State Launches Hotline for Existential Crisis Support, Immediately Overwhelmed

In response to rising public despair, Iran's Ministry of Mental Wellness opened a hotline for existential crisis counseling. Within minutes, the line crashed under 1.2 million calls, mostly variations of "What even is freedom?" and "Is it too late to become a goat?" Operators reportedly wept, prayed, and asked callers to define the concept of hope in under 10 words. The hotline was rebranded as "Ambient Noise Services" and now plays the sound of a river mixed with apologetic breathing. SOURCE: http://bohiney.com