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It felt as if that night wouldn't pass. I had a throbbing headache and couldn't stop crying. I don't remember when I slept off. I woke up to find my husband standing in front of my bed with last night's question: "So, what have you decided? Is your answer yes or no?"
I didn't know what to say. I gathered some courage to speak up and mumbled: "Please go to the office, I'll call you by evening and let you know my answer, I promise."
He threatened: "I will call you myself at 4pm. I want the answer and it should be 'yes'. Otherwise be ready to get punished."
By punishment, he meant anal sex. He knew that it was extremely painful for me and he used it as a tool to torture me.
He and his elder sister left for the office. I was now alone and struggling with my thoughts.
After a few hours I gathered the courage to dial my father's number and told him that I couldn't live with my husband anymore.
#HerChoice is a series of true life-stories of 12 Indian women. These accounts challenge and broaden the idea of the "modern Indian woman" - her life choices, aspirations, priorities and desires.
I was afraid that my father would be angry but his response amazed me. "Pack your bags and get out of there," he said.
I took a book, gathered my educational certificates and rushed towards the bus station.
After boarding the bus, I sent a message to my husband. "My answer is 'no' and I am going back home," it said. After that I switched off my mobile phone.
After a few hours, I was home, surrounded by my family. I had left my husband's house after only two months of marriage.
I met my husband, Sahil, when I was in the final year of graduation. He was a jovial man. I liked being around him and with time we fell in love.
We used to go on dates, talk for countless hours on phone. It seemed as if life was almost too kind to me.
But this rosy romance did not continue for long. Gradually I started realising that our relationship lacked equality. It wasn't what I had been looking for.
Our relationship was becoming like my parents' relationship. The only difference; my mother kept silent while I could not stop myself from speaking up.
My father used to scream at my mother for petty things. He would even hit her and the only thing she responded with was tears.
When Sahil and I had an argument, it would often turn into a scuffle. He would use force to get intimate with me and scream at me if I refused.
I remember him once asking me: "Suppose I hit you someday, then what would you do?"
The question stunned me. I controlled my anger with great difficulty and replied, "I would break up with you that very day."
What he said next shocked me even more. He said, "It means you don't love me. Love should be unconditional."
After this, we didn't talk for almost a month.
Our fights became more frequent. Many times I'd try to end our relationship but he would apologise every time. I wanted to get rid of him forever and don't know why I wasn't able to do it.
Meanwhile, I was being pressured into marriage.
I was a teacher now. I'd be in class, teaching children and my parents would call me.
The same conversation would be repeated. "What have you thought about marriage? Why don't you marry Sahil? If not him then let us find a suitable match for you. At least think about your younger sisters…"
If anything went wrong at home, it would be blamed on my staying single.
Mother fell sick because I wasn't getting married. My father's business suffered losses because I wasn't getting married.
I was so frustrated that I finally said yes to marriage. I was still not ready for it and didn't believe Sahil's promise that he would change his attitude.
My fears came true after our wedding. Sahil made me a puppet, dancing to his tunes.
I was fond of poetry and used to my write my poems on Facebook. He forbade me from doing it. He even started dictating what I should wear.
One day he told me that I should finish all my reading and writing work by night. "If you leave me dissatisfied in bed, I will have to go to someone else."
He'd say that I wasn't making him happy and would advise me to watch pornography so I could learn some techniques.
And then he got this obsession with seeking work in Mumbai.
He said: "You stay here, do your job and send me money to support me there, and then you take out a loan so I can buy a house."
This is what he wanted me to say yes to. That night he had pushed me on the bed and forced me into anal sex just for that yes.
A line had been crossed. I left him the morning after.
I was a well-educated woman who could earn and live on her own. Yet, my heart was sinking when I left Sahil's home.
There was a fear of being judged by my own family and society. But even bigger than that was the pain in my heart.
When I reached home, my hair was dishevelled and eyes swollen as I had cried all night.
Newly married women look ravishing when they visit home for the first time after marriage. But my face was pale and the keen eyes of my neighbours guessed why.
