Stepdad Foot Worship
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Stepdad Foot Worship
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================================================ The Paraphilias Forum is now closed for new posts. It is against the Forum Rules to discuss paraphilias as the main topic of a post anywhere at PsychForums. ================================================ You are entering a forum that contains discussions of a sexual nature, some of which are explicit. The topics discussed may be offensive to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. This forum is intended to be a place where people can support each other in finding healing and healthy ways of functioning. Discussions that promote illegal activity will not be tolerated. Please note that this forum is moderated, and people who are found to be using this forum for inappropriate purposes will be banned. Psychforums works hard to ensure that this forum is law abiding. Moderators will report evidence of illegal activity to the police.
I really only want all of your genuine honest opinion on my post, please. Thank you. Okay I want to make this concise, because I don't want to ramble on and get lost. I am 20 years old, gay male, and have a foot fetish. I would say a really big one, because for some weird reason, male feet had to be the first object to sexually stimulate me. Twice. I will get to this. Before 8 years old I did not have any genuine sexual experience with anyone. However there are two culprits for my foot fetish. My dad and my friend ¨Bob¨ when I was 8. See this foot fetish is not simple, it is tied to a lot of inner pain, confusion, shame, anger, self-disgust...But I have to be logical in this post so I don't get lost in my emotions. And it has all had to be kept secret (first being gay then my other sexual confusion and secret). All the details. As if being gay was not hard enough I have this. Well I will just be straight forward and cut to the chase. There are two parts to this foot fetish. I will start with this. I developed a strong desire and attraction to my dads feet (socked to be exact), and fantasized about them and jerked off. I even smelled his socks on occassion while masturbating. And I loved looking at his feet when I could. But this didn't develop out of the blue. This attraction happened when I turned about 13 and went to 14. So middle school time just when I was realizing I was gay too, and that it was not okay, and hearing ¨That's so gay¨ everyday. So this was a very terrible time. I don't remember having this sexual arousal for my dads feet before this time. But this attraction might be explain by this; When I was like 2, 3 or 4 years old I can remember laying down under my dad's chair and him rubbing his socked feet on my belly, and I remember I really liked it and that it felt good (it was only my belly not my penis/crotch area). This is what probably caused the foot fetish in general. I really would love everyone's feedback on all of this too ...But anyway that happened and then I have another memory around the same age when I was on my dads leg and then I slid down on to his foot for some reason and BOOM, sexual stimulation (meaning ass and crotch meeting his food for a moment etc). It does make sense now and you can't blame me for having this foot fetish considering these two experiences. I couldn't help having a sexual connection to my dads feet right?! and i've heard the term sexual imprinting ... NOW, what I am terrified of is this; Did my dad intentionally try to (sexually) stimulate me..or was that just my pleasure on my end? That is something that confuses me to this day. I'm guessing he rubbing his feet on my belly out of playfulness, How the hell would I confront him about such a thing if he had a mutual pleasure in this interaction??!.. As I must add that I have a non-existent relationship with him now, but was never close to him ever and I have a lot of animosity towards him (one reason for being homophobic growing up). Unlike my mom, he never showed me or my sibling any affection or expressed normal love like a parent should. He is also a troubled man and anti-social and I have many traumatic memories about my father, screaming in rage at everything, fighting with mom until divorce, extreme negativity and unkindness for most people. So was this foot fetish the only connection I felt for him? So yeah everything in my life has caused me to feel suicidal for years. I am very different from my family. Older soul, sensitive, emotional. But I''m straying from the subject I need help on. So I never formed a normal healthy loving bond with my dad./The sexual attraction to him was/is ONLY for his feet. But it still is sexual desire towards my dad, which has made me keep this secret inside with deep shame and confusion. I have no idea what to do with it. I have so many questions that have played over in my head for years, with no answers. Especially the unknown part of whether my dad silently knew I liked his feet and liked it too...Which makes me feel weary. This is so upsetting and confusing all of it. Okay the second part...When I was about 8, I had a friend (a year younger) and me and him were close. However he was more of the high energy and liked to take charge of the friendship (bossy) while I was more soft and somewhat passive. But I do not like being taken advantage of or controlled at all and that's what made me break up the friendship in the end. In fact it makes me very very angry towards him