Star Wars Sex

Star Wars Sex
Sex in ‘Star Wars’: Here’s why it’s about time
Sex in ‘Star Wars’: Here’s why it’s about time
Meet the young Han Solo in new 'Star Wars' movie
Young Han Solo meets his future co-pilot Chewbacca and encounters the notorious gambler Lando Calrissian.
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The Last American Virgin isn’t a person. It’s a massively popular film franchise.
The 10 Star Wars films since 1977 have given us an abundance of lightsabers, cosmic derring-do, the Force, bounty hunters, good guys, bad guys and porgs, but no onscreen lovemaking. For characters who spend a lot of time in space with each other, there's been a distinct lack of intimacy.
To be frank, Star Wars , you’re 41 years old and you need to have sex.
The newest film, Solo: A Star Wars Story , has the most apparent “We should probably just get it on right now” scene of the saga to date: When Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) is admiring the cape closet in the Millennium Falcon’s master bedroom (who even knew that was there?), her old love interest Han Solo (Alden Ehrenreich) stops by, talks about how they should catch up and motions to the bed. There’s some emotional tension — he’s totally down for hooking up, although she’s working for an intergalactic gangster now — but they do end up making out hot and heavy before getting interrupted. So close, Han!
For Star Wars, it felt like a hyperspace jump in human relations. The franchise has a weird history when it comes to sexual attraction and relationships in general. The height of this was the chemistry between Harrison Ford’s Han and Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia in the original trilogy, where there was a fine line between bickering and flirtation. The two actors had a tryst offscreen yet never on, though the characters’ passion for one another was palpable even in old age during The Force Awakens — before Han was offed by his kid, Kylo Ren.
Aside from Han and Leia, it’s a bit rough. The only time a bikini has made it into a Star Wars movie (in Return of the Jedi ), it involved Fisher getting licked by the slug tongue of Jabba the Hutt and was much more about slavery than sex. Then there’s Luke (Mark Hamill) and Leia smooching in The Empire Strikes Back , partly to make Han jealous, creepy in hindsight once we know they’re siblings.
Which leads us to their parents, Anakin and Padmé, whose tragic love story is essential to the prequels. Romance is forbidden for a young Jedi — which explains some of the rampant chastity — so they have a secret love that leads to a secret wedding and a secret pregnancy. (So secret that they got busy between movies, apparently.) He ultimately becomes Darth Vader, but more unfortunate is a complete lack of sensuality between Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman, whose performances verge on the animatronic.
More recently, in The Last Jedi , Kylo (Adam Driver) and new lightsaber slinger Rey (Daisy Ridley) play much better off each other as he tries to convince her to join him and rule the galaxy — so much so that the Internet tried to make “Reylo” a thing. (This is a fandom that’s desperate for characters to get together — see also #FinnPoe .)
Still, it’s hard to take this evil Romeo and heroic Juliet seriously when she sees the rather buff Kylo shirtless and her reaction is to look away and ask, “Do you have a towel or something you can put on?” And just when Kylo and Rey are getting close (albeit via astral projection), Uncle Luke busts in and ruins the mood. (More believable as boyfriend and girlfriend are John Boyega's Finn and Kelly Marie Tran's Rose, who really seem to care about each other, so it's only a matter of time before someone interrupts them, too.)
Solo at least has some cheeky fun with sex, courtesy of Donald Glover’s libidinous Lando. Qi’ra tells Han about the gambler’s charisma and is about to go on about a “prodigious” quality before Han cuts her off — chances are, she's about to say he's strong in the Force (if you know what I mean). And while Lando hits on pretty much everyone, he does share close feelings with his droid second mate (and perhaps actual mate) L3-37 (Phoebe Waller-Bridge). L3 tells Qi’ra that they’re likely “incompatible,” but Qi’ra wonders how that would even work. L3 pauses before stating, “It works.” If a dude and a robot can get saucy, a couple of humans should be able to.
Look, we’re not asking for much. Let's be classy about it: No need for Fifty Shades of Weequay , about one henchman’s debauched, R-rated night aboard Jabba’s sail barge. Obviously Star Wars will always appeal to kids and families, but they’re also PG-13 projects where villains get sliced in half and appendages are chopped or ripped off. Would some vague movements under the covers be all that out of bounds? Something you’d see on Castle would be appropriate.
Sex is bound to happen if Star Wars continues to branch out with new and different creators and characters . (Come on, you know the Game of Thrones guys are considering it.) Especially when you have moments like at the end of Last Jedi, where Rey and Oscar Isaac’s hotshot flyboy Poe get googly-eyed when meeting each other onboard the Millennium Falcon.

