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The 50 Shades Of Grey franchise may have enticed thousands of women into exploring BDSM, but the kink world has existed far longer than Mr. Christian Grey and his world of pain, and pleasure.
In this guide we’ll go over important tips and sexy information that will help you discover your inner dom , ignite your inner bratty submissive , or perhaps help you to shape yourself into a completely obedient slave:
Does the idea of being restrained by a sexy alpha male send shivers down your spine and tingle into your panties? Does the idea of having full control of your partner through restraint leave you in a hazy high?
Bondage could intensify your sex life!
Bondage is the art of restraining someone with their consent. Items that can be used with bondage can include but are not limited to clothing, chains, rope, and tape.
Bondage is meant to act as a restraint in order to give the top or dominant full power. Bondage can also be used as an act of sensory deprivation, making many areas more sensitive when stroked or touched upon.
If you are new to the bondage world, you should be extremely picky and cautious with the tools and accessories you may want to buy.
DO NOT settle on a product because it is cheap and “seems legit.” You should especially avoid products from apps such as Wish as these are not made safely and can cause more harm than pleasure.
DO NOT ever buy items used (gross!).
The purpose of restraints is to amplify sexual encounters in the bedroom. They are also used to create a sense of safety. There are many different options that you can choose from.
These are often made out of nylon and other stretchable materials. Bedroom restraints bind a person to the bed by attaching each arm to a bedpost and each leg, forming a giant ‘X.” You can also purchase a bondage bed, which is strictly for restraining a submissive.
Handcuffs are used to keep the arms together and restrained. Furthermore, you have no choice but to sit there and accept your fate of erotic sex!
If you want a more extreme form of handcuff use, you can purchase handcuffs that come with ankle cuffs and allow you to restrain your victim’s arms and feet in what is known as a “hog tie” position. This adds an added wow to penetration.
The purpose of bondage rope is either to keep your partner bound to furniture such as beds, benches, or couches. If you are on the receiving end, rope bondage is used so that you are restrained in a manner that pleases your dom.
If you are new to bondage you should invest in some training and skills as the art of rope bondage does require some prior knowledge before you just go getting wrapped in some, quite literally!
This is not your traditional duct tape!
Bondage tape does not stick to skin or hair. It only gets stuck to itself.
Bondage tape can be applied to a set of bratty lips or flailing arms or legs.
CAUTION: You do not want to cut off circulation, so be sure you do not wrap bondage tape too tightly.
Spreader bars add a little extra restraint to your victim and can help to keep them from moving by restraining their arms or legs wide apart. A spreader bar is considered a bar and two cuffs on the end of it.
These cuffs sit upon the thighs of your partner or yourself. They have arm shackles attached so that you can also restrain the arms or wrists of your victim, erm, partner.
Just as it sounds these restraints hold back the arms of you or your sensual partner.
These scanty bits of clothing are made mainly of leather. Bondage harnesses serve both as a bold and erotic fashion statement but also restrict movements of the wearer giving the dominant complete control of the harnessed area.
If you want to add some spice with humiliation you can try attaching a leash and walking your submissive around.
An added control of movement is to control the submissive’s bratty mouth. This can be done with a device known as a gag.
You can also use a gag as a means of quieting down a screaming sub when being kidnapped in an abduction play scene. Additionally, if you have an off-the-wall ticklish partner where they scream and yell, a gag will help reduce their very vocal squeals of torment.
One of the most common gags you will find in BDSM land.
A ball gag consists of a ball that is added to your victim’s running mouth, in order to reduce sound and words making their words incoherent. There are two adjustable straps that are also applied to the back of your partner’s head so that the ball gag can stay on without them trying to whip their head around to yank it off.
This is a gag that has a bit similar to the bit you see a horse bite down on when applying a bridle. Most commonly you will see this gag used in animal pet play. For example, you may see a sub on all fours with a horsetail butt plug as their superior orders them around.
Say hello to a gag that has a little extra sass. This gag surrounds the entire head and roams around the chin and is buckled at the back of the head. Harness gags often have blindfolds as well so that your partner is completely helpless and cannot ask or see what is coming next.
