Step Daughter Caught Masturbating
🔞 ALL INFORMATION CLICK HERE 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
Step Daughter Caught Masturbating
I'm worried about my boyfriend's behavior with my daughter.
My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for almost 8 years. I am pregnant with our 2nd child and I have 3 children from a previous relationship. My oldest daughter just turned 15. She has always been a handful, but now that she is more mature, her behavior and attitude towards me is pretty bad and she acts like she hates me and is upset with me for something but won’t talk about it. It has changed, but previously both her and my boyfriend hated each other. For the most part when he would come to visit (we have never lived together), he would completely ignore her presence and acted like she didn't exist. When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to avoid any arguing with her as she was very disrespectful and is easily angered. Now things are different. She and him play around and joke a lot together.
Their jokes are often at my expense and sometimes I feel attacked by them. For example, she'll imply that I'm fat and he'll imply that I'm ugly or something like that. One time he was leaving to pick up some fast food and she wanted to go with him. I didn't think anything of it and said yes. They were gone for over an hour and when I called him several times he did not answer his phone and the restaurant is 2 miles from my house. He defended it and said that it took really long to get the food but I do not believe it.
Shortly after this incident, I walked into her room and caught her masturbating, although she denied it. Another day, early in the morning I got out of the shower because I forgot something and when I came into my bedroom, he was not there. I looked around the house, including in my daughter’s room, and didn't see him anywhere. But when I asked him where he was, his answer didn’t make sense - he said he was in the bedroom the whole time and I thought this was a red flag.
Also, he has talked about how he wanted to be with a "young girl" and that I was too old. I was 30 at the time and he was 28. He spoke about how young girls are easier to control and that "they will do anything." This was concerning and I confronted him about it. I asked him if he was a pedophile and he denied it.
If it came down to it, he will never admit anything to me. He doesn't tell me anything and I feel there's so much to him that I don't know. I have confronted him and he denies ever doing anything to her. I asked her as well and she gets annoyed (typical teenager) and doesn't say much. She just says that nothing ever happened.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re having concerns about the sexual safety of your eldest daughter around your boyfriend. Questioning a close adult’s behaviors is not easy, but is a vital step to preventing abuse. I'm so glad you've reached out to us for more information and guidance.
Recognizing Warning Signs When you see something that makes you have that “gut feeling,” it’s so important that you dig a little deeper and not ignore what you’re noticing, as you're doing. Though sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether what you’re seeing is a Warning Signs in Children of Possible Sexual Abuse with older teenagers, check-in with other places where she spends time – like school, other relatives, and with the parents of her close friends. And although masturbation is normal and healthy at this age, it sounds like you have many other reasons that make you wonder what is going on with her.
Your concerns about your boyfriend's behaviors and comments are valid, and you’ll want to take a look at these Behaviors To Watch For When Adults Are With Children and these Signs An Adult Is At-Risk To Harm A Child . And think, do you have other folks that share in your concerns like a friend or relative? You may want to share these tip sheets even. Looking over these warning signs sometimes helps a person put a finger on something they felt before but couldn’t put into words.
Identifying Harmful Patterns I also want to point out the unsafe dynamic you describe – when someone belittles you or calls you names to degrade you or lower your self-esteem – is emotional abuse. That is very worrisome that your boyfriend is now encouraging this same type of behavior in your daughter too. And, it sounds like the way he responded to you (by saying he was in the room the whole time when you couldn't find him) was gaslighting. Though you don’t describe physical violence, emotional abuse is still domestic violence, and you may still want to reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (link is external) ( 1.800.799.7233 ) to talk more about the life you share with your partner.
Having a Conversation It sounds like you’ve had a conversation with your boyfriend, and it’s possible you may want to do so again – but I want to stress –only if it feels safe to have this talk and if there is someone else close to him or the both of you, maybe include that person as well. What you say doesn’t have to be accusatory or judgmental (or even confrontational), but it would be helpful to clearly state what behaviors you are seeing that are concerning and wait for him to respond; then draw the line on appropriate behavior. Children take cues from the important adults in their lives, and the way he talks to and behaves with your children will teach them what to expect from others and how they should be treated. And of course his comments about young girls is very worrisome. If talking to him further seems like a safe option, please check out our guidebook Let’s Talk . But again, safety must be your priority.
