Squirt During Sex
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Squirt During Sex
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You know how people blame Disney movies for giving people unrealistic expectations about love? Well, I blame porn for giving me unrealistic expectations about sex. If porn were any indication of people's everyday sex lives, we'd all be firing off liquid streams of erotic bliss at every climax. Sorry, but no.
That said, the elusive sex sensation that is squirting isn't entirely impossible. Apparently, for some women, it does come naturally. But for others, it may be possible to learn. Meaning, yes, you could make yourself squirt during sex.
First, a little refresher on what squirting actually is: While there's still a lot of debate , Madeleine Castellanos , MD, notes that "squirting appears to be fluid that’s retained in the bladder that’s released either when a woman has an orgasm or other times." This is thought to involve the Skene’s glands—two structures located near the end of the urethra that can produce fluid with G-spot stimulation.
As for what this actually looks like…it’s probably not what you think. "'Squirting' is a bit of a misnomer, as the fluid isn’t always expelled as a squirt ," says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, host of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast . "It might be a drip, dribble, or gush." Some people "can feel the liquid being pushed out, but in many cases, you don’t even notice it until you get up and see the wet spot beneath you," O’Reilly adds. The actual fluid that comes out can be "milky or clear" and it can feel and look like you peed yourself, says sex therapist Debra Laino , DHS. The actual volume can vary, too. "Some women will have more fluid; others less depending on their body, as well as depending on the experience," Laino says.
But why the hype? Dr. Castellanos notes that it can feel pretty effing fantastic. In fact, one study showed nearly 80 percent of women who've experienced squirting said it improved their sex lives. "The urethra has all these nerve endings in it, as anybody who’s ever had a UTI can attest," she explains. "It’s very sensitive. So when you get this rush of fluid going through, at the same time you’re having an orgasm or you’re getting sexual stimulation…that can be a very pleasurable experience."
That said, "a lot of people think this is the pinnacle of orgasm...and if you haven’t done it, your orgasms are less-than—I don’t agree with that," Dr. Castellanos says. "For some people, squirting adds to the orgasm, and for other people, it does nothing or it detracts from it. It’s not the same for everybody." No shame either way.
Of course, you'll never know until you try. So, if you’re still curious about making yourself squirt, here's an expert-informed step-by-step guide to attempting your first time.
If you do succeed in squirting, things may get a tad messy. So, Dr. Castellanos recommends taking precautions if you're worried about oversaturating your sheets.
Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of OrganicLoven.com , suggests the Liberator Fascinator Throw, which is made to soak up liquids and is softer than most towels.
To be fair, this hasn’t been researched or anything, but experts say it could help in theory. "Some people say that hydration facilitates sexual response including orgasm and squirting, but this is anecdotal," O’Reilly says. "Overall, staying hydrated is good for your health, which can support sexual functioning." There’s also this to consider, per Laino: "Dehydration can lead to more difficulty having an orgasm in general and can even make sex painful as well as having low energy for sex."
Have patience with yourself and your body. "It can take some time to get a feel for it," says Antonia Hall, psychologist and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life.
You'll also want to reduce as many other stressful thoughts as possible. "Remember that, for most women, sex starts in the brain," says Sparks. "Start the mental seduction earlier in the day." That means everything from dirty talk to cleaning the bedroom so there's nothing there that stresses you out.
"Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it'll help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play," says Hall.
O’Reilly suggests using a rabbit vibe like the We-Vibe Nova , which "provides dual vibrating stimulation for the G-zone internally and the clitoral head and hood externally." She adds that it’s "adjustable, powerful, rumbly, and you can use it to rock in a pulsing motion."
The Womanizer Duo can also be a handy toy, "as the outer arm stimulates the head of the clitoris with pleasure-air technology that uses tiny bursts of air to create a suction-like sensation over the clitoral head," O’Reilly says.
When you're turned on, insert your middle and ring finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall, Hall says.
FYI: You'll need to do it for an extended period of time (it's a marathon, not a sprint!). "What [you’re] pushing on is actually erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra," Dr. Castellanos explains. "As you’re stroking that...you’re changing the angle of the urethra to the bladder, and it’s much easier for that fluid to be expelled." To improve your odds of squirting, relax the pelvic floor muscles as you stimulate the G-spot.