Inflatable gags permit the dominant to adjust the size of the gag in the victim’s mouth giving the ultimate power to the dominant.
Is your doggy or kitty submissive not behaving themselves? Just like you see muzzles at a veterinary office, there are muzzles intended for animal play in the BDSM veterinary office, shall we say. It connects to the head and muzzles the entire mouth.
Where ball gags contract the opening of the mouth, open gags hold the mouth open. Open mouth gags are especially popular in forced oral sex.
This gag creates an arachnid-like appearance, hence the name spider gag. It has an open ring at the center that keeps the mouth open and one bar at each corner of the mouth. It is then fastened by a strap at the back of the head.
A ring gag holds a person’s mouth open by insertion of a thin ring secured by two straps at the back of the person’s head.
We’re going to show you three beginner positions that you can try tonight and scenarios to play them with!
You are a doctor and your partner is your sexy patient.
A thorough examination, diagnosis, and treatment is required!
You are a teacher who graded your partner’s report and it appears they haven’t met your expectations.
They are sentenced to a session of naughty detention with yours truly!
Your partner has committed a crime and has been found guilty of being so damn hot.
Your partner was caught in the VIP part of the strip club and he didn’t pay!
This is often a controversial term in the vanilla public. Discipline is the act of punishing a slave, or a submissive, for their behavior that the top or dominant feels is out of line.
Forms of discipline vary and can come in forms such as spanking, teasing, even tickling. The punisher may use tools or their bare hands to enforce the punishment.
Beginners and even intermediate players at BDSM can often get confused between punishment and sadomasochism. While there is the same base of pain in punishment and sadomasochism, there is one major difference.
Punishment or discipline does not always end in orgasm, at least for the recipient. Typically the punisher, dominant, or master, is the one who gets to be released and the receiver must either watch or be punished without means of release.
Discipline is to retrain the receiver so that they are more obedient to the dom or master. Where sadomasochism is inflicting pain to a point of orgasm.
Here are some of the plethora of tools that can be used to punish your sub/slave.
Floggers or bondage whips are stock with cut-up strings of leather or another hardened substance. This allows the dominant to inflict various levels of pain to certain areas to provide a punishment that the dom feels is necessary. Various pain levels go from tickling or lightly tracing the submissive’s body, to inflicting welts on various areas to get a point across.
Keep your submissive in line with a spanking paddle. Spanking paddles are meant to be used on the buttocks area of the body.
Please note you should not use this on the genital area , especially if you are just beginning your journey with BDSM.
Crops are an optional choice in disciplinary punishments. They allow a bit more control as whips tend to require a little more handling experience. They also are a little bit gentler on a beginner recipient.
Want to explore candle wax play without getting burnt? Bondage candles allow pain without burning the skin. You can even use it on a sub’s penis or vagina area!
This is a metal device that bites the sub’s skin as you run it along their body. It can also be used very lightly and cause a tickling sensation for the submissive who can handle the gentler sides of pain play.
Give your sub some erotic pain punishment by pinching their nipples using a nipple clamp.
You can make it more intense for you or the sub by adding a Y chain, which attaches from you or your sub’s nipples and they attach to their penis or vagina. Some clamps also have added weight for a little extra intensity.
If pain isn’t of interest but yet you want to try out discipline, feather ticklers may be an option for you!
They are quite vanilla and extremely simple to use. Run the feather tickler along your partner’s nipples or clit and watch them laugh and squirm and shiver with pleasure, but make sure not to reward them with release!
Now that you are armed with dangerous and torturous weapons of erotic despair, it’s time to learn about the different disciplinary play that you can try at home!
WARNING: you may unleash a kinky and naughty dominant beast!
We’ll also give you a scene and scenario of each type!
No, we aren’t talking about landscaping your lawn here!
Edging is the act of bringing yourself or a partner to orgasm and then denying them. Edging is one of the more “gentler” ways to introduce yourself and/or your partner to discipline and BDSM.
What purpose would edging ACTUALLY serve? For one thing, it can be used as a form of psychological and even physical control.