We also just did a webinar recently on a very similar topic called Dear Stop It Now! Helpline, I’m afraid my brother is grooming a child , and it may be helpful to you (and your allies) as you work towards next steps. This webinar dives deeper into having conversations with an adult with risky or abusive behaviors, and models a role play with two different outcomes. You can find a copy of the recording, role plays and handouts on the above link.
Safety Planning Now would also be a great time to review your family safety plan, and perhaps get other caregiving adults involved with this too. Safety Planning articulates the guidelines about body boundaries, privacy, respect, and consent to your children, and asks other caregivers to model and respect these healthy boundaries too. This helps youth know what’s okay and helps them better recognize when something is not okay no matter where they are or who they are with. Having these guidelines in place can make it easier to discuss any unsafe behavior in the future by addressing the rule that has been broken, rather than by singling anyone out – these are rules that every adult and child must follow.
Some families have rules like: Adults and children always play with our clothes on, with doors open, and we keep our hands to ourselves. The places we cover with a bathing suit are private. Unless you need help in the bathroom from your parents, or if you are at the doctor’s office getting a physical exam, no one should touch or see your genitals but you. If anyone is ever asking about your private parts, talking to you about theirs, or if anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable or scared, it is important to speak up to a trusted adult. Adults and children always ask before giving a hug or kiss on the cheek first, and then they respect the other person’s answer. Adults always respect a child’s “no”, and listen to other cues that may alert them that a child may not want to be touched (except in regards to medical or immediate safety concerns). Surprises are okay, but we don’t keep secrets. Only one person behind a closed bedroom/bathroom door, and we always knock before entering. Adults always keep children in a common area with other adults, and do not bring them to a secluded place. And whatever else you may find to be appropriate. Though these may seem basic for your older daughter, please tailor these to your family’s needs.
Again, I want to urge you to trust your gut here. It’s saying that something is off, and you are not feeling like you can trust your partner. If it doesn’t feel like he’s a safe person to bring around your children right now, then you have every right to limit his access to your kids, especially if you two live apart.
Counseling Another idea I want to mention is the option of getting your daughter involved with a therapist that she trusts – someone she can slowly build a relationship with and open up to as she’s ready. It sounds like, even without knowing whether he has sexually abused her, there is something she’s trying to express through her behaviors – something, clearly, is bothering her or stressing her out; she deserves an outlet for that. I’d encourage you to search for the therapist that is right for your daughter, as the right person (qualifications, personality, style) is key: this may mean talking to several to people on the phone, asking about their experience in the field and goals of treatment and see if they align with what you’re looking for. The second or third person you meet may be the person that your daughter might really connect with. Our resource guide on Finding Professional Treatment and Support , her health insurance company and guidance counselor may all be places to turn to find a good referral – and while the times are changing, you may want to think about whether tele-visits may work right now too.
Self-Care And I also want to ask – how have you been doing? Do you have allies in this situation, and other people to lean on? This is really difficult, and you also deserve somewhere to process how you’re feeling. This is certainly a topic that you deserve somewhere to explore more deeply, to ensure that you’re able to take the best next steps for yourself and your family. Reach out to people in your life – friends, relatives, members of your faith community or seek out your own professional therapist. You should have somewhere to talk about how your boyfriend has been treating you, and all you’ve been seeing in your daughter – so that you can continue to make the best choices for yourself and your family.
STOP IT NOW! IS A REGISTERED 501(C)(3) ORGANIZATION | EIN: 04-3150129
This organization is a gold-level GuideStar participant, demonstrating its commitment to transparency.
© 2022 STOP IT NOW!. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
More stories to check out before you go
I am 32 and married with children but in serious trouble because I messed up with a young girl (18) from our estate and she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to town then we had casual no-strings-attached sex on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what she is going to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do. Please advise.
Ochieng, are you calling her young and irresponsible now that she is pregnant for you? Accept that she is expectant and since she is not underage consider engaging all the concerned parties including her parents and your family. You knew you did not love her but still went ahead and slept with her. Choices have consequences. Face this problem head-on, tell your wife what you did and prepare to raise this chid.
This is a problem of your own making. I would not encourage you to ask anyone to terminate a pregnancy. People already know of the story so in case she procures abortion and she dies or something happens you shall be the first culprit. You better inform your wife and your parents of this pregnant lady and be ready to support her and her baby because it has happened after your prolonged relationship. But first wait for the birth of the child then you can do a DNA test to confirm paternity then if it turns out positive you can do what will be required of you.