and my father to think about all of this, and why all this negativity and confusion had to tie into my sexuality. Anyway, one day (it was night) we were watching a movie or a tv show and we were on opposing sides of couch at his house. Something silent, sneakily secretly silent happened from here on. He began touching me ass with his feet!!!! LOL yeah why???? I don't know but it really annoyed me when he first did it, like that's kind of violating my sense of space, just stop! I remember his mom was there for a moment and I told him to get his feet away or something. And his mom said something too. But he put them back there, and then something must have clicked in me.. Don't know what it was but I secretly started to like it. Yep... He would stretch his legs out and put his feet between the couch and my ass and just rubbing at first as if exploring me in the strangest way. And this would go on for an hour? Idk but we did this like 10-15 times total? WHERE WOULD HE GET THIS IDEA FROM? At 6 or 7 years old? Was he molested or something. Embarrassing point is... I began liking what he was doing. And this wasn't a one time time, and we both SILENTLY knew what was going on, but never verbalized a word about it. But I sat completely still and silent, partially out of fear, and probably shock and pleasure all mixed in one. What do you think would drive him to do that? Might I add he also tried to play cop and doctor on me a few times, and asked if I wanted a massage once. There was clearly a sexual element to our friendship for a period of time. We never spoke a word of what we did. But like I said it was mostly just this. His rubbing his feet under me. This was silent as I didn't holler him to stop or tell him to keep going. Not one word. Just silent communication. It didn't really go any further than this weird touching with clothes on. But I was 8 years old and I was experiencing the most confusing feelings ever. It was just SILENT COMMUNICATION. We silenty did this, as if it was a secret to both of us. As if it never happened (but I know it did). This has effected my sexuality completely. Did he cause my foot fetish.. or did my father? when I was stimulated by his feet in a sexual way (physically) years before this experience? What kind of coincidence is it that my friend touched me with his feet, and my dad did too when I was a little child?? Also did this encounter trigger me to develop the sexual interest in my dads feet years later in puberty? Can you see how maddening and confusing this is? It's nothing new to me or my mind, TWELVE YEARS LATER. I cannot begin to explain how much suffering this all has caused me over the years. I have had to carry around this weight (not able to express this to anyone) since age 8 and then at 13 with the secret desire for my dad's feet. Also did I project my sexual experience with my friend, onto myself and my dad, because we didn't have a normal close bond???? When he kicked his feet up and watched tv and i sat in the living room with him, It felt like he knew what he was doing. It felt so sexual to me. When he rubbed his feet together in front of me it felt like he was trying to seduce me or knew I liked it in some way. But was that ALL IN MY HEAD because of what my friend did to me at 8 years old???!?!?!?!??!?!?!?! How does my dad rubbing his feet on my belly tie into all this? Why was I cursed This reality inside me makes me feel angry (even rage towards friend for taking advantage of me and touching me without my initial permission. Him along with my dad causing all this pain. How dare they), ashamed and disgusted (for sexual desire towards dad), confused (because I actually loved it all when in sexual mind set..while having equal parts pain knowing it is all wrong), and too embarrassed (to talk about details with anyone). I hope this makes some sense, or the essence of my concern is communicated. There's no way I can translate my huge part of my sexuality into a text. I really thank you if you read all of this and respond.
Dear friend, My first comment is to say, relax. Don't worry, and never resort to self-harm because of shame. You're not alone. If you feel suicidal, call Suicide Prevention: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Foot partialism is one of the most common types of partialisms. For heterosexual males, breast partialism and foot partialism is common. For homosexual males, foot partialism is common. Feet are very sensitive areas - think, when you want to tickle someone, you go to their feet. The feet are capable of expressing sensuality just like the hands. Because your dad didn't give you affection with his hands, you learned to received his affection another way. The affection was so concentrated that it left an impression on you growing up. It gave you something you craved since birth. Sexuality is often tied into our need for affection. People will with a strong sexual desire are looking for love, validation, attention, affection - all the things our family should give us growing up. We're supposed to be able to crawl into our dad's bed without feeling humiliated. The most important thing is to forgive your Dad. Fast from your fetish, and ask Jesus to help you. Healing from your childhood trauma will heal you spiritually and physically I'm a consecrated virgin. To me, chastity is beautiful and gives me peace. We're all called to holiness and should never let our desires define us! May God bless you and give you peace.
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