Did we mention it can lead to explosive orgasms? Edging can also push your partner to last longer in the bedroom and can even prevent the dreaded falling asleep after orgasm!
That means Ryan or Mary has no excuse but the return the favor or orgasm. Sorry fellas no Superbowl party excuses now!
How to Incorporate Edging Into The Bedroom
Below is an example that you can use to give your misbehaving partner tonight in the room!
Wait for a time that your partner does not perform a chore they promised to do such as taking the trash out, taking the dog for a walk, or cleaning the dishes.
Remember being tickled as a child, or by a playful boyfriend? Turns out that tickling can also be used as a way to punish and you can even couple it with edging for the ultimate punishment.
You will want to consider if your partner is okay with being tickled. If they aren’t a fan of having their toes tickled to reckless abandon, you may want to consider another form of disciplinary action.
If your partner is so ticklish that they thrash and kick you may want to restrain them for protection from being punched or kicked.
You may also want to consider a “safeword” . A safeword is a word that is used in tickling and other forms of BDSM that are used to express the sub’s term of surrender.
It means that all tickling or other BDSM form needs to stop, your partner has had enough..
Some people in the BDSM have a tickling fetish in other words they get off to tickling as a form of foreplay before the big O. You may find that tickling excites you or your partner as well!
It’s Halloween and you are dressed in the sexiest costume ever!
But your partner voted for someone else to be nominated sexiest Halloweener ever! Rude!
Want something a little more intense? You may want to look into sadomasochism.
Sadomasochism is where one or more parties receive or inflict pain or humiliation in order to achieve orgasm, although this is not always the case. Some examples of sadomasochism can include whipping, degradation emotionally and sexually, candle wax play, and extreme temperature exposure.
The level of pain depends on the agreed forms of pain between dominant and submissive. This can be something as vanilla as a feather tickler that is used to inflict pain on the submissive to please both or one party. It can become extreme in some cases such as using a fire or electric toys such as mini torches and small tasers that are made especially for pain play.
While these are two forms of sadistic play, please note that you can google the term ‘sadomasochism’ and find numerous articles and play types.
Beginner couples just getting into sadomasochism often find themselves attracted to the art of smacking the buttocks also known as “spanking”.
Spanking is a rather simple form of sadomasochism and can be combined with many other forms of play in BDSM. Spanking can range from a gentle, and playful pat, to a blistering red welt, left as evidence of the naughty happenings of the night, and as a reminder to the submissive.
It is important to keep in mind that you should start off slow and stop to ask your partner every now and then if they are okay during the spanking session.
As we said spanking is an art and there is a right way and a wrong way to spank your partner.
You just caught your partner eating cookies before dinner after you advised them not to! Time for a spanking!
Another form of sadomasochism is something known as figging. Figging is sticking a piece of freshly cut ginger into the rectum of the recipient.
This coupled with spanking, for example, can add a little extra kink. The ginger acts as a warming agent and will in fact provide a warming sensation and then a burning sensation.
This will not harm your partner or provide any sort of physical damage to their behind. You can also intensify the burning sensation by adding a little lube first.
Be sure that the piece of ginger you are using does not having any jags or cuts in it as they can irritate and hurt your partner and not in a kinky way. Be careful to ensure that you enter your victim from the backdoor slowly.
In BDSM there is another element that you may consider also known as slave and master or S and M. This is an act of consensually giving a male or female permission to own you in order to serve the party you are in agreement with.
No D/S relationship is the same, but what is at the heart of nearly every D/S relationship is love. Slave and Master Relationships are a much more extreme form of BDSM.
You need to bear in mind a few things before you decide if a slave or a master may be right for you.
You treat your slave to a weekend getaway! They better appreciate it and do as you say! Otherwise, you will have to inflict punishment.
There you have it! The four types of BDSM and the different styles they come in!
Be sure to always check on your partner and make sure they are enjoying themselves as much as you enjoy them. Communicate and always keep an open mind and before you know it you may be a pro-domme teaching others how to spice up their sex life too!
Reading the School of Squirt blog is a great start, but to take your sex life to the next level, you really need to learn directly from an expert. This is why we created an amazing new
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