G-spot stimulation is key here. "The G-spot is about two inches in and one inch up, inside of the vagina," Sparks says. "So, you are seeking a toy with some length and a slight upwards curve." She likes the Le Wand Bow : "This stainless steel wand is perfectly curved with ridges and a round bulb on one end and smooth and a more pointed bulb on the other end." You can even add in temperature play by letting it sit in warm or cold water for a few minutes prior to use.
Take a look for some tips about buying sex toys:
A lot of women feel like they’re going to pee when they’re close to reaching an O. But that gotta-go feeling is often sparked by that fluid coming from the Skene's glands behind the G-spot (a.k.a. squirting), explains Hall.
And even if pee does come out, don't stress, says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School . "Sex is messy and there’s a lot of fluids involved already, so even if it was urine, who cares?" (But if it'll make you feel better, you can use the restroom before you get started.)
Sparks says it helps to have control of your pelvic muscles. "As the sensation [or] pressure starts to build, it will feel like you have to pee—that’s the time to use your pelvic floor muscles," she says. "Don't tighten them, but push out...as if you are pushing out the pee. It takes practice, but it’s doable."
Doing your best to be easy-breezy lemon-squeezy when you feel an orgasm building will go a long way toward helping you reach your goal. "Some people report that when they tense up, it hinders both orgasmic sensation and squirting," O’Reilly says.
"Many say that bearing down allows their muscles to relax so that they can enjoy the full squirter experience," Dr. Laino agrees. "This goes with orgasm in general—letting your body relax, but at the same time having some tension and flexing the [pelvic floor] muscles will aid well in having all types of orgasms."
Above all, Dr. Castellanos says, "Be compassionate with yourself if you don’t make yourself squirt."
If you don't succeed the first time—or even after multiple attempts—it just means your body’s natural impulse is to keep anything from coming out of the urethra while you get busy. Just relax, enjoy the feelings, and if it happens, it happens.
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There are certain sex acts that have developed a sort of cult following, and squirting is one of them. There’s something undeniably arousing about a person with a vulva being able to expel fluids just like a person with a penis. And while squirting doesn’t always happen during orgasm, some vulva-owners enjoy the sensation as well as its visual fanfare.
“I love the powerful release, as well as the sheer display of it,” says porn performer Jiz Lee , who contributed a section on squirting to the book Girl Sex 101 .
There's a lot of misinformation out there about squirting, says Lola Jean , a sex educator and self-proclaimed “ Olympic Squirter .” “Given it is a heavily under-researched topic and misunderstood act, this is not surprising.”
If you’re wondering how to make a person with a vulva squirt, we’ll get to that, but first, let’s answer some common questions about squirting.
Mainstream porn has led some viewers to believe that squirting is a lot more common than it actually is—in reality, some vulva-owners don’t squirt.
“Some people squirt once or with orgasm, some repeatedly, and some not at all,” Lee says. Still, the majority of vulva-owners report having some squirting ability. A 2017 study found that 69% of vulva-owners between the ages of 18 and 39 have experienced ejaculation during orgasm.
When some people with a vulva are sufficiently aroused, they're able to "squirt" a clear-ish liquid through their urethra—kinda like how people with a penis are able to ejaculate, except in this case, the process has nothing to do with reproduction.
Squirting fluid can come out in a variety of volumes. “Ejaculation might appear as fluid that expels in a squirt, gush, or just a drip,” Lee says. “It can be a huge flood soaking the sheets or just a small puddle or butt print found after sex.”
According to a 2013 study , the amount of ejaculate vulva-owners release through squirting can range from 0.3ml to more than 150 mL. Some bodies just squirt more than others, and hydration levels can impact the amount of ejaculate, too. “It doesn’t mean you did a better job if there was more fluid,” Jean says.
Nope! “It's understandable that people might think it's urine, since it comes from the same hole,” Lee says. “While it's true that people can urinate during sex, [ejaculate] is a different fluid with a different chemical make-up.”
The exact makeup of this fluid has long been a subject of debate, but here’s the latest according to a 2021 literature review : anatomical studies have shown that squirt originates in the Skene’s glands and includes prostate specific antigen (PSA), which is typically found in prostate fluid. We also know that ejaculate differs from urine in its creatinine and urea concentrations.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what squirt is—for many people with a vulva, squirting feels good, so let’s focus on the pleasure-giving part of this magical bodily process.
Almost. Before you and your partner get down to business, ask yourself: Who is this for?