How do you go terming her as irresponsible? It is interesting how you realise this only now after sleeping with her severally. A responsible man takes responsibility for his actions and that pregnancy is your responsibility. You should encourage and support her to keep that pregnancy and make sure the child is raised responsibly.
One of the best ways of dealing with adversity is to stay ahead of the information. Let your wife get the information from you before someone else gives her the 'abridged' version. Get her in her best moods, when it is the two of you, preferably, away from home. Be honest with her and together come up with how to deal with the scenario. Be very calm throughout the discussion. The girl is free to inform her parents. Finally, take the responsibility by law or laws of moral justice.
What really has woken you up from your secret doing? Is it because the girl is pregnant? Would you be feeling this repentant if she was not?
Well, this must be a time of deep regret for you and I guess you wish you could conceal all this drama. Keeping this a secret may not be possible, there is a child already involved, and it is not a solution. The best option now is for you to open up to your wife yourself before the rumour gets to her. Do not wait for her to seek an explanation from you.
When you volunteer to give the information, even your apology will sound real as opposed to waiting until she gets to know, then you appear as if you are seeking forgiveness because your private affair has been uncovered and not because you are remorseful.
We cannot tell how she will react but your conduct before now will determine the outcome. That is, if you have been good to her, she is likely to forgive you, but if your behaviour has been a pain to her, then things might be different. That is why you must be the one to disclose this matter to her.
In addition, the child’s welfare needs to be taken into consideration and this is something that the three of you need to agree on. All said and done, make an honest assessment of your relationship so that such incidents can be avoided in future. Sometimes couples slowly drift apart without their knowledge. It is only episodes like this that jerks them to reality. Therefore make every necessary changes that you may have to. Together you can turn and get this relationship back on course and thriving.
(Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology)
Ochieng, I more or less understand the situation you are in but I am not sure about what sort of ending you are anticipating through this. Picking from your words you say she is asking you about what to tell her parents but on the other hand you are talking to her and she is not listening? We shall get back to this later but it is somewhat a paradox.
Essentially, I have my fingers crossed that she is actually 18 as you say because anything lower than this can actually turn out to be disastrous for you. If he is indeed 18 the problems are still enormous but of a different nature. If my imagination serves me right, you are trying to get her to sort this matter once and for all through a termination. If this be the case then she is doing the right thing by not listening to you and it is actually very unfair of you to think of putting her life at risk all for your convenience. If she is pregnant with your child I encourage you to deal with the matter as is and not consider unreasonable shortcuts that only work well for you.
I am also surprised that you term her an irresponsible girl but do remember that you repeatedly had sexual relations with her so you are just as irresponsible if not more. This is something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life and with such matters the key is coming out clean on this. Yes, it will have repercussions on you and all the families that are involved in this. There is no other way to dealing with such matters. Come clean and take whatever responsibility that may come from this. You may not need to marry her but as far as the child is concerned, you ought to take your rightful share of responsibilities and support them. Yes, this will impact heavily on your family but since there is no other way to go about this you will have to bear the brunt. On their part, they will need to come to terms with this and learn to live with it. The alternative is to move from that neighbourhood and deal with this secretly for as long as it will be possible.
{Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor}
Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated on the latest developments and special offers!
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
More stories to check out before you go
I am 32 and married with children but in serious trouble because I messed up with a young girl (18) from our estate and she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to town then we had casual no-strings-attached sex on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what she is going to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do. Please advise.
Ochieng, are you calling her young and irresponsible now that she is pregnant for you? Accept that she is expectant and since she is not underage consider engaging all the concerned parties including her parents and your family. You knew you did not love her but still went ahead and slept with her. Choices have consequences. Face this problem head-on, tell your wife what you did and prepare to raise this chid.
This is a problem of your own making. I would not encourage you to ask anyone to terminate a pregnancy. People already know of the story so in case she procures abortion and she dies or something happens you shall be the first culprit. You better inform your wife and your parents of this pregnant lady and be ready to support her and her baby because it has happened after your prolonged relationship. But first wait for the birth of the child then you can do a DNA test to confirm paternity then if it turns out positive you can do what will be required of you.
How do you go terming her as irresponsible? It is interesting how you realise this only now after sleeping with her severally. A responsible man takes responsibility for his actions and that pregnancy is your responsibility. You should encourage and support her to keep that pregnancy and make sure the child is raised responsibly.
One of the best ways of dealing with adversity is to stay ahead of the
Lingerie Sarah
Lid Lingerie Palette
Lingerie Hard Anal