daughter the best room out of all our kids?" the post has received nearly 7,000 upvotes and 2,500 comments in the last day.
"My husband [and] I are moving into our dream house," OP began. "We have 4 children. My step daughter Ella (16), our daughter Jane (11), our son Sam (9) & our daughter Luna (6)."
Continuing to explain that the family's new home comes with six bedrooms, OP said her stepdaughter is moving into a suite, while the identical suite will be turned into a living space for guests.
OP also said that her 11-year-old daughter will move into a "normal" bedroom, with her own adjacent bathroom.
Unfortunately, adjacent is not the same as all-inclusive.
"Jane was under the impression that she and Ella would be getting the 2 rooms with the bathrooms," OP wrote. "We let her know one of those would be [a] guest room and since Ella is the oldest she deserves the other.
"Jane thinks this is unfair," OP continued. "[She] has not been handling this well and a few family members she's spoken to think I'm putting 'someone else's child over my own.'
"Jane has struggled with some jealousy...[and she] is also 11," OP added. "She does not need an en suite bathroom more than adult guests...and will have an en suite at 13...once Ella leaves for school."
Blended families , in which at least one parent is accompanied by a child from a previous relationship, are prevalent across the United States.
Last year, data published by Smart Stepfamilies revealed that 40 percent of married couples with children are step-couples .
Data published by Pew Research Center also revealed that of the 73 million children in the U.S., 16 percent are living in blended families, a figure that has remained stable since the 1990s.
But even with roughly 12 million children living with a stepparent, stepsiblings or both, the transition from nuclear family, or single parent household to blended family is not always smooth .
And according to lifestyle website Love to Know , a major contributor to tension among blended families is territorial infringement.
"Children in blended families may have difficulties with one another's turf," licensed clinical psychologist and Love to Know contributor Mona Bapat, Ph.D., said. "If one half of the new family moves into the home of the other half, expect considerable amounts of fights and tears.
"The children whose home it was originally may feel threatened by others taking over parts of their space," Bapat continues. "The children moving into the home may not be happy either because they may feel like the place is not 'theirs' and they are not welcome."
On multiple occasions, however, OP dispelled the notion that her daughter's reaction to not receiving her own suite at 11 years old was the result of a territorial dispute.
Instead, OP placed blame on the plight of younger siblings all around the world, gaining support from Redditors throughout the viral post's comment section in the process.
"I'm absolutely mind boggled by the number of people upset that the OLDEST child gets a better room," Redditor u/Cynthia_Castillo677 exclaimed in the post's top comment, which has received more than 19,000 upvotes. "That's the way my family, and every family's home I've ever visited sets things up.
"Then when the oldest kid leaves, the next oldest gets the room," they continued. "That is perfectly fair and it's disgusting the number of people who are saying the [16-year-old] doesn't deserve the big room because she's not related to OP by blood."
"Jane is 11, she doesn't need her own room with a bathroom attached," Redditor u/rationalitypeaked12 chimed in, receiving more than 2,000 upvotes. "When she's 13...she'll have the room she wants. It's not a big deal for her to wait."
Redditor u/bunnyball88, whose comment has received more than 7,000 upvotes, offered a similar perspective.
"At some point kids have to realize that having enough doesn't mean getting everything," they wrote. "Jane has her own room and her own bathroom...that's far more than 'enough.'
"It's your house. If you want to teach your kids that, yes, guests get a certain amount of generosity - that's your call," they added. "You are entitled to...prioritization...and not give in to foot-stomping."
Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway65637 for comment.
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By
Kate Fowler
On 9/7/22 at 10:09 AM EDT
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A stepmom was praised online after confessing that she confronted her 10-year-old stepdaughter for eating her food, but it wasn't quite so simple.
The 30-year-old shared that she has been in her stepdaughter's life for eight years, but the girl's recent behavior has come in between them. Taking to popular Subreddit "Am I The A**hole," the stepmom explained that she suffers from diabetes and food allergies, making purchasing foods she can actually eat hard and expensive.
According to a 2013 investigation, food allergies cost the average American family over $4,000 per year, making up of doctors visits, epi-pens and alternative foods. So much so that the allergy food industry has boomed even more in recent years as people have a heightened awareness, expected to reach $161.3 billion by 2026. This is something that the stepdaughter is aware of, she added.
The stepmom's favorite meal that meets her dietary requirements is a specific burrito and an alternative version of Sprite, both of which she said are highly priced.
"I caught my stepdaughter eating and drinking both multiple times and had to sit down and tell her that I didn't want her eating those, as they were expensive and for me specifically and offered to buy her the regular brand of the same items," wrote the woman.
"She said yes, so I went out and bought them for her, just to find that she was still eating mine and not touching hers. I asked her why several times and she shrugged her shoulders and walked off, saying 'I don't see why it's a big deal, it's just food' and rolled her eyes."
After alerting her husband to the situation, who spoke to his daughter himself, it seemed to work itself out with everything seeming "fine" to the stepmom.
"However, I just bought the burrito and knock-off organic sprite again yesterday. I went to go get myself some around 10pm, when my step-daughter was supposed to be in bed," she updated. " The entire liter was gone. I couldn't find it anywhere. So I go into my stepdaughters room and she is sitting with not only the sprite in her lap, but two burritos as well. This is when I noticed everything else.. my green tea sitting on the floor and my meal containers that I had packed for work under her bed and on her dresser."
Upset by this, the stepmom told the 10-year-old that she was "disappointed and repulsed that someone could lack that much respect and empathy for another individual." She was however met with anger from her husband, who said he was worried about her developing anxiety around eating now.
Despite the husband's response, Reddit users unanimously sided with the stepmom, supporting her decision but simultaneously raised concern for the child.
"Not the a**hole, but this is family therapy time not AMITA time. Something is up with a 10 year old hoarding food, especially just your food. No need to put up with it but sounds like you'll need a therapist to work with her," advised one user, who gained over 18,000 votes on their comment.
"You didn't yell at her. You told her you were disappointed. If she cried, that's on her. She probably really did feel bad. I think all three of you need to sit down and talk about this though. There's clearly something else going on with her for her to suddenly be acting out like this. Most kids don't just suddenly switch to this behavior for no reason," agreed another user.
"At the very least, you and hubby need to talk because while I understand his concerns that his daughter might develop an eating disorder, your health can't be compromised in your own home, and your stepdaughter has been more than adequately cared for what with you buying her versions of the foods she's been stealing for her to eat."
Another user noted: "It sounds like your stepdaughter is testing you, pushing boundaries. It would be pretty common behavior at that age. She may or may not realize that's what she's doing."
In an update, the stepmom shared that she has spoken to her pediatrician about the ongoing issue and enrolled her in therapy.
Newsweek reached out to u/jazman0917 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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