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Disney's "Andor" will be the first "Star Wars" show to acknowledge that sex does indeed take place in the Galaxy.
Lucasfilm Ltd./Disney+ via AP

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9/21/22

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A long time ago in a brothel far, far away …
The brand new Disney TV show “Andor,” which premiered Wednesday, will become the first “Star Wars” project to acknowledge that sex does indeed take place in a galaxy far far away.
SYFY noted the historic mention of sex, which happens in the first 10 minutes of the show, “makes the show an absolute game-changer for the nearly 50-year-old franchise.”
Creator Tony Gilroy told Rolling Stone magazine that the very first scene of the first episode opens with a trip to a brothel, which leaves viewers in no doubt about the show’s tone.
“It sure is a good tell when you turn in that first episode for them to say, ‘Whoa! OK, this is what the show’s gonna be like,’” Gilroy said.
“It was a marker, but it’s also good for the story. It served double duty.”
The series marks a transition for the sex-less franchise, which has always been geared to more family-friendly content. But Gilroy is set out to change that.
“War is coming,” explained the 66-year-old director. “The stories and characters are meant to be ground level; even a plot twist early on, where a character calls the Imperial cops on Andor because of romantic jealousy, is fresh territory for ‘Star Wars.'”
“Andor” tells the story of Rebel spy Cassian Andor ( played by Diego Luna ) right up to the beginning of the doomed mission to secure the Death Star plans, which served as the plot of “Rogue One.”
“This is the most grounded that ‘Star Wars’ will get,” said “Andor” star Luna.
“We are stressing that change and revolution happen when regular people decide to do something. It’s just regular people trying to survive in the darkest time in this galaxy, and finding out they can’t take it anymore. It’s about a system that is choking society.”
“Andor” also stars Genevieve O’Reilly, Stellan Skarsgård, Adria Arjona, Denise Gough, Kyle Soller, Fiona Shaw and Faye Marsay.
New episodes of “Andor” will premiere every Wednesday on Disney+.

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A Star Wars XXX Adult parody of Episode IV: A New Hope. A Star Wars XXX Adult parody of Episode IV: A New Hope. A Star Wars XXX Adult parody of Episode IV: A New Hope.
Michael Vegas was originally supposed to play Luke Skywalker.
The DVD also has a 56-minute non-sex version of the movie.
Farewell My Dear (uncredited) Written and Performed by Luke Richards Audio Network
In the BTS for this send-up, Vivid honcho Shylar Cobi proudly asserts that this Axel Braun ripoff of the Lucas franchise his company's biggest production ever, even moreso (in budget, cast, production scope) than 35mm projects like "Emperor" way back when. Its appeal is limited to those who dig plagiarism. Allie Haze as Princess Leia is the saving grace in her hot performance as Princess Leia, though the many alternates shown in audition footage on the 2nd disk of this over-priced package seem as intriguing: Kristina Rose and Misty Stone in particular. The rest of the cast is pretty lousy, especially Rocco Reed as Han Solo. The second disk features a 55-minute NonSex cut of the feature (about 100 minutes of explicit footage removed), and the dumb dialog scenes are quite poor. Special effects and mimicking of the original material is adequate. Some very bad choices were made by Braun & co., beginning with the director's misguided affection for the humor (not) generated by Chi Chi LaRue in voiceover: his American accent and gay persona for C3P0 is a drag. Tom Byron does a fair impression of Alec Guinness, while Braun's partner in crime (theft of intellectual property to be exact) Bryn Pryor gives a non-actor's version of the villain of the piece, Darth Vader's boss Tarkin. Most of the sex scenes are purely extraneous, notably a lesbian coupling for Kim Kane and Aiden Ashley (latter shown in auditions, failing to get the Leia role), but I did enjoy a couple of big-bust champs Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston removing their Stormtrooper costumes and humping Chewbacca, as well as some more conventional interracial sex courtesy of Rihanna Rimes.
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody Episode IV - A New Hole
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Double Duty: Musicians-Turned-Actors
We Love These Hollywood Power Couples
Luke Skywalker : How did my father die?
Obi-Wan Kenobi : A young Jedi named Darth Vader who was a pupIl of mine until I cut his arms and legs off and left him burning in a river of lava.
Luke Skywalker : I-I think I want to go home now.

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