People started pouring in. Some would say: "Such a terrible thing has happened to you." Others consoled me that Sahil would come to apologise and take me back.
Then there were a few who thought that a woman should not make such a harsh choice over petty issues.
Everyone had something to say but their opinions could not change my decision.
It has been seven months since I left Sahil's home and now I am choosing my own path. I have received a fellowship; I am doing a job and studying as well.
We have been going to police stations and courts as the legal procedure of divorce is not over yet.
I still wake up with a start at night. I still have nightmares.
I haven't been able to forget what I had to face but I am trying to move on in earnest.
My trust in love and relationships is definitely shaken, but not broken yet. I have decided to take some time for myself. I am proud that I didn't stay silent and got out of this abusive relationship before it was too late.
That is why I believe that my future will be better than my past and present.
This is a true life-story of a woman who lives in western India as told to BBC reporter Sindhuvasini Tripathi, produced by Divya Arya. The woman's identity has been kept anonymous on request.
BBC 100 Women names 100 influential and inspirational women around the world every year and shares their stories. Find us on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter and use #100Women
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A bride-to-be asked her boyfriend to take part in a bizarre wedding night family sex tradition. Photo: Getty Images
The man called his wife-to-be his 'world' but asked for advice on how to navigate her family tradition. Photo: Getty Images
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A groom-to-be has taken to the internet to ask for advice after his bride-to-be shocked him with a wedding night sex request.
The 23-year-old is planning to get married to his 23-year-old girlfriend at the beginning of next year ‘if all goes to plan’, however she completely took him off guard a few nights ago when she asked him to take part in a traditional family ritual on the night of the big day.
He explained in a Reddit thread that his wife-to-be has a huge extended family that she’s really close to, which is sometimes hard for him to deal with because his family is quite small.
Strangely, he noticed since they got engaged that her cousins sometimes make jokes about their wedding night, which he thought was odd, due to the fact he and his fiancée live together and have slept with each other already.
A few nights ago, his girlfriend told him that they wouldn’t need a bridal suite on the night of their wedding as she wanted to stay at her parents’ house.
He thought nothing of it as they’re saving for a house, however he knew there was more to the story.
“She tells me that there's a really old tradition in her family on the wedding night,” he explained.
“The husband and wife go into the master bedroom together and they are supposed to 'consummate' the marriage. The rest of the family are waiting outside the door so they can applaud them and cheer when they come out. Then a piece of the bed sheet is cut off and sewn into a big tapestry my GF's mother owns.”
Taken aback, the man went on to say that his girlfriend told him they wouldn’t actually have to consummate the marriage if he didn’t feel comfortable with it and they could just ‘pretend’ instead.
“I don't want anything to do with this. I absolutely freaked and told her under no circumstances will I be doing that kind of thing in front of her whole family,” he said.
“When I came back from taking a walk to clear my head, she was now noticeably acting down and still is. I think she's also been texting her family about this because I received a text from her mother telling me that I 'don't understand the importance of family' and tradition yet and this kind of tradition has been around longer than I've been alive.”
The man called his girlfriend his ‘whole world’ but asked for advice on how to navigate this ‘tradition’.
“Jesus, a family sex blanket? I sure hope it's only decorative and Grandma doesn't sleep with it,” one person wrote.
“The chances are that you'll go limp at the thought of grandma with a glass pressed to the door and cousin Billy peering through the keyhole, and be unable to consummate anyway,” another said.
“And they would be having sex in the master bedroom . Literally f****g in the parents' bed while the parents stand outside and listen. This is deeply messed up,” another said.
Providing some constructive feedback, one person wrote: “Resolve it before the wedding happens, because it's going to set the rules and comfort level for your entire marriage. You won't be able to get out of anything her family wants once you go through with this one.”
The ritual is in keeping with wedding night traditions from all over the world although it’s no longer considered the norm in modern culture.
Got a story tip or just want to get in touch? Email us at lifestyle.tips@verizonmedia.com .
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