“Squirting isn’t always accompanied by an orgasm, and not everyone finds it pleasurable,” Jean says. A 2021 study of 28 squirters found that some participants felt ashamed of their bodies’ natural pleasure response or found the sensation to be unpleasant, while others considered their squirting ability a “superpower.”
Do you want your partner to squirt for their sake, since you want them to have the most pleasurable sexual experience possible? Or do you want them to squirt for your ego? If it’s the latter, then you and your partner shouldn’t attempt squirting. Ask your partner if squirting is something they’d like to try. If squirting doesn’t appeal to them, stick with other sexual activities you’ll both enjoy.
First, prepare your bodies. Make sure your partner is well-hydrated. Since you’ll probably be using your fingers, you should wash your hands and make sure your nails are trimmed and filed to avoid causing cuts or abrasions.
Next, prepare your space. Squirting can get pretty wet, and if you or your partner are worried about making a mess, you probably won’t enjoy yourselves. “Lay down a large towel, a mattress protector, or a sex blanket like the kind Liberator makes to make clean-up easy and lessen concerns about 'wetting' the bed,” Lee says.
That said, if your partner has never squirted before, anticipating a waterfall might feel like a lot of pressure. Talk to your partner about what would feel best to them. If they’d rather not lay down a towel, that’s fine—you can always wash your bedding after sex if you need to. Of course, if your partner knows they can gush like Old Faithful, they might be willing (and eager!) to use some form of mattress protection.
Squirting should be about the journey; not the destination. “ Any time you approach sex with a goal, there's potential pressure placed on the act that can create potential frustration and dissapointment,” Lee says. “Put that whole concept of a goal in the trash bin and set out with simply the possibility to include something new and exciting.” Remember that even if your partner doesn’t squirt during your first (or tenth) attempt, at least you both had fun trying!
Turning your partner on will prime their body for squirting. “Arousal will not only engorge the perennial sponge and the urethral sponge making then more receptive to touch, but it will also help build up fluids in the Bartholin's glands (largely responsible for vaginal lubrication) and paraurethral glands (largely responsible for urethral lubrication),” Jean explains.
There’s no universal way to get a partner in the mood, so if you’re not already familiar with your partner’s turn-on’s, ask them what they’re craving. They might be into kissing , dirty talk , digital clitoral stimulation , oral sex , nipple play , role play , porn, sex toys , spanking , or something else entirely.
Every person is different when it comes to squirting. Some people need firm G-spot stimulation . Others need soft clitoral circling. Some vulva-owners can even squirt without any direct stimulation to their vulva. Because of this, there are various techniques you can try. You can and should explore various methods with your partner, and remember: communication is key. “Listen to verbal and non-verbal physical cues for how much pressure to apply, how fast of movement to make, whether to add kissing or clitoral stimulation, etc.” Lee says.
One popular technique involves a combination of clitoral and G-spot stimulation using your fingers or sex toys . “While people can squirt from penile penetration, it's far more likely to happen with hands or curved sex toys,” Lee explains. “ Njoy's Pure Wand is a favorite; its C-shaped curve makes it easy to hold and pinpoint good pressure.”
You may think that in order to get your partner to squirt, you need to aggressively thrust with your hand and deliver the most pressure possible. This is not always the case. “Everyone’s body is different, and while many enjoy a full spectrum of intensity, these are highly sensitive parts of the body, so they may not want you jackhammering away at these nerve-packed zones,” Jean says.
“Once you hear the ‘splash splash’ sound—meaning your partner is really wet—I am telling you now that your partner is capable of squirting; they just have to figure out how to get it out of their body,” Jean says. For some vulva-owners, that means pushing out using their pelvic floor muscles.
Often, vulva-owners report that they feel like they need to pee right before they squirt, which makes sense, considering squirt does come out of the urethra. This discourages some people from squirting because they fear they’re just to pee. Knowing this is a common sensation can help your partner relax and push through the confusing “peeing” feeling.
Once your partner signals that they’re about to start squirting, stick with external stimulation. “Be aware that toys or hands may block the urethral opening at that important moment of fluid expulsion, so be prepared to move them aside when it's time,” Lee says. “Some people will ask partners to pull out just before they gush.”
You may attempt everything, and your partner doesn’t squirt. This is completely fine and doesn’t mean either of you did anything wrong. You can always try again if your partner wants to (and you both had a good time, didn’t you?). And whether or not your partner squirts, remember the importance of aftercare !
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