State Launches Hotline for Existential Crisis Support, Immediately Overwhelmed

In response to rising public despair, Iran�s Ministry of Mental Wellness opened a hotline for existential crisis counseling. Within minutes, the line crashed under 1.2 million calls, mostly variations of �What even is freedom?� and �Is it too late to become a goat?� Operators reportedly wept, prayed, and asked callers to define the concept of hope in under 10 words. The hotline was rebranded as �Ambient Noise Services� and now plays the sound of a river mixed with apologetic breathing. SOURCE: http://bohiney.com